Work Functions Work Hours: The Company Picnic

Work functions should be held during work hours.  Nothing is worse than the "company picnic" scheduled on a Saturday in June on the same weekend you have had a long-standing family tradition of going to Oregon to go fishing with all of your cousins on great-great-Grandpa's homestead. 

Of course, nobody is entitled to details or explanations regarding your private activities during designated private time away from the workplace (namely evenings and weekends), but you will be chastised nonetheless for being absent from this pseudo-social "company picnic" event.  

Prepare yourself to be grilled for having a social life away from work.  Prepare yourself for daring to carve out time for your families -- and on a WEEKEND for crying out loud!  How DARE you for not wanting to give up a Saturday in June to not have Mailroom Billy pinch your ass en route to the ladies room, or not to have Supervisor George trying slip you the tongue for merely giving a social cheek kiss farewell.

I can't make this crap up, people.

If employers were smart, they would ditch any and all "parties" trying to create false comrades out of mere co-workers.  If attempting to create pals out of co-habitual cubicle spaces is an agenda item for CEO PeaBrain, please do it during designated working hours and also on the work place premises.    
Nobody wants to drive 15-30 miles enduring traffic, parking, bridge tolls, etc., to be subject to annoyances one must endure one cubicle over Monday through Friday day in and day out.  Company bribes of Giants tickets, A's tickets, whatever, can't possibly compensate for co-worker Egbert's annoying habits and bad breath.  

When scheduling the mandatory party with the intent of making things happier in the workplace, just make sure Supervisor George will not be upset when the sales report that is due the next business morning is not done because of  CEO Peabrain's  "pseudo-social mandatory company bonding party" has distracted Supervisor George's department employees and attempts to administer reprimands.

The savvy business has dumped any attempts of trying to force friendships out of co-workers we already loathe.  The savvy business has figured out that the "company picnic" is a breeding ground of sexual harassment complaints, drunk driving, physical violence, and workers' compensation issues (tripping on that banana peel on the way to getting to the bar, or injuring the back while doing the inflatable sumo wrestler game). 

Want to make your employees TRULY happy?  Give them the day off -- with pay -- for no reason. 

You will be sooooooooo far ahead in employee loyalty AND cool points. 

On Visitors

Lots of things are happening this week.  Lots of 'lasts.'  Yes, I'm an emotional wreck.  Thank goddesses I don't have time to dwell on them or I would end up locking myself in a room for two months.  That may happen week after next when the dust of this insanely busy week finally settles. 

Why is it that visitors attract more visitors?  The meek pleas of mom's "I really hope I get to see so-and-so while we're here" has had me up to my armpits with people in my house 24-7.  Many of them come unannounced to say 'hi' to my parents and check in with the proceedings of the upcoming celebration.  The unannounced visitors chirp, "Please don't stop what you're doing.  We did not come to interfere."

Really?  Then why are you asking me questions and prodding for details as I'm cleaning bathrooms and trying to concentrate on getting ABC in order prior to the the 5:00 deadline and make rounds for errands that need to be completed?  I'm not in the mood to have a conversation with you while I'm wearing cleaning gloves and have a sweated brow.  

In a weird way I will be glad when this week is over and I can draw the shades, keep the garage door closed, and deadlock the front door.    My fantasy is to be alone in a silent room (uninterrupted) with a good book.  .  People drain me.   I want to recharge.   I have a hard time getting rid of people.  If two leave, three more come in.  I have no concept of being alone in my house. 

My plans for this summer is to spend time ALONE without anybody's constant nagging presence.  No, I don't want to do your laundry, cook your meals, clean up after you, watch your tv shows, etc.  I don't want to answer to anybody.  If I want to up and travel, I'm going to up and travel.  I'm done being the 24-7 hostess. 

If I do get the luxury of being home alone, it does not last longer than 20-30 minutes.   Just as I'm settling into enjoying my personal space, the front door opens WE'RE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Already?  How can I miss anybody if they won't ever go away? 

