Too Little Too Late

Why is it that guys treat you like shit until you dump them?  It's at that point they have an epiphany and they miraculously realize they had a good thing -- and they screwed it all up. 

It's a net zero game they all try to play.  They want to reap all the rewards, but do not want to put forth any energy into the relationship.  We finally get sick of bending over backwards for them (a.k.a. being used) and we dump the ungrateful bastard. 

It's at that point the cards and flowers arrive... 

Too little too late, sweetie....  You demonstrated your true colors being the selfish asshole you really are. 

August 31, 2013: Costco in Rohnert Park, California

Oh no!!!!!!!  Say it isn't soooooooooo!  Christmas stuff is out on August 31st.  It's not even Labor Day yet.  We really are getting ever closer to Christmas in July -- this is Christmas in August.  Can't I enjoy a freakish pagan holiday like the equinox in September without being bombarded with materialistic cues of mass consumption and waste at least until November? 

Forget it.  November is when we now treat Thanksgiving (which used to be sacred and non-materialistic) like Christmas by promoting an orgy of shopping materialism for pre-season sales.

By Christmas there is nothing left to celebrate as we are exhausted and broke.  Wait.  Perhaps in all the months of unchecked hype promoting Christmas beginning in August, we can now center ourselves, slow down,  and enjoy the true meaning of Christmas which is not really about anything commercial at all.

This will not help you in dealing with Uncle Ed's farts, stupid comments, or other annoyances family brings, but at least you can slow down and relish in the company of others.  Not.  LOL.  

Your Body Does Not Lie

Our thoughts are notorious for playing tricks on us.  The tongue is the most violent weapon on earth as thoughts use it to carry out deception onto others.  Lies are a form of violence. 

Our physical bodies are aware of this.  Never ignore that gut feeling if you pick up on an "icky" vibe from somebody -- regardless of what words they say.  Never ignore the pit in your stomach.  Most of all, never ignore that sinking feeling in your heart when you've been hurt or betrayed by somebody else. All of this is your body trying to alert you that somebody is messing with you and it's not for your benefit. 

While our minds are capable of confusing us, our bodies are incapable of lying to us. 

The Swan

In case you don't recognize this, this is Oksana Baiul's Olympic Figure Gold Medal skate in the 1994 games.  Yes, I'm a figure skater at heart, but also a dancer at heart..... I guess that's why I'm intrigued by Oksana's artistry and athleticism.

This is FUN

I feel like I'm in my second childhood.  I've been the responsible employee/parent for 25+ years.  I'm reaping the rewards for setting myself up with the ability to finally be able to do what *I* want to do.  This includes picking up where I left off with so many things I enjoyed pre-kids and pre-career-adulthood. 

For example, I love dance.  I'm dancing.  I used to play the flute.  When I was younger I was first chair.  I'm digging my flute out of storage and dusting off my music books.  I used to act in school plays. 

Maybe I'm a bad mom, but I'm rather enjoying myself these days.  While I mourn (just a little) the loss of the baby days, the freedom to rediscover myself is amazing.  I want to freeze things just the way they are right now.  I'm old enough to have my head on straight and life/career established, but young enough to enjoy it.  The trick now is to make sure I don't become GRANDMA too soon. 

Dance Expanded

As I expand my dancing, my waistline is shrinking...(which is a good thing).  Plus, dancing puts me in such a good mood.  Every culture has some sort of dance, unless you're one of those prudish freaks where dancing is banned.  Come on.  We all know banning dancing does not work.  The town teenagers rebel and have a dance-a-thon....  We all have seen Foot Loose. 

Anyway, I'm learning about other cultures and traditions through international dance.  My focus right now is Hawaiian Hula (which I LOVE and it comes easily to me) and Greek folk dance.  I'm not even Hawaiian nor Greek that I know of.  That's not the point.  The point is that you can learn so much about a culture by their dance.  So much tradition and story is embedded in the way they move their bodies to drums and/or music. 

Best Lessons Not Learned In Classroom

Some of the most valuable lessons in life are not on the curriculum and there is no standardized test to measure so-called success.  I'm guiding my children about the nature of people and those we want to consider "friends." One kid of mine is experiencing the back-stabbing sensation of a situation gone awry.   My bottom line advice:  Be VERY picky about those you let into your inner circle. 

The people who are most prone to screw you over are your "friends" when you throw money into the mix.  One of my kids is learning this lesson the hard way.  In a way I'm glad, as greed surfaces and trumps friendship most of the time.  Cross those people off your list -- immediately.  Good riddance.  The universe did my kid a favor by presenting the true colors of Friend before serious damage could be done.  

The other "friend" you need to eliminate immediately is one who lies to you.  True friendship can endure raw honesty -- no matter what it is.  You will find that you can count true friends in single digits as you go through life.  

