California Airport

Don't ya love traveling by air these days? Today we made the trek from Oakland to San Diego via Southwest Airlines, which is just a glorified California city bus with wings. It is also just as smelly and crowded, too.

The Oakland airport terminal was quite busy, so when we got to our gate we thought we were fortunate to have found a couple of empty seats to relax in while we waited for our flight. Never mind about the relaxation. Granted, this is a Sunday afternoon, and the yakkers seated directly in back of us were loudly discussing work matters that had no place being discussed in public. I got plenty of back office politics on how Barb is self-serving and Pete is an asshole, etc. We have not even boarded the plane yet, nor have I mentioned the obsessive cell phone yakkers who loudly and publicly accounted for every square of toilet paper they use in the restroom. ARGGHHHHHH!!!

So, the plane arrives at the gate in preparation for boarding. Anxious travelers trip over themselves to be the first to board this bus with wings. In the meantime, several arguments are overheard between travelers and Southwest Airline personnel. Most of these arguments are of the travelers' own doing. One traveler was upset that she was denied seating because she was VERY late getting to the airport (about 10 min prior to take off) and did not bother to use the internet to check in. Her seat was given away. C'mon people..... we all know the rules. Shut the fuck up and get in back of the line. Don't make me open fire on you.

Now.... we're boarding the plane. We all know the luggage restrictions. Nevertheless, there are people with 50 pound trunks trying to shove them into the tiny, crowed, overhead compartments knocking other travelers in the head unconscious in the process of their struggle to make it fit. I have a suggestion as where these travelers can shove their over-sized trunks. It also involves tiny, crowded spaces of the human body....

In flight you can always count on the sickest bastard to be seated right next to you. If you don't have a coughing, hacking, pucking jackass seated directly on your left, then you can count on the screaming, puking baby on your right. Don't even bother to ask anybody to move so you can get up to go to the bathroom. Just piss your pants. It doesn't matter at this point.

Wheeeee..... after the flight (which includes complimentary salted peanuts and diet Pepsi) we have finally landed at our destination. Before the jet even officially arrives at the gate, all passengers must unbuckle themselves, stand up, and immediately clog the isles. Nobody is going anywhere. Sit down and relax and wait your turn before I take that 50 pound overhead luggage piece and knock you unconscious with it.