Summer Solstice - Fathers' Day

 I don't even know how to explain today.  Today is the apex of light and life as it's summer solstice.  I wish I could be at Stonehenge basking in the pre-Christianity knowledge of the universe.  Better yet, I wish I could be in the Lake District in England with our beloved friends J and P.  Instead, I'm in Sonoma County, California sitting under a grove of redwoods celebrating the longest day of the year.  

Such a magical night.   

 It's Fathers' Day.  Please reach out to your dad and talk to him.  I don't care if he was an a**h*** or whatever.  You only get one father.  You should be so lucky that your dad is still alive to talk to - no matter what wrongs he has done in your life.  Let's face it.  We are all in therapy because of our dad. 

One of my best friends was molested by her dad.  She found it in her heart to forgive him and move on.  It was not easy for her.  It was not a pretty journey, and it's not completely over yet.  

You will NEVER regret reaching out to your dad - no matter how much he has p***** you off. 

 

Fathers' Day

Fathers' Day.  This holiday also drudges up emotions that have the capability of exploding much like that of Mothers' Day.  Our immediate family is fodder for intense psychological molding whether it's positive or negative.  Immediate family is an emotional land mine.  Tip toe with care.

Fathers' Day brings up latent issues as well.  Media loves to post images of dad pushing his kids on the swing set in the back yard, teaching Junior how to fish, and all of them happily eating hot dogs that dad cooked on the BBQ in the back yard.  His cute daughter presents him with a gift from the family while Junior and loving wife look on.  Ahhhhhhhh... the Disney version.

Reality is something quite different.  There is a difference between a father and a sperm donor.  Some men believe that fatherhood ends at conception.  Many households shamefully harbor the secrets of Dad's torment and abuse (psychological, sexual, and physical).  Then there is the abandonment issue (both psychological and physical).   It's not uncommon for men to abandon their families for a woman 1/2 their age and then "father" yet more children.  The cycle continues.

Do we celebrate abandonment, abuse, and infidelity?  Are we to "forgive" our fathers for being self-centered by putting his own selfish needs above his own flesh and blood children?  Are we now supposed to call him up and say, "Gee, you dumped mom for somebody else and you totally ripped our family apart.  We are struggling in all aspects of life because of it,  but I still love you?"  Or, "Gee, you left when I was 2.  You pretended I never existed.  You never paid child support or gave me the time of day.  Now I'm suppose to think you're the greatest?" Or, "Gee, you beat the crap out of me in your drunken rages and told me I was a worthless piece of shit, I've done 12 years of therapy dealing with your sadistic abuse.  You never owned your part in destroying my psyche.  Now I'm supposed to tell you how wonderful you are?"

Granted, there are a LOT of wonderful fathers out there.  There are a LOT of LOUSY fathers out there.  Men have so much power in molding the self-esteem of their children.  I hate seeing that power abused or wasted.  

Daddy issues, anybody?????  h