The Drive

We have been long-time friends with a family for over 30 years here in Sonoma County.  We love them and treat them like family.  We have shared EVERYTHING together including our pregnancies and births of our kids.  We have a tradition of going to Christmas Eve church service each year (and no, the walls don't fall in when I enter) and crying on each other when the church lights are dimmed and the soloist sings O Holy Night while we light the candles across the pews for each other and the other congregants.

We have shared camping trips, Thanksgivings, Independence Days, birthdays, funerals, weddings, Christmas, softball, LIFE.  My kids look to this family as their other parents and siblings.  Wearethisclose. 

The father male of this family, let's just call him Sonny, is the nicest guy in the world.  He grew up in a very financially privileged family in Pebble Beach complete with house servants, private schools, gated communities, etc.  Sonny's mother was a friend of the Hurst Family and they spent time in their mansion(s).   However, Sonny's parents ended up getting a divorce and none of the money was making anybody happy.  Sonny ditched the goal of being financially "rich" seeing what money did to people, and pursued a humble but dignified life for himself and his family working an honest job.

Yes, Sonny ended up getting VERY rich, but not with material wealth.  His family is everything to him.  He volunteers for several community causes.  He does not do this trying to get points for running for public office or other ego-filled reasons.  He does it because he truly cares.

About 20 years ago Sonny got prostate cancer.  Good thing they caught it and he recovered.  About 5 years after that he came down with colon cancer, and he got through that.  Then his wife came down with breast cancer, and she got through with that.

Enough of the cancer, right?

Finally, a reprieve.   Life is kinda normal for a while.  We celebrated Thanksgiving together this past year.  We each went around the table saying what we were thankful for.  When push comes to shove, we are thankful for each other and our health.  Oddly enough, my husband had a heart attack the next day but that's not what I'm focusing on right now.  I'll save that story for another time.

Then comes Christmas and we celebrate with our annual Christmas Eve church service (so much to be thankful for) and annual Christmas breakfast.  Then comes January and the trip to Tahoe.  Then comes February and our birthdays, then comes March and COVID.  I decided to host a kick-ass party before we were all sent into isolation - I saw the lockdown coming.  It was a party to end all parties.  People were singing, dancing, eating, and just cutting loose having a great time.  Even normally reserved people were cutting loose, which I take as the highest of compliments.

It's been FaceTime conversations since with Sonny and his family ever since as people with compromised immune systems need to take extra caution.  We wanted to get together for the 4th, but with the spike in cases we nixed the idea.

Then comes the phone call.  Sonny called to say his cancer had returned.  This time it's in his blood and it's very aggressive.  It's not leukemia, but another type of blood cancer.  Sonny is not one to complain about anything - ever.  He was saying how tired he was and how crappy he felt.  The doctors are scrambling to get him into UCSF as soon as possible.  In the meantime he had a platelet transfusion here in Sonoma County.  He was released to go back home after the platelet transfusion.  He is getting weaker by the day and it can be heard in his voice.

Sonny's main concern was getting to UCSF as his wife does not drive on the freeway.  He asked if I could drive them, which of course I immediately agreed to do.  The catch was they did not know of the exact date nor time he would be admitted to UCSF.  It was a two-three day window and he had to be ready to get there when they called.  We were all on-call. 

The call came yesterday afternoon.

I picked them up and Sonny was not himself. His voice frail, his energy off, his coloring ashen.  His wife was visibly upset and scared.  I wanted to burst out into tears, but I had to be strong for them.  On the drive to San Francisco we talked about positive topics as I wanted to keep the energy as light as I could without being phony or patronizing.  All the while I was driving all I could think about was, "Is this the last time I'm going to see Sonny?"

The last 30 years flashed back and everything we have shared.  Upon arriving at UCSF I said the words I don't throw around lightly as I dropped them off, "I love you."

When it comes down to it, people, love is all we have.  Nothing else matters.