Ugly Baby

 Yes, there is the obligatory "awwwwwwwww isn't he cuuuuuuuuuute" response when babies are thrown in your face.  

Here's the truth.

The baby that was thrown in my face was NOT that cute.  The baby's father thinks his baby will be the second coming of Christ with offers of college football scholarships galore.  

Here's where reality slaps baby daddy in the face.  The baby is almost a year old and still does not crawl, scoot, nor try to walk.  The baby wears a helmet because his skull is malformed.  The goal of the helmet is  to try to shape his head as he grows.  I see a short, yellow school bus in this kid's future along with special education.  This is no slam against the poor kid.  He will be loved (at least by us) no matter what. 

Mind you, the baby's parents tried to be all hippy-organic from the git go.  The baby was *not* born at a hospital despite recommendations for a hospital birth from the medical professionals.  The Baby Daddy wanted to cheap out as his insurance would require $$$$$ for the baby to be born at an accredited hospital. {note:  mom and dad are not married and mom has subpar health insurance}

Instead, the baby was born at home in a bathtub as that was the most economical option for Baby Daddy who wants a kid, but not necessarily the mother.  The mother is a necessary nuisance, as far as what I can tell.  Baby Daddy has no real commitment to her and does not want one. 

Fast forward a few months.  

The baby is ONLY fed fruits and vegetables that have been pureed by the parents.  Read:  We only want baby JJ to eat "organic" foods.  

Great.  All this strict feeding your baby organic food shit has left you with a baby with a lopsided head that can't crawl nor walk despite being a year old because Daddy cheeped out and did not want you born at a hospital.  

Mommy an daddy are not married, but they have Baby together.  Baby Daddy has a big ego and thinks his kid will play for the San Diego Charges or the San Diego Padres.  Baby Daddy will post pictures of himself with the baby, but not with the baby mother. 

Neither will be happening.  Now that it's been discovered Baby does not have the athletic promise it is anticipated that Baby Daddy will disappear back to Ohio and Baby Momma will be left of her own to raise the kid -- in the short, yellow bus.