The Five Stages of Laundry

Fasten your seat belt, people.  I'm about to blog about laundry.  Try to contain your excitement.  I have been married to the same man for 33 years.  Yes, people really do stay married that long these days.  I can't sit here and say that it's been a perfect journey and everyday has been sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows.  Divorce papers were in the making at one point.  Anyway, my imperfect marriage can wander off the topic du jour, which is laundry and its FIVE stages.

About 10 years ago I lost it both mentally and physically.  I was exhausted and suffering from a "female" condition that would have landed most women on bed rest for months.  During this time, an exhausted Quiet Rage bellowed at her family, "THERE ARE FIVE STAGES TO LAUNDRY - DO YOU GET IT - FIVE STAGES - IF YOU DO NOT INTEND ON COMPLETING ALL FIVE STAGES OF THE LAUNDRY PROCESS DO NOT, AND I REPEAT DO NOT EVEN START AS YOU ARE *NOT* HELPING ME YOU ARE MAKING *MORE* WORK FOR ME.  [statement was made with exaggerated hand gestures much like an enraged Italian]

My family just looked at me and stared.  So I broke it down for them.  FIVE STAGES.  GET IT????????  FIVE.  DO NOT START IF YOU WILL NOT COMPLETE THEM ALL.

1.  Sort
2.  Wash
3.  Dry
4.  Fold [and now may I introduce the most important stage of all]
5.  PUT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't you see?  The last stage can't be completed if the other four are not.  Stage 5 is theeeeeee most important part.  Why?  Because clean clothes end up getting mixed in with dirty clothes and then the process starts all over again.  Clean clothes all folded up neatly in a basket ready to be put away end up getting REWASHED because the cat has decided to make a bed on them, and by the time you get around to putting them away they have to be REWASHED because they are all covered in cat fur.

Clothes that are left in the washer that never make it to the dryer need to be REWASHED because they are smelling musty from being inside the washer too long.

Laundry hampers that are mixed with clean and dirty clothes all end up getting washed because I don't want to put my nose to personal parts to check for freshness - so they all get REWASHED.

Clothes that are washed and make it to the dryer but STAY in the dryer end up a wrinkled mess.  I either have to iron them all or try to get the wrinkles out by putting a damp towel in with the wrinkled clothes and hit the hot dryer cycle trying to get the wrinkles out.  

See a pattern here?   No wonder I do ganja yoga.  [breathing deeply and chanting OHHHHHM]