The Best Christmas Party Ever

Yup, I've been to lots and lots of company parties. For the most part, I would rather get a root canal than attend yet another corporate holiday function. Thankfully, the volume of holiday parties has decreased due to the crappy economy. I'm certainly not shedding any tears.

I don't get the Christmas party thing to begin with.... Oh, excuse me... We can't call it a Christmas Party anymore because of some whiny minority who can't come to terms on who actually founded our country and political system they are benefiting from. Go back to where you came from. We won't miss you. Believe me.

Anyway........

What makes employers think for a minute that we want to spend what prescious, little free time we have with people we're stuck with for most of our waking hours? It's enough that we have to tolerate our co-workers' irritating habits and annoying personalities Monday - Friday. Come Saturday I want any residual thoughts of these people wiped out of my consciousness until I'm forced to deal with them again come Monday morning.

Employers think the holiday party creates bonding. Humph. The only bonding I want to see is Jack's ass strapped to the next NASA launch into outer space.

However, there is one Christmas party that is actually fun. Showing up in anything other than jeans is a no-no. There are people of ALL ages from 0-80. There is something to do for them all. Families welcome. No stuffy sit-down dinner. It's all buffet style. There are games, music, crafts, and you name it. Kids are running around, and nobody is yelling at them -- there is no need to. The informality of it makes it exceeding popular. Employers take note.

Electronic Yodeling

There is a new trend in pop music, or maybe I should say the revival of something of years past. Yes, I have a teenage daughter. This means I am subject to the latest chart tarts.

If you play the above link, you will get a sample of the latest sound of electronic yodeling. See, no actual singing talent is required in this case unlike the yodelers of Switzerland.

I am ashamed to admit I kind of actually like it...... My high school friends and I get together once a year and this is a "theme song."

No Public Option

To further my theory that all politicians are on the payroll, I read that the public option for health care was dropped today.

Well, I suppose we the people are ultimately responsible for those who occupy important political positions that design and implement public policy.

Honestly, what can we truly expect from a culture that worships bright, shiny objects?

Tiger is now known as Cheetah

Tiger Woods is living proof that women will fuck anything hoping to get money. I mean, really... Let's not put the blame solely on Tiger. The women after him were nothing but shallow gold diggers.

Most importantly, WHO CARES??????

Hip Swinging Santa

This is one import from China that should be dumped like tea in the harbor. If any of you have been subject to "Hip Swinging Santa" you will immediately know what I mean.

My sister-in-law has a weakness for cheap, plastic shit made in China. She graced us one year with Hip Swinging Santa which plays an 8bit audio rendition similar of that to an 80's videogame of "Santa Clause is Coming to Town." My kids thought it was the greatest thing ever. The dog barks at it constantly. The cat arches his back and hisses at it. My husband wants to place it near his Budweiser Christmas beer stein collection. AUG!!!!!

Me??? Well, after just *one* round I was ready to rip Santa's head off as I thought it was annoying as hell.

Exactly who thinks of this shit? Just think of the initial brain fart surrounding the invention and initial marketing of Hip Swinging Santa. I can just hear the conversation now. "Oh wow, we can make MILLIONS off a cheap, tacky, annoying, hip swinging Santa that plays poor quality music!"

"Who would be so stupid to purchase such an idiotic item?"

"Americans. They will buy anything as goddesses forbid they actually use their money for something useful like their house payment, education, or retirement."

Each year I throw Hip Swinging Santa out in the trash. Each year they bring it back in.

The Scammers

My job affords me the opportunity to meet many, many types of people in the business world. Most of them are business owners, but some are other various types of professionals. There is one type of business owner who should be avoided at all costs: The Scammer.

There is one in particular I deal with who in the beginning I gave the benefit of the doubt. I had heard that The Scammer and his wife were subject to questionable business ethics. Being the type of person I am, I always want to give people an opportunity before passing judgment with what may be idle gossip.

Time tells all, and in this case it certainly did.

The Scammer and his wife are pros at dodging the IRS and bankruptcy laws. They scam workers' compensation money and whatever else they can suck from unsuspecting people.

As an example, the Scammers sold their company but were to remain on as employees by the new owners. Right after the completion of the sale, the Scammer's wife immediately claims she injured her back lifting file boxes out of storage and put in a huge workers' compensation claim.

Funny, but the Scammers wife had no trouble getting drunk and dancing on table tops at a party. I guess her back didn't hurt her then.

That is just one example. I could go on and on. I dread being with these people. They make me sick.

Christmas Brag Letters Part II

Sometimes justice comes served in minute, subtle, portions that only few can appreciate. Today's "Christmas 2009 Brag" photo/letter was one of those days.

Each year we get a "brag photo" from an old acquaintance. See, these are people who are nuveau riche. Each year it's him and her displayed in an exotic location photo of "guess where I've been and don't you wish you were me."

This year's photo featured him and her decked out in their Japanese yakatas doing the white-trash American "tourist" thing in Tokyo as they are about to embark on a traditional Japanese customary evening.

Little do they know the joke is on them.

What the American White Trash do not know is that when wearing a Japanese yakata, the bow is to be in the back. To wear the bow in the front indicates "sexuality for sale." You fill in the rest. American Ken and Barbie defenately had no clue to the local customs.

Typical of stupid Americans.

My hat is off to the Japanese photographer who cunningly pulled off this joke with only a snowball's chance in hell that somebody over here would get it! Very funny!!! I LOVE it.

Today's "White Trash Vacationing in Japan" Christmas card photo clearly indicated as such. Shallow, aging, Barbie is grinning ear-to-ear clinging to her bank account (a.k.a Ken) with her yakata bow right in front (next to her hand dripping in diamonds, I might add). Shallow Barbie has no idea she is being made fun of.

I LOVE YOU, JAPANESE PHOTOGRAPHER!!!! YOU CALLED IT AS YOU SAW IT.