Step back and let the universe do its work.  False friends disguising themselves as true can't dodge the truth forever.  When that happens simply embrace the lesson learned, distance yourself, and move on.  Those with sincerity in their hearts will eventually gravitate toward each other.  You may have to go through some heartaches before you get to gold, but that is what makes the friendship even more special.  If you don't find gold, at least you spared yourself being used by the countless vampires who suck from you and then leave you for dead. 

Keys to the Kingdom

I guess my 25+ years of putting up with bullshit and hard work is finally paying off.  Everybody in my industry is either retiring or dying.  Because my industry niche is so small and specialized, bringing in a newbie out of college just does not happen.  In fact, seldom do outsiders ever even break into my industry niche.  I was the lucky exception.  Once in, it takes 15 years just to figure out what the hell is going on with all the politics and dynamics.  Many marriages don't even make it that far. 

I'm the only obvious choice to carry things forward by default.  My job is not something that is posted in the paper or at college career fairs.  My job is not something that parents push their kids into.  Parents don't even know my job exists.  There is no major in college that even comes close to what I do. 

While I'm flattered that I'm about to inherit something so significant, I'm also concerned about the responsibilities attached.  The welfare of thousands rests upon the decisions I will make. 

Mixed blessing. 

Peace

I'm not sure at exactly what point/age we begin to think not about how much time we have in front of us, but rather how much time we have left.  We all have an expiration date.  The older we get, the more obvious it becomes that the expiration date, whenever it may be, looms ever nearer. 

The human condition is plagued with imperfection and mistakes.  It's just the way it is.  The human condition is plagued by large egos, the need to control, and greed.  It's just the way it is.  I don't claim to have the answer to save humanity from themselves. 

The point is that I'm finally at peace with soooooooo many things.  Expecting people to be lying, miserable, manipulative, fuck-ups is just so much easier.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh.. (deep breath)

Nameste.

The Californians

This is a clip from SNL.  I think it should be renamed the SOUTHERN Californians.  There is a difference, ya kneeeeeeeew.

Facebook: Massive Government Spy Program

.....there is so much truth to this....  you all have no idea..

Portland, Oregon

I was up in Portland, Oregon earlier this summer.  I like Oregon and always have since I was a small kid.  Anyway, while there we were driving around looking for the meeting location.  The GPS unit sent us on a wild goose chase and we ended up in Oregon City.  I immediately sensed something about it.  The hair on my arms stood up and I did not know why.  I knew nothing about the history of the city.  I saw a plaque facing the Willamette River (yes, I'm one of those annoying people who likes to read the historical plaques) and we pulled over so I could read it.

As I was reading the plaque, I felt a whoooshing come over me.  I did not realize it was the first city to be established west of the Mississippi River and that it marked the end of the Oregon Trail.  I felt the eerie sense and presence of a young woman who died giving birth en route to Oregon.  To her, Oregon was the promised land and was so excited about starting her life there.  She was elated that she finally completed the journey. 

Old Boyfriends on Facebook

I'm friends on Facebook with the very first boy I thought I loved.  Why?  Because one of my cousins married into his family and there is a community circle of mutual friends and relatives.  Fast forward a few decades.  Just for grins I went back to my diary at the time of my undying love for him (I was 14-15 years old) and reread the passages and read the letters he sent me. 

I did not see it at the time but he was an arrogant prick, narcissist and a womanizer.  His true love was only for himself.  Things have not changed as he loves posting pictures of himself donning a red thong, fake bake tan, and a greased up body holding a body building award.  The expression on his face clearly indicates pain at sucking it in and making each muscle visible in his 6 pack abs. 

Gawd....  he looks ridiculous.  If he only knew how pathetic he looks.  So glad the universe did me a favor and the relationship ended.  A life with somebody that self-absorbed would have been miserable.  

Travel Bug

I'm feeling the travel bug bite.  I would love to spend some time in the United Kingdom just roaming around. Wales, Scotland, Ireland.... I have some dear friends I miss terribly the U.K.  I would love to be able to give a personal hug hello and get caught up on life events over a bottle of wine.

Traveling... it would be so nice to travel without it being related to work or some related obligation.  My son is encouraging me to enjoy myself and my newly found freedom of not being responsible for raising children.  He says I paid my dues and its my turn to live life to the maximum.  His only concern is that I don't kidnap a wimpy English dude and stuff him in the overhead luggage compartment on the flight home. 

You all know how I LOVE wimpy English dudes....  Sting and Paul McCartney better run for cover. 

Brown Eggs Are Golden

Not so very long ago brown eggs were thrown out as they were not 'visually' desirable.  OrganiYups (the prerequisite to becoming a Bored Mom on Prozac) are demanding them.  Supply can't keep up with the demand.   For whatever reason, despite the fact that they are equal in nutrition to white eggs, the OrganiYups think that all brown eggs are "organic" and therefore superior.

