Monday, February 29, 2016

Auntie's Relationship Advice

My niece has entered the relationship game -- and I do emphasis GAME.  About a year ago she started seeing a guy who was considerably older than herself given her tender age (not jail bait, but close).  That in itself was a red flag for me but I kept my mouth shut.  Why doesn't this guy date women his own age?  It's because of a few things that immediately come to mind:

1.  He's a creepy pedophile;
2.  He's a narcissist;
3.  Women his own age are onto him and see right through his bull**** and won't tolerate it.  He needs to find somebody young, vulnerable, and naive.  
4.  All of the above.

There is a reason this guy is still single and lives with his parents, but I kept my mouth shut.  Time passes.  Over the course of the year my niece is in tears because Boyfriend has broken up with her.  It did not take long to figure out that this always happened around Christmas, her birthday, and Valentine's Day.  After said holiday passed, he would want to rekindle things.  This led to angst, sadness, depression, etc., for my niece who is reeling from the emotions of it all.  For whatever reason, she had real feelings for this guy. 

Well, it happened again 2 days before Valentine's Day.  He broke up with her.  Now, just like clock work, he shows up now again wanting to 'rekindle' things.

Auntie had something to say this time around.  I waited like a snake in the grass for his piece-of-shit car to roll up.  He got out of the car and I gave him a super warm, friendly greeting.  I then told him that if he wanted uncommitted sex to call a prostitute -- and by the way they don't work for free. Leave my niece alone.  I handed him a list of call girls off of "my little black book."

I could see what was going on in his head -- both of them.  duuuuuuuhhhhhh...a-duuuuuhhhhh.. hard-on instantly deflated.   

He has not been around since.  

Sunday, February 28, 2016

e-Filing Tax Nightmare

I prepare tax filings for a select few in my inner, INNER social circle (free of charge).  If I prepare your taxes for you that means I think highly of you.... if I decline or stop doing them it is because you have pissed me off.  You probably took advantage of my innate nature of being helpful and generous. 

Anyway... I love technology.  I loathe technology.  Today I had an instance of preparing a return and submitting it via TurboTax federal e-filing service only to have it rejected.  Why was it rejected?  Because the primary SSN on the return I was submitting had already been used as a SPOUSE on another tax return that had already been processed and accepted by the IRS.  The person's return I was preparing has not moved, changed jobs, or marital status in at least 20 years. 

Tax fraud.  Identity theft.  In my lap.  Great.  Now what?

After a dizzying array of general no-help from any government entity or TurboTax themselves, I stumbled upon website with steps to rectify the situation.  Believe it or not, it was an actual IRS website that I had to dig for.

I followed the checklist immaculately.  After obtaining the person's passport, drivers license, and original SSN card I was able to snail mail the tax forms in.  Now it's a wait-and-see.  Now it's filing an affidavit with the FTC, notifying credit reporting agencies, seeing if any claim has been made to social security benefits, etc.  What a major pain in the you-know-what. 

It's the dark side of technology.  I hate to see it come to a point of finger-printing everything and inserting chips in our necks, but the way things are going what choices do we have?  It's the only sure way to positively identify somebody. 




Saturday, February 27, 2016

Republican Debates

Have you seen the movie Idiocracy?  It's coming true.  The bid for president has become a media joke along with the candidates.  It's more like an episode of Jerry Springer than an intellectual interchange that involves cerebral effort other than screaming over the top of each other with insults that would send kindergartners to "the corner" until they apologized.  The entire campaign is more like Monday Night Wrestling. 

My favorite of the republican party is still Dr. Ben Carson.  He's not a loud-mouthed, egotistical showman jerk.  Sadly, that works against him.  He has class and dignity.  Sadly, that also works against him and does not promote ratings.  He thinks before he speaks.  Sadly, that works against him.  The media is partly to blame as they chase the bad actors for their own gain.  The republican beacon of hope is drowning in its own sea of idiots. 

I told you all that Marco Rubio would grow into his large puppy feet. 

