Immigrant Song

Tonight on the History Channel there was a show on what people go through to become legalized citizens of the United States. They had emotional, heart-wrenching stories. They came from impoverished nations, war zones, and other you-name-it-hell. Their dream? To live in the United States and become a proud, productive, citizen.

The buracracy involved in the process is mind boggling. The red tape is never ending. Still, these new residents RESPECT the laws of the land and are ensuing tremendous hardship to be here legally.

When listening to their stories, I actually cried. I wanted to shout through to them at the television, "JUST GO THROUGH THE MEXICAN BORDER -- EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!"

Now tell me, just how is it FAIR to the immigrants who are actually playing by the rules in comparison to the swarms of illegals coming up through Mexico? It's not. The legal immigrants actually want to productively partake in society instead of just popping out anchor babies to ensure staying here, and getting pissed when they aren't coddled and given hand outs for life, and then suing because road signs aren't posted in Spanish.

Sorry, Mexico, you don't have a monopoly on misery. There are plenty of other shit hole countries people are desperately trying to escape from to come here. Just what makes you think you're so special and deserve illegal entitlement and can break all the rules getting here? I dare you to answer. Oh, I forgot.... no hable Inglais. How convenient.

The Ballad of Antoine Dodson

Chalk One Up for Plastic Barbie

I went to Vegas not too long ago on a business trip. Vegas = excess, plastic, over-the-top, LA only east. Me = broody, bitchy, simple.

Considering the events going on in my life, I thought the business trip to Vegas would allow some time to just hibernate in my hotel room and just get caught up on my reading. You know... gotta LOVE the direct flights from Sonoma County to Vegas. It's actually easier to get to Vegas than it is to drive to Reno/Tahoe anymore.

Anyway, long story short I ended up at a casino bar in Vegas. It was dinner time. There wasn't any seating available, so I sat the bar to order some appetizers for my dinner. I was NOT trying to attract a mate.

From out of the blue, the bartender approaches me and says that the guy from across the bar wants to buy me a drink.

What? Some young, studly guy wants to buy ME a drink? Must be a joke.

Of course, my skepti-radar goes into high detection mode. The couple sitting next to me at the bar were talking about uber-superficial subjects, which made me cringe, and also automatically assume they were from LA. My judgmental attitude automatically labled them as Ken and Barbie. I was not impressed at the conversation I was overhearing, but kept my head low and did not say anything.

Long story short, LA Ken and Barbie caught on to the Don Juan who was trying to pick me up at the bar. They sensed my hesitation and anxiety. Barbie and I then started chatting. We actually found several subjects of mutual interest.

Don Juan was making his move over to approach me. Barbie and Ken were getting to head out to their dinner reservation. Barbie and Ken took a protective approach for me -- they slipped me a $10 bill (to pay for the drink he "bought" me) and told me to get rid of that loser. Pronto.

I will never forget that random act of kindness, and how stupid I felt in prejudging this lovely couple just because they were from So. Cal.

Christmas Assholes

Well HO, HO, HO to you all, too. This time of year seems to bring out the worst of human behavior when it's *supposed* to be about peace, love, etc., etc., etc., etc., ........................ you get my drift.

Impatient drivers, pushy shoppers, rude people, etc., etc., etc., ...........you get my drift.

The message is, "I love Jesus so much that I will maim a fellow human being to get the latest, material (fill in the blank) for my little Johnny from Santa Clause, at any price, and FUCK THE REST OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Nice message, people.

No, I don't get up at 3:00 AM the day after Thanksgiving to shop. I would not be caught dead with those brainless morons pushing doors open to purchase gifts their spoiled brat kids will toss aside within 48 hours after opening.

No, I don't get up at 3:00 AM the day after Christmas to "get the sales." Who in the f*** cares? I already have enough tape, wrapping paper, bows, lights, cards, ornaments, etc., to last a few lifetimes and their surrounding communities. Oh, I should also mention I already possess a "hip swinging Santa." .... made in China (of course).

Sorry, I'd rather bitch on this useless blog, drink wine, and sleep until noon than partake in the brain dead consumerism that obsesses this culture.

Yeah, we NEED another Target store in Sonoma County.... Move to Rohnert Park if it's that important to you. You'll fit in with all the other moo-mom-cows in your "mom jeans." Aren't you late for a tupperware party, candle party, or something? Or, did you get kicked out of your Bunko group and need somewhere to go on Thursday nights....

Public Life, Private Life, and Secret Life

I can't remember where I heard this, but somebody obviously MUCH smarter than myself determined that we all have a public life, private life, and a secret life.

Just think of the masks we wear at our jobs, with our communities, etc. We all try to lead perfect-looking lives. Heck, WE have it all together, right? Look at how many strive to portray the "perfect" life when just underneath the surface calamity prevails.

What eventually happens is that the "non-perfect" part of ourselves surfaces no matter how much we try to keep it under wraps. What would people think if they discovered WE were NOT perfect? The SHAME! Yet, we all have parts of ourselves that don't fit neatly into society's little mold of expectations.

What do we do with that? Well, we create our private lives and our secret lives. Depending on your degree of demons, private lives and secret lives may or may not communicate with each other.

The moral of the story? Make sure that prior to getting married you *know* what the private and secret "non-perfect" tendencies are with your mate, and that they are compatible with your own.

Believe me.... they will eventually make themselves known.... by then the damage could be horrendous.

Banarama SUCKS!!!!!!

If there is one techno group from the 80's that deserves total cruification, it would be BANANARAMA. This pre-spice-girl Eurogroup lacked basic talent on all levels. Their "Cruel Summmer" was cruel on all accounts. Their music sucked, and many adolsencsnce committed suicide listening to their techno-garble as they chocked their last breath of life.

FREEBIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beanie Loves Tasty Pizza

On a somewhat recent trip home, my BFF and her hubby took me on an impromptu trip down Central Avenue to (almost) NordEast Minneapolis to a favorite "homie" hangout -- TASTY PIZZA!!!!

Unless you grew up in Nordeast, you all *just* don't get it. I guess you could equate your clueless curiosity to having tourist buses in the Haight-Ashbury in SF, or bus loads of white people gawking at a deep south, black, Sunday gospel choir. Unless you've lived NordEast, don't even TRY to understand. Yes, you have to have LIVED the Tasty Pizza experience to appreciate the spectrum of cultural imprints left on us all from our youth.

Note: This excludes people from Edina who think that one stop over at Tasty's in Heights between hockey games makes them a 'regular'. Bullshit. We hate you. We know who you are the instant you walk in the door. Please, get your "yuppie-preppy-wanna-be-down-to-earth-homie" ass OUT of here before I puke my Old Style beer all over your designer duds and BMW.

That's what the Food Network is for.

We mean REAL business.

Which brings me to Beanie. Beanie is a friend of my older brother, and also my BFF's sister. Yup, a Columbia Heights grad -- we all tend to stick together. Beanie is a staple at Tasty's in Heights. I have not seen Beanie in 25 years. Lo and behold, when I entered Tasty there Beanie was -- in all his glory -- having a drink and gabbing it up with others.

Time did not skip a beat. Beanie made his way to our table and without pause he talked of the time he rode his bicycle 65 miles to the cabin to party 27 years ago.

Yeah........ I remembered that..........

Next, Beanie showed me pictures on his cell phone of random items he lit on fire and watched burn in his driveway.

Yeah........ that's SO Beanie........ it's soooooo Nordeast.

God bless you, Beanie.... you are the real thing.

Good Looking Men Gone Mad

Can somebody identify what all three of these Hollywood hunks have in common (besides the obvious fact they are incredibly good looking?) THEY ARE ALL FLIPPING CRAZY!!!!!! THEY HAVE GONE OFF THE DEEP END AND ARE COMPLETELY WHACK-O!

What was it that pushed them over the edge? Fame? Fortune? Access to anything they could ever want 24/7? Ego?

Here's a lesson ladies, go for the plain looking, unassuming guy. It looks like the mental health odds are in their favor.

San Francisco Bans Happy Meal Toys

Government parenting has gone too far. San Francisco has now banned toys in fast food meals. It seems so ironic that a city that prides itself on self-expression and personal rights now feels the need to proclaim that they are better parents than we are.

Doesn't San Francisco have REAL problems? Let's try crime, homelessness, panhandling, graffiti, etc. Why are they focused on what's really none of their business to begin with? Does it make them feel good?

