M's Dating Scene

My CA bff, M, has been divorced for a while now.  I've seen her date several guys by this point.  It's getting to the point where I can't keep up with her list of 'guy friends' as she has no trouble attracting them at all - it's just the ones she's attracting aren't worth dating.

The last serious relationship was with with N, the bumbling, broke, irresponsible alcoholic who is now dying of cancer.  M has a bit of a Florence Nightengale complex, so of course, she is taking him to his doctor appointments as he's crapped on everybody else in his life, including his own kids, and nobody else will do it.

I called that a few months ago.

M and N's breakup was abrupt and painful.  There are not back together, but M says the reason she's doing so much for N is that it is allowing her to get closure on the relationship by talking about things and what went wrong with N that she has had bottled up inside of her.  M's intentions are pure.  I can guarantee that.  On the other hand, N sees somebody who will simply get him the cancer treatment he needs.  N has no remorse nor regret nor compassion - only for himself.  Still, it's sad for M to see this once big, healthy-looking guy shriveling up into a grey colored skeleton with a distended belly.

Which now leaves M free to go on the prowl searching for her soul mate.  She keeps looking at all the popular bar hangouts in Sonoma County with the same drunks week after week thinking that will change.

Oooooh... but then.... mystery man appears at a local watering hole last Friday night.  This guy, lets just call him Guy, is a professional schmoozer.  I saw right through him immediately.   He says all the right things that M wants to hear, and is interested in all the things M is interested in.  Guy is from some state on the east coast.  Red flag #1.  He is in his mid 50's and has been married once for a period of two years (can't or won't be in a long-term relationship).  Red flag #2.  Has lived all over the country.  Red flag #3 (running from somebody or something).  The cherry on top was that Guy loved music and to dance.  Pretty soon they are chatting it up in the corner with drinks and the two of them arethisclose.  The red flags were only visible to me.  Who am I to rain on M's great date night? 

I know what comes next.  I'm a professional friend.  Plus, I'm not looking for a relationship - if I go out it's for the pure fun of music and dance.  It's very easy for me to be objective as I have no emotional skin in this game. 

M brings Guy back to her house and you can guess the rest.  The next morning Guy is giving M his cell phone number.  You would think it would be the other way around.  She had to ask Guy for his number.  Red flag #4.  He leaves back to the east coast without saying a proper good-bye to M.  Red flag #5.  M sends an innocent text to Guy.  Guy takes his sweet time responding.  Red flag #6.  M finally works up the courage to call Guy.  While they are talking the cell service cuts out.  Guy does not call back.  Red flag #7.

M is still gushing on how she felt such a connection to this guy and how good he was in bed.  I guess she has never had a guy this good.  The sex was great.  M really wanted to believe that the one night stand she had with Guy had substance.  No self-respecting woman wants to admit that she went to bed with a guy she met at a bar that same night.  Guy knows that, too.  He had to lay it on thick (no pun intended) to make M believe that it was something more.  He's a professional user. 

Well, what do you expect from a professional cad?  He's had plenty of practice.  I hope M doesn't contract a disease.  As always, I'm biting my tongue and letting this all play out on its own.  However, if she asks my honest opinion of Guy I will not hold back.  I've learned with that one.  She has not asked.  Deep down she knows.