Flori-DUH

 It has been some years since I've been to Flori-DUH.  I've never been on Flori-DUH's west coast.  I leave at butt-crack of dawn tomorrow from San Francisco to Tampa.  

I've been to Miami a few times and also to Disney World.  I don't recall being very impressed.  I do recall the weather with unbearable humidity and unsavory people like the Russian skanks at South Beach who threw themselves at all my male work counterparts when we got off our chartered bus for a business reception at an iconic landmark.  The Russian skanks were looking for American businessman money.  To my male co-workers' credit, they were even grossed out by it for the most part.  Should I have been angry as none of the Russian skanks even tried anything with me?  Maybe I did not look lesbian enough.  Maybe they had suspected that I knew what their game was.  Whatever.  I do know a few Russian words that can relay that I don't deal with the likes of them. 

"Fuck-eee Fuck-eee cheap-cheap!!!" coo the Russian skanks as they wrap their legs teasingly around these dorky businessmen from all across America disembarking from the chartered buss on our way to our corporate reception. 

 Only one guy in my work group was even mildly amused by it.  He made the mistake of making eye contact with one of them  trying to act innocently, humorously, quasi-interested.  That was a huge mistake.  Once the eye contact was made with the Russian Skank Hord, he had to swat the Russian skanks off like flies on dung.  It was like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's classic horror film, 'The Birds'.  I hope he did not contract a disease in the process of the attack.  I will never know as that is private information between my work counterpart and his wife.  Yup.  You read that correctly.

Moving on.

Have you ever *really* watched the news or other trash television?  There's always a story about a Flori-DUH Man.  I venture to say there is even a movie about it.  There is always some horrible crime, dumb-ass, fill-in-the-blank event that always ends up on some crime show titled, "America's Dumbest" or the like.  

They ALWAYS feature the Flori-DUH man.  

The most featured Flori-DUH man these days is Governor DeSantis, who is vying for the White House.  I used to think that he was Trump with a brain.  Now I know that neither have a brain.  NEXT!!!!!

Wait!  Nikki Haley has entered stage left.  What?  She's got something to say!  STFU and let's listen.