Nutcracker Ballet

I'm all for exposing kids to the arts, don't get me wrong. Art is important to a civilized culture. Yes, there are the small kids who can sit through a full-length ballet performance, but that's more the exception than the norm. Of course, civilized children require civilized supervision, and that's the more severe problem of late.

Today I took my two teen-agers to see San Francisco Ballet's Nutcracker at the Opera House. It was stunning. Just to hear the live orchestra with the performance was worth the price of admission alone. It would have been even better without the fidgety, whiny small brats seated directly in front of us.

Clue to the clueless: Do not bring small children who have the attention span of a gnat to a full-length ballet performance. They will not sit still and become easily bored. Quite frankly, they will ruin the performance for everybody in the general vicinity. We also paid to see this performance and don't want feel our seats getting kicked and listen to the constant whine of "Is it over yet? I wunna goooooo."

Trust me small child. I want you to leave, too. We all do. Your parents/grandparents/whatever showed extremely poor judgment thinking you would actually sit through this. Your parents/grandparents/whatever need to be kicked in the head because people as oblivious as them do not have the common courtesy or tact to remove you when you're obviously bored to tears so others can enjoy the show smacks of their own self-centeredness and stupidity. I'm sorry you share their gene pool.

Yuppie Moms

If you have a child named Dakota, Lily, or Chase, stop right here. This blog is not for you. You are part of the problem. On second thought, maybe you should read it so you will figure out how annoying you and your kids are.

I'm talking about Yuppie Moms. You know the type of parents I'm talking about -- they publicly account for the first prenatal movement, first bowel movement, etc. They think the entire world revolves around their kid. All I can say is WHO CARES!!!

They're the ones who patronize Starbucks dressed to the hilt with their obnoxious brats in tow. They are also the ones who speak in that utterly annoying sing-songy, lofty, kept-housewife-feminine-tone of, "Dakota, stop crawling the walls, OKayyyyy??????? Or we won't get ice cream, OKayyyyy????????"

Attention Yuppie Moms: Your kids aren't that great, you're annoying, and the world is already overpopulated. Tie your tubes immediately.