The Wedding

My son and his husband had their spiritual bonding ceremony yesterday.  They have been married legally for a couple years now, and that was a 5 minute paper signing deal at the courthouse in San Diego where I was not even there.  So yes, there were two steps here:  the legal aspect of marriage, and the spiritual bonding ceremony.  In this instance, they were separated out where the 'traditional' format is having the legal and spiritual aspects take place at the same time.

Well, do you expect a gay wedding to be traditional?

My California bestie, M, hosted the event at her home that was built in 1886.  Her house is teaming with spiritual activity from past residents, and the spirits like it when celebrations happen.  M wants to open up her house to be a wedding venue, and this was the first one she did.  The guests actually thought it was an actual venue as the house and property are so well laid out.  M and I have along history of cooking for crowds and we put it all together.  Help came out of nowhere.  It was heart-warming to see friends and family volunteer to: lend a hand, make an appetizer, set up tables, do photography, run last minute errands, etc.  I was so moved by it all I actually cried with gratitude.

My son and his husband did not want a stuffy fru-fru wedding.  They wanted everybody to come, relax, wear shorts and flip flops, and witness their spiritual ceremony.  And people did.

The man who did the officiating was a teacher my son had in high school.  He is now retired, but he has touched so many young lives with his compassion and wisdom.  He was a mentor to many lost souls floating about.

The food?  What do you think foodies are going to serve?  And the drinks?  Let the wine and beer flow.

We had:  bbq pulled pork and chicken, buns, macaroni salad, pasta salad, baked beans, green salad, brie and goat cheeses with crackers, shrimp cocktail,  sandwich wheel roll-ups, stuffed olives, potato chips, vegetables, dips, deviled eggs, cheesy potatoes, coleslaw, Lutheran sushi (look it up ha ha ha),
pistachios, smoked almonds, tortilla chips w/ salsa, and an edible fruit arrangement with the cake.

Whew.  We did the food ourselves without any catering.  Granted, we had help and each food item were family recipe favorites that have been passed down for generations.  I loved having the family recipes there along with my grandmother's serving platters.  Everything meant something. 

How did we keep the food items chilled during the set up?  A bathtub filled with ice makes a nice, flat, wide bed to place platters on.  Keep the drain open so the ice does not melt and drown your food.

Today I'm exhausted.  I'm going down to M's to tear down the tables and chairs.  Again, I have help.  My sister and niece are here from Minnesota along with my nephews.  My daughter and her boyfriend are also here to help.

It was so meaningful to have all these family and friends come together to make the day truly special and heartfelt.  The love in the air was thick.

So, a rundown of do-it-yourself wedding.

Decorations:  Chinese lanterns (available at any party store)
Table centerpieces:  Recycled wine bottles with a picture of the 'brooms' as a label.  Place a sprig of rosemary or baby's breath inside.  Cheap.  Hearty.  Original.  Also placed personalized wine bottles sporadically around venue.

Tables:  Rented rounds with table cloths along with highboys for placing items on during for arrivals for the appetizer portion of the day.  Make sure tables are placed in shade and get umbrellas if you don't have shade.  Cheap umbrellas are $30 at discount stores  OR Craigslist or borrow some.

Dinnerware:  Bamboo plates and biodegradable utensils.  Wrap the utensils together with high-quality disposable napkins with a paper ring to add an elegant touch without the  guilt of plastic plates and the mess and stress of doing dishes.

Cake:  Local supermarket puts pictures on sheet cakes.  Used the image that was on the invitations.  Personalized.  Used edible fruit arrangements as bookends for pizazz.  It turned out really well.  Cost of the cake?  $45.  Where else can you get a cake for that price.

Drinks:  Used pitchers and beverage dispensers (you can rent them) for water, iced tea, and lemonade.  Also used coolers and plastic tubs to chill bottled items.  Had "one" signature drink (margarita).  Beer - Costco.  Wine - Trader Joe's.  Trader Joe's has surprisingly great wine for cheap.  Don't be afraid to take a risk, but do taste some prior to buying cases.  I was able to get 8 cases of wine for $2.99 a bottle during one of their closeouts.  The TJ employee encouraged me to buy one bottle to check it out.  He said I would be back.  I was.

Music:  Just about anybody can DJ these days with a computer and speakers.  Your genre is unlimited.

Food:  Accept offers of help.  Everybody has a family favorite to share.  It's amazing how people came out of nowhere and offered.  I did not assign cooking duties to anybody.  The offers of help were VOLUNTARY.  I did not solicit any - they appeared like angels.  If you don't have culinary talents nor the network of volunteers, Costco has pretty much everything.

Clean up:  Hired my friend's young adult kids to bus, refill, bar tend, etc.  They were happy to make a few bucks.

Bathrooms:  No, you don't want people using the private spaces of the house.  There are now flush-able port-a-potties complete with sinks.  You can rent one for about $175.   Flush-able ones take the grossness factor out.

Photographer:  Hired my talented niece who was more than happy do get some $ to help fund her Europe trip.  Certainly you know a family member or friend who has a flair for photography.  The shots will be genuine as family and friends intuitively *know* how to capture special moments without looking staged. 

One last thing:  Get an event insurance policy in case somebody trips, falls, drives home drunk, etc.  Cost $175.