Wolves Circling Prey

...Yup.  I sense it happening.  I'm being circled by a pack of wolves who want to access to the pile of cash I've been trusted with.  It's not my personal money.  It's a trust fund that I administer.  Thankfully, there are two signatures required for any withdrawals with mine being one of them.  It's the "other" signer on the account I need to be leery of and with good reason.  I won't go into the history of this man, but everything he does has a personal agenda attached -- for his personal benefit, of course.  He does NOTHING out of the goodness of his heart or the betterment of the people, unlike what he portrays to the public.  Everything he does somehow has a personal benefit for him or his family.  How dare I make such an accusation?  I've known him for almost 30 years.  Watch out, Sonoma County, he'll be running for office soon.  Let's refer to him as Mr. Ego.  Four letter words come to mind when I want to give him a name, but I'll stick to three letters for now.

Anyway, I've been getting emails this week from a man I have never met personally wanting to set up a  meeting for a project initiated from Mr. Ego.  Great.  When I was first briefed on this project by Mr. Ego it was made to sound like something that would be of the betterment of the industry.  After dealing with Mr. Ego for 30 years, I have figured out his mode of operation by now.  I would be a complete idiot if my intuitive antennae did not go up.

Today was the proof in the pudding.  They want to schedule a 'stakeholder' meeting.  WTF????  I'm not going to be a 'stakeholder' or anything else for that matter.  These bureaucratic busy-body paper pushers with too much time on their hands can quit scheming to get their hands on the fund they are eyeing.  The wolves are circling.

I deleted the email.  Too bad my "junk" email filter is set to the TRUTH ONLY setting.  I will not be bullied.

Happy New Year

...we've made it through another cycle of seasons.  There really is no measurement for time.  Man created artificial means to count it because our little undeveloped ape brains just can't grasp the concept of the timelessness and vastness of the universe.

Ahhhhhh.....evolution.  Sometimes it just can't happen fast enough for the masses.  I keep hoping for a quantum leap to save us.  I'm not holding my breath.

My year in review?  Hmmmmmmm.  I had some very private, personal lessons that would do no good to blab on a blog.  Besides, I do have some shred of dignity and don't broadcast and photograph every meal I've ever eaten at a restaurant let alone personal circumstances.  However, we really do need each other to teach us.  Every frustration, anger, love, hate, whatever, is there to teach you something.  And yes, sometimes it's YOU who is the asshole.  And yes, karma WILL bite you in the ass -- eventually -- and maybe not even in this incarnation or on this plane of existence.

Karma (or whatever you want to lablel it) isn't there to punish but rather to teach you.  Are you a good student and paying attention?  Are you getting it?  I see others going through life with such elementary karma lessons that I'm shocked they aren't putting it together.  Don't they see what what life is trying to teach them?  Are they blind to the guides and forces basically screaming in their ears the lesson?  All those voices in your head aren't necessarily a need for a psychiatric lock down in the local loony bin.  The hard part for me is to keep my mouth shut and fly under the radar as blending into general society is a requirement for me.

I could write the Holy Bible in four words:  Don't be a dick.

The problem?  Who's Dick?  It's you.

It's Official - It's On Facebook!

Once somebody proclaims their relationship status on Facebook there's no going back.  Oh yes, those gushing, loving, ga-ga-goo-goo (barf) love posts and pictures for the world to see are more about trying to show ex-lovers/spouses/whatever that they have moved on to someone better/younger/prettier/richer/etc., than it is about their so-called deep love for one another.  They are usually 'public' because during the break-up they have 'unfriended' each other.  Not that Facebook (or anything else over the internet) is actually ever private, but they want each other to see how much better their new relationship is and how easily replaceable they were.  More importantly, demonstrating how desirable they themselves are.  Lame ego-fest. 

Real love needs no juvenile announcements via cheesy social media.  Grow up.  However, revenge is ours when the relationship ends or you no longer post photos of the two of you off on an exotic locale and you get thousands of people private messaging you asking "You changed your relationship status.  Lucy is no longer in the photos.  What happened?"

Why am I so bitter?  Because M changed her relationship status gushing on about her soul-mate lover!  The free-loader-drug-addict gave her a DIAMOND for Christmas (even though she's Jewish).  Of course he has money living in HER paid off house he moved into.  I would have lots of extra money, too, if I could live somewhere rent free.  What pushed me over the top was his response to her Facebook relationship status change.  GAG!!!!!!!!!!  M has never been a social media type of person.  This is all about showing her ex-husband she has somebody better while he is still painfully unattached.  This is about her rubbing it in as to how her ex-husband is a big a loser as he can't keep any of the women he's dated and now she's with Prince Charming.  The irony is that she doesn't have somebody better.  She just has not figured that out yet.

I already blogged my dislike for M's new man earlier.  I have kept my mouth shut.  I know a wedding is on the horizon.  Now I know why people cry at weddings.  They are not always tears of joy.

Post Christmas Exhale

Can you hear my lungs empty with a heavy exhale?  It's pretty loud.  For as much as all the chaos Christmas brings there is a certain bittersweet meloncholy vibe when the house empties out despite their constant eating and other assorted mess making when everybody is home plus their other assorted friends.

My son left this afternoon.  I don't know when I will see him next.  He is being deployed overseas and as every mother would do, cried uncontrollably when he drove away out of sight.  He did leave me with some departing military humor.  He refers to Kuwait as 'Satan's Asshole.'  See, my son is not your typical shoot-em-up-kill-em-all-blow-them-up-with-nukes kind of a kid.  His mode is more of historical and cultural understanding and asks WHY the middle east wants all of us westerners dead.  He manages to add doses of humor as well.  There are layers and layers history that go into that one.  It's a 6 hour conversation at the least.  The real problem with the world is that not everybody has a sense of humor.

My daughter is scheduled to leave January 9th for college 3 hours away.  Believe me, that is a big deal for her.  She has always been glued to my side.  It's only been within the last year or so that she has forged her independence.  She has opportunities to attend college on the east coast and elsewhere but the only place she would ever consider is Hawaii.  She was not ready for that when the offer was there.  Hawaii sounds so glamorous, but the poverty and drugs are their ugly other side they don't show the tourists.  Plus, the realization of being on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and home being a 5 hour plane ride away makes mom toooooooo far away should the flu strike.....and it does.  Three hours via auto is perfect.  No plane ride required should something happen where she needs mom, but far enough away where popping home to do laundry and raid my fridge for food will not happen.

My boy has wanderlust and my girl is a cling peach.  Go figure.

Anyway, I guess after having a housefull for the past week or so has left me a sense that people LOVE to come over here....and stay.....and stay.  I'm chuckling as I type this.  I had a houseful Christmas Eve and super-houseful Christmas Day.  Nobody wanted to leave.  I had to give some not-so-sublte cues that it was time for guests to go home.  Even those went unheeded..  Repeat cues.  Not sure what draws people here but I suppose good food is always a plus.  I had every race, color, and creed here Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  What a motley crew.

During a short and much needed break in the chaos Christmas Day I called my family back in Minnesota.  My mother answered the phone.  There was pretty much silence in the back ground.  I asked how their Christmas was going.  The only ones there were my sister, mom, dad, and my grand-niece.  It was at that moment I realized how disconnected my family was.  Everybody was off doing their own thing.  In contrast I had a hodge-podge of family and friends hanging about.

Anyway, I'm all over the board tonight.  I'm allowed.  it's my blog and I'm not forcing anybody to read this.  I'm just relaxing and venting.

All Gone

The 14 pounds of pork that I cooked in my 100+ year old cast iron skillet disappeared.  I did not even get a slice of bacon.  I'm serious.  It was standing room only for breakfast again this year with a couple newbies. 

It's been non-stop this week.  I'm not a church kind of person but i did attend a service where the lights were dimmed and all had a candle.  When the solo vocalist started with O Holy Night the tears began to fall and I could not stop myself.  There was something so beautiful about the congregation holding the candles..... I can't explain it. 

This year has presented me with lessons of forgiveness and acceptance.  Never has that lesson been more apparent than the last couple of months. 

Peace out and Merry Christmas. 

I'll be back to my bitchy self later next week. 

Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas!  I spend last night and a good portion of the morning prepping food for tonight and tomorrow.  I have prepped 6 pounds of Sonoma 4H pork, 8 pounds of Sonoma 4H bacon, and as I type I have a 10 pound Sonoma 4H ham in the oven.  The cast iron skillet I used for both the bacon and the sausage is well over 100 years old.  It survived the pioneer prairie trip west and has been used over countless open fires and wood burning stoves.  I wish it could talk.  It kind of does.  This skillet is so well seasoned that it's much superior to any teflon surface.  The surface is like a smooth ice skating rink that has just had a pass by the Zamboni machine.

Here she be in her "I just cooked 14 pounds of pork" and need to rest look:

Now, completely switching gears I've been practicing my 'watch me whip/nae nae' dance moves for awhile now.  If you want to see your kids and their friends do a full face palm with head shake, try dancing to this.  It will get you an OMG, MAAAAAAAAWWWWM!!!!  REALLY?  However, I'm NOT the mom who refuses to dance.  LOL

You should see me Whip and NaeNae.  Yeah, I'm not bad for over 40. 

Island of Misfit Toys

We are the island of misfit toys.  Apparantly there are a lot of misfits out there wanting to go somewhere Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  They are coming here.  Plus, I am an incredible cook.    Christmas Eve I serve Sonoma County ham that was purchased at the 4H auction to contribute to some little hick's college fund.  Yeah, I overpaid for a hog but that's not the point.  It's about supporting our diminishing agricultural roots and it is the BEST pork you will ever taste.  The jury is out as to whether Bud's Meats or Willowside is the best butcher as both places do quality work.  Butchering meat, if done correctly, is an incredibly underappreciated art form.  Once you eat local, farm raised meat that has been carefully tended to you will never go back.  I'm sure the vegan band of the Bored Moms on Prozac along with the Hairy Armpit Club will try to stop this long-time Sonoma County custom preaching animal cruelty and health effects but they can just all move back to Marin or SF or wherever else they came from.

Christmas morning for breakfast it's the Danish specialty aebbleskivvers (sp?).  You need a special cast iron skillet to make them and again, it's an art form that takes years to perfect.  I'm teaching my own children how to make them and as of last year their end product looks like deflated footballs.  When done correctly they are perfectly round and hollow on the inside to be filled with fruit preserves.  Get out of the way, kids, and let me show you how it's done.

It's standing room only for breakfast on Christmas morning.

Thud

I have a new name for my cat.  I now call him Thud.  He is more like a dog than a cat and so much for his cat-like reflexes?  HA!!  He's about as graceful as a hippo.

Thud and I have a routine.  When he hears my feet hit the floor in the morning he hops over the gate with a loud, ungraceful THUD.  He wants his kitty treats.  After that he wants lovenz and then to go outside to greet his ever growing fan club.

The Mouth Sisters

Have you ever watched the movie Christmas Vacation?  I swear they filmed my family and made a comedy out of it.  Some of the characters and scenarios hit so close to home it's scary.  We only laugh at the sad truth.

Merry Christmas...the shitter was full.

Which brings me to the Mouth Sisters.  I have two sisters-in-law that between the two of them rival air raid sirens whenever they open their mouths.  One has a stupid mouth and the other has a big mouth.  Hence, my individual names for them....Stupid Mouth and Big Mouth.

It's unbelievable what falls out of Stupid Mouth after she has a glass of wine.  You would think she would learn after several decades on this planet.  It's almost like she delights in getting hurtful, jabbing digs in on you. If she can say something about you personally to hurt you or embarrass you in front of others it gives her great pleasure.  It's sick.

The other sister, Big Mouth, just can't keep it shut.  Remember the doll Chatty Kathy?  That's her!!!  She NEVER shuts UP.  Plus, she is LOUD.  You can't trust her with anything confidential.  I found that out years ago.  She delights in family gossip and spreading it around embellishing it 1,000 fold along the way.

I can't wait for the week between Christmas and New Year.  All of this family and social stuff is really wearing on me.  I have not even seen the peak of it yet with Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Home for the Holidays

It's happening.  Everybody is home for the holidays.  I now have the post-high school age group meandering back to Sonoma County.  My house is *still* a homeless and animal shelter.

I had a huge lesson in forgiveness the other night.  One of my 'adopted' daughters betrayed me and my daughter.  This was after having her live with us for three years.  I was hurt beyond belief.  How could somebody you took in as your own turn around and treat you like dirt and stab you in the back?

Believe it or not, this girl showed up on my doorstep the other night like a lost cat.  She is attending college on the east coast and is home for the holidays.  She does not want to be at home with her biological mother.

I could not bring myself to slam the door in her face -- believe me, she would have deserved it.  She came in and the tears and hugs began.  For the next three hours all I heard was her gratitude for what we did for her growing up.  She said that we were the only real home she ever knew.

Forgiveness.  It's not just a bumper sticker slogan.  Try it.

Health Care Fraud

I attended a conference on employee pension and health benefits.  One of the classes was on health care fraud.  The United States pays double the amount for health care for half the benefits elsewhere in the world. No, we do not lead the world on taking care of our citizens.  There's money to be made in exploiting people's sickness and pools of insurance funds with little oversight.  One of the biggest abusers is the pharmaceutical industry.  Yawn.  We already knew that.

Everybody seems to think that fraud happens in blighted areas where doctors with a shack and shingle outside their run-down office complete with cracked windows and cracked concrete and obtain the working poor as clients to milk workers' compensation, SDI, MediCal, etc., for whatever its worth for both themselves and their patients.

Nope.  Guess again.

Most fraud happens in your yuppie neighborhoods from doctors who look and act like Marcus Welby (I guess I'm dating myself).  What???  Did I just blow your socks off????

When they are caught most of the time it never hits the press.  It would be like announcing that Santa Claus is fake to a room full of pre-schoolers.  They are usually outstanding members of the community and serve on serve on various committees and acclaimed medical boards.  No reporter wants to take the bullet on that one.  The doctors who fraud the system justify their actions by stating that "everybody else does it" and that "how else am I supposed to pay off my med school student debt?"

I can't make this stuff up.

Learning to Love Assholes

Yin and Yang.  Good and Evil.  Nice People and Asshole People.

One cannot exist without the other.  Each contains part of the other.

I suppose asshole people are necessary.  It truly does take all kinds.  How else are we to learn life lessons and notch ourselves up on karma ladder?

Peace out.....even if you're an asshole.

Merry (bleep) Christmas

Christmas is GREAT....for hyper active extroverts.  For cat-like introverts like myself it's torture.  Like most cats I want to socialize in my own way on my own time.  I'm fickle.  Most of the time I will just give you a piercing glare from across the room flicking my tail and daring you to come over and pet me.  When that happens I will hiss at you and run into an empty room to avoid you.  You annoy me.

Russians are Creeping on Me

Hey, Russians....  I see you creeping on me.  You think you're all stealth and covert.  You are about as graceful as a bull in a china cabinet.  Yeah.  I said it.  China.

Real Estate Bubble: Part Deux

Remember when the real estate bubble burst in 2008?  Everybody was soooooo angry at the banks for their greed and taking advantage of people.  The government came in and wagged their finger with a stern tisk-tisk and that was about it.  The industry tightened things for a while with new assessments to determine if prospective buyers could repay their mortgages, but soon after banking went back to business as usual.

In January of 2014 banking regulators changed the more stringent rules after the real estate lobby and some consumer groups claimed that millions of Americans would not be able to qualify for housing loans.

Did you know that?  My guess is no.

It finally makes sense.  I could not figure how housing values could escalate so quickly after sharp depreciation.  Did median income levels rise?  No.  Was the county adding jobs that could justify the leap in values?  No.  Again, I smell something rotten in Denmark.  What's driving this illusion that the economy has changed for the better?

Everybody in the California Bay Area thinks that God Google and his disciples Yahoo and Oracle are going to pave the streets with gold and create Utopia for all.

Not.

Unless you live in the Google compound where working 24/7 eating, sleeping, breathing, and constant monitoring you're screwed.  The few monied kaBillionaires have presented this false expectation that anybody who can write code can write their own tech success story.  Everybody is a Steve Jobs wannabe and even fewer attain that status.   Nobody can afford to live on the wages the tech gods pay which is surprisingly lower than everybody thinks.  Technology and the associated jobs no longer need to be centralized in one geographical area.  Remember that.

Which gets me back to the housing and tech bubble that is about to burst again.

