The Harsh Reality: Eldercare

 Here is what I am finding out with public services and support for broke elders who live alone:  There really isn't any.  

All these 'do-gooder' agencies do is refer you to another organization and have you fill out yet another form.  When they finally get around to contacting you, all they do is refer to yet ANOTHER agency where a form must be completed....and then wait.  

There is no shortage of agencies that promise help for the disabled and aging.  The only thing these agencies actually "do" is refer you to yet another organization.  Nobody actually provides any meaningful services despite the jazzy website and glossy brochures gushing about how much they care.  

Here is the painful truth:  Push your demented elder down the stairs.  Why?  Because then 911 must be called and then there will be action because it is an emergency.  Your elder can't be legally discharged from the hospital because your elder lives alone and it is not safe.  They will move your elder to another facility.  A broken hip is a small price to pay to get actual care 24/7.  

Of course I am being snarky, but the point stands.   

I have three emotions as of late:  anger, resentment, and compassion.

I am angry with my sister-in-law for not planning for her future.  I am angry she blew through her inheritance money without a thought as to whom will be wiping her bottom when she no longer can.  I am angry she just expects us all to step in and save her.  

I am resentful that now any and all vacation plans are canceled or on hold indefinitely because of her inability to take care of herself.  I am resentful that we are saving for our OWN retirement and I have family members in Minnesota who are elderly and need attention.  

My husband and I are not so heartless to leave sister-in-law completely alone with nobody available to help.  Yes, my husband's family is around in annoyingly large numbers; however, they all disappear and are unavailable when push comes to shove (with the exception of an honored few - and they have their their own aging and disabled immediate family members who need attention).   Who knows how long the situation with sister-in-law will last?  Three months?  Six months?  Five years?  Ten years?  

I feel compassion that sister-in-law does not have children and she never married - which leaves her vulnerable and alone.  I feel compassion that she is truly struggling mentally and physically.   I feel compassion because she is in so many ways a great person.  I think of all the fun times we have had over the decades.  

Sigh.   

 

Do You Know The Way To San Jose?

Well, it's official.  My son and his husband have found a home to rent and are moving back to Sonoma County from San Jose.  I will pick up the keys for them on May 8th.  While I will (somewhat) miss my trips down to San Jose, I will not miss the traffic.  They lived in the southeast section of San Jose up the hill via Tully Road.  

It was a nice residential neighborhood, but trying to get anywhere was insane.  It was like living way out in the boonies as getting to a grocery took forever.  Getting to the freeway took forever.  Getting anywhere took forever.  It was very isolating despite being very crowded and congested.  The neighborhood was nice, but there was no real sense of community.  People rarely went outside their doors to socialize with their neighbors.  That was culture shock for my son, who is Mr. Social.  

Not knowing my neighbors would also be strange for myself as well.  Knowing our neighbors is very important for us.  While I may not speak to my neighbors everyday, we will wave to each other passing by and I can name them all.  We have a neighborhood contact sheet where if there is an emergency we have contact numbers and such.  We all get together down in the court every 4th of July for a HUGE neighborhood BBQ.  

All are welcome to the neighborhood BBQ - even if you do not live in the neighborhood.  All are welcome - even the nosy neighborhood busybody.  All are welcome - especially the band that practices in a shed catty-corner from us up the hill as we get to hear talented musicians play their music.  All are welcome - even the teenager who drove the car onto the lawn and tore it up.  All are welcome - even the weird neighbor who looks like Lurch.  All are welcome - even the small children who play outside and start screaming at the top of their lungs as to what would otherwise be a peaceful Sunday morning.  All are welcome - even the tree-hugging-hairy-armpit-butch lesbian couple with short, spikey hair and their 5 yappy, annoying, spoiled dogs they treat as their children and drive only Subaru's.  

Block party on our street.  Come on down.    

Just Come Home

 My son, who has been all over the world in the last 16 years, has been living in San Jose for the past few years.  His his husband got laid off from his tech job in Silicon Valley.  This is a harbinger for things to come for California.  This is the canary in the coal mine for a major part of California's economy.  There was an article in the paper the other day about cracks showing in Silicon Valley's once glowing promise of tech innovations that fueled the local economy and beyond.  

I had that news four years ago from people actually living the nightmare way before the news reported it.  Let's go even deeper.  Many of my friends are getting laid off (or family members getting laid off) after 25+ years of dedicated service to SlaveDriver, Inc.  

