Cracker Box Palace

I have soooo many things to blog about.  Quite frankly, I'm too tired to sort out all my emotions I'm feeling.  I have an upcoming trip to Minnesota in a couple of weeks.  It will be the first time where Dad will not be at the door to greet me when I get there.  I know I will cry.

To complicate things, my mother is being coy about spreading my dad's ashes.  The thought was to spread them at dad's deer stand up north, which was his happy place.  If you don't know what a deer stand is, I can't help you.  Just know that it is a sacred place for hunters.

Because I'm the banished daughter, I'm the last to know anything if anything at all.  I'm now getting questions from my dad's sisters as they also want to participate in spreading my dad's ashes at his hunting stand and my one aunt wanted to host a little get together at her cabin on the lake afterwards.

My mother said no.  She does not want any gatherings.

WTF?????????  Really??????  The only two remaining siblings of my father's are my dad's sisters who desperately want to participate in spreading dad's ashes??? Any my mom wants to shut them out?  

I'm devastated.  I have not had the chance to mourn my dad and having family around to acknowledge him would have been comforting and healing, at least for me.  I know my dad's sisters feel the same way. .......spread dad's ashes at his happy deer stand place....honor him with some rituals....go back to my aunt's place at her cabin on the lake to gather together and remember dad. 

I have no choice but to retreat to complete fantasy land with George Harrison's Cracker Box Palace.  I hope they are expecting me.  It's either Cracker Box Palace or the Looney Bin.  Which would be less damaging on my resume?