Bonnie Tyler

 R.I.P. Bonnie Tyler.  Your song, Total Eclipse of the Heart, has delighted and has yet simultaneously annoyed listeners for 43 years.  All of those hunky guys in the video?  They are no doubt in their 60's at this point.  Hey, I wanted to go to an all-boys school ;).  This is the epitome of MTV in the 1980's and Gen X.  Talkin' 'bout my g-g-g-g-g-g-eneration. 

Of course, we Gen Xers are very snarky and cynical.  We find humor where others do not.  See below for this fine tribute to Bonnie Tyler and Gen X taking a poetic license to Bonnie Tyler's hit.  Copy and paste the YouTube video into your browser and enjoy!  

https://youtu.be/XMmXCyrV_WQ?si=LkcW_j4ui3HGbFLj

 

 

The Best Worst Funeral

 Yes, it is a contradicting title for this post.  Today was Bobby's funeral.  True to Bobby's wishes, the funeral was held out at the beach and everybody was encouraged to dress in Hawaiian garb.  Bobby's favorite music was playing:  CSNY, Bob Marley, Beatles, Santana, Grateful Dead.

Lots of people showed up to honor him.  Old friends came from far and wide to honor Bobby.  It was so great to see everybody.  Everybody brought their beach chairs and a dish to share.  Then it came time for people to talk.  The first to speak was Bobby's son. The Sunday before Bobby died he was out in the backyard with his son expressing his wishes for his funeral to be at the beach.  After describing to his son what he wanted, his son made a remark that this was going to be one hell of a party and that Bobby should really be there for it.  Bobby looked at his son and said, "I will be there."

Well, I lost it.  The tears came and I could not turn them off.  After Bobby's son spoke, people were invited to share their memories of Bobby.  My own son got up to speak.  He recounted a time when they were at the grocery store together when my son was about 7 years old.  Bobby nudged my son and said, "Hey, see that person over there?  Go up to that person, say hello, and smile.  I bet you that person will smile at you and then that will encourage that person to go up to somebody else, smile, and say hello."

 I had no idea my son carried that story with him all of these years until he shared it this afternoon.  Bobby encouraged him to spread love and joy.  A smile costs nothing to share.  Bobby also told my son that the most important thing to wear at any occasion was a smile.  Mostly, always leave people better than you found them.  Again, I lost it crying.  

Bobby was truly a gentleman and genuinely loved people.  I wish there were more people like Bobby in this world.  Honestly,  sometimes I would think that he was the Second Coming of Christ.  I do not mean that in a snarky, disrespectful manner.  Bobby truly walked the path of loving kindness by donating his time and resources to the community and to those in need.  He never boasted nor sought recognition for his deeds.  He was kind and humble to the core.

Bobby came from a very privileged upbringing.  He grew up in Pebble Beach in an affluent home complete with servants and attended very prestigious, private schools.  He would work at the golf course in the summer parking cars in the early to mid 1970's for weed money (which was illegal back in the dark ages).   Fun little fact:  Clint Eastwood would ask for Bobby to park his car for him as Bobby was his favorite valet.  

Yes, Bobby had a very charmed upbringing. 

Life took a turn.  Bobby's dad lost his business.  During the turmoil Bobby's dad had an affair that ended his parents' marriage when Bobby's mom found out.  It's a long and complicated story, but what Bobby got out of it was that the unrelenting quest for money, status, and power ruined people.  He vowed to live his life by completely different values......and he did.

Even my crusty cowboy father liked Bobby, and my dad pretty much hated everybody.  That in itself says a lot.   

I will miss you, Bobby.   Truly.  

 

 

 

 

death: happening now - during a Ringo Starr show

Where do I start?  I will set the stage.  A very, VERY close friend of ours has been battling cancer.  We are more like family than friends.  We have always gone through life's big moments together.  About Christmas time another couple we are mutual friends with contacted us and asked us if we wanted to go see Ringo Starr in San Jose in June.  Of course, being the avid Beatle fan I am we jumped at the chance and purchased tickets and made a hotel reservation downtown catty corner from the concert venue.  

As the months went on between December and June our friend with cancer kept getting worse and worse.  I will refer to our friend with cancer as "Bobby".  In early March we knew that Bobby's condition was getting worse, and the likelihood of he and his wife joining us for the Ringo Starr concert were diminishing by the day.  

