Can't Handle Christmas Anymore

Deep breath.  Another holiday season of complete dysfunction with non-blood relatives has come to pass.  Thank God.  Not that my own blood relatives are any better, but they are 2,000 miles away and not around to piss me off on a daily basis.  This year was especially interesting.  I suppose part of it is my own growing detachment from this clan of whack-o's.

I ALWAYS host Christmas morning breakfast.  There is a tradition in Clan Whack-o that goes back to their family in northern Europe.  How I got suckered into hosting is beyond me.  Anyway, that's beside the point.  I've been doing it for several years.  Still, about two weeks prior to Christmas I snail mail out a notice that I'm planning on hosting and what time breakfast will be ready.  Nobody has to guess or assume.  I loathe the 'third party' indirect invitation that you will get from an aunt or somebody that goes something like this, "Well, I know that Betty is serving Christmas breakfast.  I'm sure if you showed up they would love it."

Maybe not.

Invitations to somebody's home for an event should ALWAYS be direct.  Nobody should hear it third hand.  Plus, life changes or other plans may interfere with this year's traditional Christmas breakfast and the hostess is not hosting this year due to travel plans, work, health reasons or WHATEVER.   Invitations need not be formal.  A phone call usually suffices.  Also, never assume just because it's been a tradition for the past few years that it's going to happen every year. 

That's where I messed up. 

Clan Whack-o was silent on any plans for Christmas dinner.  I saw some of them two days prior to Christmas and nothing was said about anything.  OK.  I can deal with that.  If they're not in the mood to deal with us that's their privilege.  Nobody owes me/us anything.  Not wanting to be caught without anything for Christmas dinner, I ordered my own slab of meat and went grocery shopping planning our own little gathering.  No hard feelings.  I was looking forward to the small, intimate gathering and meal.

That's when all hell broke loose.

The phone rings Christmas Eve at about 11:30 AM with a member of Clan Whack-o on the other end.  She says, "You know I'm hosting Christmas dinner."

To which I replied in a very non-angry tone, "Ummmmmmmm, no I did not.  Nobody said anything to us, so I went grocery shopping already and planned our own meal."

That's when the bawling started from Clan Whack-o.  I went on to say that nobody said anything to us, and I did not know if Clan Whack-o may have had plans with their inlaws in SF to celebrate.  I did not know if they all made travel plans and they were all going out of town, or busy with work, had the flu, think I'm a bitch and don't want me around, or just plain not in the mood to cook Christmas dinner.  Bottom line:  I was not a mind reader.

You would not believe the angry phone calls Clan Whack-o made.  Wow.  I'm the BAD GUY because I did not read minds, did not assume anything, and did not invite myself to their house. 

How am I thanked by putting up with this crap?  By having the Melting Snow Woman (name from rapid, surgically induced weight loss) passed out from booze and pills in my kitchen at 1:30 PM while I'm cleaning up bacon grease off the ceiling (don't ask) as Melting Snow Woman's mother looks at her adoringly saying over and over, "Oh.... look at my poor baby."

Poor Baby was slumped over in a kitchen chair drooling.  She had the head-bob thing going from time to time.  That's how we knew she was still alive. 

Oh, it gets better.

Later on when Melting Snow Woman wakes up and comes to, the party moves to another member of Clan Whack-o.  Melting Snow Woman goes on to grab the nieces and nephews (including her own daughters) in very inappropriate ways.  When the one daughter retaliates against Melting Snow Woman for feeling her up, the mother of Melting Snow Woman tisk-tisk's the VICTIM of what I consider child molestation.

That did it.  I'm out of there.  I warned my own kids of their sick relative's behavior and out the door we went.  What kind of sick family dynamic coddles a drugged up, drunk, child molester and scolds the victims?  As we were leaving, Melting Snow Woman's mother was rubbing her drunk daughter's head and cooing about how much she loved her. Who is sticking up for the kids being grabbed and fondled by Melting Snow Woman?  Do they know how damaging this is to them?  How fucked is it that grandma is protecting the perpetrator and the rest of the family stands by saying NOTHING?

Sick.  The entire family needs AA, Co-Dependents Anonymous, detox, and intensive therapy.