Wow.  I guess the OrganiYups have more money than brains.  I'm about to cash in on this madness.   I'm going into a joint venture with a West County woman I've known for many, many years.  I've always had a passion for food, but don't want the work of running a restaurant.  Same thing with my West County friend.  My West County friend is a member of the Hick Click.  The Sonoma County Hick Click loves guns, four-wheelers, beer, hunting, and most things 'Mercan.  They believe the Armageddon is near, and have arranged to be self-sustaining in the event of a worldly catastrophe.  They have their own renewal, sustainable ranches that will provide food including livestock.  They are the multi-generational farmers and ranchers of the area.  Chances are they hate Obama and all pansy-ass "liberals" in general.  It's the Duck Dynasty of California.

My West County friend lives on a ranch.  She has all of her life.  She raises chickens for eggs.  All of a sudden the buzz words of 'organic' 'local' and 'sustainable' are all the rage with the OrganiYups.  Brown eggs are now at a premium.  She gets an extra buck a dozen because they are free-range and local.  Little do the OrganiYups know that free-range is pretty much an oxymoron as all chickens do is lie by their food bowl and eat, poop, and drink water.  They are so lazy their underside feathers wear off because they are too fat to move. 

Anyway, between the brown eggs and grain-fed-free-range-local-sustainable (insert other OrganiYup buzz words here) pork and beef my West County friend provides along with my organic-chemical-free-local-sustainable fruits and vegetables from my property we have a complete  market.  Distribution companies are knocking on West County friend's door sucking up any and all extras we might have. 

Thank you, OrganiYups, for financing our NRA political and neo-Nazi skinhead contributions. 

Bob

The name has been changed to protect the innocent.... LOL

When I first started my job a quarter century ago I was the only female.  I was a young female fresh off the farm going to work in a male dominated industry.  The two things I had going for me were determination and drive.  That's it.  How I landed the job I have is a question for the universe.  Somebody thought I had potential and a few functioning brain cells, and others bought into the theory.  Whatever.

You can imagine the remarks I heard as a young woman working with a bunch of age 40+ guys.  Bob was one who would lob out remarks.  One day during a meeting of the board of directors, Bob went one step too far.  He lobbed out a comment that just pissed me off to the core.  I had it.  I lunged across the conference room table, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck,  and got in his face - in front of everybody - and went off on him.  When I realized what I had done, I was ready to tender my resignation and slink away tail between legs. 

Much to my surprise I almost got a standing ovation from the rest of the board.  From that day forward, Bob and I have been buddies ever since.  We now have a mutual respect for each other. Today our conversations often end with my saying "fuck-off, asshole" but it is a term of endearment.  After many, MANY situations where we had to work together through some really tough stuff, we got to a place of raw honesty and humor.  Yesterday Bob told me that he would do ANYTHING for me.  Is he full of shit???  Perhaps.  It's the meaningless words that count, you know. 


Anyway....  after developing a working relationship with somebody I wanted to kill for many years is an accomplishment I'm rather proud of.  I guess that's the point.  An enemy became a friend.  Now that time is marching forward and age will claim us, I loathe the last telephone conversation where Bob goes off on one of his ridiculous business schemes..... I half giggle...and tell him "fuck-off, asshole."

Project Cluster Fuck: Part XXXIV

I think I've been at my job too long.  I've been working in the same industry for the same employer for 25+ years.  Why do I stay?  I stay because it pays well and I hate to think of going out there pounding the pavement at my age.  I've got a good retirement plan in the works.  Plus, I can be in a comatose state and still perform my daily functions, which leaves me time to post to this useless blog. 

Today I was up at the crack of dawn to attend a meeting in Sacramento.  The meeting attendees were on the polar opposite of political beliefs.  My job is to try to bridge the two mind sets and implement a plan to 'work together' for the 'betterment of the industry and society'.

Yeah.... like anybody since the dawn of civilization has been able to accomplish that.  Even Jesus Christ Himself failed.  He was even nailed to the cross for trying.  Makes me wonder why I am even wasting my energy attempting industry-wide peace for my little segment of the world.  Nobody has yet to figure out and implement the formula for world peace.  This political and religious dance has been going on since day one. 

We are kidding ourselves.  First, I've been playing this game a long, LONG time.   Everybody wants change, but nobody wants to give anything up.  Everybody wants resources and energy for THEIR issues, but not to address the issues of others.  Everybody believes their way of thinking is correct.  All politics and related policies hinge upon the pendulum.  It sways back and forth between conservative and liberal.  It's all history just repeating itself in new packaging.  However, the bottom line is that money has the last say.

Always. 

Really Cool Historical Items: My Life in 10 Seconds

There are some things besides my diaries that I've kept since third grade that I would save in a fire or earthquake.  Without saying, my kids' baby books would be top on the list.  Here are some other things that I hold dear to my heart. 