Thursday, February 25, 2016

December 31 fiscal year-end

It's tax season ya'all, ya'all for everybody and everything that has a December 31 fiscal year-end.  Filing taxes is the easy part as any monkey can type numbers into a computer software program.  The hard part is ORGANIZING your data -- your CPA will not do that for you unless you pay a fee and many won't do it at all.  The onus is on you to have your proverbial *$#^ together. 

I'm getting so good at this game that I'm more organized than the CPA I use for the businesses I run.  It's a sad statement when I have to tell THEM things that I'm paying them to do and have knowledge of.  The only reason I even use a CPA anymore is that it's insurance for me if things go whacky with the IRS.  It helps to have somebody else prepare the return with their signature and blessing. 

Happy tax filing, everybody!!!  Just know that the government depends on hard working slugs like us with no corporate loopholes and foreign bank accounts to hide assets in to fund billionaires.




Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Happy Birthday George Harrison

Oh George...I still love ya.  George Harrison - the most understated Beatle.  I know it's a day premature but wanted to recognize George's birthday.  Like many in his zodiac sign of Pisces, George was spiritual, creative, loving, trusting, and intuitive.  And also just like many in his zodiac sign of Pisces seems like a harmless kitten until YOU PISS HIM OFF!!!!  If you manage to piss off a loving, gentle and trusting Pisces, you deserve their wrath.  We have a very long leash....and fire off several warning shots along the way.....prior to unleashing our wrath.....Kind of weird having a leash and a gun for being a fish.  We go from guppies to sharks...with long leashes and guns.  Whatever.

Maybe I'm just more in tune around our birthdays, but I hear George's songs in random places.   He was the spiritual leader of the Beatles and in his own quiet revolution did introduce eastern religions to the western world.  In the 1960's people thought he was nuts but as time progresses we are finding that there really is science to eastern practices.  George was not so nuts after all.

 George produced some movies after the Beatles.  He did a few bombs, but my FAVORITE movie he produced was Time Bandits.   Watch it.  Anyway, Happy Birthday George French-Harrison.  We have not forgotten about you.  I keep hearing this song of George's  lately and I don't know why, but HERE COMES THE SUN!!






Monday, February 22, 2016

Safeway Monopoly Game

The title could be interpreted on soooo many levels - Safeway Monopoly Game.  I know they are vying for a monopoly in the uber competitive supermarket business.  I'm going to put on my Safeway Executive Management Team hat for just one teeny moment here as I do feel their pain.  Think about it.  Food is a major household expense and a life necessity.  There is a major grocery store on just about every corner all wooing customers.  Your inventory perishes quickly, and customers are pickier than ever about quality and freshness (me).  Groceries is a game of moving the most volume from the time it hits the shipping receiving docks to the time you bring it home (read: massive quantities are needed to hit economies of scale).  There is a very finite window where the food is at its peak and most of it is fragile and can bruise easily.  The public expects out-of-season fruit and vegetables to travel from other areas, sometimes 1/2 way around the world, and have it displayed and ready and perfect just IN CASE a moment arrives where you happen to be craving pineapple.

Tough gig.  I would *not* want to be in the grocery business.  I have not even mentioned dealing with scheduling employees and other human resources nightmares and local environmental and labeling laws.  Oh, I also forgot about the stock shareholders who ALWAYS demand profits (you).  Sniff, sniff... I'm tearing up for Safeway.  Get me a tissue.  Albertsons/Lucky see an opportunity for the war weary Safeway Corporation.  Safeway waves the white flag.  Sell out to Albersons/Lucky.  I would have probably done the same thing.

Corporate takeover complete.  Now, just where does that leave us shoppers?  I happened to do some grocery shopping at Safeway yesterday because I'm still in denial about the end of my relationship with the place that fed myself and my family for over a quarter century.   I tend to get attached and am a sucker for granting last, last chances. 

