Cavewoman

Yeah.... it's so much better to live in my little cave.  I never need to worry about lies from others.  I like it in my cave.  The walls are thick and sound.  I can keep everybody at a distance.  Should you catch me outside of the safe boundaries of my cave I will be congenial.  I will laugh.  I will be exceedingly personable and generous.  However, you will NEVER be allowed access to my heart.....

Suicide at NASCAR

Just read the Yahoo news headline that states, "Man shoots self in infield at NRA 500."

Who wouldn't? 

Nosy Neighbors

Like my life isn't miserable enough living in a fish bowl.  Every bit of activity at my house arouses curiosity and questions from neighbors, most of which are none of their (bleeping) business. 

I got a voice mail from a neighbor on my work line and also on my cell phone.  She did not state exactly what she needed, but wanted me to call her back as she had a question.  I know this neighbor as we have kids the same age and we have connected socially at local events.  I always thought her to be rather nosy, but this blew me away.....

When I returned her call I expected her to ask about a school function with our kids or something of the sort.  This is how the conversation went....

"Hi.  This is NosyNeighbor.  I noticed you have had some extensive repairs done to your home as the construction trucks and activity so indicate.  I also know you have a teen ager you're going to be sending off to college.  Did you know that Bank X offers a great home equity line of credit?  I work for Bank X and get a reward for the number of people who sign up for a home equity line of credit."

I was dumbfounded.  How could anybody make such assumptions let alone have the audacity to ask? 
My financial situation is nobody's business.  What I wanted to tell her was that I have $1.8 million in CASH parked at another bank she does not have access to when NosyNeighbor looks at my account balances just to get a reaction. 

The Arrowhead

A band of Wahpeton Sioux once occupied the land where my grandparents settled on the prarie woodlands.  Chards of the natives' existance are everywhere.  My uncle has a collection of pottery and arrowheads.  I also have a few arrowheads.  They mean more to me than the Hope Diamond or any piece of jewelry.  The arrowheards truly are a piece of my heart. 

North Korea: Kim Jong-un

Would somebody PUH-LEEZE stroke this fat boy's ego so he can relax and believe that he's a world force to be reckoned with and we promise to take him seriously (snicker, snicker).  SNICKERs!!!  OMG!!!  I said the magic word!  Hide that candy bar FAST before Fat Boy launches a nuke.  On second thought, give him the snickers bar because Kim is not Kim when he's hungry. 

Based on the looks of him, the only 'stroking' he's getting lately is with his own hand.  Look at the above photo.  He's proving to the world that his palm is not yet hairy.

Why he's so voracious about running a repressed, shit-hole, third world country is beyond me. I'm sure the North Koreans are just longing to defect..... we have snickers bars.  Take note. 

Yet even MORE Facebook Annoyances

I'm going to write a book on Facebook etiquette.  We need some parameters and guidelines in this world of iPhones and big brother. Let me remind you again, Ignorant Public with Inflated Egos, that Facebook (and pretty much any social media) is a hackers paradise.  Find another venue for your narcissistic tendencies.   Broadcasting your self-absorption WILL come back to bite you. 

1.  NEVER whip out your iPhone with friends and post pictures/location without permission of those present;

2.  Posting pictures of yourself must be done with peppered infrequency.  Nobody likes a camera whore;

3.  Political and religious posts do nothing but piss people off -- no matter which side you're on;

4.  Please stop posting gruesome pictures of babies with exploding heads and the like.

5.  The Golden Facebook Rule:  NEVER post anything that you don't want the entire world to see.  Even if you set your privacy levels accordingly, just know there are security breaches galore.  What you thought was a private message (and perhaps it was) may just pop up public down the road. 

I don't know why I'm sharing this.  I love watching people hang themselves with the Facebook rope. 

Fun With Peeps

Q:  What appears out of this air and multiplies faster than Mexicans?
A:  Peeps.

I do not buy Easter candy.  It seeps in through the walls.  I have no idea where it comes from, but there it is on my dining room table.  Low quality Easter candy is the butt of jokes this week.  Some stupid, silly fun with peeps is to put the chicks in hot chocolate so they have their own private pond to float on.  Another is to put them in the microwave and watch them puff, warp, and melt.  They do make great rice krispy treats when melted down.

....pathetic.... I know.....  what do you expect from a person who put firecrackers in fresh cow manure as a kid to watch it explode for entertainment?