My grandfather's schoolbook circa 1910.  He had to learn English as his native language was Czech.  Note the Czech-English translations and the stamps (Austrian Empire) that he kept inside the front cover. 

A signed copy of Eleanor Roosevelt's book "If You Ask Me" circa 1946 sits proudly on my bookshelf.  Love her. 

My paternal grandmother's krumkake iron.  Krumkake is a Scandinavian cookie NEVER to be confused with lutefisk.  

1946 Wirlitzer Jukebox:  This model came out the first year they came back into production after WWII.  This beauty was rescued by my late father-in-law in the 1960's when he worked for a vending company in San Rafael.  The newer, better, more modern jukeboxes that played 45's as opposed to this old one that played 78's were all the rage.  He was told to take this old thing out and smash it.  He thought it was pretty and saved it.  It sat in storage in a barn in Sonoma for decades.  And yes, I have the:   Andrews Sisters, Bing Crosby, Elvis, The Coasters, Carl Perkins, Sam Cooke, Artie Shaw, Glenn Miller, Hank Williams all on 78's. 

Wahpeton Sioux artifacts:  The native American Wahpeton Sioux occupied western Minnesota and eastern Dakota.  My uncle has a collection of their artifacts.  I am fortunate enough to have a few of them.  The red heart is a symbol of eternal, unconditional friendship. 

Confederate Paper Money:  This is a 'google image rip-off' and and not an actual photo of something in my possession.  However, I remember being fascinated by my father's Confederate paper money as a child.  I think he still has it somewhere.  I hope he does...and that it did not disappear during one of the huge parties I threw as a teenager (sorry dad).  

Packing

As I type this I am taking a break from cleaning out my youngest child's room and painting.  I was OK until I got to the closet.  Waaaaaaay up in the corner was her stuffed Barney toy along side each shade of purple, pink, fairies, rainbows, sparkles, ballerinas, ponies, etc. her room theme had been over the years.   I kept a color diary of all of her childhood phases. 

No, I can't live in the past... They do grow up.   I'm lucky to have kids who still want to hang out with me given they have a choice.  

No more "little girl" bedroom. 

The Vine

It actually has nothing to do with wine.  It's a phone app that consists of 5 second humorous video blips posted by the general public.  The five second videos play over and over and over and over again until you open the next one in the sequence.  I never thought I would get sucked into something so trivial and juvenile.  It's impromptu humor at its best.  It's chewing gum for the brain.  Some of the video blips have me laughing so hard I almost pee my pants. 

Aunt Gertrude

Aunt Gertrude was an old Sonoma resident.  She had her own spot at the Swiss Hotel in the square at the bar.  Everybody greeted her by name.  She was a staple there for many, many years. Aunt Gertrude lived survived the flu epidemic of the WWI era, lived through the Great Depression, and then experienced WWII.  She was a walking American history book. 

I loved Aunt Gertrude.  She had a bitey sense of humor and called everything like she saw it.  She would also make fun of just about everybody.  One of her favorite targets were the 'linen people' who began to proliferate Sonoma County when they figured out how cute, quaint, "organic" and charming Sonoma County was and began to invade. 

This brought out Aunt Gertrude's claws as she hated fake people with a passion.  She would laugh at the "organic" food hunters at the local fruit and vegetable stands who would show up on their bikes with little food baskets thinking they were getting "farm fresh, organic vegetables" from the local goodness of the earth. 

Aunt Gertrude would describe on how the commercial food trucks would arrive in Sonoma at 4:30 AM from San Francisco staging the "farm fresh organic food stand" charade.  Food stand operators laughed all the way to the bank.... dumb city slicker yuppies.... put just about anything in a pretty, straw basket display and label it as "organic" out on a country road and the linen people will pay triple the price.  It's really the same stuff you get at FoodMaxx.

Too bad Aunt Gertrude died before she could set up her own "organic" food stand.

Bipolar

Being in transition brings out the best and the worst in all of us...  Here is my mood du jour

Pasta Pomodoro: Kill the Customers

My dentist is in Marin County.  Please don't ask me why.  I've been going to him for years.  Whatever.  Anyway, while I was down in Marin I thought I would stop by Pasta Pomodoro in the Vintage Oaks shopping centre and pick up a gift certificate on my way back to Sonoma County being it was on the way.  I know of somebody who brings their family there each Tuesday and a gift certificate would be useful and appreciated. 

Background:  Vintage Oaks is a strip mall built upon a toxic dump.  Pasta Pomodoro is the Italian version of McDonalds located within Vintage Oaks. 

As I approached the entrance of Pasta Pomodoro I noticed people eating outside on the patio.  Nice.  It was a Thursday at lunch time.  I also noticed a table on the patio with two women and about four small children.  My immediate thought was that I had been-there-done-that trying to enjoy any kind of meal out with small kids.  It appeared it was a couple of moms trying to have a nice lunch.

