One of the drawbacks of living in a stunningly beautiful area are the hoards of tourists that descend upon the area like locusts. Every year way too many people visit the "wine country" and vow to close up shop where ever they're from and move to Sonoma County to pursue a semi-retirement of wine making. Please don't.
If you do visit Sonoma County, here are some tips deflect as much hostility from the locals as possible:
1. Never, EVER say you're from New York, Texas, or Southern California;
2. You can get a drunk driving infraction for riding your bike from winery to winery dressed like Lance Armstrong through the valley. Not only will you get a DUI, you'll also get a ticket for dressing like a dork in your nut-hugging, lycra shorts;
3. Locals in full-sized Ford pick-up trucks will get as close to you as possible on your bike as you peddle through the valley without running you into the ditch. Don't take this personally, it's a local sport;
4. Your convertible rent-a-car is obvious even without the Hertz sticker on the bumper. We know who you are;
5. Theatrical wine-snob-wannabees don't need to make a public scene if don't like they wine they're tasting. Just shut the fuck up and dump it out. Nobody is impressed no matter how many times you swirl the wine around in your glass using words like "tannin" and "nose", etc., and you are just demonstrating the true jackass you are;
6. Most importantly: DON'T MISS YOUR FLIGHT HOME!
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2 comments:
Thank you for making me smile this morning, we only have one small vineyard here in the East of England where I live,so our wine snobbery tends to be confined to the drinks departments of upmarket supermarkts,you know, people talking about thier purchases in loud voices.
I just buy the special offers, but perhaps I'll look for something from your neck of the woods.
Best Wishes.
I hope we behaved ok when you took us winetasting!! That was a lovely day...!!
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