Sunday, June 26, 2011

Hooters in Rohnert Park

OMG!!!!! Rohnert Park has FINALLY differentiated itself from the 'fat pack' by granting permission for the tacky Hooters restaurant chain a business home. Well.... kind of......


To quote the paper it was stated by Rohnert Park officials, "Well, if Hooters wants to be here we should grant any and every business an opportunity to raise tax revenue. We're broke."

Loosely translated, "Well, let's allow another low-quality chain restaurant exploiting young women because we need the money."

Rohnert Park Officials: You truly are PIMPS. Isn't selling sex and the likeness prostitution?
Don't tell me that it's a family atmosphere and that the food is outstanding. I've been to Hooters. The food sucks. I should not be surprised by the attitude of Rohnert Park officials, as there really is not a difference between prostitution and politics.

Rohnert Park should begin by cleaning up the "massage with a happy ending" establishments that are advertisied on My Little Red Book and Craigslist...

Scuzzy, scuzzy, sleazy.....

Hey, I want to open a car wash featuring scantily clad women in bikinis....according to Rohnert Park this is a legitimate buiness model. I think I would get rich quickly as I'm sure scores of horny men will line up around the corner raking in TONS of tax revenue. Can I open it in Rohnert Park?

Wait a minute.... I have a better idea. I think I will open a restaraunt called "Dick's" it will feature the same crappy food (I'll use the same food as Hooters) and only hire men with certain "package" sizes, ages, and body types. The uniform will be tight fitting shorts to show off every bulge.

But, hey.... it's all about the wings, right?

Get Legal in Sacramento! Medical Marijuana






Hey, it's getting easier and easier to get your "green card" in California. I just could not stop laughing when I saw this and had to take a picture of it.




Jumpin' Jesus in Stockton

Stockton, California has to be one of the scariest places on earth -- even in the daylight. The city is full of depressed, meth addicts who are down and out from the lousy economy. Businesses that were obviously once thriving are now boarded up. Graffitti proliferates walls, and you can't even go and get a sandwich without somebody following you inside begging for money or trying to sell their 'chit' to you. This place reeks of desperation. Too bad, as there are some really beautiful old buildings with graceful architecture obviously from an era long, LONG gone by. Chain link fences with blown trash up along the sides encompassing empty buildings sit side-by-side to potential historical magnifigance. During my stay in Stockton, I have never been approached by so many beggars in my life (including San Francisco). Every street corner was a freak show. One corner featured a black s/he wearing a turban with a stuffed animial attached donning a black dress. Say WHAT????

Which leads me to jumping Jesus. It was Saturday evening and we had a Taco Bell munchie attack. We get in the car and drive a little ways down the road. We sight our Taco Bell and drive in to place our order. When pulling up to the drive-thru menu a Jesus-looking homeless guy JUMPS at us from behind the drive thru menu begging, "Hey man, can you score me a burrito? I have money."

Ambushed by Jesus at the Taco Bell drive through....

Roll up your windows QUICKLY and get the hell out of here (sorry Jesus).



Friday, June 17, 2011

California DMV

I avoid this place like the plague. However, I have a teenager that is of driving age and dealing with the DMV is just a fact of life. I have not stepped into a DMV for several years. I do everything online or snail mail. My drivers license picture is at least 12 years old. Just how does *that* work, anyway? What if somebody changes their hair color, or gains/loses a bunch of weight? What if somebody had a sex change? Would they need to get a new DMV photo? Nobody looks like their DMV photo, so why bother?

What's new with this DMV experience is the thumbprint. Yup, we're one step closer to having computer chips implanted behind our right year like animals from the pound.

While it's easy to pick on the DMV because it's the epitome of government buracracy, I do have to give the DMV credit where credit is due. For example....

Upon entering the DMV there was a start-here-help-desk. The person at the desk asked the reason for your visit and then inquired if you had the right paperwork WITH YOU and completed prior to entering the que. I give that process credit because there is nothing more annoying than getting to the front of the que after waiting for over an hour only to find you accidentally forgot an important bit of information that is needed to complete your business -- IF YOU ONLY KNEW AHEAD OF TIME. Well, now you do.