I just needed a gift certificate and wanted to get out of there. 

I made my way to the hostess/cashier area near the bar to complete my transaction.  Once there, I was subject to a woman customer sitting at the bar complaining loudly to the staff that she was "forced" inside because of the screaming children outside.  She went on and on about how irritated she was and how the kids ruined her dining experience. 

Give me a break.

First off, I wanted to tell her that the only 'crying' I was hearing was from coming from the bar.   Second, it's a f**** chain restaurant in a strip mall on a Thursday at noon.  Pasta Pomodoro is nothing more than a dressed up McDonalds serving noodles. 

That is exactly why I hate Marin County.  They are moving north.....  We need border protection.  Crap comes from the south. 

Boomerang Kids: The Naked Room

Want to keep your adult children from boomeranging home back and forth between jobs, girlfriends/boyfriends, room mate "issues" and the like? Want them to grow up and deal with it?  Are you sick of them coming home and eating all your groceries, drinking all of your beer, and leaving you nothing but piles of laundry and miss-piss toilet bathroom cleaning? 

Simple solution.  Walk around your home naked.

I guarantee they will not want to be home any longer.  They will find other living arrangements immediately - even if they are sleeping in their cars.  What can your adult children (who are supposed to be out on their own) really say?  That you're not allowed to walk around naked in your own home? 

HERE'S TO POWER AND FREEDOM FOR EMPTY NESTERS!!! 

Artificial Intelligence (AI)

Bots, drones, computer programs, etc., are eerily taking on more human characteristics.  Technology is perfecting artificial intelligence (AI) that anticipates human reactions to situations.  These machines think.  Many times we don't even realize we're interacting with a machine as opposed to a human.  Wait.  The annoying computer voice of Siri is still a dead give away.  Just give it a little more time and Siri will be cooking you breakfast.  I don't think the movie Terminator was so far off the mark after all.  We are closer than you think to robo-soldiers.  The man-machine is no longer science fiction.  

All of this technological innovation is deemed so advanced and cutting-edge.  Governments are competing with each other as to whom can perfect it first.  The scary part will be when what we developed to protect us decides to turns against us.  

Then who will the enemy really be? 

Recovery

Every Thursday night as I pull out of my parking space to make the trek home I pass by a church.  The big banner waves "Celebrate Recovery Here Tonight."

Nahhhhhhhh...  I don't think so. 

Not tonight... I'm looking forward to my indulgence in alcohol.  Maybe next week I'll join you holy rollers.  Until then......

Naked Wine Guy

I'm in LOVE!!!!  I totally have the hots for the Naked Wine Guy.  Move over, Jon Stewart....  Naked Wine Guy is in Napa, which is so much closer to me anyway;)  xxoooxxxoooxxxooo 

Mr. Bohemian Club: Part II

About a month or so ago I nailed Mr. Bohemian club in a string of fraud and lies.  He is such an arrogant ass.  This hot-shot-Stanford-super-educated-elite-rich-boy thought I was too dumb to catch on to his bullshit and call him on it. 

Wrong!!!!

There are still some lose ends to tie up.  What I find so hilarious is that he's avoiding me like the plague.  What a coward.  I guess he can't stand to be beaten by a girl.  Are men really lacking testicles?  I guess so.... 

I don't chew nails for breakfast, and I don't wake up in the morning wondering who my next victim will be.  I don't have time for that.  However, don't fuck me over and don't lie to me.  I'll I ever want is truth no matter what it is.  I guess that's too much to ask for. 

Nerd Humor

My son is a: computer nerd, gamer, geologist, geographer, politician, historian, inventor and chemist.  I want to believe that he got his smarts from me because as a child I was fascinated with my older brother's chemistry set.  I was *really* good at science.  However, society's gender roles quickly steered me back to typing, home ec,  and shorthand.  The rest is non-history. 

No matter.  I'm living through my son's appreciated intelligence.  I new when he was eight and memorized the periodic table of elements he would thrive at some sort of tekky/science career.  I'm so glad he found his niche.  Anyway, here's a little nerd humor.

Q:  Want to hear a potassium joke?  You sure?
A:  K

Q:  Can you tell me what you know about sodium?
A:  Na

Waiting for him to come through the door....  he's moving from the east coast to the west coast.  At least he will be living in the same time zone for a while.  

Back to School

OMG!!  What happened to summer???  Most of my friends have kids in school ages k-12.  The little darlings are back next week.  I so feel sorry for teachers and school administrators this time of year.  While my friends are singing hallelujah as they won't have to deal with kids being underfoot all day, the school principal is about to be inundated with whiny parents upset about the teacher their kid was placed with. 

