Hi How Are You? I'll Be Dead In A Few Days

 Things are quite uncomfortable at the home of Quiet Rage as of late.  Why?  My brother-in-law, CHP, was sent home from the hospital yesterday to die.  When my daughter was in Santa Rosa at the hospital visiting CHP on Sunday she noticed that there was a white dove on the hospital door room.  Do you know what that means?  It basically means a terminal situation and to leave the patient alone as family is coming in to say their good byes.  

Now CHP has been brought home.  He is still cognizant and wanted something to eat.  He is fully aware of his terminal situation.  The doctors and his immediate family will not let him eat anything as his intestines are blocked and would cause him extreme pain.  He is on a diet of broth.  

Of course, this angered CHP to no end.  He knows he is dying.  He wants a milk shake.  He does not care if it causes him pain or causes him to die two days earlier than predicted.  He just wants a bloody milk shake to taste and ENJOY.  GIVE CHP THE MILK SHAKE.  The other thing that angered CHP was the placement of the hospital bed in the living room.  He thought he was coming home to sleep in his own bed.  Nope.  There is also the presence of 24/7 hired care so SuperBETCH can at least get a few hours of sleep.  

CHP is depressed and angry.  Who would not be depressed and angry when faced with the reality of your own death within the next 14 days.   

My husband went to see him today and spent a couple of hours to hang out with his only surviving brother.  CHP was grateful that my husband was there.  Long story short, they have a very complicated relationship.  At least both of them have realized there is no time for fussing or fighting over past hurts.  

Here is where it hits the soul.  CHP asked my husband to hand him his phone.  CHP is still old school and also has a Rolodex of sorts.  CHP asked my husband to dial the phone for him so he could reach out to his old Marine Corp buddies, his old CHP partners, childhood friends, etc., to tell them he has days to live.  

Imaging being the recipient of that phone call.  "Hi, you have been very important part of my life.  I wanted to let you know how much I have enjoyed our relationship.  I will be dead in a few days.  I want you to hear it directly from me instead of reading it in the obituaries."   

Worse, imagine being the person making the phone call.   

 

 

 

My Rider Tarot Deck and Death

 People make fun of me with my witchy-woo-woo, but that is fine.  I can take the ribbing because I know it is not mainstream.  Part of my witchy-woo-woo are tarot cards.  Over the years I have been given an assortment of tarot decks including a goddess deck and a spells deck.  My favorite deck is my classic travel Rider deck.  Yes, a tarot card reader has a relationship with the cards.  Over time, it is just natural to form different relationships with different tarot decks.   

Where am I going with this?  

 My husband's brother has always been a big, strong man.  He is a retired Marin County CHP sergeant, and he is also a Marine Corp veteran who served in Vietnam.  He is also an arsehole.   He married a superBETCH (long story) and they had two kids together:  superBETCH junior, and NiceGuy (who are now both in their 50's).  

Long story short, my husband's brother and family (let's refer to husband's brother as CHP) was very absent from family throughout his adult life.  CHP did not come around when his father was dying.  CHP did not come around when his mother was dying.  CHP did not come around when one brother was dying.  CHP did not come around when his oldest sister was dying.  I will not go into the details, but CHP and SuperBETCH pretty much dissed the extended family.   

When my husband's mother died, CHP was not left anything in the inheritance because he never came around when their father was dying nor when their mother was dying.  CHP's sister got it all (which is another long story as she was the one who actually dealt with it all).  

Well, of course, CHP and superBETCH being the type of people they are, were all upset because they did not get anything.  They shunned the rest of the family.  There is a whole other lotta drama that goes along with this.  The long-established pattern for the last 50+ years is that CHP and SuperBETCH are always angry at someone in the family for some reason and seethe about it.   

TOXIC!

I have known for a while now that CHP was not in good health.....but.....the doctors kept stating there is hope if they try this treatment and that.  It has been my hope that CHP would get better and reconcile with family before it is too late.  We have invited CHP and SuperBETCH to our house for a BBQ, we have invited them for dinner, etc.  Our invitations went ignored.  We even went so far as to write a heart-felt letter stating how they are important to us and to talk to us about why we have been cut from their lives.  Nothing.