My CA Best Friend's Boyfriend

I have a couple of things to rant about today.  I'm struggling about which subject to go off on -- myths about home buying or meeting my CA best-friend's boyfriend last night and NOT LIKING HIM.  Hmmmmmmm decisions, decisions.  I think I'll go off on not liking M's boyfriend being I've been on a somewhat what-the (insert profanity) is-wrong-with-our-country trend.  I just got the inevitable text message from my CA Bestie asking, "Well??????????  What do you think of him?"

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She can do so much better.  Really.  My first impression was that he reminded me of my creepy uncle who molested me when I was a preteen.  His sweating and constant sniffling and fiddling with his nose is so tell tale of a cocaine addict.  He mumbled when he talked and made no sense at all.

My first and immediate thought was WTF does she see in him?  M went through a nasty divorce that took 5 years from start to finish.  Why does she want to hook up with a guy who is worse than the man she divorced?  She swore she would never again end up with an addict prone, abusive, temperamental guy (cough, cough, her father).

Those early subconscious psychological patterns we receive from our parents and their behavior are ingrained in us and tough to overcome.  I'm not going to get all preachy because I have my subconscious issues as well.  Everybody does.

However, M has dated other guys that I have met and thought they were a HELL of a lot better than the one she is with now.  At least they did not remind me of my creepy uncle and they were not sweating profusely whilst constantly fidgeting, rubbing their nose and disappearing for short stints. At least the other guys could hold a conversation with me and were coherent.  There was one boyfriend she had I thought would be a good match for her.  She broke up with him.  Why?  Because he was too boring.  I think she freaked because he told her once that his biggest fear what that she would not be able to handle the depth of love that he had for her.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  Now THAT is sweet.  I could also hold a conversation with this guy.  He was also they type of guy you could call at 2:00 in the morning if your car was broken down and he would show up to help.  He had a steady job and a stable life.  All of that dependability and stability is contradictory to what M was raised with.  M's relationship pattern had already been established.

I guess M needs to be with a train wreck of a guy.  He's already moved into her house.  She's in love and tells me she has met her soul mate.  She is goo-goo over him.  I see disaster on the horizon.  See why I'm procrastinating answering her text asking "what do you think of him?"

This guy does NOT pass the BFF test which is integral to keeping with the sacred Girl Code.  I just don't know how to convey that and if I even should convey anything at all.  Struggling.

Schwartznegger and Brown

Ohhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh stand back y'all.  Former California Governor Arnold Schwartznegger and present political adversary Governor Jerry Brown both now "agree" that global warming is a real threat.  Wow.  Political opposites now see eye-to-eye....or should I say popularity-poll-to-popularity-poll.  Win win.  Votes votes.  Cameras and photo ops to cameras and photo ops.

Yea.  Two-time California Governor Moon-Beam Brown has always been known for his alternative views.  At least he does not flip--flop on his hippie views.  I respect him for that.  In contrast, Arnold Schwartznegger made fun of a political candidate on her views of global warming when it was not yet main stream and cool to do so.  I remember reading a quote from Arnold how he would like to drive his fleet of gas-guzzling hummers through the diminishing ozone layer this candidate was trying to advocate for and save.  He was blantantly making fun of her concern for the environment.  What an asshole.

Now it seems that the tables have turned and even Arnold has been shamed to recognize the realities of our abuse of the earth.  If he wants to remain in the spotlight and regain just a shred of public favor (no, we have not fogotton about his fucking and procreating with his Mexican houseslave woman while his wife was defending his honor) he needs to acknowledge the damage to the environment he contributed to with his shameless reproduction of more humans and driving Hummers.

Sorry, Arnold, nobody respects you.  I won't respect you in the morning, either.

Choices and Consequences

I'm a huge fan of the psychological theories of B.F. Skinner and Ivan Pavlov.  Freud?  I think he was a misogynistic narcissist obsessed with his mother and his penis.

I could type on and on about the different psychological theories and what makes people tick.  Here's the truth:  NOBODY KNOWS FOR CERTAIN.  The human brain is too complex to try to figure out why people do what they do.  Granted, we have made strides in understanding chemical imbalances in the brain and how to deal with it.  Still,  discussion of the different psychological theories always segues into nature vs. nurture and the lot.

People have devoted their entire lives into trying to understand the human brain and related behavior.  Frustrating.  It's always open to argument.  However, B.F. Skinner and Ivan Pavlov dumbed it down for practical use for the masses.  We are no different than the dogs he trained.  Wait.  I will say that dogs are better than humans.  My point is that forget the motivation behind why people do what they do.  There is no hard and fast answer; just a bunch of arguable psychobabble.  It's all about choices and consequences.

Choices are easy.  It's the consequences that suck.  See, the problem is that most of us don't like our own choices.  Oh well, that's where the learning comes in -- or should come in.  We should not be  excused from our crappy choices.  We should be rewarded for good choices.  Yup.  Animal training applied to humans for this zoo of a world.  Woof  Woof

Paris Gun Control: Is it Working?

I know.....Americans are dip shits for allowing AK-47's.  Let's dismantle the NRA and make them ILLEGAL!!!!!  Gun Control!!!!!!!!  It's TIME!!!!!!!

Slow down there, non-cowboy.  Think this through.  Tell me, doesn't Paris  have extremely strict gun control laws?  Tell me, how did Daesh terrorists manage to get their hands on them?  Is it true the police are unarmed?

Here in America we tried making alcohol illegal during prohibition.  It didn't work.  We tried the 'war on drugs'.  It's not working.  It's only creating violent drug cartels and a highly profitable black market.  If people really want something they are going to get it one way or the other.  You can't put this genie back into the bottle.

Background checks?  Psychological evaluations?  The pro gun control crowd is crying for more restrictions.  Are you kidding?  Neither background checks nor psychological exams are worth anything.  We are all nuts and half a bubble off.  Who is going to make that judgement call?  All I see is a field day for lawyers creating entire practices for individuals who were so-called discriminated against and denied their second amendment right to own a gun.  Lawyers love this kind of shit.  I pretty much hate lawyers.  I can already hear the Oakland thug crying on television that he was denied a gun cuz he be black and da man want to keep 'im down and hep-liss.  Full riots will ensue.

Hey, getting on TV and crying discrimination works.

The pro gun control crowd is trying to liken owning a gun like getting a drivers licence with the bureaucratic process as a deterrent and safety filter.  I don't see that happening.  We all know that people just drive with revoked drivers licenses anyway or just drive without a license at all.  In fact, we could not enforce our own laws and caved into granting drivers license to illegals.  We also caved into those who violated safety laws and gave an 'amnesty' program for unpaid fines and tickets so they could get their license back.  We even go so far to stop impounding cars at roadblocks when the driver is under the influence or not licensed because it's 'discriminating' and a 'hardship'.  Bullshit.  All they had to do was whine and cry a little.  More people are likely to die in a car accident than die from a gun shot wound.  I dare anybody to correct me on that simple fact.  

Are our roads any safer?  I don't think so.  I bet you can personally name somebody you know who died in a car accident.  I don't think you can personally name somebody you know from a gun shot wound.

The pro gun control crowd is using Australia as the poster child for gun control.  Australia is the island continent with no other countries within it.  They are self-contained and accessible by only sea and airplane.  The United States shares a border with Canada and Mexico.  We all know that Mexico is the exporter of whatever it is that we can't get in the United States -- including our slave labor and drugs.  Why would guns be any different?

And no, non-cowboy, I'm not anti-gun control.  I just want people to think every angle through.  There is no easy sound byte solution to this.

Paris Climate Talks: Lots of Hot Air

I think the most environmentally effective way for those convening in Paris for climate crisis would have been by hot air balloon.  Too bad all the hot air being released in Paris by politicians could not be captured and contained for such a cause.

Wait.  I'm not all sour over the world governments getting together to discuss destroying ourselves and what to do about it.  Big picture wise I'm glad it's happening.  No country is immune.  One planet.

I know....., (thinks Johnny Politician), .......let's throw BILLIONS of dollars into "clean energy."  Yup.  That will do it.  Solar, wind (there's that word again -- wind), water, etc.  "Clean energy" is such a catchy phrase.  It's certainly a feather on the cap in regards to political standing in the polls.  It makes me look goooooooooood to the public.

Let's take this 'clean energy' one step beyond.  Unless you are growing Teslas and charging stations on your urban roof top garden, do tell, just how are these things manufactured?  Precisely what resources are being used to manufacture green?  Even if burning fossil fuels is obliterated from the face of the earth, what's the real net effect of creating 'clean energy' on the environment when it's all said and done?  Manufacturing plants are still required.  It's just that the strategy of hiding this process in China is no longer working.   I have yet to see a manufacturing plant that was 'organically' grown on a farm using all 'organic' products.