Message to San Francisco: Mind your own business. Quit trying to supercede my parenting skills. If you really want to impress me with your over-the-top government intrusion on personal lives, be the first city in the nation to require a license to reproduce. You're already insinuating that people are too stupid to properly parent their own kids and need your ordained wisdom. Just who in the hell died and made you Dad of the year?

Gag me. Nice try at controlling stupidity. Good luck. Would you like fries with that?

American Flag: Made in China

The irony is just too much. I'm actually at a loss for words.

Sonoma County Broken Down

Here's my idiotic breakdown on all the major micro areas in Sonoma County (wow, there's an oxymoron). Here goes:

Healdsburg: You are either an illegal Mexican field worker, annoying tourist, or wine snob. NRA enthusiasts are encouraged to open fire on all three.

Cloverdale: Nobody really cares. Before the freeway bypassed town we all stopped at the hamburger joint on the way up to the lake. Meth labs and pot are the center of your economy. Bake in your 104* summer hell.

Sebastopol: Used to be normal. Mill Valley intellectual rejects migrated north and became claim jumpers. Please, shave your armpits.

Gurneville/Russian River: Yes, it floods every time it rains a little bit. Don't buy a home there and then be shocked when it washes away with the winter rains. It happens every year. Here, smoke some pot to get over your loss.....you'll feel better.

Santa Rosa: No, you are NOT San Jose North. Please don't try to attempt it. Look around. Most have relocated from San Francisco/San Jose. If San Jose was so great, why did they leave?

Rohnert Park: Obese, white bread, bad 80's perm HELL! Just HOW many chain restaurants, mega stores, and strip malls can you cram into one nondescript, Dodge minivan obsessed suburb? The only active culture is in their yogurt, which I'm sure was purchased at Costco. I think this is the "mom jeans" capitol of the world. WWJD?

Cotati: Really, the only cool place in Sonoma County. So un-attention grabbing. Definately not a publicity whore. Cotati is cool all in its own right. It does not need to prove anything to anybody. God Bless you.

Penngrove: Isn't that just a suburb of Petaluma?

Petaluma: East Petaluma is Baja Rohnert Park. Shopping at Target is the highlight of their week. They bitch because they have to drive 10 minutes to obtain cheap, plastic shit manufactured in China they cant live without. West Petaluma holds actual historic value with architecture. Just ignore the poorly constructed Condiotti subdivisions that proliferate the area.

Argus Courier and Press DemoRAT

...are both owned by the NY Times. Whoop-dee-doo. Like they have any *real* ethics policies? Come on.... we know better..... we've seen the behavior..... it's all cheap talk.

Steve Rustad was suspended by the Argus for ethics violations because of his involvement in his crappy, misogynistic cartoons in a recent political hit-piece flyer.

What a dumb shit. Even somebody like myself, who doesn't read any paper regularly other than in the waiting room for an appointment, instantly recognized Rustad's artwork as staple "Argus Courier-typical-anti-woman-with-a-brain" dribble.

DERP..... ATTENTION STEVE.... Did you NOT even THINK about trying to ALTER your so-called ART for the HIT PIECE so it wasn't instantly TRACED to you???? GAWD.... you are really socially UNAWARE!!!! They have classes to help people like you. But NO........ YOU have your OWN MARKETING firm..... WOW!!!! How's that working out for you???? Read my previous blogs regarding useless marketing degrees. I think you have one. Please, go back to southern CA where you came from AND take your other Sonoma County Wannabe Natives with you. Sonoma County has survived a good 200 years without you. Believe me, Sonoma County can survive more.

In any event, poor Rustad was the lame scape goat in the whole printed media slaughter against a candidate in a recent political race. There are half-ass, smug apologies from the Press Democrat and the Argus Courier but they don't mean anything.

Hey guys.... I guess you prefer men......

Don't ask, don't tell.... just sayin'.....

Boot Camp

At the ripe old age of early 40-something, I have a 22 year-old son who has officially been launched into adulthood. There was a tearful good-bye Tuesday morning at the MEPS in San Jose as Uncle Sam shuttled my baby boy off to some boot camp hell.

A part of me is rejoicing in this transition. I know when he returns home he will not leave his dirty socks and underwear behind the bathroom door, dirty dishes on the counter, and other little annoying habits that make us all want to kill our offspring.

On the other hand, he will be tested to the brink both mentally and physically. He will be broken down and then rebuilt. Not that there was anything wrong with him to begin with other than the petty little messes he left around the house, but you know what I mean. Thank God my son has many, MANY military relatives who warned him about what was to come.

I warned my son prior to leaving for boot camp that kids from California and Texas were picked on the most. My son already knew that. Still, I'm trying to figure out what has come out of Texas other than arrogant, self-righteous assholes? Somebody give me something to work with to prove me otherwise -- please? I think one tried to write a book recently, but it was rejected by the "Preschoolers for Literacy" patrol. Besides, I have no interest in rereading anything similar to the 'Curious President George' series. I read that when I was 5.

At least California has non-oil slicked beaches, almost legalized pot, redwood trees, wine country, and a Jerry Brown repeat. What's not to love?

Well, now my son will be exposed to people from ALL over the country serving in the military. E-GADS. Just WHAT mentality will he be dealing with???

Lesson 101: No, the world is NOT flat and people did NOT walk along side of dinosaurs. Sarah Palin is a retarded liar. Shocker, huh. Derp.

AND.... having a full set of teeth, plus an aversion to NASCAR and Mountain Dew is PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Serve Sonoma County well, son..... We are all behind you.
xxoo
mom

Lucky's Self Check-Out

I've bitched before on how I loathe the 'self check-out' registers. I avoid them like the plague. In general, I loathe shopping at any Lucky's store. Out of desperation, I pop into one from time to time to grab an essential item or two (like wine).

Of course management loves the self-checkout. Automated cash registers don't file workers' compensation claims, take long breaks, say anything inappropriate, or cause other personnel problems. Management aspires us ALL to be such well behaved robots.

On the other hand, all I want is a couple of items and to get the hell out of there -- PRONTO. Here was my experience last night at a Sonoma County Lucky store.

I needed a couple bottles of wine and a package of bagels. That's it. I should be in and out of there in moments. But noooooooooooo, robo hell made it an ordeal that made me wake up with night sweats.

It was dinner hour rush. Only *one* regular checkout line was open with an actual, live cashier. That line was hideously long, and I only had a couple of items. What ever happened to "three's a crowd?" I guess that went away like the DoDo bird. The other registers were the dreaded self-checkout ones. Of course, they were all occupied with customers clumsily trying to enter produce codes, scanning items, fumbling with payment, etc. It was horrible to watch.

I tapped my foot impatiently and waited for a register to open up.

FINALLY..... I got an open register. I only have a couple of items, this should be fast, right? After all, I'm techno savvy and I should be able to breeze in and out of here in moments, right?

WRONG!!!!

The computer wanted to know if I wanted to proceed in English or Spanish. Whatever. Ok, so then I go to scan my first item. It was a bottle of wine. The register froze up and sternly stated that I had a "restricted item -- approval needed" before I could proceed. Shit.

I looked around and found that the Lucky employee who was supposed to be overseeing the self check out area engaged in a conversation with a fellow employee about something that was obviously not work related and completely ignoring the customers. I was trying to get my item approved so I could get on my merry way. Attempt ignored.

I was getting pissed off. So was the guy an aisle over. Finally the guy one aisle over just yelled, "Hey! I need approval to buy my wine, and I think the lady over there needs the same judging by her failed attempts to get you to look over there."

Thank you, sir. You are my Prince Charming for the day.

The Lucky employee finally pressed whatever button that was needed to proceed with my transaction. Now I can scan the other couple of items and get out of there.

Not so fast. I bring my recyclable bags with me when I shop. When I placed my recyclable bag down in the bagging area, the computer angrily told me, "Unexpected item in bagging area. Please remove item."

WTF????? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Just HOW am I supposed to use my bags when the dumb ass computerized cashier thinks I'm trying to shoplift something?

Another frustrating attempt was needed to get the green light to proceed from the chatty, unattentive Lucky employees. My patience was wearing thin. I finally said, "Can I get this cleared so I can get my stuff and get out of here?"

A transaction that should have taken 30 seconds turned into an ordeal. When I was leaving I expressed my distaste for the self check out registers. The Lucky employee coolly told me, "Well, don't use them."