You could have shot a cannon through the place it was so empty....on a Sunday afternoon.  Apparently, I'm not the only one noticing the changes and taking business elsewhere.  What does Safeway do to try to woo customers?  Put on your Dilbert Comic Strip Management Hat for a moment.  I can see it now.... a perfect Dilbert comic strip....the executive board sitting around the table lamenting sagging sales over a corporate takeover.  One of them gets a 'bright idea' and thinks that shoppers have nothing better to do with time then to bring the really STUPID mcDonald's monopoly game to Safeway.

Are you kidding me?  I was wondering what all the little stickers were when I was cruising the aisles yesterday.  When I was checking out the cashier asked me if I wanted to play the Safeway Monopoly Game. She pulled out a bunch of little stickers and a paper board game and started showing me how purchasing items I would never eat or use could win me big money...and I had to hunt the items down...to fill up my paper monopoly board. 

My eyes glazed over.  No.  I don't want to make a game out of grocery shopping.  I don't have *TIME* to study some little sticker and paper game board -- and I DON'T WANT TO.  Too much dinking around.  The entire concept rivals robo-calls on the general annoyance scale. 

Yes, I'm mourning the loss of my relationship with Safeway:(    




Sunday, February 21, 2016

Sanders vs Trump

Jeb Bush finally threw in the towel for the presidential bid.  There is a god.  Now we need a goddess to shut up the megalomaniac Trump. 

Trump is doing nothing more than making a mockery of our country.  Granted, it's easy to do, but his blow-hard campaign of do things my-way-or-the-highway attitude will certainly backfire.   He is a shallow bigot and misogynist.  I'm surprised he has not been sued for sexual harassment and discrimination from one of his employees.  Running the country takes tact, diplomacy, and skill along with a good business sense.  One out of four will not cut it.  Besides, his empire was not self-made.  He's just another spoiled trust fund brat who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth; therefore, having a financial advantage right out of the gate.  Daddy "only" gave him a measly $1,000,000 to get started.  Maybe I'm just jealous that I'm not a member of the LSC (lucky sperm club). 

Trump resonates with the lower chakras and basic survival needs.  He feeds our basic primal needs that 1,000 of years of evolution have not eliminated just quite yet.  It's difficult to overcome his primal scream that our bodies are magnetically drawn to. 

On the other end we have Sanders who resonates with social ideals the masses have not evolved to yet.  He resonates with the higher chakras of connecting our selves to the greater good of each other and the universe.  My criticism of him is that everybody wants peace, love, and prosperity for all but obtaining it has been elusive since the dawn of civilization.  Sure sounds good, though.  Who can argue his message? 

We, the deciding voters, are stuck in the middle of *all* these energies that reside within us.  Thankfully, being stuck in the middle, that middle is our HEART chakra.  Search your heart, people.  There is a reason that is a known saying.



Saturday, February 20, 2016

Lucky's, Albertsons, and Safeway move over for: RALEYS, SPROUTS & WHOLE FOODS

Ok.. i was going to go on a tirade about Sanders and Trump but I'll save that for tomorrow.  There are other just as urgent issues to gripe about -- namely grocery shopping.  No food - no live.  Yeah, it's important.

This may come across as a post from a bored mom on Prozac, but if the shoe fits I will wear it.  I've been a Safeway shopper for about 25 years.  Prior to shopping at Safeway I shopped at Yucky Lucky on the boulevard in Petaluma when I lived in a condo behind the police station, and then shopped the new Lucky (yes, I still refer to it as the new Lucky despite that it was built in 1989) off of Lakeville. 

Well, fate moved me to Santa Rosa in the early 1990's and I became a religious Safeway shopper at the Marlow location.  Many a Sunday I would have two *very* small children in tow going up and down the aisles.  It was a weekly ritual.  I got to know all the employees at the Marlow Safeway and they got to know me.  I thought more than once I should just have my paychecks directly deposited to Safeway. 

I was happy.  I loved Safeway.  Alberson's/Lucky/whatever they are this week I thought sucked with their unhelpful, surly employees and low-quality meat and produce.  Albertson's bought out Lucky and vice versa over the next 20 years.  It was hard to tell which was which but came to the conclusion they were, in reality, one of the same.  Yes, Alberson's/Lucky were less expensive, but you got what you paid for.  I would only go into Lucky if no other option was available.  I avoided that place like the plague.