How about that!  What THANKS!!!!  Thank you for dedicating your life to SlaveDriver, Inc., while you missed your daughter's first steps and first ballet performance.  Thank you for missing birthdays and other milestone family events because of some dumb-ass conference we forced you to go to to give a presentation to people who do not care, or take up your entire weekend (without extra pay nor recognition) to fix a computer programming bug that was jamming up financial transactions between institutions where you worked for 24 hours straight.  Here is what we will give you after a lifetime of dedication and performance:  YOU GET LAID OFF.  

Where am I going with this?  My son just wants to come home back to Sonoma County where he grew up.  My son has a job that affords flexibility for location, and his husband will find his way as he is very smart.  They just need to get re-established back here where they have a network of family and friends.  There is no place like home.  Sometimes kids needs to move away to appreciate it.  

Caution to those who slave away for SlaveDriver, Inc.  They do not care one *bleep* about you.  They only care about profits.  Keep that in mind.   

 

 

 

No Kings! The Protests

Over the past weekend there were some "No Kings" protests being held around Marin and Sonoma Counties in California.  In theory, the protests were against the reigning Orange Cheeto acting like a petulant toddler in dealing with just about everything.  I guess that is why the Orange Cheeto liked Epstein Island so much.  The Petulant Toddler is attracted to youngsters because he is....well.....mentally a youngster.  I could go on and on about Epstein and his "friends" he brought to his billionaire sponsored island of child rape.  That is for another blog that will make you all sick.  

Now, back to Sonoma and Marin Counties.   

Several of my friends attended the "No Kings" marches in Sonoma and Marin Counties.  I was invited to join them, but I declined due to a prior work obligation.  Why did I decline?  I needed to give a presentation about SAVING FOR RETIREMENT (see the theme?????)  and the many investment vehicles we offer to get you there (many of our retirement investment options are employer matched).  Before and after the 60 minute stage presentation I facilitated, I was fielding individual questions from participants.  Bottom line:  My Saturday was spent trying to help people plan for retirement and how to maximize the funding tools we have available to them.

Here is my truth:  I'm glad I had a prior work-related speaking obligation that took up most of  Saturday.  I could honestly let my well-meaning friends know that I would not be joining them at the protest without passing judgement on them nor judgement on the event.  

Here is more on my truth:   I'm really drained of the "us vs. them" mentality of our polarized politics.  I am drained from the "democrats vs. republicans" blame game.  I could go on and on writing about this.  All I know is that BOTH the democrats and the republicans suck campaign contributions from the billionaire class (along with sucking other body parts that shall not be named).  That is exactly why the democrats are largely silent and do not object to the Orange Cheeto's game plan.  They are all, and I am meaning BOTH democrats and republicans, sucking on the *same* billionaire campaign contribution c*ck. 

Our nation has been in trouble for a while.  What sealed our doom was our government acknowledging that corporations were people (circa 2010).  Corporation person-hood effed us real people over.  Please, people....this is NOT a republican vs democrat issue.  It's an "up vs down" economic issue.  Our government is all-in on advancing themselves with zero regard to us working slobs - you know, the ones who actually pay.

One more truth:   I did not want to participate in the "No Kings" march.  Why?  I do not believe for one second that either democrats or republicans give one sh*t about us.  I will not participate in a "No Kings" protest when I am being used as the pawn.  

 

 

There are people living in my van!

 I guess it's my turn to figure out how to care for an 80 year-old woman with the onset of dementia with zero savings, $9,500 in credit card debt and no life insurance nor long-term care insurance.  Her only asset is her sardine can of a trailer (which is falling apart) where she lives parked at an age 55+ community in Petaluma.  While she does own the sardine can she lives in, she must RENT the space it is parked on, which is about $1,200 per month depending on utility usage.  

Let's do some math on her income.  Her social security income is $1,421.60.  Her pension income from Sola Optical is $458.90 per month.  Another supplemental pension is $142.50 per month.  Putting all of this together, her monthly income is $2,023.00.  

Let's do some math on her expenses.  Her rent is about $1,200 per month.  Her medicare supplement through United Healthcare is $350.00 per month.  Her cable bill is about $200.00 per month.  Property taxes are about $700 per year.  Car insurance is about $80 per month. Doing VERY rough math that leaves her about $475 per month for groceries, gas, and care for her BLEEPING cat, house maintenance, car maintenance, car insurance, homeowners, insurance, blah, blah, blah, blah.....and she needs hearing aids along with elderly accommodations that will allow her to stay in her home.  Here is something very graphic for you all.  Her piss pads cost about $100 per month.  Bottom line:  There is nothing left to take care of her bottom.  