About a month ago knowing that CHP was trying another healing approach, and also knowing my husband is upset over the unresolved relationship issue, I took out my Rider tarot deck and sat with that thought for a while.  I really tried to hone in on CHP's energy.  

After sitting with Rider deck concentrating on CHP's energy, I finally drew one card.  It was X of Wands.  The first thing any reputable tarot card teacher will tell you is to TRUST YOUR INTUITION of your feeling upon seeing the card drawn.   Sure, there is the major and minor arcana and all sorts of labels to each card...but....the feeling you get when you see it is the most important.  

What immediately struck me for the X of Wands and CHP's energy was extreme guilt, sadness and regret.  It is heavy on him.  The Wands suit in the Rider tarot represent the spiritual world and your soul's contract.  Wands are a "meaning of life" suit.  X represents the completion of conclusion on the path.   I wrote in my journal that I knew CHP was not going to get better and he will die with regrets.  I did not tell my husband because I did not want to put anything in his head that might not turn out to be true.  I am a novice tarot reader.  

Today we get the call from CHP's son, NiceGuy.   NiceGuy informed us that CHP is now on hospice and they are sending him home from the hospital tomorrow to, well, ....um..... die.  They give him 2 days to 2 weeks.  

Unbeknownst to me, my daughter went to the hospital to see CHP today.  She was met with a chilly reception from CHP's daughter, SuperBETCH Jr.  CHP gestured for my daughter to come in despite SuperBETCH Junior's interference at the door.   CHP was in tears knowing that he can't properly make amends and how important family is....CHP blew his chance.  He is burdened with his regret.  His soul contract is complete for this lifetime.  He will have to wait until another lifetime to make amends.....assuming the universe sees right to afford him the opportunity.  

CHP, who was once the epitome of a handsome, big, and strong man is now a shadow of his dying self.  I hate to break it to all of you, but the same fate awaits for all of us.  Get over yourselves.  Get over your petty grudges and judgements.  Love more and hate less.  I can promise you will not regret that on your death bed.   

 

 

It is Soooooooooo QUIET!!

 I've had the honor of having my sister here visiting, and then the honor of having J and P from England come and visit.  It has been a busy spring here at the home of Quiet Rage.  It all seems so surreal.  It's been a year since J and P told us they were coming to visit.  Poof.  Their visit has come and gone in an instant.  When we first learned of their intended visit we thought the day of their arrival would never come fast enough.  Their visit went by so quickly that we did not even complete the list of day trips I had written down.  Oh well, it's something to look forward for a future visit.  

I was so glad my sister came out to have a little break from taking care of my mom full-time.  She sooooooooo deserved just to read a book near the fire pit in peace and quiet.  Also, she is still mourning the death of her husband despite the 10 year anniversary of it.  My sister holds emotions in to a fault.  She never allowed herself to process grief.  But then again, how do you ever get over the death of the love of your life?  I was glad she finally allowed herself to cry.  She is always trying to be so strong for everyone else that she does not allow herself to feel.  I was honored that she felt she was in a safe space to just let herself feel.  There were *many* conversations around the fire pit that lasted until the wee hours of the morning.....our should I state mourning.  

J and P brought such a joy to us.  It takes a lot of faith on their part to come and stay with us crazy Californians.  They surely got to experience all of the extended family drama.  LOL.  It was so much fun to see J and P take in all the sights that I take for granted as I see them regularly.  For example, going over the Golden Gate Bridge was something remarkable for them.  Walking over the Golden Gate Bridge was something J had on her bucket list.  I'm glad I could accommodate that for her as that is something only tourists do LOL.  You all would be shocked at the number of people who were born and raised here who have NEVER walked across the bridge.  Spoiler alert:  Walking across the bridge is incredibly NOISY with all the traffic that is inches away from you.  Bring ear plugs.  