One day my beloved Safeway decided to sell out to Lucky/Alberson's.  Granted, the *name* Safeway still hangs above the door but the place has changed -- for the worse.  My online shopping orders are always wrong upon delivery (never a problem when Safeway was the real owner), the meat is lower quality as well as the produce.  Today I bought jicama and threw it away when I got home to cut it up.  How can jicama get screwed up? 

I do get a lot of  fresh produce from a local farm share which helps.  Sometimes I need things that the farm share just does not have and I need to visit a supermarket to obtain it.  Truth be told I have much better freshness luck at Raley's, Sprouts and Whole Foods. 

Whuuud about Trader Joe's, you ask?  Well, they are OK for some items I like.  Most of their stuff is frozen, packaged entrees and the like.  Glorified processed TV dinners for yuppies.  Open package and dump in pan.  Done.  Not that great.  Plus, their produce REALLY sucks and god help you if you buy meat there that is something other than a little package of sliced turkey lunch meat.  Trader Joe's is the WalMart for broke yuppies.  







Friday, February 19, 2016

Please and Thank You

No, not "mama" and "papa" as the first words babies learn speak.  The first words babies should be taught to speak are "please" and "thank you."

I know I'm being a tad cynical of the capabilities of early toddler hood.  However, I get sick of hearing how wonderful, smart, and talented these toddlers are along with floods of photos that I'm certain YOUR toddler is more than capable of saying "please" and "thank you" waaaaaaaaay before the others.

No?  Not the case with your toddler?  Awwwwwwww.  mama and papa it is.  Sadly, the parents oblige enforcing the notion that Toddler really is the center of the universe.  Time passes and toddler soon turns into a teenager.  Toddler soon turns adult thereafter.

Great.  You all created yet another selfish asshole for the rest of us to deal with.  Thanks.  Like the world did not have enough of them already.

Which brings me to the thankless.  I was invited to a wedding back in November.  I heard about the wedding for the year prior ad nauseum from the bride's mother (of course).  Pictures, websites, gift registries, blah, blah, blah, venues, etc.  I only met the bride once or twice.  However, an invitation did arrive in the mail despite the fact that the bride herself would not be able to pick me out in a police line up.  I'm a casual friend of the bride's mother.

Whatever.  I looked at the date and awwwwww...so SAD (not).....I was scheduled to be out of state for work.  A polite person always answers invitations promptly and with a definitive yes or no.  Hedging your reply to an invitation to see if something better comes up is a no-no.  Also, accepting an invitation and later revoking your response (unless there are dire circumstances that prevent you from your acceptance) is even a bigger faux pas.

I promptly reply with my regrets but wanted to send the couple something for their wedding.  I spoke with the bride's mother to see what they needed.  I took the time to shop for their gift and sent it to the bride's address in the east bay at least a month prior to the actual wedding ceremony.  Yesterday I received in the mail a mass produced Christmas card-like photo of the bride and groom with the pre-printed wording of  "Thank you for coming to our wedding.  It meant so much to us to have you there."

Apparently not.  I was not there.  The card was not signed, nor was there any mention of the gift I took thought and time to select end send to them.  I have no idea if they even received it.  It would have been better to received no thank you at all than a mass produced, erroneous one.  Thankless.

I'm certain there will be a baby shower in the not too distant future and the cycle of selfishness will continue.  I'll make certain to send a whole lot of nothing.  I'm done with thankless ingrates. 








Trump vs Sanders

We the people are getting sick of the monied few pretending to care about the peasants.  They need to do a better job of pretending because let us be honest -- they never cared about us nor will they ever care about us.  Their only use for us is to make certain that we don't reach an angry mob mentality and riot which would ruin their nice suits and fancy cars. 

History has not taught us well.  Since the dawn of time those in power will do whatever it takes to remain in power at whatever costs.  Peasants are nothing more than pawns in their chess game.  Governments are formed, eventually get greedy and over controlling, the people riot, a new government is born and the cycle continues...and continues...and continues.  The irony is that the governments born of rebellion end up being rebelled against, as they eventually become what was originally rebelled against to begin with.  You following me?  LOL

Once upon a time I had a political science instructor who said, "Democracy ensures that the people get the type of government they deserve."