My Mother

...is here visiting from Minnesota.  Yeah, my dad is here as well.  How in the hell they have managed to remain married for 53 years is beyond me.  They are opposites in every way imaginable.  They have NOTHING in common.  Wait.  I take that back.  They are both extremely hard working and are doing something all the time.  That's where the similarities end.

Mom's constant paranoia in regards to pharmaceutical companies, the government, food additives, cleaning agents, etc., is enough to make me want to blow my brains out.  Oh, and that everybody is a potential murderer and is plotting to kill you and dispose of your body in a ditch.  That's what happens on CSI Las Vegas, don't 'cha know.....

Example:  Last night some friends came over.  They have a beautiful teen aged daughter.  Their daughter works at a local coffee shop.  Lately, a male patron has been coming into the coffee shop and seems to be interested as his written poetry/prayers to her indicate.  The male patron is obviously smitten.  How sweet to receive anything hand-written from a guy expressing emotions. 

My mother's immediate reaction to this man's attention is that he's a creeper wanting to worm his way into the teenager's heart and life to do her harm.

Can you say PARANOID???????

Being the bitch daughter I am, I asked my mother how two people were to get to know each other, date, forge a relationship, whatever, if no initiation from the guy happens.  Things have to start somewhere, right? 

No answer.

Granted, there are a lot of asshole guys out there.  I've had the sad experience of watching Prince Charming turn into a toad and breaking my heart in the process; it's happened more times than I wish to count.  There is no shortage of dick-heads, that's for sure....

However, sometimes we just need to take a chance......If we end up murdered in a ditch, at least we tried and died giving love and romance a go. 

British Soldier

I have but one question to the Muslims living in France, England, etc.   If you hate everything Western, to the point of murdering a soldier in his home country, then why are you living there?  I'm certain England would be happy to pack your bags and send you back to Afghanistan. 

What???  You don't want to go back because it's a shit-hole country????  That's the thing with Muslims.  They come over trying to play the pauper role as victims crying about how their religion is about peace and they are oppressed by their governments.  Bullshit.

 You bleeding heart liberals will believe anybody who whines a little bit and cries.   Muslims will slit your throat while you're handing them citizenship and offering social benefits.

 

On Life Milestones: Next?

The past 25 years have been devoted to my kids.  Damn, that's a quarter century.  People who have been convicted of murder have had prison sentences less than that. 

Things are about to shift.  If I think about it too much I will cry.  It's all becoming a reality.  The out-of-state relatives are arriving, final ceremonial touches are being completed, etc. 

Now what?  I thought I would be arranging babysitting, changing diapers, and wrestling with car seats and strollers for all eternity -- not to mention driving on just about every school field trip, making food for class parties, etc. 

I've poured so much of my energy into the kids......  I guess I can finally learn that foreign language, upgrade my computer skills, and pursue other interests that have been on the back burner for 25+ years.  That's the positive side of having kids when young.  I still have a lot of time to enjoy traveling and such.  My career is solid, finances are solid, and health is solid.  Granted, it could all change on a dime as we never know what life holds for us, but all in all it's pretty darn good. 

Careers for those in their 30's

I have spent the last 20 years interviewing candidates for an apprenticeship program that offers 100% paid health insurance (regardless of number of dependents), retirement, and other benefits that are pretty much non-existent in today's job market.

I also find it interesting that the applicants coming in have impressive academic backgrounds.  Despite their expertise in the subject matter they majored in, they are unable to find a job that pays more than minimum wage and slave hours.  Even if they stuck it out at the beginning serf levels, they would top out at a salary that would leave them in student loan debt until they were 150 years old and still never afford a house.

Last night I interviewed three with advanced degrees from so-called prestigious universities.   I guess I'm sensitive to this as my own children are coming of age and the entire scam-tuition game is on my radar.  Not only is the scam-tuition on my radar, it's the pressure from society that we continue this scam.  Thank goddesses I'm strong enough not to fear going against the grain. 

