Wedding season is in full swing. Wonderful. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total scrooge, and I really REALLY want people to be happy in couple-dom. I do love to attend weddings where I have a true connection to the bride and/or groom, or groom and groom, or the bride and bride, as such the case may be here in California. However, if I have have not seen you since your baptism, or have not had any contact with you for many, many moons OR you are a business associate, do me a favor and DO NOT invite me to your wedding OR your kids' weddings either for that matter. My feelings will not be hurt. Trust me. Save the postage on your ridiculous invitation riddled with instructions for gift registries, nearby hotel accommodations, shuttle service, the wedding website, and, of course, where to send cash. You know where you can put it.
More and more, I receive invitations to weddings where I feel like nothing more than a background extra in an over-blown, over-budget Hollywood production. I feel like I'm attending a play rather than witnessing a sacred moment between two people -- none of it feeling authentic. Everything feels contrived and staged right down to the garter toss and Uncle Bob doing the Chicken Dance to music louder than a sonic boom.
The wedding invitations sent to me sometimes don't include spouses and/or children. Another reason not to bother sending it. Time with my family is the most sacred thing on earth. Don't ask me to give it up. We are a package deal.
Another type of wedding where I have received invitations to are "destination" weddings, or theme weddings. Spare me. No, I don't want to fork out $3,000 to fly to Hawaii for your beach wedding and give up precious, sacred vacation time to boot. And no, I don't want to give up an entire weekend for your "wine country" wedding. Oh, you're also expecting a GIFT on top of it all as your tacky invitation instructed. Oh...but wait.... daddy's paying for the travel expenses you say? Still, please feel free to leave me out. We all have jobs, families, pets, homes, chores, and perhaps our own personal commitments. Not all of of us want to (or are able to) leave home and travel (or be gone overnight) without incurring a huge inconvenience.
Believe it or not, despite what your over-paid wedding planner is filling your head with, the world is not awaiting your wedding with bated breath. The only people who really care are your parents and yourselves. Spare us the details of the planning. Blathering on about your wedding plans and details will send anybody over the edge. We don't want to read your wedding blog/website, either -- even if it does have photos. NOBODY CARES!
Let's not get started on the public shakedown. I shit you not there was a wedding where the bride had money pinned to her dress by the men in attendance as they went up to dance with her. That is just wrong on soooooo many different levels. Is the bride for sale? Is there a bidding war? Is the bride a prostitute? Was more spent on the wedding than what could be afforded? Is this peer pressure in attempting to escalate the dollar denominations pinned to the wedding dress by publicly one-upping each other? Please, stop! I don't want to know....
Yes, I will RSVP to your wedding invitation in a timely manner. However, I'm sending my regrets. You will get a card from me congratulating you and wishing you all the best -- and I truly *truly* mean that. Just don't bother shaking the card to see how much money falls out.
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4 comments:
You're just sore because you weren't invited to the Bush wedding, aren't you?
I feel your pain. I canceled my order for the Steuben crystal bowl out of pique. I don't like bar-b-que anyway.
I am glad to see you at your acerbic best again - this is one of your funniest pieces!! And so true, not that i get many wedding invites these days unless it's to take the photos!
In some cultures pinning money on the bride is a tradtional part of the wedding service - in Polish weddings this happens. However if it's not part of the bride or bridegroom's culural heritage I think it's a bit tacky. though lucrative :) One way of paying for the honeymoon...
Wonderful! Once again, you've summed it up perfectly. Just what is this fad for dragging people off to a foreign country to witness your wedding!
HeartSF, Yeah... I'm pretty raw about not being invited to the Bush wedding. I cry in my pillow nightly.
CG, Thanks for the educational bit about Polish weddings. Tradition or not, I still think it's tacky;)
Anonymous, you're hope that this silly fad of dragging people off to foreign countries for weddings will not continue. JUST SAY NO!
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