I won't. Because I refuse to ever step foot in your piece of shit store ever again. I don't care how desperate I am.

Furith-ahr

What did you just say? Did I hear you say "furith-ahr" when I asked you what floor your room was on as we stepped into the hotel elevator together? Was that the fourth floor, the third floor, or fifth floor? I did not know it was a multiple choice question that left the asker in a world of wonder. I'm sorry I asked.

Please, take the shit out of your mouth and articulate a word.

I guess that's too much to ask of this generation. Granted, this is the same generation that thinks it fashionable to wear pants around their knees, backwards baseball caps, and music that glorifies killing cops and rival gang members.

American Drug Cartel

I don't get why republicans are so against health care reform. I have a sneaking suspicion that while republicans are first in line to sign up for medicare when they become eligible, they want to deny offering any type of benefit to others.

Even "moderate" republicans have to see the benefit of having health coverage. I can't believe that they would be happy about seeing yet another benefit disappear.

Taxpayers will ultimately end up paying for health care one way or another. It will either be a legit format through actual health plans, or crammed emergency rooms filled with the uninsured. Pick your poison, people.

Still, the winners are the pharmaceutical companies. We talk about the evils of the Mexican drug cartel holding people hostage and playing with lives? What about the American drug cartel? It's the same thing over here. Don't fool yourselves.

Keeping Up With the Kardashians

Who??? What??? Why is my teenage daughter watching this crap? Just exactly WHO are the Kardashians and WHY do they deserve prime time?

Here's my own two-bit rendition: The Kardashian girls are the daughters of some rich, dead lawyer. The mother got remarried to Bruce Jenner, who has had one face lift too many. The guy looks like a melting barbie doll/Michael Jackson clone. They spend their days in LA bitching and complaining about NOTHING of actual importance. Their worst days are about missed nail appointments and shoes that are one shade too dark for their jeans. I think one episode featured their dog humping the neighbor's dog.

BRAIN DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why are the Kardashians on tv? Goddesses only knows. "Like OH MY GAWD, like, your shoes, they, like, totally don't match your purse, and you're going OUT looking like that? What a TRAGEDY!"

What have the Kardashians done to improve the human condition? Nothing. Again, it's the Disney Channel up one age level. Complete brain dead crap. The only thing they have accomplished is to kill the idea that it's just only blondes who are completely void of higher cerebral brain functioning -- brunettes are not exempt.

Tweets, Twits, and Useless Apps

Don't 'cha think this whole Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, Instant Messaging, etc., crap has just gone absolutely overboard? Today I received via email from Allstate insurance a free, downloadable app for my iPhone.

WHOOOOOOOPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can read my policy, pay my bill, and submit a claim ALL from my iPhone! I'm soooooooooooooooooo excited! Now I'm certain I'm paying too much in insurance premiums if they can afford to put together a useless app nobody can really use. This techno crap has gove too far.

It's so cumbersome to do something like insurance over an iPhone. Pages take forever to download, and the screen on my iPhone is too small to read all of the insurance, legaleeze fine print. Not only that, who really *wants* to deal with insurance through a mobile app?

And no, Allstate, I'm not going to follow you or any other moronic corporation, person, or thing (although I guess in the eyes of the court a corporation does qualify as a person) on Twitter or Facebook.

Hair Salon

I love going to the hair salon. I love the gossip, the trash magazines, and all the possibilities of creating a new 'do' for myself and magically transforming my look. We get fashion ideas, make-up ideas, etc. It *always* feels good walking out of a salon with a sassy cut. Instant confidence lift.

While going to the hair salon seems superficial, there really is a community exchange going on. It's where we learn of others who are going through some tough times. Some are getting divorced, some are diagnosed with a terrible disease, some have lost their jobs, homes, etc.

On the flip side, we also share each others joy. We learn of kids going off to the college of their dreams, babies being born, and other life celebrations.

It's through this seemingly trite ritual of the 'hair salon' we connect with each other and we can ask mutual friends of the best course of action to help the person in need without being intrusive, and what the person celebrating a life event would appreciate as acknowledgement.

You know.... everybody is different.... and they respond to life events very, very differently. What some people would consider a sweet gesture, others would consider offensive. With the subtle 'hair salon' exchange, we get a clue on how to help.

.......and damn, I look good when I leave........

Santa Rosa Press Democrat

There is something eerie and Orwellian about the local newspaper making endorsements for political candidates, ballot measures, etc., and then holding the power to print either a positive or negative spin on particular subjects via headlines and such.

I want unbiased reporting. No hype, no emotional bleeding headlines. Don't tell me how to vote. Better yet, don't even SUGGEST how I should vote. I want news, not your opinion. Every butt head who has my home telephone number is trying to call me during dinner hour trying to tell me how to vote during an election cycle. I don't want my newspaper, which is supposed to be neutral, trying to play the same cheesy politics game.

Even somebody as inept as myself can see the slant the Press Democrat has in placing articles that "favor" their endorsed candidate/ballot measure of choice.

What a joke.

Anti-Public Employee Bias: California Elections 2010

Yes, there is LOTS of anti-public-employee-union-pension-pig propaganda floating around this election cycle. Yup, it's all the fault of the unions that the state of California is in the financial mess it's in.

Think about it. Union membership has SHRUNK to a miniscule percentage that once claimed a majority of the workforce -- both public and private. Nowadays, union jobs are few and far between in the private workforce, but still proliferate in the the public (government) sector. Why are unions still alive in the government sector? Because the government does not want a direct hand in endorsing poverty, unlike the private sector which does not give a shit.

Now the blame game. Once upon a time, back in the late '70's and early '80's my father said, "One day, in the not-too-distant- future, the people will be sorry the unions have gone away."

There is a lot of truth to that statement. Not so very long ago, workers were given something called benefits from their employers. Employees could count on a dignified wage, health package, and retirement. Not anymore.

Times changed, and with that the benefits workers counted on started to disappear. The public wanted their goods and services for cheap. Businesses responded by cutting their costs accordingly. Unions started to dwindle. Jobs were shipped overseas. Consumers were delighted in obtaining their cheap goods. Little did consumers know the joke was on them.

Now, in the light of of a MEG-a-billionaire (no pun intended) trying to purchase the highest office in California government with no expereicnce whatsoever, we have a life-long-pot-smoking-government-tit sucker trying (again) to be governor -- when Moonbean messed up so badly the first time around.

Who can fix this colossal California mess? Neither. Don't be fooled.

No, I don't buy the anti-union bullshit being put out there as the cause of financial ruin. However, I do know of many, MANY public employees who milk the system for all it's worth. My message to public employees: Get off your ass, do your job, and quit whining.

Message to private employees: Yes, you are getting fucked over. Don't blame anybody except your so-called neighbors and friends who want everything for "cheap" even though it means you will have no retirement and no job security.

You, Your Girl, and Your Johnson

This is hilarious!!!!!! So corny, but so horny!

Internet Trolls

Sage advice for internet users everywhere is, "Do Not Feed the Trolls."

What does this mean? It means that there are people out there paid, poised and ready to dismiss you if you comment on your blog taking a shot at a crappy corporation or something else that pushes somebody's buttons.

You can't win with internet trolls. Ignore them and keep blogging.

"Daddy" Job Advancements to Incompetent Kids

There's a trend here in Sonoma County that's going on. Businesses are in the midst of phasing out the founder (usually the father) to his incompetent, spoiled, clueless kids. Also, the father has the tendency to appoint kids to made-up titles like "community affairs director" and other assorted bullshit titles to put his otherwise unemployable kids on the company dole.

In my 25 years of doing business here in the county, the kids are more than likely to be spoiled brats who, in actuality, have never worked a day in their lives other than for "daddy."

Oh, excuse me, they MAY have flipped a burger or two at the college fundraiser night. Does that count?

By and large, these kids would NEVER survive in the real working world without "Daddy" protecting them.

Don't get me wrong, there is always an exception to the rule.... I'm sure there are those kids out there who actually are qualified to take over or hold a position or actual relevance. However, by and large, these spoiled brats with a Hitler complex need their asses spanked by the rank and file who actually DO work and not just claim a corner office with a name plaque on the door.

Sonoma County Election Bitch Part II

Well, well, well..... it's election time again, folks. The odds must be high as measured by the volume of election propaganda shit that arrives on my doorstep and in the mail daily.

In the words of Austin Powers...... "What does it all mean, Basil?"

Good question.