Now the tuition scam victims are turning 30 something and panic is setting in.  They thought their youth would never end, and that mommy/daddy would pay their bills indefinitely.  They are scared of having to (gulp) support themselves and pay their own bills.  All of a sudden retirement is a real word in their vocabulary.  The girlfriend they have been with is now pregnant.  Their mom and dads have passed on and left nothing in their estate for them to inherit.  It was all spent on medical bills.  The inheritance "jackpot" that so many kids have been secretly pining for from their parents for has evaporated.  It is sinking in that they can't afford their own lifestyle they have grown accustomed to. 

It's now desperate flailing.  Holding out for the job of their choice has left them with nothing but missed opportunities.  They were the epitome of the "me" generation thinking the world would stop revolving until they were handed the perfect golden job on a silver platter specifically scripted to their own preferences.  Now in their 30's they are edged out by beginning 20 somethings who are not quite as selfish and spoiled as the reality of the global economy has kicked them around some.  The 40-60's are not retiring. 

Now what?  Sorry society has built up you 30-somethings and promised you things that were not delivered.  My sage advice is to realize:
1.  You're not that great;
2.  There is somebody younger than you who is willing to do the job you turned your nose up at to gain experience and will not whine about it;
3.  There is somebody older than you who will not retire.
4.  The chances of the 20-something getting the retiree's job is greater because they have experience.
5.  Sorry you sat on your ass for a decade.  The world did keep revolving despite your thinking that you were the center of the universe.  
6.  Of course it's not your fault!!!!!  You are the the leaders of blaming others. 

May 21: My Favorite Day

I know it's not an official holiday, but May 21 is my favorite day.  It always has been since I was a kid.  Why?  Because spring was in full-force, school was almost out, and I could wear the fun spring clothes that had been hiding in the back of my closet all winter. 

I loved the smell of the blooms, loved getting a tan, LOVED the outdoor kegger parties down by the Mississippi River. 

It is also my birthday -- kind of.  Back before legal drinking age I borrowed SSP's sister's ID to get into bars and to buy liquor.  Her birthday?  May 21.  Don't think I did not have her name, address, birthday, drivers license number, etc., all memorized.  I needed to pass the quiz if questioned by the bouncer. 

Fun memories....  LOVE YA SSP and NS!!!!!

B.S. in Business Administration - Finance

You all will not believe it until the whole house of cards collapses in about 10 years -- just like the mortgage debacle.  It's the student loan debacle that has sooooooo many tentacles....you'll see. 

For whatever reason, the past generation or so has been telling a fairy tale that sending kids off to "college" to get their "degree" that is supposedly to guarantee them a financially secure future is the ONLY way to the path of happiness.  In this delusional, academic, imaginary fairyland, a piece of paper that costs you obnoxious amounts in tuition to learn things that really do not apply to the real world is deemed desirable.

Yes.... I'm impressed by your knowledge of (fill in the blank).  However, the only ones reaping any financial reward are those who told you it was necessary to get that degree in underwater basket weaving.  You were sucked in.  Now you need to recruit future under water basket weavers to make your existence complete.  The cycle continues.  True passion in a subject area requires no formal series of classes that will put you in the poorhouse for decades to come.  You will find classes to fuel your passion if you're willing to learn about the subject matter more than writing a school name on a resume. 

We have had a great social experiment of trying to make scholars out of the masses.  We invented categories and majors so nobody would feel they were left behind.  The only ones successful are those laughing all the way to the bank on your tuition dollars who convinced you the tuition was a good investment.

It's now five years after you have graduated from Greedy University.  I am now interviewing you for a beginning position in a construction trades apprenticeship program.  Your B.S. in finance has proved worthless.

It's ironic that the liberals pushing this massive education agenda created a workforce of debt-ridden, unemployable graduates who don't possess basic job skills. 

More on that later......

