Dear Abby must be an automated robo-machine at this point. Everything must be on automatic recycle as she still (yawn) tries to disguise letters plugging her "for fee" publications as actual letters from readers. I've bitched about his before. I can't believe people have not caught on.
Actual letter that appeared in today's paper:
Dear Abby,
I can't believe the business letters I get that are addressed to me using my first name. I don't *know* these people! How dare they send me correspondence addressed as Dear FirstName. They go right into the trash! It ruins my day! I'm so insulted! How crass and unprofessional. I don't get outraged by spam, telemarketers, and salespeople who show up unannounced. However, these LETTERS addressed to FirstName have my worked underwear up my crack to the point of discomfort! Have they not read and obeyed your Dear Abby Canned Letter Template! Please educate the world and make it required reading!
Signed,
Planted Letter Hocking Your Publications
Dear Planted Letter,
Last year I tried to disguise my "Dear Abby Canned Letter Template for Sale" pitch from some poor slob who did not know how to communicate via pen and paper as everything is electronic these days. This year I'm really grasping as nobody with a life gives a fuck about how salutations appear, so I had to get creative with my planted letter..... here's how to order.....
Hey Abs, B gr8ful ur stl publshd. Ur colmn SUX.
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