The drama I especially do not miss is the posting of classes and teachers at the elementary school.  Both parents and kids would wait with bated breath for the class and teacher placements.  Everybody would gather around like it was the posting of the Magna Carta.  There were giggles of elation from little girls upon discovering they were in the same class.  There were moans and cries from both kids and parents about teachers they wanted to avoid and now had to deal with.

Relax....  little Johnny's life will NOT be ruined if his fourth grade teacher is less than perfect.  If parents think for *one* minute that this will be the defining moment of Johnny's academic development you all need to get a dose of reality and get some real problems.  Unless the teacher is some dangerous psycho-freak STFU and get over it. 

Never 'No More' Lilies

I guess age is mellowing me out.  Try as I might to be bitter and angry all the time, I just can't quite swing it.....  Damn sentimental emotions....This morning there was a bouquet of lilies on the front porch.  The note said, "Never are there no more lilies."

Awwwwwww...  how sweet.  Who would do such a kind, spontaneous gesture?  Come to find out that it was my daughter's very-first -ever boyfriend who left the bouquet.  He's moving across the country and his flight left at some ungodly early hour this morning.  He actually took the time to drive up from Marin in the middle of the night to leave her flowers and a note saying goodbye.  Lilies were a thing between my daughter and this boy. 

We both bawled our eyes out at the breakfast table...

Ass Kicked

There is a point in life when you finally realize your ass has been kicked and you just give up.  I've been bitten once too many times.  Shame on me for trusting anybody in the first place.  For the most part, people are selfish pigs.  I'm begging you all to prove me wrong.....  (crickets chirping)....(dead silence)....

Trying to be a good person gets you nowhere.  The system is set up where you have to be an aggressive asshole or get eaten alive by the many predators out there.  Wolves are in sheep clothing.  Make no mistake about that.

I'm building my personal financial security for retirement and telling the rest of society to fuck off.  

Kiss The Girl

I always thought this the Disney masterpiece of love songs.  I'll stop now with the posting of music videos...  just feeling a bit sentimental as of late.  I'll return to bitching about politics and other annoyances tomorrow. 

The Arrowhead: The Beginning

Once upon a time, there was a love affair between the northern European settler and the Native American like the sappy Disney version of Pocahontas. 

However, I really have heard the wolf cry to blue corn moon and I can paint with all the colors of the wind.  I have in my personal possession the arrowhead as a reminder token. 

Storage Space

I have a storage place where I keep some stuff.  Things are in transition now so I've been there more frequently than I used to be.  Yesterday weirded me out. 

It's an internal storage unit at the end of a hallway.  I'm starting to run out of space, so I've been thinking about getting another unit or moving into a larger spot.  I had some items to drop off yesterday and when I lugged the boxes to the end of the hallway I noticed that the unit directly across the hall from me did not have a lock on it.  Naturally, I assumed that it was recently vacated and it would be perfect to rent for my overflow.  I opened the door to have a look at the size.

Much to my surprise there was a homeless looking guy lying on the floor with piles of junk.  I think he was whacking-off.  He turned his head and greeted me like it was perfectly natural to be lying on a storage unit floor amidst piles of stuff penis in hand. 

.....and I thought nothing could shock me at this point in my life....

Mortified and embarrassed I quickly shut the door, dropped of my boxes in my own storage unit and got the hell out of there.  I really don't want to go there alone anymore.  I suppose if some guy wants to rent a storage unit to house his collection of porn and whack-off on a Sunday afternoon it's none of my business.  However, I will no longer be making the trek there without pepper spray. 

Mary

Some people have a bad rap for no good reason.  One who comes to mind is Mary.  Mary was born in NORTHERN Italy (there is a big difference - to them, anyway) and emigrated to San Francisco in the 1920's.  Once there, her father and brothers built houses...

Long story short, Mary was 'ah-no' dummy.  She was smart with her money and called people on their bullshit.  She referred to just about everything inside the now defunct department store 'ah-Sear' 'junks.'  Her cute Italian accent was adorable. 

To me, I was referred to as 'ah-girl' and she never did get my name right.  No matter.  She was entertaining to watch interact with other people.  People would get pissed at HER because Mary did not put up with their crap and give into their wants.  She did not waver.  Was she selfish?  Not really... she was just set in her lifestyle and made no excuses for it.  Of course, this made Mary evil to some.... However, upon Mary's passing the ones who labeled her as evil were first in line to claim the piles of money she left behind. 

Miss you, Mary... you were under-appreciated.
Sincerely,
Ah-Girl

Van Halen: Panama

Having flashbacks to my dancing days on the line thanks to TYD.  For a couple of kids we sure did put together some very creative, innovative choreography in my basement.  While 'shrivel up' was an acid trip without acid, Panama was my favorite 'black and white' dance costume favorite with classic kicks and formations.  When it comes on the radio I still go into the riser kick sequence, fan kicks, and the jazz section in the middle of the song....  the dog barks at me...the cat hisses at me... the kids think I'm nuts. 