Culinary Award #2

Tonight I received my second official culinary recognition award within the past month.  I need to stress that I was not even really trying.  I guess it's my natural love for cooking.  There is no school I attended, classes taken, or even any kind of official training as an apprentice from a master.  My culinary school?  Trial and Error. Tuition?  People going for second helpings, requests for recipes, and full bellies. 

There was also something special about my award tonight.  It was the references to the memories that I created. 

Yeah... I probably helped escalate the obesity problem in America just a wee bit.  However, my food was made from the best ingredients I could get a hold of and was not thoughtlessly tossed at you in a bag from a drive through window. 

mamma's food is made with love..........that's the best ingredient there is........

Sad Reunion

Time flies and people enter and exit our lives accordingly.  It's not that I stop being your friend (unless you *really* pissed me off) but rather communication has dwindled because of, well.. just life.  Perhaps the level of friendship did not deepen because of fundamental differences in our personalities, but we had fun while our paths were crossed.  I will be pleasant and courteous to you, but don't mistake that for being my soul-friend.  Remember, I am super selective about my inner circle of friends. 

Then there are my friends who know I love them no matter how much time between our visits.  We always pick up where we left off -- no apologies, excuses, or claims of excess business needed. 

It's the group of friend-acquaintances that has me unsettled as of late.  You know, the friends for whom you don't harbor any ill-will towards, but just dropped off the radar.  Now they are popping up like bad pennies out of the blue. 

One appeared for me this week.  This is a person I have not seen in 16 years.  This person appeared at a youth sporting event I was at.  I will refer to this person as X.  I was just sitting on the sidelines chatting with the other moms when X strolled up to my side.  It took a moment or two for it all to register.  Sure, X was 16 years older, grayer, and had all the other visible signs of the natural progression of life on the physical body.  When it clicked and registered I gave X a big hug.  Mistake. 

X was full of woe-is-me stories of the 15 years.   Granted, X has been through the wringer.  However, there was a certain vibe X was giving off that was sounding alarms in my inner energy detector.  It became clear after X went on and on and on and on about personal hardships, health issues, job losses, etc., that X really was a needy person needing a rescue.  The clincher was the overwhelming smell of booze X was emitting.  I am a sympathetic, empathic person and I did not want to blow X off, but it was an emotionally exhausting conversation.  All I wanted to do was watch the game.  X tracked me down and ambushed me.  X lamented about how I have not sent out Christmas cards the past couple of years (taking it as a personal insult), and not keeping in steady communication.  By the end I felt drained and like I had been hit by a Mack truck. 

Why is it that I am a magnet for the needy and clingy?  I don't need more people sucking my energy.   Codependent no more!

More Graduation Etiquette

While I'm on the subject of etiquette for graduation ceremonies, yet more thoughts for promoting polite behavior for the graduates AND their families.  Follow closely...

1.  I've already gone over the tortilla tossing, beach ball volleying, and donning ridiculous hats at the graduation ceremony.  Save the cries of "it's our graduation and we will do as we please."  Perhaps such juvenile behavior is condoned in your own household and immediate social circle, but what about the graduates who take this ceremony seriously?  Would you want those in attendance at your wedding to act like it's a frat party? 

2.  This is not the time for individuality.  Usually regalia is prescribed by the educational establishment hosting the ceremony.  Your graduating "class" really is a class.  We all know the number 20 was your number throughout high school football.  Nothing about your sports career, military career, or whatever else is to be showcased here.  It's about the academic graduation from the institution you are receiving your diploma from.  Period. 

3.  Those in the audience witnessing the ceremony need to show some basic manners as well.  Nothing is more irritating than those families who are there only until their graduate walks across the stage and then decide to leave.  No, we don't want your asses in our faces as you make your clumsy exit stepping on everybody trying to get to the aisle.  While your ass was in our face, we missed our own graduate receiving diploma.  Grandpa Walter came from Florida for this special event.  Somehow your fat ass in his face as you make your rude exit got in the way of seeing his grandson graduate.