I can sense your disagreement all the way from the satellite this message is bouncing off from.  "How did we get to the mess we are in?  We don't deserve this.  It's not MY fault that America is in the state it's in."

Au contraire, mon ami.  It Is Your Fault.  Years of apathy from the American public coupled with low voter turnout gave carte blanche to the power hungry.  We were too busy watching the Love Boat and Full House to care about what was happening on Capitol Hill.  We all foolishly believed that we "will be taken care of" by "them."  They entrenched themselves in positions to screw us all over.  By the time we figured it out it was too late. 

THEY NEED to do something!!!!!!!!!!  Our country is a wreck!!!! You all are angry now.  good.  You should be.  However, dear ones, tell me.. who exactly is THEM?  Ready for the hard truth?  Them is YOU.  YOU need to do something and not depend on others to do it for you.  Look what delegating our overall well-being to politicians has done.  Whining to politicians at this point about how unhappy you are and how unfair life is useless.  Nobody ever said life was fair.  Suck up your choices and deal with it.  You do have a hand of your own personal choices for your current situation.  It all does not fall on politicians as much as it pains me to type that last statement. 

Enough of that..  Sanders or Trump.  Hmmmmmm.  Talk about two opposite ends of the spectrum.  They are the Yin and Yang of politics.  As far as the general public feels, anything is better than the run-of-the-mill bought and paid for establishment of Clinton or Bush.  However, I'm not letting Trump or Sanders off the hook, either.  I'll go on that tirade tomorrow. 






Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Blue Ribbon

My colleague, Al, has been on a mission taking me to authentic places in Honolulu where tourists are nowhere to be found.  I suppose as a 4th generation Honoluluan (?) he knows where they are.  We ended up at a place called Blue Ribbon.  It looked like a dive bar in Oakland from the outside.  I was the ONLY white person in this place.  If it were anyplace else other than Honolulu I would have been scared. 

Blue Ribbon is a karaoke bar where locals hang out.  Al got us a private (read:  SOUND PROOF) room and handed me a book of songs and a stack of quarters to load the karaoke machine.  The videos that accompanied the song lyrics were hilarious.  It was so cheesy it was GREAT!  The videos looked like early 1980's porn movies with the big hair and all the men with Magnum PI mustaches. 

About this time I needed to find the bathroom.  When I came out there was Al standing at the bar talking to everybody as everybody knows him.  He made an announcement that soon a bunch of 'haoles' (go ahead and google the term) would be coming into their bar, but to send them into the private room Al had reserved. 

Sure enough, many from my work-brigade soon showed up....and let me tell you....they are the most uptight a-haoles that ever walked the earth and I'm certain many orifices are also water-tight.  We are all sitting around cocktails in hand.  The energy in the room was stale and stiff.  Somebody had to get this party started.  I could only take so many songs with Fred the Analyst hogging the karaoke microphone in one hand and bourbon on the rocks in the other singing bad Englebert Humperdink.

Hmmmmmmm  what would get these people to loosen up a bit?  I know.  I put The Lion Sleeps Tonight on the play list and got a couple of extra microphones.  It worked.  Everybody had a part.  I then put Love Shack on the playlist and was not shy with my singing -- neither was anybody else.  The highest complement of the evening?  I got them up off their butts and got them to DANCE.  It does not matter that we all looked utterly ridiculous.  Everybody was having fun.  Innocent fun.  Clean fun.  FUN.  If I can get a bunch of stuffed-shirt haoles to loosen up I consider that a major feat. 

The next day at the morning meeting I had several colleagues approach me and say, "For 25 years you hardly ever even spoke.  Now you sing.  None of us ever knew until a couple of years ago that you could dance like a black chick.  What else have you been keeping from us?"

That's for me to know and for them to find out. 

