1. It's always progressive;
2. It takes several generations.
Shit.. That means I am stuck getting your newsletter for years to come. There is no hope of self-actualization and seeing your ego-laden newsletter for what it really is -- a total piece of #$%. I hope you know we all make fun of it and pass it around for laughs. We also invite others to share the most obnoxious news letter and we have a contest. Yours WON!!!
If I get one more obnoxious Christmas "brag" letter I'm going to throw up. It makes me gag when the computer generated, impersonal letters arrive proudly declaring the following predictable categories:
- How perfect their life is;
- How monetarily well-off they are (note: I did NOT use the word rich as that has a totally different definition in my world);
- The exotic places traveled;
- How wonderful, smart and talented their children are;
- Employment changes that they deem should be impressive to broadcast.
Dear friend/relative,
This year has been a challenge as Gerald has been laid off from his job of 20 years. His job has been "outsourced" overseas, and finding employment that pays more than a Wal-Mart greeter is extremely difficult. Our COBRA self-pay insurance runs out at the end of this month, and we have discovered the monthly premiums for health insurance will be more than our house payment. Speaking of house payments, we're several months behind and we have no idea how we're going to make ends meet as we are over-extended financially in every aspect of life. I guess we shouldn't have taken out that second and third mortgage to finance our trip to Europe and to buy that new boat. Damn. But boy, do we look good to everybody from the outside.
Our oldest son, Johnny, has been busted (again) for smoking pot and petty theft. He's still hanging on in school with a strong D+ average and promises of being accepted into the local community college for a full course load of remedial classes. We're so proud!
Our daughter, Susie, is 16 and pregnant. Gerald spent some time in the slammer for assault on Susie's boyfriend when the initial news broke out, but now he realizes that making enemies out of the father of his future grand-child is not the way to go. However, Gerald did figure out that prisoners get free health care, so it may be an incentive for some other slightly-criminal act that will warrant cell-time as our finances get tighter and tighter.
Have a happy and joyous holiday!
Sincerely,
The Real Family Christmas Newsletter You Will Never See.
2 comments:
I hate those too - especially those wriiten in the third person and adopting an arch tone. ugh.
We get one every year like.....all in rhymes, I kid you not example...
Joey and Jenny went to Aspen Skiing this year and it was a blast I fear.
Just like that. We can't wait to see it every year and diasect it and laugh our asses off.
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