Easter Bitch

Everybody has heard of the Easter Bunny, but how many have heard about the Easter Bitch? Well, children, gather 'round and let me tell you a story.....

Once upon a time, there was a woman known as the Easter Bitch who hosted one too many holidays. For years and years, she hosted family holiday after holiday. Christmas Eve, Christmas breakfast, Christmas Dinner, New Years, Thanksgiving, Easter, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, etc., were always at the Easter Bitch's house. Everybody liked coming to the Easter Bitch's house because they didn't have to do anything -- the Easter Bitch did it all.

Each holiday that the Easter Bitch hosted required hours of preparation, house cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc. And then when everybody finally left, there was the aftermath cleanup. Toys that were dumped in the middle of the floor by hyper children of oblivious parents needed to be sorted and put away. Dishes needed to be washed, dried, and put away. Pots and pans needed to be scrubbed. All of this work left the Easter Bitch tired, grumpy, and feeling that holidays were something to be dreaded.

Then one day, the Easter Bitch decided that she was not going to host family holidays anymore.
As the Easter holiday approached, the Easter Bitch did not volunteer to host the holiday, and the extended family kept on anticipating an invitation from the Easter Bitch that did not come to fruition.

Nobody else volunteered to host Easter, because they all knew how much work it was. Not one relative jumped in to take charge. Not one relative volunteered to relieve the Easter Bitch of her duties for one holiday. The Easter Bitch let it go, and allowed them all to fend for themselves.

So, the Easter Bitch ended up cooking a small, manageable ham dinner for her immediate family only. Without the added stress of hosting a full-blown holiday dinner for umpteen people, the Easter Bitch was able to take a 2 hour hike with her daughter on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and also tend to some gardening. It was bliss.

The moral of the story is: Don't kill yourself trying to please a crowd of lazy-ass relatives (especially in-laws). They're nothing but a bunch of energy-sucking vampires that will drain every essence of life force out of you. When they've succeeded and you're nothing more than a tired shadow of your former self, they will move on to their next victim.