Monday, February 15, 2016

Uncle Clay's HOPA (house of pure aloha)

I could not figure out why one of my colleagues kept pestering me to go with him to get shaved ice in some obscure, non-descript shaved ice shoppe located in a strip mall in east Honolulu.  He's been on my case the last few times over here.  Every morning he would ask me if I had made it over to see Uncle Clay yet.  My colleague, I will refer to him as Al,  got sick of my lame excuses and literally dragged me into his car after one of our work meetings and brought me over to meet Uncle Clay himself. 

Yes, I like Hawaiian shaved ice.  It's like a gourmet snow cone.  This must be one heck of a snow cone to endure Honolulu traffic during rush hour on the opposite side of the city to get it.  We arrive.  We pull in to find a parking spot.  Let's see, there's a drug store, soba noodle place, nail salon, etc.  There's a little sign indicating the entrance to Uncle Clay's Hawaiian Shaved Ice.  HOPA.

Whatever.  I'm greeted by two smiling counter clerks eagerly waiting to take my order.  I'm studying the menu with all the island flavored syrups like a clueless Japanese tourist.  I finally decide.  Before I could reach for my wallet Al insisted on paying for mine and insisted that my order for a mini bowl get changed to a large one.  Again, whatever.

We get our shaved ice and take a seat.  Wow!!!!  There's shaved ice, but this was SHAVED ICE.  The little hidden bonus was that it was served on a bed of homemade ice cream.  Yes, Al, it was worth the trip to get this.  Yes, Al, you were right.  Thank you for changing my order to large.  We sat around after eating our shaved ice to shoot the breeze over the work events of the day. 

In walked this older Chinese guy.  It was Uncle Clay.  Al jumped up from his seat to bring him over to me for an introduction.  I stood up to greet Uncle Clay and to shake Uncle Clay's hand.  Oh no, he embraced me like he has known me all of my life.  When he looked at you it was like he was looking into your soul.  I stood back dumbfounded by the energy his heart center was emitting.  I even passed my hand over his chest.  He probably thought I was a total freak. 

The next hour changed my life as he sat down to talk to us and I heard his story and his mission.  Uncle Clay is about the universal spirit of unconditional love and pure Aloha.  He's like meeting BuddaJesus in the flesh.  You can literally feel your heart light up from the inside out when he's speaking to you.  I'm not kidding.

Uncle Clay then disappeared into the back of the shoppe and returned with a notebook journal.  He handed it to me and said, "Write.  Don't judge, just write what you are feeling right now at this moment and give me the honor of your heart print." 

The combination of Quiet Rage, blank paper, and a pen is like giving gasoline, matches, and dry tinder to a pyromaniac.  I sat there and wrote.  When I finished I handed the book journal back to Uncle Clay.  He smiled, gave me another sincere hug, and said he had to go for now.  He made me promise to come back next time I'm in town.  He told me to let go of old pain in my heart as it's taking up room for greater things to come.  My mind flashed immediately to the freaky incident the other day when a whisper that my body did not generate freaked my out.  Uncle Clay is sincere.  This is no bullshit cocktail party flippant conversation. 

Wow.  I had no idea I would have a religious experience in an ordinary-looking strip mall in an ordinary-looking shaved ice shoppe from a seemingly ordinary-looking man.  The extraordinary is within the ordinary.

Now I know why Al was so insistent that I go with him. 




Sunday, February 14, 2016

Hawaiian Humor

Before I get all deep and philosophical on tomorrow's post about encountering BuddaJesus Uncle Clay in a non-descript shaved ice shoppe on the east side of Honolulu in a non-descript strip mall, I found my humor soul mate -- Rap Reiplinger.  Not only did he nail my experience with room service 35 years ago, he also had a vision for my cooking show. 

and.... my cooking show...which I was going to name "Shut Up!  I'm cooking."  but Auntie Marialani works;)

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Buffet Line Quandry

I generally loathe food served buffet style.  For starters, think of all the hands that touch the serving utensils.  It's like shaking hands with hundreds of people and then sitting down to eat.  I *know* not everybody is good at general hygiene.  Gross.    If saving time and money is the goal of the host and the food establishment, please serve it up 'family style' with communal bowls at each table.  It's a happy medium between full sit-down, personalized wait service and buffet style..... and at least reduces the number of hands touching the serving utensils.