As the Ringo Starr concert date approached it was apparent that Bobby's condition was terminal and hospice was called in.  Bobby was the type of guy who wanted everybody to have a good time and live life.  He was the eternal optimist full of love and hope.  He never wanted anybody to be sad.  He wanted us to go to the concert.  

Well, last night was the Ringo Starr concert.  We went to the concert with the other couple who are mutual friends as we all have a long and shared history.  We talked about Bobby on the car ride down to San Jose. 

During the concert my husband started crying.  He is not the type of guy to cry.  My friend, Suki, leaned forward in her chair, wine glass in hand, and asked if everything was ok.   No.  It was not ok.  Suki and I both felt that Bobby was here with us, as did my husband who was crying because he could feel it as well.  

Lo and behold we received the news shortly after the concert that Bobby had passed away.  Here's to you, Bobby.  So many memories and good times were shared. Bobby is now truly the Spirit in the Sky.

 

 

The Harsh Reality: Eldercare

 Here is what I am finding out with public services and support for broke elders who live alone:  There really isn't any.  

All these 'do-gooder' agencies do is refer you to another organization and have you fill out yet another form.  When they finally get around to contacting you, all they do is refer to yet ANOTHER agency where a form must be completed....and then wait.  

There is no shortage of agencies that promise help for the disabled and aging.  The only thing these agencies actually "do" is refer you to yet another organization.  Nobody actually provides any meaningful services despite the jazzy website and glossy brochures gushing about how much they care.  

Here is the painful truth:  Push your demented elder down the stairs.  Why?  Because then 911 must be called and then there will be action because it is an emergency.  Your elder can't be legally discharged from the hospital because your elder lives alone and it is not safe.  They will move your elder to another facility.  A broken hip is a small price to pay to get actual care 24/7.  

Of course I am being snarky, but the point stands.   

I have three emotions as of late:  anger, resentment, and compassion.

I am angry with my sister-in-law for not planning for her future.  I am angry she blew through her inheritance money without a thought as to whom will be wiping her bottom when she no longer can.  I am angry she just expects us all to step in and save her.  

I am resentful that now any and all vacation plans are canceled or on hold indefinitely because of her inability to take care of herself.  I am resentful that we are saving for our OWN retirement and I have family members in Minnesota who are elderly and need attention.  

My husband and I are not so heartless to leave sister-in-law completely alone with nobody available to help.  Yes, my husband's family is around in annoyingly large numbers; however, they all disappear and are unavailable when push comes to shove (with the exception of an honored few - and they have their their own aging and disabled immediate family members who need attention).   Who knows how long the situation with sister-in-law will last?  Three months?  Six months?  Five years?  Ten years?  

I feel compassion that sister-in-law does not have children and she never married - which leaves her vulnerable and alone.  I feel compassion that she is truly struggling mentally and physically.   I feel compassion because she is in so many ways a great person.  I think of all the fun times we have had over the decades.  

Sigh.   

 

Do You Know The Way To San Jose?

Well, it's official.  My son and his husband have found a home to rent and are moving back to Sonoma County from San Jose.  I will pick up the keys for them on May 8th.  While I will (somewhat) miss my trips down to San Jose, I will not miss the traffic.  They lived in the southeast section of San Jose up the hill via Tully Road.  

It was a nice residential neighborhood, but trying to get anywhere was insane.  It was like living way out in the boonies as getting to a grocery took forever.  Getting to the freeway took forever.  Getting anywhere took forever.  It was very isolating despite being very crowded and congested.  The neighborhood was nice, but there was no real sense of community.  People rarely went outside their doors to socialize with their neighbors.  That was culture shock for my son, who is Mr. Social.  

Not knowing my neighbors would also be strange for myself as well.  Knowing our neighbors is very important for us.  While I may not speak to my neighbors everyday, we will wave to each other passing by and I can name them all.  We have a neighborhood contact sheet where if there is an emergency we have contact numbers and such.  We all get together down in the court every 4th of July for a HUGE neighborhood BBQ.  