I don't like either of the major political fronts in the CA governor race. We have a media choice of eBay uber white supremacy Republican Bitch Meg, or pot-smoking-political-career-public-trough-milker Brown. Neither sounds appealing. I'm voting for the underdog. At least he/she will not be bankrolled by billionaires. Real California may have a chance to be represented if we dare to vote against media slaughter.

Here's a test for you, California..... I DARE you to vote for somebody who can't afford TV time or glossy brochures to litter your mailbox/driveway with. The poor underdog will be the candidate who will have your best interests at heart. Don't let anybody fool you with the "two candidate" bullshit solution. That's what the media wants you to believe -- that we only have TWO candidates to choose from. Bullshit. The others have been silenced.

The reason we only have a "two candidate" solution is because that's what is allowed to be purchased for media exposure. Imagine if the media had to give equal air time to all candidates regardless of fund raising efforts? Wow...... WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!! Still, we might have 10,000 retards running for the CA governorship, but how is that different from the present situation? At least the odds would favor the citizens.

e-Mail

Email is both the savior and the curse of modern business. The problem is now that everything is electronic people feel the need to clutter up my inbox with useless crap 100 pages long because distribution no longer takes any effort in regards to copying and snail-mailing. Just click 'send.'

People then get annoyed when you don't respond instantly. No, I did not have time to read your useless, 100 page report. There are 20 other 100 page reports waiting for me in my email inbox from people who, just like you, think that their issue should take top priority.

The other point is that the 100 page reports could easily be summed down into a few paragraphs. Don't waste my time trying to impress me with your industry jargon and big words. "Due dilligence" has been overused for a long, long time.

Want to get my attention? Keep it simple, and get to the point in 5 words or less.

Go Away......

I had to put a severe filter on my phone system at work to avoid the solicitation calls trying to disguise themselves as personal friends of mine. I will NOT accept a call from "Jennifer" unless I recognize the voice. Nice try, phone solicitors, but why do you expect me to fork over money to you when you just annoy the HELL out of me? Why would I give money to a perpetual pest?

I actually had one solicitor complain to my secretary that "whenever I try to leave your boss a voice mail I get sent into a black hole."

Wowwwwww...... sweetie solicitor, you catch on QUICKLY. Actually, I got so sick of your annoying messages that I blocked your number from reaching me. DUH!!!!!!! And just HOW much did you spend on your useless marketing degree??????? Did they teach you how to be ultra obnoxious and annoying so that people cringe whenever you're around? Whatever chump change you spent on getting your marketing degree was too much.

Want to get my business????? Don't be an over aggressive, quota-hungry, asshole. You need to EARN my relationship and that does NOT mean beating down my office door when I'm in the middle of deadline or calling me when I'm in the middle of a meeting.

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!

Took a road trip from California to Colorado via Interstate 80. Let me tell you.... FREAK SHOW!!!! The aliens from Area 51 must have mated with the locals.... If you have not seen the web site "people of WalMart" you are robbing yourself of seeing the lowest class of humans on the evolutionary scale. Now I know where the photos are taken -- Nevada. I also know why Nevada was selected as a nuclear test site. Please, keep nuclear testing until all species are eliminated. The world will thank you later.

There are actual signs posted along the freeway warning of hitch hikers who may have escaped from a nearby prison. Nice. There was also a town we passed through with the large BM written on the hillside. I think the town was Black Mountain, but we all know what BM really means....... and it is what it really means..... BM!!!!!

Avatar

Ok.... so I'm the LAST person on earth to see Avatar. I finally got around to watching it tonight. Here's my two-bit review of the movie.... Sorry, I don't have an over-rated formal movie critic gig like the fat bitch with the hats or two thumbs up my ass like that Siskel/Ebert dude (one of them is dead -- hard to say which one). Anyway, here goes......

Dances With Wolves meets Star Wars.

Yup, that's it. The visual effects were stunning -- I will give the movie that much. The acting was shit, the story line recycled, and the multiple references to "all is one with the great spirit" cheesy at best. I felt it was the "spiritual" Jimmy Swaggert of film. Some of us are capable of "getting the deeper meaning" more so than others. The director made extra effort to leave nobody out.

Bottom Line: Even superficial, materialistic dumb shits should get the message of lustful waste and power in our ego-centric culture (sadly, that still leaves out many people). Those who have more than three functioning brain cells just sit back and enjoy the special effects.

Steven Slater: MY HERO!!!!!!!!

Yes.... QUIET RAGE is not just me. I feel I speak the collective voice for all who are just sick and tired of BULLSHIT. We are all asked by our employers to fill a five pound bucket with 10 pounds of shit and to HURRY UP.

It *really* chaps our behinds when we are good sports about understanding the current economy, layoffs, and have picked up the slack going above and beyond for the sake of the "team"; however, when we suck it up for our employer and the wife/husband/whatever shows up dripping in jewels in his/her new, black Mercedes whining about not being able to go to Bora Bora and will have to settle for (yawn) Hawaii, we are all on the verge of going postal.

That's only half the problem, folks....

The other half is dealing with the ever increasing numbers of the whiny, selfish, demanding public. They always want something for nothing, and rules don't apply to them. When reminded of such, they fly into a tantrum blaming EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING but themselves. They think they are the only people on earth and everything exists solely for them without any regard to anybody else.

I say YOU GO, STEVEN SLATER!!!!! This is an instance where I believe flight attendants should be allowed to carry firearms and use them on obnoxious passengers at their discretion.

The person in seat 18-B thanks you profusely for shutting that cow up.

Fish Heads, Fish Heads, Rolly Polly Fish Heads.....

Here's a blast from the past. The intro to this video is a little too long, but get past that and the original Fish Heads video is well worth it. Happy Memories!!!!

Manly Men

Personally, I prefer men who don't have the asshole personna..... However, some men think that putting forth such an attitude makes them attractive and masculine. I don't think so.

Here's to men who are NOT assholes -- CHEERS -- don't ever think acting like a bad ass adds to "manliness" because is doesn't. It just makes you look like an ass.

Los Angeles Airport

Today was one of those long days. I was up before dawn to catch a 6:30 AM flight to Los Angeles for a meeting. The meeting adjourned at about 3:30, so that left plenty of time to hang around until the 6:50 PM flight back to Sonoma County.

What to do...... What to do.....

My business companion and I decided to just hang out at an eatery to have a bite and perhaps a glass (or two) of wine. We found an eatery/bar inside LAX once we got our boarding passes, cleared security, found our gate, etc.

We sat down and ordered some food. The waiter brought us bundled eating utensils wrapped in a napkin. I unwrapped the napkin to discover that the KNIFE was plastic, but the FORK was metal.

WTF?????????

I know we live in a hyper-alert-post-9-11-world, but couldn't a metal fork pose just as much potential danger as a metal knife? Why not a plastic knife AND a fork? Why just a PLASTIC knife? A person could drive a fork into somebody's neck just as easily as a knife? WHERE IS THE LOGIC?????? If they are going to allow metal forks beyond security, THEN GIVE ME BACK MY WINE OPENER AND HAND SANITIZER YOU CONFISCATED FROM MY PURSE!

The irony was just too much and I took a picture of it.

Peter Frampton with Yes

Well, well, well.... two concerts within one week for me. That sets a record. 'Tis the season for senior citizens on tour. Damn... I missed the Neil Young concert last night, but I'm sure the pot was just as good. The lay reviews I received from friends who attended Neil Young last night was that nobody could distinguish Neil Young from a whispery Hobbit. FRODO!!!!!!!

Which brings me to Peter Frampton and Yes. Some friends of ours invited us to join them for the Frampton and Yes concert at the Luther Burbank Center. Ooops... I suppose now it's called something commercial like the Wells Fargo Commercial something-or-other these days, but just like other landmarks in Sonoma County where people try to change the name (Black Mountain comes to mind) it will ALWAYS be the Luther Burbank Center no matter what corporate monstrosity happens to hold title for the day for commercial recognition and/or gain. Whatever.

So back to the Frampton and Yes concert. We went to dinner at a nice restaurant in Rail Road Square. After dinner we made our way to the Luther Burbank Center. Anyhoo, upon entering the parking lot at the Luther Burbank Center, we were welcomed by a non-foggy evening with temperatures still at the slightly-above-comfort level. Perfect timing for tailgating and a glass (or two) of wine.