We are just on the cusp of figuring out that we can't have our cake and eat it, too.  We can't have the convenience of a post-industrial revolution world without harming the environment.  I don't care what anybody says except for Russell.  Sorry, but the Native Americans saw this coming a long, long time ago and warned us.  However, I will save my rant for tribe gambling casinos for another time.

Daesh Bags in San Bernardino

Daesh always....and I mean ALWAYS....takes credit for terrorist attaches whether they had anything to do with them directly or not.  Making you afraid of them only gives them power.  You are feeding right into their game plan and feeding their warped egos.  Stop it.

Violence, guns, and blood gets headlines.  The media vultures are just as much to blame in perpetuating the hype.  Please remember the media's ONLY survival is viewers and readers.  With so much competing for our attention these days it's harder and harder to get anybody to click or watch "read more" for your coveted attention span which is smaller than a gnat's ass and diminishing by the hour.  Your interest will be quickly diverted from the latest tragedy to what color dress Kim Kardashian wore.

Just a question to those who changed their Facebook profile picture to the French flag right after the terrorist attacks....at what point do you take that down?  What prompted your decision to change your profile picture back to normal?  Facebook fad?  Slacktivism?  You clicked 'temporarily change my profile picture' and let Facebook decide the length of showing your concern for you?

The United States has already moved on from Paris to San Bernardino.  God only knows why....as San Bernardino is located in one of Dante's nine circles of hell.  Any of you ever been there?

Anyway, I'm getting off track.  America has already dropped focus of Paris and Belgium to San Bernardino and the tired argument of gun control.  While everybody gets on their self-righteous soap box in either support or condemnation, just remember that more people die in car accidents, from cancer, and from heart disease every day.  Where's the outrage against THAT?

Oh wait...that would require research, statistical, and analytical skills.  Also, it would require more than spewing emotional rhetoric by politicians in an election year.

San Bernadino Mass Shooting

Could it be that I'm just desensitized at this point?  Oh look, another headline of yet another (yawn) psycho with an assault rifle mowing down innocent people minding their own business and eating.  What?  Workplace violence?  Terrorism?  Both motives are being investigated as I type this.

Based on our pattern of mass shootings, it looks like work and school are the most dangerous places to be in America these days.

Are you connecting psychological the dots yet?

Daesh: A little too soon

Come on, Daesh.  Again, you could have had the world cheering and gained international support if you would have strategically used your brains and not caved into irrational, adolescent mood rages.  World leaders are gathering in Paris.  If you would have carefully selected your targets instead of spraying innocent diners with bullets you could have advanced your agenda.  Some American leaders and international ones DESERVE a bullet.

Daesh, you blew it.  Literally.

2016 Presidential Election

Quiet Rage has been quiet in the political arena.  Why?  Because you dip shits really think it matters who resides in the White House?  Wow.  You all are dumber than I thought.  Corporations (which your US Supreme Court sanctioned as 'people') selects your president which goes to the highest bidder.  Your president is selected as to whom has the most curb appeal and can shush the masses the longest before another president is selected.  You all get false hope.  Nothing changes.  The cycle continues.

That's why Hillary is perfect for the job.  She is a seasoned Femme-bot and life-long politician. However, I can't stand the thought of another Clinton or Bush in the White House.  There is something inherently wrong if two names dominate the presidential races for almost 40 years.  Ya think the cards are stacked?  No duh.

Then you get some republicans handing out turkeys to Mexicans for their vote.  Really?  That's the best strategy the republicans can think of to win over an entire voting base?  Fire the campaign strategist immediately.  Let's follow the republican logic:......shit on the entire Mexican voting base, use them as slave labor, don't allow them to drive and reluctantly issue them second class citizen status, don't offer health care or a pension, pay cash wages under the table to avoid payroll taxes and denying them a chance to build up social security benefits over their lifetime, but ONE FREE TURKEY WILL WIN THEM OVER!!!!!!!

That is the most retarded strategy ever employed.  The Koch brothers are the ones really running this country, anyway.

Black Eye Friday

That's about it when you go out shopping for cheap crap made in China that the ungrateful recipients will throw away in a year.  You will have to fight the 'bored moms on prozac' who are mesmerized by bright, shiny objects.  Sorry, but absolutely NOBODY I know needs to have anything that badly where making retail employees skip out on the ever diminishing, hallowed, designated family time to report to work to ring up my purchases born in overseas sweatshops and brought here for my own personal greed of accumulating more stuff.

I don't buy it.  Literally.  This is how I spent my Black Friday.

A friend of mine texted me and wanted to walk our dogs.  We took a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood and through the park.  I talked my friend into attending dance class with me.  To her credit, she came with me and actually enjoyed it.  While there we bumped into another neighbor in the parking who was recently instantly, unexpectedly widowed.  She also just lost her brother she was nursing from cancer.  Talk about a suck-fest.  She is trying to reclaim some sort of normal for her life.
After class I came home and decided to do something with the leftovers from my 22 pound turkey that I served for Thanksgiving.  Let the fun begin.  Turkey soup, turkey enchiladas, and turkey salad used the last of it all.  I then made a food plate for a friend who is dealing with an aggressive form of breast cancer and brought it over to her.  She's going through chemo and not sure what her appetite does from moment to moment, but I know she's got weed (for medical reasons -- REALLY -- don't judge -- it helps with the effects of chemo) and food for either herself or her husband or kids.  I don't think she's up to cooking much these days.

Talk about another suck-fest.  Within one year this friend lost her mother and her toddler niece.  Her 44 year-old sister-in-law (who lives life like the Duggars with 12 kids, homeschooling, churchy, etc.) had a stroke.  Now my friend is dealing with an aggressive form of breast cancer.

My life is a cake walk in comparison.  Everything that irritates me is so minor and trivial.  No, I will not be cruising the retail aisles.  I'm trying to make life just a little bit better for those around me without reaching for something on a store display.  

Food Central - Grandma's Cooking

Sorry mom, but I'm a waaaaaaaaaaaay better cook than you.  No offense.  However, you can sew awesome things and I struggle with mending simple buttons and hems.  Cooking is not your talent, and sewing is not mine.  Fair.

The inspiration for my cooking was my paternal grandmother.  Holidays growing up were always split between my mother's parents and my father's parents who homesteaded in the same region in western Minnesota.  My memories were of going to my mother's parents farm first on Thanksgiving and Christmas (where there were hordes of other relatives and cousins) but the food was not that great.  However, we did have a BLAST ice fishing, tobogganing, snowmobiling, etc. 

Then about 4:00 or so we would all pack up in the yellow '68 Dodge and head over to my paternal grandparents farm.  By this time we had all worked up an appetite.  I knew GOOD food was on its way.  I could smell grandma's wonderful cooking before we even got to the door.  Once inside it was like something out of a cooking magazine with the matching flatware, table cloths, crystal, perfectly placed centerpiece, and napkin rings.  Damn.  For a farm woman she sure did do it up all fancy.  The food was never disappointing and there was always plenty of it.  Save room for desert?  Not really, but I ate it anyway.  She always made the most amazing pies served warm (from scratch of course) with an ice cream that I can still taste to this day and it has never been replicated anywhere. 

Did grandma ever serve anything processed?  NEVER.  Everything was home grown.  If she had to stoop to purchasing something she was very picky about it.  Not an easy task in rural Minnesota in the winter when the nearest town was 10 miles away and the snow plows had not been out.  Quality was everything.  Maybe that was her secret.  My mom's cooking?  Open a can or a box and slop it.  No imagination.  Spices were never anything more than salt and pepper.  Boring, uneventful, and without feeling. 

My paternal grandma did come out and visit me a few times after I moved to California and helped me with my early Thanksgiving attempts.  She was also an incredible interior designer (a talent I sorely lack) and she could make a house look awesome with minimal monetary resources.  Yes, we painted walls and got rid of furniture that did not meet grandma's standards.  I wish I absorbed her natural flair for design from her along with her cooking talent.  My daughter inherited the design flair.  Thank GOD it's still in there somewhere. 

I know my mother did not get along with my paternal grandma.  I'm sorry about that.  The tension was always present.  When it's all said and done it was an incredible waste of emotional energy.  To be honest, both have strong personalities.  Maybe that's why they butted heads.  Anyway, I get very sentimental this time of year and I long for just *one* more trip to grandma's house to the smell of her cooking upon entering the porch and shaking off the cold.  I miss grandma.  God rest her soul. 

