Creating Boundaries and Weeding

This year is about growth for me.  For so many years I have remained in the same stuck pattern that has not served me well over the course of my life thus far.  Granted, I was so busy working, going to school, raising kids, etc., that I was too preoccupied to notice the detrimental patterns that I allowed to take place.

I always put myself last on the list.  Giving to others became habit.  It was an easy habit for me as I am generous by nature.  The danger was that I gave myself away in the process to those who were not really interested in my well-being.  I was taken advantage of.  Big time.

I accepted lies as truths because dealing with the truth was just too painful.  I trusted others when they did not deserve my trust.  I did not want to believe that the person looking at me so convincingly in the eye was lying through his/her teeth.  I put worth into words about myself that were designed to deflate my self-esteem.  I was a feast for the kind of folk who wanted something for nothing, and I only played into their self-serving hand.  The sick part was that I would feel guilty if I declined their wants. 

Did I recognize the 'takers' and stop them in their tracks?  No.  I thought that if I gave just a little bit more I would finally get the ever elusive nod of their acceptance.  I thought that if I went the extra mile I would be worthy of their attention and approval.  I thought that if I forgave them 'just one more time' they would come around. 

The 'takers' know this, and they are like predators out there looking for their next victim like a vampire.  They will suck you dry and then move on to the next unsuspecting soul. 

2013 is about changing all of that.  It's my turn to receive -- just a little bit.  No, I'm not going to feel guilty about it, either.  Weeding toxic people and situations out of my life and creating boundaries is easier said than done.  I'm practicing. 

The goal is that I won't need this bitchy blog anymore.  All my resentment I'm holding will have been released.