Aged hippies in a Volvo arrived and parked next to us. They smiled at the sight of us young whipper snappers who DARED to bust against present day "political correctness" and DARE to have wine out in the OPEN for all to see. OMG!!!! Wine out in the OPEN in a PUBLIC PARKING LOT! Just where is the POLITICAL CORRECTNESS POLICE when needed? To top it off we were LAUGHING and having a GOOD TIME. SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The aged hippies hung with us for a while and spoke of "day on the green" music festivals in SF of years gone by. Little did they know we were old enough to have experienced "day on the green" ourselves. I took that as a compliment.

After the friendly chat with the aged hippies we parted ways and entered the Luther Burbank Center. The lobby was under construction and FULL of people, so we meandered out to the front. Now we know why our aged hippie friends missed "day on the green" so much as it was obviously burning and eminating that distinctive smell.

The lights began to flicker so it was time to go in and sit down for the show. I have to admit that it took a few moments to figure out that the bald guitarist was actually Peter Frampton. Holy COW! What happened to the long, flowing hair that drove all the girls wild in the 1970's? Well, time waits for no one and Peter Frampton is no exception. Still, he has the same seductive eyes and wistful smile he's always had. So what. His hair isn't what it used to be. BFD. Who's is? He's still cute as ever. At least he's not pathetically trying to look like he's still 24. Bonus points in my book. HEY PETER, YOU ARE STILL SUPER SEXY!!!!!!!!

Then onto the band Yes. Yes is a band that spans several decades, as does Frampton. One music patron who sported a long, grey beard, birkenstocks, and a knitted beanie on his head looked as though he was one step out of the homeless camp/hippie commune. You decide.

Anyway, this homeless hippie was just waving his arms and jiving to the music and dancing in the isles. He did not give a shit what anybody thought of him. God Bless him. Party on, dude.

Paul McCartney in San Francisco

Wow... I waited a long, long time to see Paul in concert again. The last time I saw him was in 1989 in at Berkeley.

Paul's broad base of fans creates the most interesting energy at live performances. There were all types of people present. Many people were sporting apparel from previous McCartney concerts. Beatles paraphenalia was everywhere.

I guess now that Paul is rounding the curve to age 70, that would officially put him in senior citizen status. His original fan base is aging accordingly. The older guy sitting next to me was actually SLEEPING during the concert despite the sound decibles. His wife saw the Beatles live at Candlestick in 1966.

What was also funny were the aging hippies. There were some from the hippie generation I thought looked fantastic despite the fact that they were drugged out of their minds during most of the 1960's.

What also struck me as funny was the smell of pot wafting through the stadium. Maybe that's why the older guy sitting next to me was sleeping;)

Even Paul commented on the pot smell wafting through the stadium. I was waiting for somebody to jump up on stage to offer Paul a toke of a big, fat joint. Hey, we can always claim "medical necessity" right?????

Elder Swimmer

There is an elderly lady at the club I belong to. I see her there a lot hobbling in with a cane in one hand, and her bag containing her swimsuit in another. She shuffles her way slowly to the locker room. She puts on her swimsuit and inches her way out to the swimming pool.

That's where the magic transformation begins.

When she reaches the pool she elegantly enters the water. It is obvious she is comfortable in the water and that at one time she was a champion swimmer. She confidently swims laps that would put a 20-year-old-something to shame. She seems so free.....

After her swim she gets out of the water to regain her cane and again do the slow, pained shuffle back to the locker room to change.

In my opinion she is an amazing woman. I wish she had the same freedom of movement out of the pool that she has in the pool.....

Kids in Restaurants

Personally, I don't think there should be any "age" requirements for kids to eat in restaurants. I've seen perfectly well behaved small children. On the flip side, I've also seen adults that should be ejected. Let me tell you a little true story:

When our son was small (age 5) we were dining in a nice restaurant. Our son was proudly displaying his best table manners and was delighted that he could join the grown-ups.

In walks a group of 4 adults (two senior citizens) and they were seated at the table next to us. The senior man began to loudly complain that the reason that they come to this restaurant is that it is child-free. He hated being subject to kids misbehaving at dinner.

While I agree that kids (or adults) should not be allowed to ruin another diner's experience, I became enraged that the senior man's comments were unjustly aimed at us.

I cooly turned to the senior man and said, "Funny.... but the only whining and crying I'm hearing is coming from an old man."

Silence. Not a peep thereafter.

Long Road to Love: Dead End

Why am I married? Good question. Finances? Partly. Convenience? Partly. Kids? Definately.

I discovered something about hubby's behavior that would send most wives packing. Or rather, send the husband packing.

I have tried my heart at love. For me it has been nothing more than a mean trick, an illusion, a tease.

The long road to love for me ends in a dead end.

'nuff said.

Meetings

I spend a LOT of time in meetings. Most of them are a useless waste of time. There is something disturbing about seeing grown people play with their feces like monkeys.

I don't know what I did in meetings before I had my iPhone. At least now I can check my e-mail, text, read my horoscope, Dear Abby, and access 1,000 other useless apps to pass the time while some wind bag at the podium relishes in the sound of his own voice.

I am at the cusp of the techie generation and the geezer generation. My behavior patterns more of the techie generation. The geezer generation thinks it rude to use electronics in another person's presence. I can see both sides of the issue.

Here is a news flash to the geezer generation: We simply don't have time to listen to your long, drawn out bullshit. Get to the point in five words or less. We need to juggle more responsibilities with less resources. Our time is precious. Many of us don't have the luxury of a "staff" to organize our life for us. Funding your obnoxious baby boomer generation retirement benefits did away with that through extreme budget cuts. We are our own secretaries, bookkeepers, schedulers, etc.

Don't waste our time scheduling meetings with the intent of parading yourself around with public, self-congratulatory pats on the back your ego so desperately needs. We don't have time. Meeting adjourned. Can I leave now?

News flash to the techies: Don't be obvious in using your iPhone in meetings. At least sit in the back where nobody can see you play scrabble. Worse yet, don't EVER, EVER ignore present social company to answer a tech message unless your kid has called 911. Now THAT's rude.....

Mexico Asks Court to Halt Arizona Immigration Law

You've got to be kidding me. Here we've got Mexico whining about Arizona's law because it's harming THEIR citizens. Humpfh....

Is that all Mexico and Mexicans care about??? Their OWN interests? We have the Mexican government complaining because we are finally enforcing laws that have been in place many, many years. We have illegal Mexicans here in the US whining because they are being "profiled" for the requirement of having a drivers license and auto insurance.

By the way, English is the official language of the US. If you don't speak it fluently, you're suspect. Duh. Chances are you are illegal or have something to hide. If you can speak several languages, more power to you....

Every Mexican whine is about THEM. "We only have one car for a family of 25," they whine, "If you take it away WE won't be able to function."

Never mind about the legal, law-abiding U.S. citizen who gets his car smashed and also whiplash from being rear-ended by an illegal. It's all about the illegal Mexican demanding special consideration for THEIR own personal situation without consideration or regard to how their actions may affect others.

We all know what happens when the illegal Mexican gets in an accident -- they slip back across the border to avoid prosecution. Now they're whining because they can't get back in when they were here illegally to begin with?

Sorry, can't have it both ways.....

Giant Bee Hive: World Cup Soccer

What idiot thought it would be cute and clever to distribute thousands of little annoying buzzing horns to world cup soccer fans? All we hear in the background is the grating buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Don't they have anything better to contribute to fan appreciation of competing teams? How about another version of the wave? How about variations of face painting? Believe me, anything would be better than the giant bee hive.

I can't watch a soccer match with any volume at all.

The buzzing reminds me of some bad "B" grade movie from the '80's where the Killer Bees from South America crept inside the US border and devoured unsuspecting campers on the US/Mexican border. Didn't they also make a Saturday Night Live skit out of that as well?

I think the annoying, horn blowing buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzing offenders should be required to insert horn into ass to see if said buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzing will make similar sound. If not, shove up ass a little farther. Repeat as necessary.

Barking Dogs

I love my in-laws. I actually kind of like their yappy little mutts, too. However, my in-law's neighbors can't STAND the yappy little mutts. I suppose I can't really blame them. Who wants to listen to two little mutts yap and yap and yap and yap and yap?

My in-laws just can't figure out why their neighbors are pissed at them. GET A CLUE!!!! More than one neighbor has approached my inlaws on more than one occasion letting them know the barking from the yappy little mutts is driving them insane.

