Dear Abby

Ever read the advice columnist Dear Abby in the newspaper? She's so predicable. I swear, she has a prescribed, canned response to everything and anything.

Dear Abby,
I suspect my husband is cheating on me. I found lipstick on his collar that I know is not my shade of 'coral sunset'. What should I do?
Signed,
Sad in LA

Dear Sad in LA,
Perhaps you should both go to marriage counseling.

Dear Abby,
My boss is an asshole. He is a micro-managing little prick. I want to kill him. I've thought about changing jobs.
Signed,
Cubicle Hell in CA

Dear Cubicle Hell,
Maybe you should all participate in department-wide team building counseling.


Dear Abby,
My in-laws interfere with everything we do! They are over controlling and butt their noses into our business constantly. How can I divorce her family but not HER?
Signed,
Outlaws for Inlaws, Anoka, MN


Dear Anoka,
Have you thought of joint counseling with your spouse and the inlaws? It really could help.

Dear Abby,
Have you ever thought about giving any other advice than the lame counseling suggestions? I mean, come on, are you completely out of creative answers? Or, are you afraid of being sued? Have you ever been to counseling? Most of the therapists are crazier than the people they're treating.
Signed,
Completely Bored With Your Column, Sonoma County, California

Dear Sonoma County,
You sound like an angry bitch. Have you ever considered counseling?