Happy Thanksgiving.  Yes, I'm an emotional pile of goo right about now.  The full moon and the sentiments of the holidays gets the best of this overly-sensitive woman.  And yes, grandma, I have a 22 pound turkey, stuffing, gravy, and home made pies with your memory all over them. 

Can't Hide It Any Longer

The world is a (insert profanity) up place.  So much information has been kept from the public.  You all have *no* idea.  There's a reason why sometimes it's kept secret.  The politically naive think that all we need to do is bake cookies and give hugs for world peace.   Ahhhhhhh... the 'bored moms on prozac' overly simplistic world view.  Wait.  Perhaps not.  They would not give out cookies unless they were gluten free and organic.  I, too, wish the world one big liberal arts campus. 

Here's another fact that people don't want to admit, but it's the truth.  If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck it's usually a duck.  I know, I know, I can hear the uber liberals screaming about 'profiling' and prejudice.  Your insurance company and just about everything in life revolves around statistical analysis.  In statistics, nothing is ever 100%....just like anything in life.  However, the bell curve draws a pretty solid indication of finding likely patterns.  You following me?  Statistical analysis has already indicated that you have a preconceived belief in this subject matter already and it does not matter what I'm typing. 

For what it's worth, this moron aced statistics.  Sorry if math angers you.  I don't like it, either. 

I don't like violence.  I try to circumvent it anyway I can.  Believe it or not, the United States has been quietly and sometimes not so quietly protecting Europe since the end of WWII.  We got the hint we were not wanted and backed off considerably.  Europe, this is just the beginning.  The daesh is out of the bag (they are still daesh bags).  The extremists hold no value for human life.  What I don't understand is that the suicide bombers think that blowing themselves up gets them points in the afterlife.  Great.  Why don't they go out into the middle of the ocean and blow themselves up.  Cut to the chase.  Why kill innocents in the process? 

World Peace: Live It

I did it.  I reached out to somebody who TOTALLY pissed me off and invited that person for Thanksgiving dinner.  I blogged a while ago that that we expect world peace from our governments but most of us feud about who is or is not going to be at Thanksgiving dinner.  The person I invited declined my invitation, but I know in my heart that I tried to make peace.  That's all I can do.  I don't get to decide who forgives me and who doesn't.  All I can do is extend the olive branch. 

I tried.

World Peace.  Live it, people.  World peace begins at the Thanksgiving dinner table.  The ones who bitch and complain the loudest about certain family members usually have the 'world peace' and 'co-exist' bumper stickers on the back of their Prius along with Bernie for President. 

Whatever. 

Speaking of peace and world events that are headlining news and before we get all high and mighty about Christianity tell me......what was the Spanish Inquisition all about?  Hmmmmmmmmm??????  Lest we forget? 

See, every religion and society has a violent past at some point.  Everybody has been the asshole.  I'm not giving Daesh Bags a pass, I'm just saying that no society is completely 'clean' in this attempt to paint a black-and-white assumption around religion.  Usually it's the ones who are threatened that are the ones lashing out trying to demonstrate domination.  Right now it's Daesh. 

...and some people are just inherently psycho, violent murders....

Daesh Bags

Quiet Rage has been busy.  Unless you live entirely off the grid the events in Belgium and France are on the world stage.  Please, PLEASE do NOT legitimize the radical Islamist state by referring to them as a 'state.'  You are only feeding their egos and perpetuating their cause.  The media and panicked governments are adding fuel to the fire. 

They are simply Daesh Bags. 

The problem is that they (Daesh) are like cockroaches.  See one and just know for certain thousands are just out of view.  So now what.  Do we fumigate?  Learn to like cockroaches in our homes and ignore?  Do you allow freight into your country knowing that there is a cockroach infestation waiting to happen that contaminates?  The devil is in the details.  Literally. 

So we squashed one Daesh cockroach.  Big deal.  They have already bred and spread.  Daesh is managing to piss off the entire world.  I just think it humorous on how the French took immediate military action.  If we were to do it we would be American Bullies.  Sorry, France, that Daesh interrupted your evening sex with your mistress.  You now have to get off your pompous, lazy asses and deal with it.  Good luck.  

The Universe is speaking. Are you listening?

As I type this I am looking out onto the Pacific Ocean from the hotel lanai in Waikiki.  Yes, it's sooooo touristy!  Yes, it's incredibly crowded and busy.  Yes, it's tacky and overly commercial.  Yes, it's filled with Japanese tourists.  Yes, I'm shuttled to and fro like a head of cattle.  Anything else?

Yes, there is also the layers of history that are coming at me from different time periods throughout the ages.  The energies are parallel like there are several time periods hapeneing at once.  I can't describe it with words.  Simultaneous situations are still being invisibly lived out here but in different diminsions.

One of the layers of energy is how the ancient Hawaiians fought with each other.  They had no idea that one day they would need to consolidate their efforts to fight off the explorers and traders who were eyeing their islands for themselves.  Wasted energy when it's all said and done.

The other layer of energy is the 'domestication' of the Royal Hawaiians.  Ornate residences and posessions of Europe and Asia were donned on them.  There is a feeling of being disingenious to their own  culture and roots, but felt forced to comply or be totally anniahlated.  Just walk around the oldest part of Waikiki.  It's obvious why the royal Hawaiians picked Waikiki Beach for centuries.  Too bad now it's filled with homeless people and drug addicts.

A more recent energy is that of the WWII era.  Just being at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel and swimming in the waters the promise of new romance, excitement of being someplace so beautiful, and marriage proposals feel just as real now as it did back in the 1940's.  On the flip side to that energy there is lingering resentment as to why now the area is catering to Japanese tourists.  The servicemen feel insulted like giving their lives did not mean anything in the big picture.  They feel their own country betrayed them.

Anyway, as I was sitting around earlier today I spotted this little message from the universe.  As my dear friend, JLB, described how koi always swim upstream and is a symbol of great strength.  The lovely lotus is a profound symbol of Buddhism.  The lotus grows in muddy water and rises above the surface to bloom with remarkable beauty.  At night the flower closes and sinks underwater, at dawn in opens again.  It symbolizes the purity of heart and mind.

So, there it was... right in front of me.  Everybody else was speeding along the busy walk way not even noticing the extraordinary in the ordinary.  To me it was obvious and everybody else was totally oblivious.  I'm used to that by now as nobody wants to dive deep and go down the rabbit hole.  Most seem content to skim the surface layers.  I'm looking for depth in a superficial world.  Yeah, I'm a freak.

Government Testing: Wireless Communications

Since the dawn of civilization different government military outfits have been trying to decipher and detect code for military purposes.  Smoke signals.  Intercepted mail.  Shooting down carrier pigeons.  Numbers stations.  Navajo Code Talkers.  The list goes on and on.

With the proliferation modern of technology we can't even make a cup of coffee without it registering on some website or "device" that you have all clicked "yes" to the terms and conditions -- which basically sells your constant whereabouts to anybody at any time.  If you think the government is the one snooping on you, you have another thing coming.  The government does not give a (insert profanity here) of your coffee and social media habits.  Private enterprise does.  They sell your habits for 'marketing purposes.'    Private enterprise sees a profit in selling your habits. 

See, the government only cares about your personal information when there is direct, physical threat.  Even then we all know how inept the government operates and is a day late and a dollar short, but private enterprise is always right there.  Wonder how that happens?  Go figure.  Duh. 

Are you connecting the dots yet?  Your iPhone tells all.  Yup.  Apple put the "eye" in iPhone.  Literally. 

Anyway, this now leads me to how desperate society and super-technology is to communicate information in a non-technical, non-material ways being everything is so easily traceable.  What that means is that they are looking to us, freaky intuitive hippies, to transmit sensitive messages via telepathy.  Who can trace that? 

For starters, you have to have two people on the same mental wave length to communicate telepathically.  Not easy in this world filled with those who have barely evolved beyond the knuckle-dragging primal stage of shaved apes.  The worst are those who "think" they have the talent....and don't. 

At this stage of evolution telepathy and psychic communication RARELY performs on command -- let alone between two ordinary humans.  Psychic communication performs for us..not the other way around.... we don't control it. 