Now, my in-laws are pissed off at the people who are complaining.... What gives? The neighbors have a right to peace and quiet. My inlaws also have the right to own their dogs. My in-laws also have the RESPONSIBILITY to ensure the dogs are not making a nuisance out of themselves and keep the yappy little mutts quiet.

What???? Personal responsibility???? In AMERICA????? Certainly somebody else is to blame, or the complaint is unfounded. Humph.... we are all PERFECT.

Come on in-laws.... Shut your little yappers up or keep them in the house with the windows closed. I may just supply the neighbors with a silent whistle to blow at 1:00 AM when you're fast asleep that will send the little yappers into a barking frenzy in your ear.

Fair is fair, right????

Chevy, Chevrolet, Whatever....Same damn crap

Some upper management morons at Chevy demanded that the corporate culture rename "Chevy" to its full name of "Chevroleeeeeeeeet" and the UMM's (upper management morons) have banned ALL employees from referring to their stagnant brand of cars as "Chevy."

Well, La-Di-Friggin-Da............... If THIS is not a Dilbert moment, I don't know what is.

Ya know what? The UMM's sound like the dorky kid in high school who has been known as Fred all of his life then suddenly DEMAND he be call Frederick. Who is Fred trying to kid? He's FRED! He's the same 8 year-old younger sibling we all pounded on. It's the SAME Fred who had his fill of swirlies and atomic wedgies. Fred isn't fooling anybody.

Upper management CHEVY morons take note.

SSP

Yes, these are initials of a dear, dear friend of mine. To be honest, I was always jealous of her in high school as I thought she was much, MUCH prettier than me. She was pretty, smart, and all of the boys liked her... and then there was lowly me. I always thought of myself as a sloppy second to SSP.

In any event, in high school we had many, MANY a laughs and good times together. She was there for me after high school when I basically went nuts and moved to California. Did she pass judgment on me? No. She was there for me with unconditional love and support.

Believe me. At that point in my life unconditional love was not very abundant.

SSP and I are still to this day very, very, very close friends. Although I do not speak with her on a daily basis, there is an understanding between us that transcends daily written/verbal communication. It is a non-verbal understanding that does not require useless chatter.

SSP is a very special person in my life, and I am honored she is a friend of mine.
LOVE YOU SSP!!!!!!!

Yet Even More Facebook Annoyances

The list is getting pretty long here in regards to Facebook annoyances, and I'm thinking about deleting my account. I'm not *quite* there, yet but I'm close.

I started off my morning getting my coffee and opening up FB to see what's going on. In my FB inbox there was a message from a gal I graduated with 25 years ago (and have not seen or heard from since other than the recent FB friend-request-brush) pissed off at me because I did not invite her half way across the country to a recent gathering at my house of old friends.

WTF?????? Excuse me, but I had NO idea that I owed a free vacation weekend to people I have not spoken to, or had personal communication or contact with in 25 years let alone get a nasty FB message for not inviting them.

The other thing that is starting to piss me off is that FB is starting to be used like a badge of accomplishments and LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!! I don't care that your husband got "most successful businessman of the year" and that your status post groans about cleaning the six bathrooms in your gigantic house.

I do like to see pictures of kids, family and such.... that I don't mind. Just don't write a paragraph on how they are the salt of the earth, and so perfect and darling. We already know you think so. Just shut up and post the pic.

While we're on the subject of pix, PUH-LEEZE stop posting pix of yourselves in bikinis/speedos on vacation. TMI. I feel and taste a little bit of throw up in the back of my throat. It's that GAG reflex again.

The other thing that pisses me off now about FB is the stupid little world map that posts places you've been to. Who the fuck cares and what is the purpose???? So, you're a world-fuckin'-traveler and you've eaten monkey brains in Brazil. Big deal.

On the whole Facebook expeience, in the words of Austin Powers, "This is getting re-God-Damn-ridiculous."

I guess there really was a reason I parted company with so many Facebook people years ago. I think I need to do so again -- and leave no forwarding contact information. The people I really care about would know where to find me without Facebook now, anyway.....

Soooooo.... feel free to delete me as a "friend" as I don't give a crap, anyway.....

Letting Go

It's official. My son has signed a contract with the United States military for six years. Am I really old enough to have a kid that age? I guess so.

Being he is going into intelligence, I am surprised that I have not been tracked down and interrogated by the Google Gestapo for my ultra-bitchy blog accusing me of being anti-American for my previous political rants;) Maybe that's coming. Oh well. If I tank my kid's military career, SORRY!!!!! Son, your bedroom will always be here -- with or without the Google Gestapo.

In any event, I get comments from other parents about my son's impending military duty like, "Oh my GAWD. I would NEVER allow MY kid to do THAT. Could not he qualify for anything BETTER in life?"

Ouch..... thanks for your support, ASSHOLE. Not only will my son be protecting your fat, stupid ass he will also have a job WITH REAL BENEFITS and be educated without piling up thousands of dollars of student debt all while risking his life for somebody as stupid, ungrateful and obnoxious as YOU.

Immigration: The New Generational Conflict

Really??? The new generational conflict? Come on. As one who is younger than the 45-year-old geezer age cut off, but married to one older than such, I find this headline insulting. What the subtext screams is, "You old farts don't know shit and should just die so we can rid you of your outdated belief system."

Not so fast, there, young whipper-snapper. The hippies of the 1960's thought the very same thing. They were determined to change the world. And guess what. Now they're the older generation you're bitching about. Maybe life lessons have taught them a thing or two that you 20 year-olds have absolutely NO clue about. Ya think???? I'm just sayin....

Ever hear of respecting your elders? Probably not, as you were raised thinking you were the center of the universe and everything should be handed to you. Your elders fought and died for this country that every body is so desperately illegally trying to break into. Show some respect.

The other thing that pisses me off is that the media is trying to portray that 'mature citizens' are the anti-christ and non-humanitarian. Bullshit. What the real issue is ILLEGAL immigration and not immigration in general. Nobody with active brain cells is bitching about LEGAL immigration. I wish the media would get that straight. But noooooooooo.... they like to lump it all together in one group.

While we're at it, I'm not going to let the geezer group off the hook. I dare you to find legitimate, legal labor (and pay them a dignified wage as opposed to cash under the table) to mow your lawn, paint your house, and change your depends. Put your money where your mouth is or shut the fuck up.

Glenn Beck: Is He GLOD????

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
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Sonoma County Election Bitch

Yup.... there's lots of shit coming up for a vote soon here in Sonoma County, California.

.....and I do emphasize the SHIT.....

If I get one more piece of election literature tossed on my driveway with the candidate posing with the family and the dog trumpeting "family values" complete with the serene-oak-tree-roses-in-bloom-trickling-mountain-stream-backdrop I am going to throw up.

Gag me..... we all know how much the candidate has fucked around and/or screwed the public. Give me a break. We are not as stupid as the paid political consultant believes us to be.

Faisal Shahzad: Could Have Been Hero

Such a shame.... NY bombing suspect Faisal Shahzad was caught trying to board a jet leaving JFK. Faisal says the attempted bombing in Times Square a 'terrorist plot.'

Faisal Shahzad could have won both the hearts and minds of Pakistan AND Americans if he had only moved his target to Wall Street.

What a waste.....

Can't Have It Both Ways

I'm sick of Hispanics wanting to be treated "just like all Americans" in one breath, but then wanting special consideration in the other. You can't have it both ways.

What the public doesn't really know is how much REVERSE discrimination goes on against anglos in their own country. Ask anybody who works in the food industry. The hispanics are not as innocent and victimized as they want the press to believe. They are just as guilty of discrimination, if not more so, than anglos. Unfortunately, anglos can't even speak out against discrimination aimed at them because that would be spun around to be "racist."

I can pin point specific instances. One has happened within the week right here in Sonoma County. An unqualified restaurant manager was hired because he was "hispanic." The reason the other candidates were not considered for the job was because the predominately Mexican kitchen staff would be upset.

If the Mexicans (or whatever) are so unhappy here, they can go back to where they came from. When they come over legally, then they have a right to complain. Until then, don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Arizona Illigal Immigration Law

Nothing stirs the pot like illegal immigration reform. Arizona is now in the spotlight. I don't blame Arizona (and the rest of the country for that matter) for wanting to take action into their own hands. Arizona is tired of the feds not doing anything.