I still remember as teenage girls that each of us was going to marry a member of VanHalen.  I was supposed to marry the drummer....  too bad I don't even remember his name. I think it was Alex???

Shrivel UP!!!!!!

To TYD:  So glad your dad taped us dancing to this...  I totally fogot how we choreographed this in my basement.  Yes, I still see jaws dropping....WTF
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Wimpy English Dudes

It's so ironic that it was my son who pointed out to me that I'm insanely attracted to 'wimpy English dudes.'  Here's proof:

1.  I love Robert Smith of  "The Cure."
2.  I love the Beatles
3.  The Animals are cool.
4.  Sting is GOD
5.  Bono is Sting's GOD
Just for fun here is a song that resonates truth for those in my intimate social circle.

Have Your Heard About the Word: wa-wa-wa Word, Word, Word, ....word is the bird

Strip away any material things, attachments and awards.  What are you without any external reference at all?  Take away that you are a first-place-world-renouned-whatever.  Take away your ability to compete with anything.  Take away your physical body.  Who and what are you? 

The only thing that remains is your intent and your spirit.  You are really only a physical representative of your word.  A phrase I learned long, long ago but rings so true is, "If a man's word ain't worth nothin', then the man ain't worth nothin."

If your intent is to diffuse possible confrontations and truths because you do not have the integrity nor the guts to be honest with those you claim to care about, you've got another thing coming.... 

Word to your moth-ahh...

White Lighters

Those embarking on a spiritual path to enlightenment beware the White Lighters.  They are the Jimmy Swaggerts and Tammy Fay Bakers of mysticism.  They are sometimes difficult to discern from authentic practicioners, but I've found a few glaring clues that automatically send up warning flags besides the exorbitant fees they want to charge for sessions:

1.  Promises of actualizing all of your wants and needs.  (Suffering is part of the human condition.  Nobody has a perfect life.  We are all trying to cope.)
2.  Matching you to your soul mate with a blissful life ever after. (This is what Disney is for.  Your karma and relationship match for this lifetime could be the asshole you work with as you need to   learn how to tolerate each other).
3.  Self-written credentials that just don't cross-reference well  (speaker, CEO, therapist, energy healer, corporate trainer...astronaut...whew...).
4.  Testimonials that rival Jesus walking on water (after just ONE session with Gloria, my trauma I experienced in childhood magically disappeared AND I was cured of years of suffering from
fibromyalagia).
5.  No permanent address (many of the White Lighters only have a phone number and email address.  People figure them out and they have to move on - or the IRS has caught up with them -- or both).

White Lighters prey on lost, vulnerable souls.  Just be careful out there....there are countless charlatans.    Don't trust somebody just because they say they have a connection to the greater powers of the universe.  We all have the powers.  Those with your best interest at heart will not turn your meditation group into a Tupperware party trying to sell you crap.  You will need to weed out authentics from White Lighters, and don't be afraid to call the White Lighters on their hypocrisy.  

Bison vs Buffalo

Come on....  Do you really know the difference between bison and buffalo?  I do ;)

Event Planner

About a year ago I was invited to lavish party at a lavish home.  The home was impressive.  Being the practical bitch I am, I started adding up in my head the estimated property taxes, utilities, maintenance, mortgage, etc., and my remaining three brain cells exploded.  It's a beautiful home on beautiful property.  One could host a wedding there easily.  Ding!  Idea light bulb. 

I thought to myself how nice the home was and how nice it must be to have a pile of money to pay for it all being the wife does not work and they have kids.  It's none of my business, so I don't ask questions.  Perhaps they silently won the lottery or inherited something.  Who really knows. 

Well, I guess the charade is over.  The Gotbux Family suddenly up and moved across the country without notice abandoning the home.  For an instant I thought of buying the property for myself and using it to host events as I love to cook for groups.  It would be the PERFECT spot for small, intimate weddings, retreats, and other limited groups like that. 

Then I thought about the insurance, permits, licenses, and all the other bullshit necessary to operate something like that and the fact I would probably need to sacrifice every weekend for the rest of my life.  Plus, there is always the whiny, complaining client who is always trying to get something for nothing (or at least a reduced rate). 

I just don't have the patience......

No Smoking Area: No Facebook Area

Facebook users need to learn the same etiquette smokers have had to learn to use.  There was a time when smoking was allowed just about everywhere and nobody objected to breathing second hand smoke.  Now the potential dangers of smoke are more understood.  Plus, nobody likes to reek of ashtrays.  Thankfully, those days prolific smoking are long gone.  Smokers have learned to curb their habit to where it will not cause discomfort to others. 