Here is the other fight I am having with my spouse.  It is HIS SISTER.  HE is RETIRED.  I am still WORKING.  Why does not HE get a part-time JOB to support HIS SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!  All my husband does all day is watch crime shows on TV and waters the garden.  Tough life.  Taking care of HIS SISTER was NOT in our retirement plans.  She is like a TODDLER.  She has always been a TODDLER.   She wants EVERYBODY ELSE to figure out her life FOR HER.  

I am TIRED of wiping everybody's ass for them.  I'm sick of leading everybody around by the nose.  I am sick of being the "responsible one".  I am sick of paying for YOUR youthful sloth and lack of foresight.  Grow up and FACE the choices you made earlier in life and FIGURE IT OUT.  Let's deal with the truth:  YOU DID NOT SAVE NOR PLAN FOR YOUR RETIREMENT AND ELDER CARE!  YOU ARE GOING TO QUIETLY DUMP IT ONTO SOMEBODY ELSE TO FIGURE OUT AND PAY FOR. 

Sorry, I am not your dumpster.  Sorry, I am sick of trying to bail your ass out of piss-poor financial choices earlier in your life.  Anybody with half a brain would have opted to SAVING for RETIREMENT as opposed to tying to impress somebody with their trip to Europe or whatever.   

Sure, you have the photos of your European trip (gag....we never really wanted to see them anyway) but now you are just that much farther behind in retirement savings and the person you were trying to impress has long left you for other people *they* are trying to impress who are equally financially leveraged.   

What a joke.  

All this comes back to people living in a van.  That is what my sister-in-law is stating.  She is certain that there is a family living in her 2004 Toyota Sienna mini-van at night.  She claims they have two babies, and that they leave when the sun comes up.  She also states that there is a desk fan that turns into a head and comes down her hallway.  If she speaks to it, the head leaves through the skylight.  My sister-in-law also states that people are having parties in her back bathroom at night and stealing her water.  Yes, I am one for woo-woo spiritual stuff; however, this is over the top and has me very, very concerned.  Sister-in-law has called 911 more than once stating that someone was trying to break into her home (complete falsehood).  We could only WISH somebody would break in and take all her her SHIT.  PLEEEEEEEZE

I stopped today at our family general practitioner to see if we could get sister-in-law away from her pill-prescribing doctor into our family general practitioner's practice.  Our family GP is not accepting new patients, but made an exception because sister-in-law is family.  

Step 1 of many steps to come.  Step 1 is to get a complete physical and a neurological examination coordinated with our family GP.   I will be in the exam room as I do not trust sister-in-law to give me the straight answers needed to move her forward.  

One last plea to you all.  SAVE FOR YOUR RETIREMENT.  IT WILL BE HERE FASTER THAN YOU THINK.  YOU WILL NEED MORE MONEY THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.  THERE IS NO MONEY FAIRY TO SWOOP IN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.   

 

 

Poop Stalls

 I write this blog for ME - not for YOU.  Fuck off if you do not like my blog.  I did not invite you here.  You invited yourself here.  

Ok... you're still here.  I will invite you to my thought du jour.   

Here is a question I have.  Everybody needs to go to the toilet to do #2.  Why are toilet stalls designed to be in closets with no air flow?  Is suffocation by smelly poops part of some sort of Russian torture?  Why not have sufficient outside airflow to mitigate the odor of these unpleasant but completely natural body functions?  Is gagging people to death in smelly toilet stalls part of some sick joke by architects?   

FRESH AIR FLOW IS GOLDEN!!!!  Sprays can only do so much to cover up the obvious nastiness.  

 

Minneapolis in the news - again

What is going on with my home state of Minnesota?  Ten years ago nobody could locate us on a map and the majority of Americans thought we were part of Canada.  Suddenly, Minnesota is ground zero for social unrest.  

The latest is ICE killing a woman.  That's about as far as I will go as I do not trust any media accounts as to what happened.  Here is what I do know.  PMF, who is part of my coven, lives in South Minneapolis and was ground zero for the George Floyd protests and now the ICE shooting protests.  I tend to take her first-hand account of what is going on rather than AI doctored video footage with a political slant.  

I long for the days when the world thought Minnesota was just a bunch of Eskimos living in igloos.