39 Years Ago

 I just got a random text from my daughter.  She said that she knows I carry trauma from my cousin, Karey, dying in a car accident.  Karey was like my twin sister (I was the dark one, she was the blonde LOL).  What my daughter did not realize was that it will be exactly 39 years ago tomorrow since her untimely death at age 15 in rural North Dakota.  I will never forget that day.  It was October 11, 1983. 

My daughter carries my anxiety about people dying in car accidents.  She is feeling that anxiety very strongly right now.  

I unconsciously passed my trauma down to my daughter.  

Here's my message to Karey:  Sorry your life got cut short.  I had plans of moving to the Fargo area and attending NDSU (Go Bison) after graduating from high school so we could go through college together and have a BLAST - like we always did with everything.  Wow.  Did my life ever turn out unexpectedly.  After you died, I went into a deep depression.   I wandered aimlessly around trying to make sense of things.  I made some bad choices with guys. I made some bad choices with jobs.  The only area where I did not make bad choices was my core friend group.  It's been 40+ years and all of us are still tight.  SSP, you were there through the bad, bad times. Fast forward to now and I'm living a life I never would have imagined - living in California?  Really?  Why??????  How did I end up in California?  It was not on my radar.  The point is, Karey, your life was cut short.  You were gone without warning.  The rest of us really miss you.