More Graduation Etiquette

While I'm on the subject of etiquette for graduation ceremonies, yet more thoughts for promoting polite behavior for the graduates AND their families.  Follow closely...

1.  I've already gone over the tortilla tossing, beach ball volleying, and donning ridiculous hats at the graduation ceremony.  Save the cries of "it's our graduation and we will do as we please."  Perhaps such juvenile behavior is condoned in your own household and immediate social circle, but what about the graduates who take this ceremony seriously?  Would you want those in attendance at your wedding to act like it's a frat party? 

2.  This is not the time for individuality.  Usually regalia is prescribed by the educational establishment hosting the ceremony.  Your graduating "class" really is a class.  We all know the number 20 was your number throughout high school football.  Nothing about your sports career, military career, or whatever else is to be showcased here.  It's about the academic graduation from the institution you are receiving your diploma from.  Period. 

3.  Those in the audience witnessing the ceremony need to show some basic manners as well.  Nothing is more irritating than those families who are there only until their graduate walks across the stage and then decide to leave.  No, we don't want your asses in our faces as you make your clumsy exit stepping on everybody trying to get to the aisle.  While your ass was in our face, we missed our own graduate receiving diploma.  Grandpa Walter came from Florida for this special event.  Somehow your fat ass in his face as you make your rude exit got in the way of seeing his grandson graduate.

4.  Not only was your fat ass in Grandpa Walter's face upon making your ill-timed exit, his hearing aid exploded because of the stupid blow horn you used when your graduate walked across the stage.  We'd like to return the favor using one of your own orifices. 

5.  Lastly, if you think the graduation ceremony is a boring joke, please do us all a favor and don't attend.  This is an event for grown-ups. Show your class that you have class. 

Graduation Season

It's that time of year for graduations.  I might also add that it's wedding season as well.  Both weddings and graduations are supposedly happy ceremonies.  Those attending graduations and weddings may cry despite being extremely proud and happy.  That's where the irony should end.

There tends to be confusion between the definition of "ceremony" and "celebration" especially at graduations.  It's a pity those graduating are given a diploma and turned loose on society without knowing how to use a dictionary for understanding the difference between "ceremony" and "celebration" nor possessing basic social manners.  However, we are making a huge guess in assuming those receiving diplomas (and their families) can actually read and have evolved beyond the neanderthal stage.

Let me help.

A ceremony is a dignified, polite, formal act prescribed by ritual and/or protocol.   May I stress the words 'dignified' and 'formal.' 

A celebration is to observe a notable occasion with festivities -- a party, if you will.

Granted, you have to have functioning cerebral matter to differentiate the definitions of above two underlined words, but let me dumb it down for you.

Word to graduates and their families who raised them:  The ceremony is NOT the celebration.  If you disagree then how would you feel about your bridesmaids tossing tortillas and beach balls during your wedding?  How would you feel about your new mother-in-law blowing a horn while you were exchanging your vows?  What about your best man walking down the aisle donning a big, goofy party hat?  Both weddings and graduations are happy occasions, right? What's the issue?

Ohhhh.... there's a time and place for everything.  Get it?

Mothers' Day

Pardon me if I'm a tad confused about Mothers' Day as of late.  What used to be a day of phoning your mother and buying her flowers has turned into a crazed circus of acknowledging every single female in your life.

I'm am NOT anti-woman by any means.  However, it gets dangerously muddled when:  sisters, babysitters, nurses, teachers, friends, female patrons at a restaurant, and female relatives with no children get thrown into the "mother" group.

Who gets acknowledged?  Who doesn't?  What if somebody gets insulted if they're not acknowledged and you acknowledged another 'non-mother' as a mother?  What if somebody gets offended if you do acknowledge them as 'non-mother'  mother?  What if a very gender neutral looking man gets handed a rose when he enters an establishment on Mothers' Day?

Let's take this a bit further....  What if a woman who is having fertility issues gets acknowledged, or a woman who just had a miscarriage or stillbirth?   What about the woman who may have lost her child in a car accident or to some hideous disease?  What about the mother who made the heart-wrenching decision to put her baby up for adoption and is longing for contact and wonders constantly about the child she will never know?  What about the woman who opted NOT to have children?

See where it gets blurred and emotions could come boiling to the surface when the chirpy-good-intentioned-mothers'- day-mass-acknowledger casually assumes the holiday is pleasant for everyone?   There are often painful, private details about a woman's life that Mothers' Day brings to the surface.  Unless the woman is your mother and/or you know the personal, intimate details of her life, STFU and don't assume ANYTHING. 