I think what sealed the deal with our warped sense of humor was playing Cards Against Humanity as J and P had never played before.  I did warn them it was raunchy.  We laughed until our stomachs hurt.  In return, they taught us the proper conditions as to when to call somebody a WANKER. 

 

Friends from the UK: Pints and Nachos

 I've not posted in a bit, but I'm sure none of you really care.  The earth has continued to revolve and morning turns into nightfall with or without my internet rants du jour.  

Here's where Quiet Rage has been.  My sister was out here shortly after Easter to spend some time relaxing as she is the full-time care taker for my mother.  That in itself deserves the red carpet treatment for Sissy.  We spent HOURS around the fire pit talking about family history and family dynamics.  

I'm so glad my sister is the main executor for my parents' estate.  She is very fair, she is very responsible, and she will carry out my parents' wishes down to the last dime.   The only one who will have a problem is my older brother.  He is always scoping as to what the lake shore property is worth and the other land that has been in the family for 100+ years.  He is looking to sell it off to make $$$$$$.

The rest of us are thinking of making the lake shore property a private campground/picnic area for future generations.  Nothing would need to be permanently built on it.  Nobody would need to care for a structured building on the property nor establish plumbing nor electricity.  Have a tent city in the summer where we can all enjoy fishing off the dock and relax into our tents come nightfall.  Who really wants to deal with an actual cabin structure where there are so many relatives?  Who would be the responsible family point person?  Who wants to deal with frozen and bursting pipes on January 22 at 2:13 am when it is -40*?     Oh, and the toilet will NOT flush!  Now what????????

Here is where my siblings and I are going (sans one sibling).  Mom and Dad lived very frugally - almost to a fault.   They were the generation of the Great Depression and WWII.  Money was always tight.  They lived out in the middle of nowhere on Prairie USA and somehow made it work.  I have a deep respect for that unlike myself.  I start whining if I can't get a Door Dash delivery for my favorite junk food at my doorstep within 15 minutes after ordering it.  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  Where is MY sacrifice?  I dare you all to ask yourselves the same question.  We are all whiny WIMPS.  Yes, I am including myself in this.  

Switching gears completely.......

Getting back to my ancestors and what they all went through.  Wow.  I just want future generations to enjoy and utilize the lake shore property like the family did back in 1865.  Well, there were European traders along the property trail trading their goods along with Native American summer camp populations (this ox trail is now Interstate 94).  Yes, the Europeans and the Natives had a lot of intermingling that led to a blend of cultures and families.  My Uncle Joe has an entire room showcasing the apothecary bottles the Europeans were trading along side the arrow heads and other tools of the trades the Dakota brought forth.  

Wait.  I am entirely off track. 

This post is about hosting friends from the UK and I have not touched on that as of yet.  For starters, our UK friends are more than friends.  They are family.  I met my UK friend, JMM, waaaaaaaaay back in the early days of the internet on an online internet pen pal forum.  Yes, dial-up internet was still the mode of connecting to the world-wide web.  Can you still hear it?  Dial up internet sounded like a lame duck quacking for its last breaths.  

We hit it off back in the 1990's and now it's 30 years later.  The internet is now a more more dangerous place to be.  Back in the 1990's we were all in awe how the world could be so connected.  It was so innocent.  It was so sincere.  Now it is full of malware and scammers (for lack of a better term). 

Thank you, J and P, for trusting us dumb-ass Americans  to show you how we think Sonoma County is a very special place.  We love you.  AND..... I am glad we got to have a pint and nachos.  We solved ALL the world's problems. 

p.s.  You are a WANKER.   lol

 

Gambini is SELLING the HOUSE!!!!!!!

 Now that Acid is dead, my brother-in-law Gambini (who is the half Portuguese and half Italian we lovingly nicknamed our Port-a-Wop) wants to sell his 5 bedroom house in Sonoma County.  Long story short, the house is too big for just him - and his 58  year-old alcoholic, deadbeat daughter who never grew up and depends on him to live there rent-free (that is another story).