There are a couple of points I want to make. First of all, there is whining going on that it's racial profiling and it's prejudice to target Hispanics. It's not -- it's just plain, simple statistics. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck, chances are it's a duck. DUH...... Nothing personal. It's just statistical probability.

You don't hear any outrage against insurance companies who continuously "profile" us using their statistics and make assumptions. Your car insurance rates are based partly on your age and your address. Why???? Because if you live in a shitty neighborhood chances are you car will get damaged or stolen. Your health insurance premiums are based on your sex and age. Where is the outrage against that?

It's all based on statistics.... no more whining about profiling.

If I were a legal Mexican-American, I would cheer and be proud to show my proof of citizenship status. Don't you think they would be glad to assist their beloved "country" in guarding against illegals???? What's the big deal?

All cockroaches scatter in the light......

Fountain Grove Fire Station

Oh, gawwwwwd.... the rich snobs in Fountain grove are whining about a proposed fire station in their "upscale" neighborhood. Just where is the firing squad? These people (and their gene pool) should be wiped off the face of the earth -- forever.

I have a plan of attack to rid us all of the incessant whiners whose NIMBYism smacks as to exactly what is wrong with this country.

Come July, when it's *really* dry, windy, and hot, lets douse their homes with gasoline and light them on fire.

When their "prescious, upscale" homes burn to the ground, they will get NO sympanthy from anybody as to why the fire response time was so slow.

I have but one word for the Fountain Grove Whiners "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

I'll buy diapers and pacifiers for all you Fountaingrovers if it will shut you up. Oh, my mistake... you're already probably using "depends" and drinking "ensure." Same fuckin' thing.

The building of the fire station has not been a secret. Please, sell IMMEDIATELY and go back to LA, Marin, or where ever the fuck you came from. I'm sure your old neighbors miss ridiculing you for striving to be a rich-bitch-wanna-be.

Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. BUH-bye.....

Indian Tacos

Hmmmmmm...... Indian Tacos. Your curiosity is piqued as well? Mine too. Just WTF is an Indian Taco, anyway????? Good question. For me, there is a personal history.

Once upon a time, years and years ago, there was an Indian (a.k.a Native American) who came down to Marin County from Mendocino County to sell bourbon balls laced with hash. Believe you me. These bourbon balls were a work of art. This is, after all, the Emerald Triangle of Northern California where all great pot/hash is born. The bourbon balls were ingested with great appreciation.

Now back to the "Indian" and his tacos....

I saw the sign advertising for Indian tacos today up in Ukiah (Mendocino County for all you pot heads out there). My mind went immediately to my Native American friend who so masterfully created the beloved hash laced bourbon balls we all so loved, cherished, and consumed.

I HAD to have an Indian taco. The anticipation of the flavorful herbs made hearts pound. Once in my hand, I opened it up and looked for the Mendocino parsley that gave it the trade mark name.

Denied.

Just what in the hell kind of kids' sporting event is this, anyway????? No hash laced Indian tacos? WTF???? Just what is this world coming to???? Damn.......

Ringtones Finally Out of Style

Could it be possible that ring tones have FINALLY gone out of style???? AMEN!!! Not so long ago everybody was subject to whatever bad audio techno glip could be downloaded onto a cell phone.

It seems like yesterday (it really was) that you could not start a meeting/luncheon/dinner/conversation/funeral/wedding/sex/whatever without somebody's cell phone going off like Casey Kasum's uber annoying American Top 40 radio broadcast.

Nobody cares that you like the Black Eyed Peas. Nobody cares that you like Carrie Underwood. And believe me, NOBODY cares that you like Selena Gomez or Miley Cyrus. Trust me.

FINALLY people are starting to get the "vibrate" only feature on their cell phones. Yes, it's still rude to be put on hold and ignored by present company to attend to an invisible someone who always seems to be more important than we who are actually present, but at least it's without the grating, juvenille, audio introduction.

Customer Service Lies

Here is my little personal list of canned, bullshit responses from companies:

1. Your call is important to us;
2. We'll be right with you;
3. Due to high volume, your wait time is longer than usual;
4. You are a valued customer;
5. Customer satisfation is our highest priority;
6. Thank you for your business;

The above lines are so tired that they are just empty words with no meaning whatsoever. I would rather have them say the truth like, "You are a meaningless, bothersome, pain-in-the-ass to us. Unless we can make an obscene profit off of you, you don't mean shit to us."

At least that would be the truth....and I would respect that more.

6 Friends

Yes, even bitchy me has six friends from childhood that I am still in contact with. They come out once a year to visit and have a good time.... and it IS a good time.

One of my friends quoted a movie. I think the movie was Stand by Me and it was the closing line. Pardon me if I butcher it, but it went something like this, "I would give anything to have friends like I did when I was 12 years-old. But then.... Jesus.... doesn't everybody?"

I am fortunate enough to say that I still do have the friends I had when I was 12....

Health Care Overhaul

...it's about time. Initially this will be the biggest cluster fuck the United States has ever seen. Insurance companies and pharmaceuticals are at this moment wringing their hands in worry as they try to secure obscene amounts of money for themselves. Greedy bastards.

If you land in the hospital, WATCH YOUR BILL and QUESTION each and every charge. Believe me, you will be billed for drugs you never ingested, doctors you never saw, and procedures you did not know you had. It's all part of their sick-o 'pad the bill' game.

I still have yet to get a clear answer to a simple question: Exactly HOW do pharmaceutical companies determine their formulas for pricing? For those of you who actually purchase prescription drug plans for employees will understand exactly what I'm talking about.

2010 Olympics Closing Ceremony

After 16 days I am sick of Canada's only attempt at a national image is that of the Canadian Mountie. Come on. We all know how much you love hockey, moose meat, and donuts.

Canadians do have the ability to laugh at themselves (for the most part) as demonstrated tonight at the closing ceremonies with a parade of giant, inflatable, beavers. Enough said. Moving on. I'm sure pun intended.

Canadians are very friendly until it comes to hockey. They will give you the shirt off their backs until they find out you're from the opposing hockey team. It's at that point they will douse you with gas and light you on fire, smile, and rub their hands in the warming glow as you turn into a pile of ashes before their eyes. Oh well, at least you served a purpose to them.

I would know growing up in Minnesota. Many Americans consider Minnesota to be a part of Canada. Well, we are..... kind of.

Talk to my BFF Mich who has kids playing hockey back home. They travel to Canada for tournaments. Here is a statement from Mich regarding Canadians and their so-called friendliness. "Canadians are cut-throat psychos. They have a Jeckyl and Hyde personality disorder when it comes to hockey. They especially hate losing to U.S.A. teams. I guess their having winter 4 minutes longer than us totally affects their brains and sense of well-being."

Anyway...... I'm off track. What I missed about this year's Olympics was any reference to Bob & Doug McKenzie and to April Wine -- the ultimate in Canadian icons. I'm sure 95% of you have no clue what I'm talking about. For us who grew up close to the Canadian border, we truly missed it.....

So I will close with this....

What I Miss About Minnesota

I called my BFF today on her cell phone. I asked what she was doing. She replied, "I'm standing outside my neighbor's house in the snow eating Hagen-Daaz ice cream and having a cocktail."

Wish I was there.

Donations

Just about every school in every town in America is looking for donations -- especially in California. It's pretty sad that money is scrounged from couch cushions by parents trying to make the public education system work.

Anyway, asking local businesses for donations is always a mixed bag. Truly, we hate to ask. I think I would rather cold call strangers or schedule myself for a root canal than pounding the pavement begging.

It's for the kids. That's the mantra that keeps me going. Anyway, during my tenure of begging, I've noticed a strange pattern.

Local business who are struggling are by FAR more generous than the corporate big-box stores. It's sad because the local businesses don't have it to give away, but they are giving despite the economy. They are truly a part of the community. Here's an example typical fund raising scenario:

I walk into locally owned and operated Joe's Hardware, and the manager greets me by name. He knows my kids are in the local public school system and knows why I am there. Without even flinching, he offers a gift certificate for $X amount for the silent auction. As I am leaving, two of his long-time employees bid me farewell and wish me luck on my efforts. Heck, they will be at the same fundraiser as well, and we will more than likely share a drink together.

I walk into a corporate store (i.e., Staples, Michaels, Target, Trader Joes, etc.) The manager is nowhere to be found. The pimple-faced assistant to the assistant manager on duty will field my donation request only if I fill out a 10 page form for submission to corporate headquarters on the east coast. Once submitted, it will be routed to the "community involvement" branch for corporate approval. If approved, we may be allocated a percentage of sales for the period of three weeks prior to the end of their fiscal year-end close. However, we won't know of any definate donation amount until their stock value posts ten days after final audit report submissions.

