Bag Your Face

I know I'm dating myself, but the Latin root of all TeenSpeak is the 1980's Valley Girl "OMG, Tooooootally, and Bag Your Face, I'm sure..."

I was a bitch to a total stranger for no reason today, but the recipient deserved it. 

I needed to stop by a grocery store to pick up an ingredient for dinner.  It was *one* item.  I scanned the checkout lanes to see which one was the shortest.  Ah-HA!  I spotted a cashier I have known since she started kindergarten with my own daughter.  awwwwwwwwwwww  look at her now all grown up and working.  Of course, I had to go into her line to say hello and inquire about her family.

The woman in line in front of me only had an item or two.  She should be brief, right?  Nooooooooo.
This woman began a lecture to the cashier and bagger about the lack of availability of plastic bags.  She went onto say that she needed them to throw up in when she gets sick and lamenting on and on about her chronic health problems.  She was holding up the line wanting to speak with the manager and generally making an ass of herself by saying how futile the ban of plastic bags are and the lack of availability will not save the planet.  Finally, my cashier-daughter looked at the woman and asked if she would like her receipt because she was trying to keep the line moving.

The Irritating Woman stepped a couple feet forward so I could begin my transaction.  Finally.  Irritating Woman moved a little bit out of the way so I could get my one item and go home.  I got a huge hug hello from cashier-daughter as she reached across the cashier grocery belt and the teen-speak inquiry of "How's the fam?"

I gave her the five-words-or-less version (which is all anybody really wants, anyway).  The irritating woman was still standing a couple of feet away rambling on about the lack of plastic bags.  I looked at cashier-daughter, and she looked at me.  We could read each others' thoughts about this annoying woman going on and on about there being no plastic bags and we started giggling.  I gave a frosty instruction aimed at Irritating Woman saying, "....and I don't need a bag."

Both cashier and bagger tried to conceal their laughter.  I went on to say that the only people who needed plastic bags were for the purpose of "bag your face..... I'm sure."