Who even started this crap of making Mothers' Day tentacles to reach to every female (or female looking person) on the globe whether or not they had children?  I'm sure it was the Bored Moms on Prozac Committee.  The irony. 

Either rename the holiday to Global Female Day and acknowledge every woman unanimously across the board, or keep the original intent of honoring YOUR MOTHER.   Anything else will get you into trouble -- even if your intentions are good. 

Lies and Betrayal

I get burned by people.  I guess that's my punishment for this incarnation.  My trust and generosity gets me fucked over.  No wonder I keep my intimate social network small and tight.  I don't lack for social interaction, don't get me wrong.... I tend to smile at the masses, and you all smile back.  There's a difference in my interacting with you and your being truly in my network.  You *know* if you're in my inner circle.  There are less than a dozen of you, and I know you know who you are.  My loyalty is unshakable for those in my inner circle.  I would die for you. 

Then there are those of you I've kept on the fringes for a time.  I've contemplated on letting you in.  There's something about you I just don't trust.  I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you get closer.  Guess what. You fucked me over. Yup... you proved all on your own that you're an asshole.  I immediately excommunicate you.  You do not deserve my friendship.  Delete. 

Lunch With A Friend

I'm still friends with the very first woman I met after moving to California from Minnesota.  Her initials are KRM.  Yeah, she has known me for 27 years.  Yes, she still talks to me on her own volition.  

We were on the same bowling team at Nave Lanes in Novato back in the late 1980's.  We would order pink ladies from the bar and proceed to get totally inebriated while trying to bowl competitively.  I quit bowling after breaking my fingernails all the time.  No, my crappy average and gutter balls had NOTHING to do with it ;)  Besides, the cafe had really good french fries.  Attempting to bowl with nails AND greasy fingers was a recipe for disaster.  Oh well.....  Now Vintage Oaks Shopping Center stands in the place of Nave Lanes.  Too bad....  it was kind of a cool building...

I'm getting off track.  In case you all have not noticed, I tend to keep the friends I make unless you are a *TOTAL* asshole.  In that case I just wipe you clean of my consciousness.  Anyway....Years later KRM and I still share our souls.  Yesterday we met up for lunch as her schedule is just as insane as mine. We were talking about how our children are coming of age and now how our kids' "boyfriend" and/or "girlfriend" play a significant role in the daily household routine.

KRM was lamenting on how her daughter's boyfriend (age 20) likes to spend the night at her house, which just in itself already has her irritated.  'Boyfriend' also went out and bought a puppy that he also now brings to the house.  Mind you, KRM already has two dogs of her own to care for.  It's not that KRM hates animals, it's the fact that her daughter and boyfriend thought nothing of bringing in yet ANOTHER animal in for her to care for without asking.  Neither one of them are out scooping poops in the back yard or taking dogs for walks. 

The moral of the story is that 18-25 year-olds have NO CLUE!  Just where is the line between being a good parent and kicking their ungrateful, irresponsible, clueless asses out into the street? 

Internet Privacy - Social Networking for Kids

You all gave your kids the tool of the devil.  Now you're bitching about that iPhone and Johnny's self-destructive pics and posts on Facebook.    Trying to control teens and social networking sites by implementing privacy controls is like shoveling against the tide.  You think you have privacy?  HA!!!! 

It's only going to get worse.  It's not just your idiot 'friends' tagging you and posting to social media every time you go out complete with pics and location. Now many public places are implementing cameras that capture the demographics and faces of their customers complete with face recognition software (for safety, advertising and marketing purposes, of course).

Here is where I think the Islamic religion is right in having women cover their faces when out in public.  I think we all will be covering our faces pretty soon.......

What do they REALLY teach in school?

Some of the biggest numbers on my balance sheet accounts receivables  these days where I work is from "outstanding higher education" establishments that tout how monetarily well off they are.  They brag about their school, programs, job placements... blah... blah....blah....blah....

Simple question.  If these educational establishments have their so-called shit together, then how come nobody knows what the f*** they are doing and can't answer a simple accounting question?  One prestigious school owes my work more than $60,000.  It's hard for me to leaf through their glossy, self-promotional pamphlet they mail me touting their 'leading edge program' for students on how to be "real, responsible leaders in the business world" while their own accounting department can't pay my invoice that is now more than 100 days past due. 

Cough. Cough.  Yeah.... that's the institution of morons I want to pay $30,000 + tuition each year to to teach absolutely NOTHING.  I guess they're teaching students how to make promises to pay and then jerk us around indefinitely.  Nice.  It's the American way. 

I can't wait until this institution mails out their annual plea for monetary donations from the community.  I'll enclose yet another copy of their 'past due' invoice.