All are welcome to the neighborhood BBQ - even if you do not live in the neighborhood.  All are welcome - even the nosy neighborhood busybody.  All are welcome - especially the band that practices in a shed catty-corner from us up the hill as we get to hear talented musicians play their music.  All are welcome - even the teenager who drove the car onto the lawn and tore it up.  All are welcome - even the weird neighbor who looks like Lurch.  All are welcome - even the small children who play outside and start screaming at the top of their lungs as to what would otherwise be a peaceful Sunday morning.  All are welcome - even the tree-hugging-hairy-armpit-butch lesbian couple with short, spikey hair and their 5 yappy, annoying, spoiled dogs they treat as their children and drive only Subaru's.  

Block party on our street.  Come on down.    

Just Come Home

 My son, who has been all over the world in the last 16 years, has been living in San Jose for the past few years.  His his husband got laid off from his tech job in Silicon Valley.  This is a harbinger for things to come for California.  This is the canary in the coal mine for a major part of California's economy.  There was an article in the paper the other day about cracks showing in Silicon Valley's once glowing promise of tech innovations that fueled the local economy and beyond.  

I had that news four years ago from people actually living the nightmare way before the news reported it.  Let's go even deeper.  Many of my friends are getting laid off (or family members getting laid off) after 25+ years of dedicated service to SlaveDriver, Inc.  

How about that!  What THANKS!!!!  Thank you for dedicating your life to SlaveDriver, Inc., while you missed your daughter's first steps and first ballet performance.  Thank you for missing birthdays and other milestone family events because of some dumb-ass conference we forced you to go to to give a presentation to people who do not care, or take up your entire weekend (without extra pay nor recognition) to fix a computer programming bug that was jamming up financial transactions between institutions where you worked for 24 hours straight.  Here is what we will give you after a lifetime of dedication and performance:  YOU GET LAID OFF.  

Where am I going with this?  My son just wants to come home back to Sonoma County where he grew up.  My son has a job that affords flexibility for location, and his husband will find his way as he is very smart.  They just need to get re-established back here where they have a network of family and friends.  There is no place like home.  Sometimes kids needs to move away to appreciate it.  

Caution to those who slave away for SlaveDriver, Inc.  They do not care one *bleep* about you.  They only care about profits.  Keep that in mind.   

 

 

 

No Kings! The Protests

Over the past weekend there were some "No Kings" protests being held around Marin and Sonoma Counties in California.  In theory, the protests were against the reigning Orange Cheeto acting like a petulant toddler in dealing with just about everything.  I guess that is why the Orange Cheeto liked Epstein Island so much.  The Petulant Toddler is attracted to youngsters because he is....well.....mentally a youngster.  I could go on and on about Epstein and his "friends" he brought to his billionaire sponsored island of child rape.  That is for another blog that will make you all sick.  

Now, back to Sonoma and Marin Counties.   

Several of my friends attended the "No Kings" marches in Sonoma and Marin Counties.  I was invited to join them, but I declined due to a prior work obligation.  Why did I decline?  I needed to give a presentation about SAVING FOR RETIREMENT (see the theme?????)  and the many investment vehicles we offer to get you there (many of our retirement investment options are employer matched).  Before and after the 60 minute stage presentation I facilitated, I was fielding individual questions from participants.  Bottom line:  My Saturday was spent trying to help people plan for retirement and how to maximize the funding tools we have available to them.

Here is my truth:  I'm glad I had a prior work-related speaking obligation that took up most of  Saturday.  I could honestly let my well-meaning friends know that I would not be joining them at the protest without passing judgement on them nor judgement on the event.  

Here is more on my truth:   I'm really drained of the "us vs. them" mentality of our polarized politics.  I am drained from the "democrats vs. republicans" blame game.  I could go on and on writing about this.  All I know is that BOTH the democrats and the republicans suck campaign contributions from the billionaire class (along with sucking other body parts that shall not be named).  That is exactly why the democrats are largely silent and do not object to the Orange Cheeto's game plan.  They are all, and I am meaning BOTH democrats and republicans, sucking on the *same* billionaire campaign contribution c*ck. 

Our nation has been in trouble for a while.  What sealed our doom was our government acknowledging that corporations were people (circa 2010).  Corporation person-hood effed us real people over.  Please, people....this is NOT a republican vs democrat issue.  It's an "up vs down" economic issue.  Our government is all-in on advancing themselves with zero regard to us working slobs - you know, the ones who actually pay.

One more truth:   I did not want to participate in the "No Kings" march.  Why?  I do not believe for one second that either democrats or republicans give one sh*t about us.  I will not participate in a "No Kings" protest when I am being used as the pawn.