The Quasi-Divorce

Sick of your spouse and want to dump him/her?  It's way more complicated than walking out the door and never coming back.

I've heard of that.  Where one spouse just leaves without word nor warning.  IMHO, what a chicken shit way to end a relationship.  There was a commitment made by both parties entering into marriage.  There was obviously some sort of bond there.  Who knows, the marriage may have even produced children.

Just walk out and never come back?  The kids are wondering where mommy or daddy went?  The spouse left behind has to deal with abandonment, the kids have to deal with abandonment, both spouse and kids are wondering if they will ever see the one who left ever again.  Will s/he come back after  six months?  A year?  A decade?  Is s/he ok?

Walking out without warning, or at the very least ending it face-to-face, on any meaningful relationship is the move of a heartless coward.  The only positive bit of information here is that you did not end up spending your life with somebody who has the cruel capability to coldly cut and run.  Anybody who can treat relationships as disposable is a narcissistic sociopath.

Don't cry for too long if this happens to you.  Attempt to contact your estranged spouse as if you care about his/her safety.  S/he won't answer your phone calls or texts as they are already in bed with their next victim.  So what.  Put that emotional bit aside for now.  You need to take care of YOU and possibly your kids.

This is where it can get mucky and messy.  Don't wait to get a hold of the bank and do what you need to do.  Chances are your estranged spouse has already plotted to clean out your bank account (assuming that has not happened already) and rack up your credit cards.  Somebody who lacks the common courtesy and empathy in respectfully ending the relationshit (typo intended) will think nothing of leaving you penniless as well.

In California everything is split 50-50 for the most part.  Not only are you entitled to half the assets, you are responsible for half the debt, too.  I've seen it where the spouse who walks out cleans out the bank account and racks up credit card debt to finance their new life with their new love.  Yup, and there you are broke with the kids. Ouch.  The ultimate insult is down the road when court ordered child support goes unpaid.

Here's where I'm going with this.  First and foremost, BE ACTIVELY INVOLVED in your finances.  Know where you are financially, even if it isn't pretty.  Keep statements and documents as you may need them.  If your spouse takes off on you or for whatever reason or you no longer live together, file for legal separation immediately.  The last thing you want is your estranged spouse racking up tons of debt leaving you on the hook for half of it.  Don't let somebody who walks out on you drag you down financially as well.

This is a case where ignorance is not bliss.