Halloween: Princess Leah

I have not dressed up for Halloween in YEARS.  I vaguely remember Halloween before i had  gaggles of kids (but only 2 of them actually mine) to trek around the neighborhood in baby strollers and wagons.  Once past that stage it was the drama of elementary/junior high school with the classroom parties, pumpkin carving contests, parades, and the biggest drama of the holiday..........Who was trick or treating with whom.  Instead of just grabbing a pillowcase and a friend of two, like back when we were kids, trick or treating became this unnecessarily overly complicated ordeal.   It became a popularity contest and a showcase for helicopter parenting by the Bored Moms on Prozac.

Fast forward to now.  Yup, Quiet Rage really does have friends and I've been invited to a few parties tonight.  I decided to go as Princess Leah.  The hair is easy as all I have to do is a couple of side buns, and finding a long, white robe is pretty simple.  Now, let's see if I get picked up or shot by the cops for carrying a toy gun around. 

All I need now is a Wookie.

Milestone Birthday Parties

A guy I work with is having a milestone birthday.  His wife sent out 'save the date' notices a few months ago.  Really?  I've always been confused about 'save the date' notices.  What does that mean, exactly.  Is it an invitation?  No.  Is it a preview of coming attractions?  I guess.

The invitation did arrive in the mail.  I will give the birthday boy and his wife credit for that much.  Constantly registering my whereabouts and social events for the entire world to see online is not for me.

I was quickly turned off when the invitation came and it was clear that money was needed to attend.  Apparently, this event rivals a wedding in scope as it includes details as to where to book a hotel room and shuttle service to the venue.  "Call now to reserve your room for the specially negotiated price.  Ask for the (insert name) Birthday Party Room Block," the invitation instructed.

If the party was for a good, close, personal friend I would probably attend.  This is hardly the case.  This party is being hosted by The Scammers who are more than likely going to write off the entire cost of the party on their taxes being they included "business" associates.  Plus, they will bank the proceeds from the bar and cover charge and also get a few nights of a free hotel room for the block they reserved using their hotel rewards number.

Don't invite me to a for-profit business endeavor that is being disguised as a birthday party.   If I sound cynical just know that I have worked with the Scammers for 20 years.  I know their game....all too well...  I wish I could give them more credit.  Why should I pay to attend a social event?  Why should I give up my time on the weekend?  I don't pretend to be their friend.  I wish they would stop pretending they are mine.

 I did gracefully and politely decline the invitation. 

Golf and Archery

Way back in the stone age, when I was still in high school, I took golf and archery to fulfill my PE requirement.  Why did I choose golf and archery?  Let us try to remember that far back.

For starters, swimming would just mess up my make-up and hair that had I spent all morning doing.  All the swimmers had that 'brittle, green hair, chlorine' look.  Ewwwww.  Running made me sweat which refers to the reasons as to why I did not choose swimming.  Besides, I'm a ssssssslllllllooooowwwwww runner.  Hockey was a sanctioned sport in my high school, but figure skating was not.  Go figure.  Basketball broke my nails as did volleyball.  I did do gymnastics and I was ok at the balance beam.  I did not have the 4'8" 82 pound pure muscle frame like Mari Lou Retton.  There were NO dance classes to choose from.

Sigh.  Golf and archery was it.

I don't really remember much of the class other than holding our arms up over our heads so the swarms of gnats would be (temporarily) out of our faces to aim the bow and arrow or drive the golf ball.  I also vaguely remember the teacher.  I can't recall his name, but I remember him saying, "Golf is a sport for life.  There is opportunity in golf that has nothing to do with golf."

Really?  I only took the class because I would not sweat, mess up my hair, or brake a nail.

It only took 30 years, but I get now what my teacher was trying to say.  This last month I have been on tour golfing in all the industry tournaments that for years I passed on.  It's amazing what people say on the golf course.  It's amazing what they say at dinner after being outside all day and have a couple cocktails in them.  It's amazing how many people cheat when nobody thinks they are looking.  It's amazing how WHITE and MALE the sport is.  It's like a Republican rally for Jeb Bush. 

I have not quite found my life purpose for archery, but I was pretty good at it.  I suppose growing up in a hunting family I became proficient in handling all types of weapons.   Wait.  Playing darts.  Purpose found for archery.  I wonder if my old high school still offers golf and archery.  I wonder if the Bored Moms on Prozac have banned it because the bow and arrow is a DANGEROUS KILLING WEAPON.   A golf club is also a dangerous, killing weapon -- just ask Tiger Woods.

I'm a THREAT!

People get angry with me when I call them on their s***.  I thought I came with a blatant warning label across my forehead that reads, "Do not lie or mess with this one -- she will own you."

I guess some people just can't read energy.  I need to come to grips that evolution does not happen all at once but is painfully slow and gradual.  Sigh.

Anyway, I've come across another situation where I was being lied to, jerked around, and ripped off.  I do need to thank the universe for placing me in a male dominated industry where the name of the game is to f*** everybody else over for survival.  The art of doing so in a somewhat civilized manner and learning the game has served me extremely well.  I'm well versed in business and banking games.  Bring it on.

Needless to say I confronted the man who was trying to pull one over on me. He actually called me on my cell phone and got nasty.  He said I was "threatening" him.  I was doing no such thing.  All I did was catch him at his game and he could not wiggle his way out as I had compiled evidence to the contrary.  I had figured out his game.  He was livid.  The most beautiful thing was he was mostly incriminating himself and I nailed him on it.  If you have ever seen me in person you would never think of me as a "threat."  I detest violence.  I also detest liars and cheats.

My money he owed me appeared the next day.  Funny how that happens.  

I am the NICEST person in the world.  I do not go around looking for people to roast -- you all come to me.  If I lash out and call you on your s*** it's because you deserve it.   'Nuff said

Overpopulation and Global Warming

I'm no expert on global warming.  I'm no expert on overpopulation other than the fact the humans, as a species, are totally overrated.  As the world population continues to swell, each and every person will drain precious natural resources that are diminishing by the hour in conjunction with fighting for economic survival. 

Let's face it.  Most humans are selfish, psycho, pains-in-the-ass. 

Which brings me to global warming.  I think we are being fed the 'lite' version of what's really happening.  If we really knew the escalating impacts of our weather patterns it would cause wide spread panic and the global melt down of governments and markets.  There goes your retirement 401(k). 

Think about it.  Weather extremes are happening in greater variances and in greater frequency.  Not so very long ago a winter coat and gloves were a necessity in Sonoma County.  My favorite winter coat has not been worn for 4 years now.  It just simply has not been cold enough.  The heat factor is now driving people from the LA area away.  What?  People moving away from San Diego and LA, California's poster child for weather envy, because it's too hot? 

Something is going on that we are not being told the complete truth about.  Of course it's in the Republicans best interests to deny global warming.  It would destroy their short-sighted version of how much money they can control and would require a new way of thinking.  Nobody likes it when their ideals are challenged -- even if it's right.

OK.  So global warming is real and we are all in for a rude awakening.  Even so, just what do we do with all the PEOPLE? 

No gifts, please

That's what the birthday party invitation said..... no gifts, please...and then went on stating that your presence is your present. 

OK.  I get that.  I respect what the host wanted.  I responded to the invitation in a timely manner and showed up as I said I would and did not claim some lame excuse after I accepted the invitation to try to get out of the social commitment I had just made.  Believe me, I could have easily blown off this party.  I thought about a simple, home-made gift but then out of respect for the wording on the invitation decided against it. 

I arrive at the party to a HUGE table filled with gifts.  Wait.  Didn't the invitation state "no gifts, please."?  So, if that was truly the intention why have a table set up with a mountain of gifts on it?  Why didn't the host scuttle the "unexpected" gifts to a bedroom and shut the door so other guests, who actually followed the hosts wording on the invitation and were not in on the 'gee, we said no gifts on the invitation but we really didn't mean it' , making me feel like a complete cheap ass? 

Say what you mean and mean what you say.  I don't engage in mind or word games.  Lay it on the line. 

I made my quick rounds hugging the host family and thanked them for including me on their "celebration" and left.  I'm done with them. 

Pioneer Cemetery: Golf Course - Gated Community

Yesterday I was in the Sierra Nevada  Foothills at another industry lah-ti-dah golf tournament.  The prizes were a brand new Mercedes-Benz (all decked out with bells and whistles of course) for a hole in one along with other over-the-top raffle prizes given away at dinner.  The venue was like something out of the comedy movie Caddy Shack -- a country club snob-a-torioum in a gated, private community. 