4.  Not only was your fat ass in Grandpa Walter's face upon making your ill-timed exit, his hearing aid exploded because of the stupid blow horn you used when your graduate walked across the stage.  We'd like to return the favor using one of your own orifices. 

5.  Lastly, if you think the graduation ceremony is a boring joke, please do us all a favor and don't attend.  This is an event for grown-ups. Show your class that you have class. 

Graduation Season

It's that time of year for graduations.  I might also add that it's wedding season as well.  Both weddings and graduations are supposedly happy ceremonies.  Those attending graduations and weddings may cry despite being extremely proud and happy.  That's where the irony should end.

There tends to be confusion between the definition of "ceremony" and "celebration" especially at graduations.  It's a pity those graduating are given a diploma and turned loose on society without knowing how to use a dictionary for understanding the difference between "ceremony" and "celebration" nor possessing basic social manners.  However, we are making a huge guess in assuming those receiving diplomas (and their families) can actually read and have evolved beyond the neanderthal stage.

Let me help.

A ceremony is a dignified, polite, formal act prescribed by ritual and/or protocol.   May I stress the words 'dignified' and 'formal.' 

A celebration is to observe a notable occasion with festivities -- a party, if you will.

Granted, you have to have functioning cerebral matter to differentiate the definitions of above two underlined words, but let me dumb it down for you.

Word to graduates and their families who raised them:  The ceremony is NOT the celebration.  If you disagree then how would you feel about your bridesmaids tossing tortillas and beach balls during your wedding?  How would you feel about your new mother-in-law blowing a horn while you were exchanging your vows?  What about your best man walking down the aisle donning a big, goofy party hat?  Both weddings and graduations are happy occasions, right? What's the issue?

Ohhhh.... there's a time and place for everything.  Get it?

Mothers' Day

Pardon me if I'm a tad confused about Mothers' Day as of late.  What used to be a day of phoning your mother and buying her flowers has turned into a crazed circus of acknowledging every single female in your life.

I'm am NOT anti-woman by any means.  However, it gets dangerously muddled when:  sisters, babysitters, nurses, teachers, friends, female patrons at a restaurant, and female relatives with no children get thrown into the "mother" group.

Who gets acknowledged?  Who doesn't?  What if somebody gets insulted if they're not acknowledged and you acknowledged another 'non-mother' as a mother?  What if somebody gets offended if you do acknowledge them as 'non-mother'  mother?  What if a very gender neutral looking man gets handed a rose when he enters an establishment on Mothers' Day?

Let's take this a bit further....  What if a woman who is having fertility issues gets acknowledged, or a woman who just had a miscarriage or stillbirth?   What about the woman who may have lost her child in a car accident or to some hideous disease?  What about the mother who made the heart-wrenching decision to put her baby up for adoption and is longing for contact and wonders constantly about the child she will never know?  What about the woman who opted NOT to have children?

See where it gets blurred and emotions could come boiling to the surface when the chirpy-good-intentioned-mothers'- day-mass-acknowledger casually assumes the holiday is pleasant for everyone?   There are often painful, private details about a woman's life that Mothers' Day brings to the surface.  Unless the woman is your mother and/or you know the personal, intimate details of her life, STFU and don't assume ANYTHING. 

Who even started this crap of making Mothers' Day tentacles to reach to every female (or female looking person) on the globe whether or not they had children?  I'm sure it was the Bored Moms on Prozac Committee.  The irony. 

Either rename the holiday to Global Female Day and acknowledge every woman unanimously across the board, or keep the original intent of honoring YOUR MOTHER.   Anything else will get you into trouble -- even if your intentions are good. 

Lies and Betrayal

I get burned by people.  I guess that's my punishment for this incarnation.  My trust and generosity gets me fucked over.  No wonder I keep my intimate social network small and tight.  I don't lack for social interaction, don't get me wrong.... I tend to smile at the masses, and you all smile back.  There's a difference in my interacting with you and your being truly in my network.  You *know* if you're in my inner circle.  There are less than a dozen of you, and I know you know who you are.  My loyalty is unshakable for those in my inner circle.  I would die for you. 

