Elderly Frustration Part II

 If you have not taken care of elderly relatives, your turn is coming.  Looking back, I see how as a child I used to go with my mom to the old folks home in rural Minnesota to visit Aunty Emma Krummel and other elders to whom I am related.  Some of these elders did not speak English.  They spoke their native Czech (Bohemian).  I knew when they were talking about me - I understood just enough to know I was being insulted.  My dad refused to go along for the elderly visits as they all hated him because he was a protestant and they objected  the marriage.  

Enough of that.  

I received a call from my sister last night.  She is pulling her hair out with dealing with my mother.  She wanted to know if there was room enough for one more at our Thanksgiving table.   Of course there is room!  Get on a flight, sister!  I'm here for you!

One of the issues is my older brother.  Yes, the GLORIOUS first-born BOY where the sun RISES and SETS out of his ARSE HOLE.  My mom cannot see anything wrong with him.  The birth order is:  my sister, older brother, myself, and then my younger brother.

The problem with my older brother is that he will tell people he's coming to an event or holiday, and then not show up.  We all want to get on with our food that we have been preparing all day and serve it to the people who have had the decency to let us know we have the honor of hosting and actually show up.  It's getting late.  People are getting hangry.  Mom calls brother.  He is not answering his phone.  Brother is not answering texts messages.  All we want to know is if he is showing up or not.  We all want to eat.  Mom makes excuses for brother as to why we should hold off and pulls the emotional blackmail card and starts to cry.  

We've had it with waiting.  We serve the food.  Everybody is having a great time.  Now we are cleaning up the kitchen.  Brother finally walks in with his wife and wants to know what's going on as he holds out his bag of Tupperware containers expecting us to fill it with leftovers.  

EFF YOU BROTHER.  

The point of this post is that my sister is taking all the brunt of dealing with my mother, and my brothers just show up periodically wanting food, money and to use the house as an air BNB.  They do NOTHING to help. 

 

Why is it MY Problem YOU did not SAVE YOUR $$$$$$$$$$$

 It's headed there.  Yup, there is trouble in my marriage.  I'm angry.  I'm frustrated.  My sister-in-law, who is elderly and broke, is now showing signs of dementia.  I'm now taking care of her personal bill paying.  I can't ask her anything, as she tap dances and does not give me a straight answer.  I have to go online to her accounts to see balances and activity. 

Hubby defends his sister and gets upset when I ask uncomfortable questions like, "Your sister is broke.  She owes $15,000 in credit card debt.  Her IRA distribution of $400 per month will run out in 2.3 years.  She needs that money to survive.  She has $250 in her checking account and zero savings.  We pay for her property taxes, fuel, auto registration, cell phone and more.  She can't get a reverse mortgage because she lives in a mobile home.  The rent on her mobile home space is going up January 1, 2025.  She blew her significant inheritance on crap made in China.  Yes, I have her on a wait list for low-income senior housing, but that wait is 3-5 years.  When we asked her POINT BLANK yesterday at our kitchen table what her long term plan was, she said she does not have one."

What frosted my behind was when I told her she does not have one nickle to spare she just giggled.  

I don't want her living here.  I think that is her passive-aggressive plan.  Plus, she does NOTHING to better her situation.  She does not take care of herself.  She does not exercise.  She can get a free hot lunch at the senior center Monday - Friday to either eat there or take it to go.  She won't do it.  They have services at the senior center.  She won't participate. 

Please people, don't dump your own elder care onto others.  You will get old someday.  You will need care.  Also, don't expect the money fairy to appear out of nowhere (whether it is the government or family members) to bail you out.  

Living alone on an island is sounding better and better.