Let's be honest.  I suck at golf.  I'm more interested in driving the cart, being outdoors, and socializing.  With that being said, I was basically the 'caddy' for our foursome as I can't drive the ball to save my life, but I'm an amazing putter.  All those years of miniature golf aiming for the clown's mouth finally found purpose. 

While the others were teeing off driving the ball down the fairway I had time to look around the course and see the perfectly manicured, HUGE, stately homes.  The homes were beautiful I have to admit.  However, I'm so over wanting to actually own one.  All I see is maintenance, expense, hassle and pressure to keep up a certain income level.  For what?  To impress whom?  (sigh) My eyes then wandered off to the fringes of the golf course where I spotted what I thought were tombstones.  I had to go check it out. 

I trekked up the steep, grassy hill effortlessly off the beaten path like I was being pulled by an invisible rope that was attached to my chest.  There it was.  A pioneer family cemetery.  I was immediately drawn to a tombstone that bared the name of a woman who died at age 44 in 1876.  Next to her were her infant children she had lost to god-only-knows-what back then.  One lived one day (or was a stillborn) and the other died at 3 months.  I picked up such a sense of loss, sadness and sacrifice (but yet intense bravery and strength) at that cemetery as I looked around at the other tombstones.  I could almost tangibly feel their life stories coming up through the ground.  They were American Pioneers who braved crossing the continent and the Sierra Nevada range looking for opportunity.  Most born in New York and Illinois.  I got the weird sense that the dead pioneers were shocked that such grandiose luxury now existed where they had to scratch survival out of the dirt without modern amenities.  I got the sense that they are freaked about how could all of this ornate development could exist where they carved out a homestead among the cruel harshness of nature. 

Just as I was really starting to get a deeper read on the energy being emitted from the pioneer cemetery one of my golf group was yelling at me saying, "Get your ass down here.  What are you looking at up there?  The group in back of us is up our ass so we need to speed up play." 

I scuttled down the hill and into the golf cart as quickly as I could.  I could not shake off what I just experienced.  I could not mention it to anybody in my group as they would dump me in the next available sand trap and leave me for dead being the freak that I am. 

Anyway, this was the sign I was warned with going off the beaten path to check out the pioneer cemetery.  I'm still not sure if the sign was meant to warn me against rattlesnakes, the people I was golfing with, or those who reside in the gated community. 

Rebel Without a Cause: Hangar

I won't go into the intimate details of the contractor I once worked with who was involved in the car accident that killed James Dean.  He received hate mail for decades and had a target on his back.  Not a fun way to go through life.  Like the accident wasn't shitty enough. 

This is about my own issue of being a 'rebel without a cause' and taking the brave stance of hanging a hangar inside a hotel room on the sprinkler system where it says NOT TO!!!!  OMG!!!!  Just where are the cops when you need them?  somebody STOP ME

Text Message Breakup

(sigh) Sadly, texting is such a lame way to end a relationship.  Those who do so should be flogged for social crimes and not allowed to co-mingle in polite society.  It's the spineless cowards' way out.  Think about it.  There was enough intimacy in the relationship for sex to happen, but can't look the person in the eye upon ending things?  Disgraceful.

For those of you who have been on the receiving end of a text message breakup, I'm sorry you had to experience the lowest of the low in the relationship pool.  You have hit rock bottom.  Your relationship prospects can't get any worse and there is no where to go but up.  Trust me. 

Maybe I can make muster a weak laugh out of you while you're licking your wounds from such crass behavior from somebody you had feelings for and thought had evolved beyond the emotional state of a snail. 

Roseburg, Oreson: President Obama

If you would have asked me 3 days ago if I was going to suddenly be in Roseburg, Oregon entangled in President Obama's motorcade security I would have said that you were out of your mind...but suddenly there I was...  I had 4 hours notice before making the trek north.  For those of you just tuning in (like I actually have any readers) Roseburg, Oregon is the latest horror scene of kids with guns committing mass murder at a school. 

Once there with traffic halted and all off/on exits to I-5 blocked with Oregon State police, I had plenty of time to observe the populace along with the protesters and to sit still to *really* take in the energy of the area and what was going on around me.  This is what came across to me.  I can't say that I'm right or wrong, but it's what I felt for whatever that's worth.  Here goes. 

Our knee-jerk reaction is to blame guns.  Of course, that's the obvious place fingers are pointed.  I can't entirely dismiss the argument against gun control.   Everybody is screaming for background checks prior to buying a gun.  Really?  We are all nuts.  Where do we draw the line? 

I think the root of the problem runs deeper than the surface level gun control argument.  Upon entering the areal of Roseburg, Oregon I noticed the proliferation of "Jesus Saves" billboards along with other overly preachy and self-righteous billboards masquarading as being Christian when it smacked of intense dogma.  God (or Jesus if you will) save you if you did not take in their doctrine hook, line, and sinker.  How dare anybody question anything?  It's in the BIBLE.  We will BEAT this belief system into you whether you LIKE IT OR NOT.  Next to the Jesus billboard and the church was the truck stop with the big, neon lights advertising the ADULT SHOPPE and the meth-head on the corner screaming at cars passing by.  Yeah... something is just a bit off kilter, here. 

Where was a young person to go when he questioned what was being fed his belief system?  Where was any room for diversity?  Why do you think the young gunman asked if the student was a Christian prior to gunning them down?  Does anybody else out there sense what's really going on when you peel away the layers of the onion?  What if you did not quite fit into the box that Roseburg, Oregon prescribed to you?  What if those who where up on their preachy Christian pedestal were molesting kids at Sunday School and running a kiddie porn ring? 

Stranger things have happened.  Just ask Jared the pedophile Subway spokesperson.  Weird shit happens everywhere.  All the time.  The shooting was just the tip of the iceberg.  There is so much sub verged.  It's so easy and simple to blame the surface issue of guns.  Yes, guns are a problem.  I'm not saying that it's not.  There is just so much more to this. 

Here we go again...  Pumped Up Kicks

A Hair Style So Hot

....that MEN copy my style.  Yup.  I was one of the first to revive the 'bun' hairstyle.  I should be flattered that it took off and is copied by chicks and dudes alike.  I see my hair everywhere now.  I always get asked, "how do you make your hair like that?"

My hair be like...

And even dudes like my hair... and they be like..

Not bad being a trend setter for a somebody over 40. 

Bitch Slapped

Some people just need to be bitch slapped.  HARD.  and.... odds are the driver of this vehicle is male.  Why else would he be trying to fit such a large thing into a small space?  Trying to overcompensate for something lacking?  He wishes his could "fill" the space like this.  Oh well, if this fulfills his need to overcompensate for his small penis then so be it. 

St. Regis San Francisco

I've been in SF for the past few days for my industry's annual national convention.  My industry likes to do things first class.  Going to dinner for a group of 8-12 and having the bill come to $8,000 is nothing for them.  How do I know this?  I sign the check.

Which brings me to the St. Regis Hotel in San Francisco.  My work never puts me up in a slum when I need to spend the night somewhere.  I should be thankful.  However, it get a little riduculous at the St. Regis.  I have my own private butler.  I'm not allowed to iron my own clothing or retrieve my own ice.  WTF?  Really?  Are you KIDDING me?

Heaven forbid if I should run out of toilet paper.  Private BUTT-ler.

Pot Lounge - Not a Bathroom: Santee Sioux Weed Oasis

OMG!!!!!  LOOPER!!!!!  They STOLE our idea!  We had it all planned out, but the Santee Sioux tribe beat us to the punch.  They were eavesdropping on OUR ideas!  Oh yeah, we thought of this first.  What kind of homies do that to one another?   Now, dear Looper, just *how* are they going to get their stash of hash?  Mendocino and the Emerald Triangle get a cut of the action.  We are not out of this game yet. 

The Light

I've been at my job for going on 30 years.  My office is in a historical building that I would not trade for anything despite the usual quirks old buildings have.  The building manager has been here longer than myself, believe it or not.  She has seen me go through life and watched my kids grow up.  Her office is next to mine and the walls are not exactly sound proof.  I know her routine and can 'hear' scuffles, ringing phones, etc., through the walls. 

She is retiring today.

Just moments ago I heard her familiar pattern of sounds as she readied herself to go home for the evening.  I heard the light switch 'click' off and the squeaky office door close for the last time.  I could not even muster myself to go out and give her a hug.  I'm sitting here crying.  I don't know why. 