When we got to the front of the que, the DMV employees were extremely helpful and friendly. I have to give this bunch credit as they actually knew what there were doing and they actually looked to be working hard. The DMV employees are usually the target of crude jokes for being unresponsive, aloof, and not giving a crap, but this was not my experience.

I can't speak for all California DMV's, but this Sonoma County location was trying to make the best out of the all the government red tape with attempts at effeciency and trying to be customer friendly. Well done.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Arnold and Anthony

Hi. My name is Anthony. Sit on my face because my Jew nose is big like a dick. I did NOT tweet my crotch -- it was my NOSE.



Hi. My name is Arnold. I like to fuck fat Mexican women who work for the family. Aren't we a cute family? My wife would SHIT if she knew I was fucking the babysitter.
_____________________________________________________________

Just exactly WHAT is up with politicians fucking around? Maybe it's just that all men fuck around and cheat on their wives, and there is something very headline grabbing when it's a politician caught with his dick where it should not be.

Arnold Schwarznegger and Anthony Weiner are no exception. However, both are NOT AT ALL sexy. What woman would want to do them? Arnold looks like a semi-evolved neanderthal, and Anthony Weiner looks like a wormy Jew with his penis where his nose should be.

UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel sorry for Arnold and Anthony's wives. Both are married to cheating liars.

Rohnert Park or Henderson?

I had the (mis)fortune of driving to the Las Vegas area recently. I have never driven across the Mojave desert before. I think it's something everybody should do as there is a certain lonely, beautiful mystique about it. I won't even talk about going through the town of Barstow (a.k.a. Tijuana del Norte). I'll stick to the heading of 'Rohnert Park or Henderson.'

Henderson is suburban Las Vegas, or should I say Dante's ninth circle of hell? My daughter made this comment of Henderson in stating, "Mom, there is something weird about this town. Everything is so.... so.... so.... FAKE! It looks like a giant movie set."

Well said, dear daughter. If you're into miles and miles of endless non-descript, mega chain stores with outdoor temperatures sweltering well above 100*, then this is the town for you. Even the houses looked fake like they were made of sugar, and the palm trees looked plastic.

I could not tell the difference between Rohnert Park and Henderson, NV. Both are nothing more than super-mega-chain store/restaurant hosts. I was looking for anything, and I repeat ANYTHING that would make Henderson unique, authentic and differentiate it from the cookie cutter layout. The town has no soul.

After careful observation, I found the *one* thing that made the difference between Henderson and Rohnert Park: Henderson has the highest per capita of morbidly obese people on scooters smoking cigarettes.

Sorry, Rohnert Park..... you will need to find something else to set you apart from the fat pack.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Sarah Palin or Brittany Spears: What's the Diff?

America's facination with stupid women stumps me. I guess all is needed is a pair of tits and a skirt above the knee to warrant a bus media frenzy tour following of semi-evolved citizens, and also a 'come back' tour featuring our favorite brainless, home-grown bimbos -- Sarah Palin and Brittany Spears.

American Woman - stay away from mee-hee. American Woman -- mamma let me bee-hee.

Now Palin proclaims she was right about Paul Revere. Cough. Ahem. This is the same woman who believes man walked with dinosaurs -- and people BELIEVED her (that is the scary part). Please. Go back to Alaska and view Russia from your office window. Make sure there is a hungry bear in the vicinity. Don't you have a meeting with the same dude who predicted the world was going to end a couple weeks ago because GOD SAID SO?????

As for Brittany: A bleach-blonde-tampon-string-showing-vacuuous shell with no real talent. Technology made you, sweetie. Technology will destroy you, sweetie. Anybody can put together catchy auto-tune melodies with your altered voice 15 year-olds will devour for the next three months. Then what. When your drug money runs out, who will be your sugar daddy? You and that Miley Cyrus or whatever her name is can get together and talk about 'glory days.'