Not long ago I was invited to a milestone birthday party for my friend's husband.  The restaurant venue had a private banquet room.   The dinner she arranged was served buffet style.  When it was time to eat I did not jump up to grab a plate.  I think it's poor manners.  My place in line was about 3/4 toward the back.  I was so busy chatting with the people in line next to me that I did not notice when I picked up a plate that just about all the food had already been taken and it did not appear the restaurant staff was in any hurry to replenish the chafing dishes. 

What do I do?  I did not want to ask my friend, "Hey, stop socializing with the other guests and get more food out here."  First off, I had no idea what she had contracted with the restaurant and even if replenishing the chafing dishes was even an option with costs let alone the kitchen staffing and capabilities.  I did not want to approach the wait staff, either.  I did not think it was my place as it was not my event. 

I did not want to take the last of the shrimp and look at the others in back of me and say, "Gee, I took the last one -- too bad -- none for you." 

I was in a no-win situation.  I was an invited guest at a private party.  Good guests NEVER complain or cause a fuss.  Ever.  I just took a piece of lettuce that was really meant as garnish for a  food bowl and quietly muttered to the person in back of me that I had a large, late lunch and was not really hungry....and went to sit back down.  I dared not dwell about the food shortage with other guests, as that would also be poor manners. 

Did I mention that I generally loathe buffets?  Oh, yeah... I guess I already mentioned that part.











Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The View

....and no, I'm not talking about that horrid television show where the fascist females estrogen panel tries to castrate the world.  I'm talking about how I was not kidding that it's MY turn to travel first class with my work.  I've arrived.  Literally. 

This is the second time in three months I've traveled to Hawaii for work.  Don't ask me what I'm doing here or I will have to kill you... the secret service will make certain of that.  LOL.  The rooms I'm put up in just keep getting better and better.  Retire?  HELL NO.  I'm just getting better and better with age.  Just don't tell my body that.  HA!!!!  My view from my room is breathtaking.  All my hard work is finally starting to pay off.  My days of indentured servitude are over.  I've earned it. 

Monday, February 8, 2016

The Voice

...and no, I'm not talking about that horrid television show where a panel of idiots critique little Lisa from Arkansas who just fell off the turnip truck into Los Angeles. 

I had a weird experience this morning.  It usually happens about 48 hours after I partake in an afternoon of meditation, kaballah, and taoist yin yoga -- with the healing sounds of live music and singing.  It's my heaven on earth. 

I was waking up in bed and in a state of half sleep yet.  I rolled over to check the time and then rolled onto my back and just gently shut my eyes with my arms in cactus pose.  Breathe.  On an exhale I heard a whisper that came from my throat but my mouth was closed and my lips and tongue were NOT moving.  The voice said, "Let go." 

Let go of exactly WHAT?  Freaking myself out completely, I jumped out of bed..... and how is YOUR morning going?

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Super Bore L: Half Time Show

No, I'm not some bitter local who could not score tickets to "the game" today.  Knock yourselves out, tourists.  Waiting in line for Pliney the Younger is much more satisfying.  If you're wondering WTF the last sentence was about you have *NO* business even crossing the line into sacred Sonoma County.  Fuck off and go home.  Please.  I'm sick of you all parking in my reserved spot.  That includes all you wannabe Marin cross-overs as well.  Hate to brake it to you, Marin, but you can't wear overalls and drive a BMW simultaneously. 

Anyway, before I get off on a tirade about just about everything, tonight's game was pretty low-scoring and pretty boring.  fumble.  fumble.  turnover.  fumble.  WTF. The first quarter showed signs of a well-matched team that could excite the masses with each scoring a respectable score.  That means an exciting second half, right???????  Wrong.