Fine. Whatever. We, as schools, are desperate and will take what we can get. When I go to follow up on the donation request, the employee contact is no longer working there, and the paper trail has been lost. I am met with practiced sorrowful, not-quite-seemingly-remorseful eyes and a plethorea of apologies that I need to start the application request all over again.

Whatever. I still don't have anything concrete from big box stores I can put out on the silent auction table for people to bid on or to put in a basket on Saturday night.

Tell me again just HOW big box stores are helpful to the community other than for gross exploitation?

Napa Mental Hospital Exec Jailed in Sex Case

This is about as sick as it gets, folks. Ed Fuck, oh excuse me, I meant Ed Foulk has been jailed for 35 counts of child molestation. Well, he was busted for molesting his 10-year old foster child. Apparently, this isn't the only poor victim out there.

What mystifies me is that extreme screening is needed for potential state employees prior to being hired. What I don't get is that this foulker (pun intended) has worked in management positions for other mental health facilities. What the foulk is going on here, folks?

Mr. Fuck holds the executive position for the State of California's only mental health prison. Pretty soon he'll be a resident. At least he'll be familiar with the lay of the land (pun intended). Either way, he has been a waste of my hard-earned tax money keeping this sick-o employed and now keeping him alive.

Justice will be served.... usually involving a group shower and picking up soap.

Come on, California. Can't you find somebody without criminal tendencies to fill your grossly overpaid executive positions?

It's My Birthday

...well, not exactly...
There is a guy I work with who reminds me of John Wayne without manners. He is just a big, drunken, loud-mouth slob who doesn't even know he has his foot in his mouth. Now, if he could only find homes for his other limbs in various body orifices... I think you catch my drift.

He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but it just goes to show you money doesn't buy class. His own kids can't stand him.

Anyway, this drunken loud-mouth has "find-a-credit-card-expense-account-holder-o-meter" attached to his head. That would be me. I swear to goddesses, I could be 1/2 a world away walking down a street in Timbuktu and he would pop out of a tavern, knock me down with a bear hug, and invite me in for 'just a little drink.'

The story is always the same. He announces it's his birthday. That's my cue to pick up the tab and put it on my expense account. So far, this guy has had a birthday in February, June, and September. The story is so pathetic, I find it amusing.

Income Taxes and the IRS

I'm in a rather bitter mood (shocker, huh) because I spent my entire Saturday filing my federal and state income taxes. More than being a tedious waste of my time with convoluted formulas and exemptions that make sense to none, the end result is always the same -- send in more money.

I don't get it. I see the commercials on television with people jumping around for glee at their mailboxes at the arrival of the tax refund checks. I see Wall Street executives jumping around for glee at their bailout at my expense. For me, it's tears and sobs as the government extracts yet even more money from me.

We are not off-the-charts wealthy. We claim zero exemptions. We own a modest house. We own cars over 5 years old. We are honest. We are middle class. We are getting screwed.

I can see what I need to do... I need to LIE, CHEAT and STEAL to get anywhere. Being an honest working joe gets you nowhere. As I was driving home after dropping off the tax forms at the mailbox, I began to wonder as to why I am working at all. The government just takes it from me. Those billionaires who are receiving bailouts just take it from me. Those slackers on the public dole just take it from me. The tax dodgers just continue to weave, bob, and duck without paying their fair share. Why work at all? It just doesn't pay.

My mind then went the guy who kamakazied his plane the other day into an IRS building in Texas. Without even knowing the entire story, I can honestly say that I feel his frustration at the "system" and why it completely sucks. Too bad the pilot was the one who died -- we need more people like him to turn things around. He is my 'hero of the day.'

2010 Olympics

I love watching the Olympics... As my family pointed out several times already it's the only time they have ever seen me actually sit down and watch something for longer than 5 minutes.

It's also interesting to watch the television commercials. It's a strong indicator as to which industries have money -- kind of like Superbowl commercials. I've seen a proliferation of ads during the Olympics for: McDonalds, Coca Cola, pharmaceuticals, and GE health care.

Does anybody else get the irony of it all????

The Environment is Bad for the Economy

One day we will learn that we can't have it both ways. We can't preserve our environment and the economy at the same time. Industries that produce salaried jobs ultimately pour toxins into the environment.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we shouldn't try to be better stewards of the earth. We most certainly should. I'm just trying to point out how far off we are in living in tune with nature. Our whole center of existence has moved away from our source.

Mother Nature will win -- she will eventually puke us up as the disgusting, polluting virus we are like bad sushi from the night before. Mother Nature can live without us, but we can't live without her. My, we are arrogant, selfish creatures, aren't we?

The Tortillia Curtain

The 'Bored Moms on Prozac Committee' is at it again. They are now stirring up shit with the Santa Rosa School Board in regards to the book selection The Tortilla Curtain.

The complaint is that the book contains sexism, racism, blah, blah, blah..... Anybody who has ever spent any time at a public high school knows that what really goes on is far worse than any stupid book could ever depict. Come on. Are the parents that out of it?

My bet is that it's the kids of the Bored Moms on Proazac who are the worst offenders. That's usually the case. "Not my little Jane/Johnny" usually has the worst potty mouth, manners, and deep seated psychological issues in regards to whatever their parents are soap-boxing about.

Tell you what, all the controversy is ENCOURAGING them to read the 'forbidden' book that has everybody so hyped-up.

So, shut the fuck up, go home, and do society a favor and don't reproduce anymore. Some of us have real problems.

The Man Wants You to be Fat and Complacent

Ever notice that the United States stopped investing in education in the 1960's when the protests were at peak? Why??? Because an educated public is the government's worst fear. Public education has been on the back-burner ever since.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they (the government) blabs about "no child left behind" and other useless, bureaucratic bullshit that accomplishes nothing but more paperwork to create more administrative jobs for friends and relatives.

Believe me. They don't WANT you to question things. It would burst their self-made bubble. Plus, the vast majority would be out of a government job and may have to actually WORK to make a living.

The politicians repeat to each other daily, "Keep 'em dumb and ignorant and control is inevitable. Invoke fear tactics to keep 'em in line if they start questioning things. Keep talkin' in circles with big words that mean nothin' and confuse 'em. Threaten to take away NASCAR broadcasting viewing if they act up. They'll straighten up and back off, all right...."

The government treats us no better than the niggers of the last century. We work our asses off for "the man" and "the man" could not give a shit less about us. If we start to question things, they will toss us a bone like a miniscule "economic stimules" check in the mail to the tune of about $700 bucks. That might buy a set of tires and make us feel ok for about a day, but the lingering shit is still there and has not gone anywhere.

Repeat to yourself in the mirror daily, "I am NOT the government's nigger!"

BTW..."Nigger" is all of us of ALL colors. The reference "nigger" is used to mean to keep a group down and use them for another group's economic advantage.

Unfair Target: Obama

Back about a year ago I correctly predicted that our obsession with Obama's intoxicating promise of sweeping change would quickly turn to public disdain as there was no way in hell he could change everything in 12 months of presidency.

I hate to brag, but I am right (again).

Again, and I hate to state the obvious, our problems are too complex for one man to tackle. If you're looking for Superman to bail us out of this giant mess we are in, you'll be waiting a long, long time. We are responsible for this mess.

Again, and I hate to state the obvious, it matters not who occupies the White House. However, that does not allow you to throw up your hands and walk away blaming the government "bastards" who fuck us over daily.

Again, and I hate to state the obvious, we are responsible for who sits in the House and the Senate (where the real power is at -- the president is nothing more than a national mouthpiece). They are there because WE VOTED FOR THEM. So, get over who puts out the glossiest brochures, most tv face time, slickest speeches, and has the best haircut (Edwards). I dare you to dig deep and get the the issues. AND watch who is bankrolling our politicians. Again, and I hate to state the obvious, that is a perfect predictor as to how policy is formulated.

'Nuff said. Wake up people. We have a shitty government because *we* have allowed it, as we are too busy watching QVC and NASCAR. Call me what you will, but the way I see it Americans deserve their decline in world and economic power because we are just stupid, fat, and lazy with no intention of THINKING or bettering ourselves... the rest of the world is not and is beating us at our own game. Again, I hate to state the obvious.......