Well, Gambini was never the smartest with his money.  He inherited a house in SF the Italian side of his family built (his family built an entire SF neighborhood in the early 1900's).  Gambini rented the SF house out, but being a landlord proved to be exhausting.  He sold the family home in SF.......and then purchased a house in Petaluma for his alcoholic daughter and her family to live in RENT FREE.  

We all know what happens next.  Was the daughter grateful for a rent-free place to live with her and her selfish daughters?  Of course not.  They all trashed the place.  That's the thanks Gambini got for trying to help his daughters and granddaughters.

Gambini then turned around and sold the Petaluma house.  I do not blame him one single bit. Where did the alcoholic daughter and ingrate granddaughters go?  Well, they found someone else to leach off of....for now.

Here is the dirt pie.  

Gambini had a reverse mortgage on his house.   This is how he and Acid afforded the lavish lifestyle they had with trips to Europe, Hawaii, etc., plus all the expensive cars.....AND lavish gifts to their immediate family.  

Well, well, well.......when you dance to the music you must pay the fiddler at the end of the event.  And that is what is happening now.

Gambini must sell his house in order to avoid monetary penalties for the reverse mortgage.  That's all ok.  However, his decedents are having a freak-out as they are wondering where THEIR INHERITANCE is going.   Guess WHAT?  Chances are there will NOT BE ANY INHERITANCE at the end of the day.  

Greedy decedents do not think about the $ needed for the long-term care Gambini will need and the other medical expenses elderly people need that sucks up millions of $$$$$ in a matter of months......which leaves the greedy decedents with..........NOTHING.

 Boo-effing-Hoo.  If you want money, earn it yourself.  Do not depend on others to blindly hand it over.  

Which leaves me to the subject of chocolate chips and beanie babies....but that is for another rant.  

p.s. If any of you Tesla-driving effers from SF (or anywhere else) are thinking about swooping in to purchase this beautiful home in Sonoma County, your bid will automatically be thrown out.  We do *NOT* want you here.  FWIW I do have some authority on the sale as an executor of the estate. 

 

 

 

 

The Feces Display (a.k.a. Shit Show)

 My niece, K.A.B., is about as naive as naive can be.  She is 31 years old, has two babies, does not have a  job, and she just split from the baby daddy as she caught him cheating (yet again).  Where does one go with no job, no husband, no money, and two babies along with a yappy little mutt that jumps and pizzzzzzzes all over the furniture?  

Back to home to mommy and daddy, of course.  

Well, mommy has her own feces display to deal with.  The Mommy's father and her sister are a full-time job just keeping them with their head above water financially.  Plus, mommy works from home and the last thing she needs are a couple of screaming babies and a barking dog while she is on her conference calls.  

Well, one would hope that my niece learned her lesson.  Do NOT get yourself knocked up thinking you can "keep" a guy.  It's the oldest trick in the book......and it never works.  

At this moment my niece is meeting with Baby Daddy thinking that they can work it out.  Good God.  Stupid is as stupid does.  Oh, and Baby Daddy just got fired from his job for sexual harassment with a student.  There is an established pattern with Baby Daddy.  He likes to @*($^ his students.  I wonder when the time comes for my niece to collect child support how many other kids are out there he created with little girls as the mothers and needs to compete with for child support resources. 

RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!  You are better off WITHOUT him!!!!!!!!!! TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Baby Daddy will not come around near me.  Why?  Because he knows I know.  He knows I will rip him up one side and down the other - and he deserves every word.  He's a coward. 

Where is Elon Musk?

 Not so very long ago, the marshmallow-faced Elon Musk was the Orange Cheeto's constant companion and sidekick whispering in the Orange Cheeto's ear.  It was as if they were attached at the hip.  

Now that the public is outraged and staging protests and burning up Tesla dealerships, the pasty-white-squishy-faced Elon Musk is nowhere to be found.  It is as though he has fallen off the face of the earth.  

What happened?  

The coward is hiding because he knows the public wants to kill him.  Deep down he knows he deserves it.