Wait.  The half time show is supposed to be the epitome of Super Bore, right?  All I could figure is that the superimposed, fake dancing, singing, and lip syncing  from my beloved Bruno Mars (aka Peter Hernandez) and Byonce was way worse than what Milli Vanilli was busted for back in the late 80's. 

Yeah....i was alive back then in the late 80's...and I remember.... much to the chagrin to all you little cyber punks who have no recollection of WTF I am talking about. 

Tonight's half time show SUCKED.  If I wanted to watch a video collage of performers over the history of the Super Bore I would have pulled it up on YouTube.  The superimposed, fake performances for tonight were supposed to make us think the artists were actually live?????  I know this is Silicon Valley and you all love the virtual world, but when in comes to entertainment please give it to me LIVE and give it to me REAL. 

On a positive note, now that I have spewed all my negativity, I had some people over who LOVE to cook as much as I do.  One is the grand daughter of an old, established bread company based in Marin.  The other is a son of a restaurant owner based at the  OLD Northgate 1.  I should not bash all people from Marin as we are buds.  It's the one who have moved there from New York, Florida or wherever who have ruined the county.  At least my Marin buds are warning us of what is creeping north to our 'hood..








Saturday, February 6, 2016

Food Finds Me

The universe is twisting and turning my life into weird directions.  I have always toyed with the idea of opening up a sandwich shop or some other type of diner at the prompting of friends and family.  At one point two of my CA besties and I actually sat down to develop a business plan.  After *really* thinking about it we decided against it.... we did not want to eventually hate each other and be a slave to a restaurant working 24/7...because that's what it takes. 

My daughter has been a huge fan of a small, local sandwich chain since she was 5.  She's like Norm in the old television show Cheers.  She walks in and everybody knows her name and immediately serve her up her favorite sandwich with all her personal preferences. 

15 years go by and it's never changed....same sandwich....over and over again.  The owner's son (who is a similar age to my daughter) works the cash register at one of the locations.   He has taken a liking to my daughter and offered her a job at the cash register.   I'm holding my breath as love in the workplace can turn ugly if it does not work out. 

I'm getting off track.  Anyway, my daughter mentioned to me the other day how my homemade potato salad would be a HUGE seller at the shops because I have a unique, secret recipe that is truly of my own making.  I can feel the universe nudging me to oblige to the potato salad hint. 

If this romance between my daughter and the sandwich boy works out, there will NOT be a wedding cake...just sandwiches;)

Thursday, February 4, 2016

The Coven

Hard to believe but my coven (we were all born within 5 months of each other) have a milestone birthday approaching.  We have known each other all of our lives.  It does not seem possible that our shopping for prom dresses and fighting over boys has now turned into dealing with our daughters (yes, we ALL have at least one daughter) over similar issues. 

OMG!!!!!  We are turning into our mothers!!!!!! 

It's now official.  I issued invitations to the coven to visit CA to celebrate our birthdays.  I already have it all planned out in my head.  We can do a few touristy things like Alcatraz and stuff, but the heart and soul of our gathering together is much more sacred and spiritual.  I've already had weird things literally drop out of thin air and into my lap to add to our spiritual journey.  It's freaky and even weirds *ME* out. 

I know the universe is cooperating and guiding us forward....I can't explain how....but it is. 


Monday, February 1, 2016

Iowa Democratic Race

Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton?

As much as I wanted to have a female president during my lifetime, I have to admit I'd vote for the old, white dude (Sanders) over the woman (Clinton)....so unlike Quiet Rage who is all about empowering women.

I was never a huge fan of Hillary.  Femme bot.  Programmed.  Bought, packaged, and sold straight off of Wall Street.  The strings of her uber campaign contributors operate her like a marionette.  She could give a s*** less about the American middle class. 

Sorry, Hillary, but to take your ball and go home without shaking anybody's hand only magnifies your sour grapes attitude.  You thought you had a cake walk entering into the presidential race after a black guy.  You thought America would be ready for a woman president.  Truth is we ARE ready for a woman president.  Unfortunately, you're not a woman.  You're not even human.  You're a political robot.  You've had your time in Washington, D.C.  Quit being greedy about it and give somebody else a shot.