Facebook users take note.  When social media was in its infancy people did not quite understand the consequences of having personal information blasted into cyberspace.  It's not only your own personal information, it's the personal information of friends, family, etc. users "tag" at events.   Now people are getting the hint that there is a huge database they can't erase despite benign intentions. 

Which brings me to a personal dilemma.  I'm planning a party in the near future.  I want to make it a Facebook free zone.  I know it's rude to instruct guests of manners, but I'm wondering how I can get the message out that I don't want ANY references posted to Facebook AT ALL.  There are certain guests who will be here that I love dearly, but their constant posting of everything they are doing makes me uneasy.    Do I say in the invitation, "Please do not use social media at my home?"  Do I post a sign at the door?  I don't want to be rude to my guests, but I like my privacy.  I don't want the world knowing I'm hosting a party, who all was there, and what we were doing. 

And.... for what it's worth.... I don't use social media nor email to send invitations.  They go out snail mail. 

Analyze THIS: Weird dreams

All my life I have been a vivid dreamer.  My dreams are like being on natural acid.... so weird... so surreal...  I dream of abstract things.  Sometimes my dreams are psychic.  I often have dreams of a situation, location, or people and it happens.  It's kind of like a deja vu, but much stronger and with more detail.

Deceased relatives also visit me in my dreams.  A few times they have made specific statements about my life and what was going to happen.  Deceased relatives also made mention about specific traits of my not-yet-born children that turned out to be spot on.  In one dream a deceased relative brought me through the stars to the "other side" and it was something words fail to describe.

Sometimes I dream of spirits I don't even know.  They often are like a mist and only have hands that are discernible.  They reach for my hand and then we fly around like they are taking me on a tour.

Anyway, just for grins I kept a dream log last night.  My first vivid dream was that my name was Maya and I was some sort of goddess.  My clothing and headpiece was made up of lots of wearable mirrors.  The idea was that whatever negative thoughts, intention or ammunition came my way, I was able to deflect them back to the person attacking me. 

The second dream involved my sister.  My parents house was full of hungry people wanting breakfast.  We were arguing about how to make pancakes.  I was panicked because it was getting late and the bacon and sausage were nowhere to be found... just the watery pancake batter.  Just how was I going to feed this crowd?

The third dream was of myself turning into a ghost and floating around.  I discovered that I was hovering over my bed and not in my physical body.  I loved the feeling and proceeded to float around the house, down the hall, and into the living room.  I noticed somebody walking outside.  I thought it would be funny to scare him.  I remember being able to go right through the glass window and swooping down to startle the person.

That, dear friends, is just a sampling of what I dream about at night.  Bear in mind all three dreams happened last night.  I sleep, but I wake up exhausted.  I think I should be used for some sleep/dream study program.  I'm envious of people who don't dream. 

Sonoma Couunty Fair

There are entrance requirements for getting into the Sonoma County Fair.  Here is but a sample listing:
1.  You must be 30 pounds overweight;
2.  You must have a tatoo;
3.  You must have 3 small children in tow;
4.  Mexican heritage is desired;
5.  Women must wear shirts three sizes too small and expose belly fat;
6.  Men must wear cowboy hats and white, pointy cowboy boots.

Thank You

I must admit to having to ride my kid(s) a little bit for writing 'thank you' cards in a timely manner.  Personally, I think it's a basic show of manners and respect.  I think that if somebody took the time to send you something out of the sheer kindness of their heart a 'thank you' is in order.  No, it does not have to be on engraved stationary with impeccable grammar.  That's not the point.  It does not have to contain several paragraphs gushing thanks and accolades for my gift to satisfy my ego.  That's not the point, either.  Mostly, we just want to know the gift was received.  Was it lost in the mail?  Did the dog eat it?  Was it broken? 

I'm just not going to send out gifts/money anymore.  If the recipient can't take 10 seconds to call/mail/email to let me know it was received, I guess it's not worth my bother of sending it in the first place. 

Thank you.

Northern Minnesota

Besides having walleye on the restaurant menu, other little things about being home resonate with me.  One is having the waitress tell me with a straight face that they don't have any vegetables on the menu.  It's meat and potatoes.  Period.  That is a good indicator not to ask the waitress for a glass of wine.  Other fun things about being home is people know how to pronounce Leinenkugel and don't give you a weird look asking for it.

There is something so basic and yet so sophisticated about Minnesotans.  The Minneapolis airport has iPads everywhere with internet access for people to use -- for free.  Nobody messes with them, nobody steals them, nobody vandalizes them, there isn't any scratched gang graffiti on the screen...  having something like that would never happen in San Francisco or Oakland. 

Walk a little around the Minneapolis airport and you will find poster boards for aquatic nuisances.  The poster board begs for people to clean their boat motors to stop the spread of harmful fish and plants.  My personal favorite is the plea to stop the spread of "rock snot."