Amateur Psychologist: Connecticut Massacre

I know the subject of the Connecticut massacre where a 20-year old shot his mother in the face four times killing her, followed by a rampage at an elementary school gunning down small children has been talked about ad nausium with howling pleas for gun control and adding protective snipers placed at elementary schools poised to shoot anybody who may pose a threat. 

The country cries about "what could we have done to prevent this horrible tragedy."
(yawn)  You get the gun lobby, school administrators, parents, politicians, and the sketch artist's dog involved with their own view of prevention.

It's my turn to play amateur psychologist.  Here's what I think went down.  The 20 year-old was a bit off.  That does not automatically turn him into a killer.  The mother was whacked out of her mind.  Not only did she have killing machines within reach of an unstable kid, there was something more going on behind the scenes. 

My gut feeling is that there was some type of abuse going on within the home -- the type of abuse that has been going on since the boy was small.  It could have been psychological, sexual, physical or all three.  Our culture can't grasp that women are capable of the same type of sick shit men are.   Boys are ashamed to bring it forward.  There is no outlet for boys to turn to unlike girls.  Boys are told to be "men" and hold all emotions in. 

The multiple dynamics of the murderer's mental condition, messed up mother, availability of murder machines, etc., created the perfect storm.  The 20-year old snapped.  He killed his mother point blank (bottled up emotions from years of abuse from her).  He then went to the elementary school and gunned down kids.  In his own twisted thoughts he probably was trying to "save" them from the abuse he experienced behind closed doors in what appeared to outsiders as the "perfect" community.  He did not want them to grow up like he did and thought he was doing them a favor. 

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse and incest is more rampant than we could ever imagine.  The problem is that the perpetrators (usually parents and other adult relatives) are so messed up in the head they don't even REALIZE what they're doing is wrong. Thus, the cycle continues until one kid has the courage to face the formidable force of the dysfunctional family dynamics.

The kid who finally speaks up is often told that it's not really happening, and that Uncle Ted is just a "touchy-feely" kind of guy.  Uncle Ted LOVES you, that's why he wants to be around you all the time and be close.  Look at all the presents and trips Uncle Ted has bought you, and he also shows up to all your dance recitals.  Uncle Ted picks you up from school and takes care of you when you're sick. 

Wow.... what a mind ***k for the kid.  

If confronted, Uncle Ted's parents go into such deep denial they will turn against the child victim rather than face the ugly truth their offspring is a child molester.  They could not possibly imaging something so hideous happening right under their nose.  They want to believe they have the perfect family.  Child victims are told to be silent as something so ghastly would tarnish the family.

Men are not alone in committing heinous acts against kids.  I've witnessed first hand where a female relative was just as capable of child molestation as a man.  The abuse is not just physical, either.  An obsession of pornography and sex toys visible to impressionable minds depicts an unrealistic sex life and unrealistic (sometimes sick, sadistic and violent) situations that warp fragile, developing teen minds and causes insecurities and fear in their own sexual development.  Girls are left thinking that all men want the perfect centerfold.  Boys are left thinking they must be a freak of anatomy. 

Sex is a very fragile thing.  It conjures up our most primal emotions.  Sex can be either a symbol of power and control, or it can be the ultimate expression of love.  Hoping love wins.