Then there are those of you I've kept on the fringes for a time.  I've contemplated on letting you in.  There's something about you I just don't trust.  I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you get closer.  Guess what. You fucked me over. Yup... you proved all on your own that you're an asshole.  I immediately excommunicate you.  You do not deserve my friendship.  Delete. 

Lunch With A Friend

I'm still friends with the very first woman I met after moving to California from Minnesota.  Her initials are KRM.  Yeah, she has known me for 27 years.  Yes, she still talks to me on her own volition.  

We were on the same bowling team at Nave Lanes in Novato back in the late 1980's.  We would order pink ladies from the bar and proceed to get totally inebriated while trying to bowl competitively.  I quit bowling after breaking my fingernails all the time.  No, my crappy average and gutter balls had NOTHING to do with it ;)  Besides, the cafe had really good french fries.  Attempting to bowl with nails AND greasy fingers was a recipe for disaster.  Oh well.....  Now Vintage Oaks Shopping Center stands in the place of Nave Lanes.  Too bad....  it was kind of a cool building...

I'm getting off track.  In case you all have not noticed, I tend to keep the friends I make unless you are a *TOTAL* asshole.  In that case I just wipe you clean of my consciousness.  Anyway....Years later KRM and I still share our souls.  Yesterday we met up for lunch as her schedule is just as insane as mine. We were talking about how our children are coming of age and now how our kids' "boyfriend" and/or "girlfriend" play a significant role in the daily household routine.

KRM was lamenting on how her daughter's boyfriend (age 20) likes to spend the night at her house, which just in itself already has her irritated.  'Boyfriend' also went out and bought a puppy that he also now brings to the house.  Mind you, KRM already has two dogs of her own to care for.  It's not that KRM hates animals, it's the fact that her daughter and boyfriend thought nothing of bringing in yet ANOTHER animal in for her to care for without asking.  Neither one of them are out scooping poops in the back yard or taking dogs for walks. 

The moral of the story is that 18-25 year-olds have NO CLUE!  Just where is the line between being a good parent and kicking their ungrateful, irresponsible, clueless asses out into the street? 

Internet Privacy - Social Networking for Kids

You all gave your kids the tool of the devil.  Now you're bitching about that iPhone and Johnny's self-destructive pics and posts on Facebook.    Trying to control teens and social networking sites by implementing privacy controls is like shoveling against the tide.  You think you have privacy?  HA!!!! 

It's only going to get worse.  It's not just your idiot 'friends' tagging you and posting to social media every time you go out complete with pics and location. Now many public places are implementing cameras that capture the demographics and faces of their customers complete with face recognition software (for safety, advertising and marketing purposes, of course).

Here is where I think the Islamic religion is right in having women cover their faces when out in public.  I think we all will be covering our faces pretty soon.......

What do they REALLY teach in school?

Some of the biggest numbers on my balance sheet accounts receivables  these days where I work is from "outstanding higher education" establishments that tout how monetarily well off they are.  They brag about their school, programs, job placements... blah... blah....blah....blah....

Simple question.  If these educational establishments have their so-called shit together, then how come nobody knows what the f*** they are doing and can't answer a simple accounting question?  One prestigious school owes my work more than $60,000.  It's hard for me to leaf through their glossy, self-promotional pamphlet they mail me touting their 'leading edge program' for students on how to be "real, responsible leaders in the business world" while their own accounting department can't pay my invoice that is now more than 100 days past due. 

Cough. Cough.  Yeah.... that's the institution of morons I want to pay $30,000 + tuition each year to to teach absolutely NOTHING.  I guess they're teaching students how to make promises to pay and then jerk us around indefinitely.  Nice.  It's the American way. 

I can't wait until this institution mails out their annual plea for monetary donations from the community.  I'll enclose yet another copy of their 'past due' invoice.