October 1st

What?????  October already?  Come ON!!!  I'm still thinking I should plan a Memorial Day BBQ.  With the flipping of the calendar page to another month I can't help but be reminded of the ominous HOLIDAY SEASON that is encroaching whether we like it or not. 

Oh yes....the holiday season....love and best wishes to all....right?  So easy to say from our holier-than-thou pulpit.  We need to practice what we preach.  We all want world peace and get angry at our elected political representatives because they can't get along.  However, how many of us avoid and manipulate celebrating holidays with certain relatives/friends because they have pissed us off?  How many of us have boycotted holiday get-togethers because of family feuds?  I see you.  You can't fool me.  

Before you get your liberal ass all preachy mandating peace and love for all while dissing your own family I have a few parting thoughts and a practice challenge for you.  Visualize the following carefully. 

We all can't even come together over a meal at Thanksgiving with family members we are not particularly fond of and compromise -- even if we have to fake it.  We all know that the holiday season is fodder for suicide, violence, and 911 domestics.  Why on earth do you expect your elected officials and government to behave differently? 

Michael Jackson said it best.  If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make that change. 

Your challenge for this holiday season is to make peace with a relative who has pissed you off and break bread with them.  Grandma will take that humanitarian gesture to her grave....AND it will legitimize your "world peace" bumper sticker on your Prius.  Think global.  Act local. You can't get any more local than your own home and family. 

Reptilian Brain

The old saying "cold hearted snake" isn't so far off the mark.  There really is a personality disorder mostly associated with narcissists where their brains are wired in a somewhat reptilian fashion.  People with this type of brain wiring are broken.  They are incapable of long-term relationships and any kind of love and reciprocity that does not revolve around the RB (reptile brain) constantly having his/her ego stroked. They think nothing of keeping people in their lives -- as long as they serve a useful purpose to them -- and then devaluing and discarding them like they were a wrapper around a fast food hamburger.  They need a constant supply of ego stroking, and like a swarm of locusts will go source-to-source, destroying everything in its path, to feed and keep the ego alive. 

The problem is that these people are smart and know how to manipulate.  It takes time to sift through what is real with them and what is not.  They can't keep the act up forever and they will slip up and show their true colors.  Don't be fooled thinking that the RB suddenly had an epiphany and suddenly grew a conscious and a heart.  They don't.  They just need something from you whether it be nursing their ego or filling their bank account.

Next time a cold hearted snake tries to slither his/her way into your life remember this very helpful visual that somebody told me.  Go into a pet store and look at a lizard and I mean REALLY look at a lizard.  Do you think it's capable of genuine love and feelings?  Do you think the lizard will change if you give it 'just one more chance'?  The chameleon will change colors, but it's not permanent and only a tool for manipulation for the RB to get what s/he wants from you.  Your RB person *is* that lizard.

This one will *not* turn into a prince upon kissing.  Trust me. 

Belly Laugh

As life is taking me on a tour and educating me on this plane of existence, I'm realizing more and more the importance of the belly laugh.  You know.  The laugh where sometimes liquid spurts out your nose and your stomach is in agony.

Where belly laughs are inappropriate (funerals, weddings, business meetings) hard core silent giggles work as well.  You know.  Where your entire body is shaking and people think you're having an epileptic seizure.  Weird grunts arise from your throat in attempt to suppress and silence the laughter.

You know what love is?  It's the people you experience laughter with.  I'm not saying that you don't have your knock-down nasty arguments with them -- if you spend ANY amount of extended time with ANYBODY you will have a knock-down nasty argument.  It's the ability to later have a good belly laugh about the argument down the road with the person you had the argument with.   It's my lame definition of love.

Surround yourself with people who make you laugh and see the humor in this temporary, brief existence.  None of us are as nearly as important as we want to believe. 

Numbers Stations and Super Moons

Did you all watch the blood moon lunar eclipse last night?  It was a great night for a stroll with a lover;)  Looking up in the star studded sky and seeing the never-ending wonder of nature and the universe puts things into perspective. 

There is so much going on that we just don't see.  Not only are most people completely oblivious to the supernatural powers that are all around us, most are also oblivious to what's being invisibly thrown around in the airwaves. 

Take the creepy 'numbers stations' as an example.  The five-words-or-less-version is that they are short wave radio transmissions that consist of code for military purposes.  I remember coming across a numbers station when I was a kid as my dad had a radio that picked up signals from around the world.  I don't know *how* he got that radio, but it's one of those big, old wooden honkers the size of a bookcase.  I remember tuning that radio ever so carefully picking up feint signals in the wee hours of the night.  I was fascinated with it.   It is believed that 'numbers stations' are still used because sometimes low tech is the best way to combat high tech.  Plus, the signal has staying power and can be picked up in remote areas. 

The Swedish Rhapsody posted below was believed to transmit to Germany and Russia.  Creepy.  Fascinating.  Look up, people.  You have NO idea what's being flung around the skies.  Seriously. 

Fort Abercrombie: Abercrombie, North Dakoka

So much history under my feet growing up I was tuned into, but oblivious of.  Let's take Fort Abercrombie for example.  When I was a kid it was a place to have picnics after church on a Sunday.  As I got older into the teen years it was the place to hang out at night to party.  We would all sit still and wait for the spirits to become active.  Somehow, that pretty much always turned into 'spin the bottle' where many a romance started -- and ended.

It wasn't until I was a little older did I really understand the history of the place.  It was the first fort in the Dakota Territory that protected the Red River of the North and the Ox Cart trade.  The Sioux sieged the fort in 1862 as the Sioux were getting peeved at the number of whites staking out land for farms and killing the bison.  Strategic timing for the Sioux as the Civil War was going on and a lot of men were called away to fight.  Well, we all know how the Sioux Uprising of 1862 ultimately went.

Anyway, some images that depict Fort Abercrombie past and present.  I have and always will feel at home there.

Beezer: Lost

I got an eerie text message from my cousin today.  He texted me that Beezer had a stroke and that he was in surgery and things did not look good.  Beezer died today. 

Who was Beezer?

Beezer was my intended farm boy from Dakota.  He was there for me when my cousin died and if things had turned a different corner I would have been his fat and happy farm wife.  As life turned, events and things turned a different corner and I ended up in Sonoma County.  Beezer did call for me after I left the midwest for California.  But by then life had set its course. 

Beezer was half Norwegian and half French.   Just that in itself was a combo that only alcohol can explain.  I remember kissing him in the cornfield near the Fort Ambercrombie ruins along the Red River that divided Minnesota and North Dakota.  I also remember spending time with him just prior to taking off to California and his concern. 

Yes, Beezer, you were my Superman.  I know it was a stupid joke when we were teens but I did remember after all these years.  I will support your widow and your kids as best as I know how.  They lost a great husband and father today. 

Match Maker

I work in a male dominated industry.  I have known the guys I work with for 25 years or more.  My relationship with these guys is very sister-like.  I get constantly hit up from these guys asking if I have any 'friends' I can set them up with. 

(big sigh)

I'm hesitant to play match maker for these guys for a multitude of reasons I can't go into.  However, I did acquiesce to one request because I was getting vibes from both my female friend and the guy I work with, who have met each other at social outings over the years, that there was a mutual-interest-attraction-vibe going on.  

I took the initiative and was the 'broker' for both parties.  I set up a mutually agreeable place, date, and time in a non-threatening environment.  Keep it light and fluffy at first, right?  Perfect.  It's all set up. 

Now....this why i DO NOT play match maker and went against my better judgement with this one instance.  

I got a call from the guy yesterday evening saying he may be late because he has a doctor appointment down in Marin because he's going out on "stress" disability at work. 

I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him.  Great.  I go out of my way to set something up taking a risk in the process.  HE agreed to the time, date, and place.  My friend is all excited.  Now he calls saying he will be late and/or miss the event all together. 

....and this guy wonders why he can't keep a woman.... DUH. 

Mabon: Autumn Equinox

Yeah, so I'm somewhat of a freak.  Today marks the autumn equinox or Mabon as it is known for Pagans and Wicca.  It's the time of acknowledging the changing of the seasons and prepare for the cold and dark ahead.  It's a time of reflection, atonement, and gratitude.  I suppose it's not a surprise that Yom Kippur also recognizes the same theme.  It's amazing how similar all religions truly are once the top layers of dogma are peeled away.