The Party Got Rough

I've been a natural hostess since I was a teenager and my parents would leave for the weekend.  What were my parents thinking????  They left a teenage girl unsupervised.  The parties that were hosted on my street in conjunction with JLB are legendary.  They are still talked about to this day.

...and to this day the parties can get a little out of control.  It was a chair-smashing of a good time the other night.  Here's the proof.  Nobody got hurt and the cops did not show up.  LOL

Only My Father

Only my father would hang a deer carcass from a tree just to watch the crows pick away at it.  I can't even bring myself to post a photo of it because it's too disturbing.  The scary part is that I have half of his DNA. 

Tired

I'm tired today.  I stayed up until 2:00 AM cleaning up the kitchen, putting away dishes, boxing up leftovers, wiping up gravy dribbles that seem to get everywhere, and taking empty bottles out to the recycling.  Lots of empty bottles.  Alcohol was needed to get through the day.  Plus, I was just simply basking in the post-holiday exhale simply breathing in the peace and quiet in the middle of the night.

I did it.  I completed another successful holiday feeding frenzy.  Of course Lazy Butt was here, and as expected, did not lift a finger to help with anything.   Lazy Butt was first in line for the main meal and also when the desert was being served.  I had to serve buffet style as I had too many people to do anything otherwise.  Lazy Butt did not even say goodbye upon leaving and just slipped out the door.  Nice.  Whatever.  Lazy Butt will never change. 

Now it's the consumer frenzy known as Black Friday.  I don't know why/how that came to be as it sounds so ominous and I associate it with the stock market crash of 1929.  Today I'm not purchasing anything other than more onions for my turkey soup.  I'll never be one of those people camping out on a sidewalk waiting for Target to open.  I know there is a movement against the over-consumerism we are bombarded with this time of year.  That's cool.  However, we are all part of the problem and all of us enjoy modern conveniences at the cost of abusing earth's resources.  All commerce pollutes. 

Turkey Done Right

It was the star of the show today -- my turkey.  I'm so proud of it.  It was crispy on the outside and soooooo super tender and juicy on the inside.  It was gobbled up (no pun intended).  My turkey was cooked to perfection.  I always hold my breath each year as no two turkeys are ever the same and other little differences can throw the most well planned cooking strategy awry. 

Thanksgivng Day Parade

As I was prepping food earlier today I caught glimpses on TV of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  It looked like every state in the union had a float this year.  I admit I got a little teary eyed when I saw Hawaii.  It's the first year EVER my cling peach of a kid is not home as she is away at school in Hawaii.  She has been glued to my side for the last two decades.  Now she's not glued to my side.  The separation needed to happen, but I do miss her.  At this very moment she's on the beach in Waikiki with her boyfriend.  Poor baby.  Me?  I'm cooking for about 20 people.  I have to do something to keep myself busy...otherwise I would spend all my time bitching on this stupid blog. 

Which gets me back to the Macy's parade.  I was catching glimpses of all the states being represented at the parade while prepping food.  I cried when I saw Hawaii with the dancers in their grass skirts.  Texas's float had a great big wall on one side, and North Dakota's float represented police fire hosing protesters at Standing Rock. 

Just kidding.  It would have been in incredibly poor taste, but extremely funny.  I know, I know... I have a sick sense of humor.  The only true part was crying when I saw Hawaii. 

Do You Really Want To Help?

Here's a shout out to the universe in case anybody is feeling a tad guilty about going to somebody's house for Thanksgiving dinner, or any holiday for that matter, and you want to offer your 'help'.  You feel a twinge of guilt seeing how hard your host family is working to pull it off for 20 people.  About a week before hand, you contact the host family and ask what you can bring to the table.  Literally.

Please, PLEASE respect the host family's wish if they tell you NOTHING and that it's all planned and under control.  Unless you have some severe food allergy that will interrupt dinner with a 911 call land you in the ER, do NOT bring along food.  No, being 'gluten sensitive' and all other bullshit allergies/aversions that are en vogue at the moment don't count.  You're just being a whiney pain in the ass.  STFU and eat what you can and spare us the lecture on your food choices.  We don't give a flying monkey and it's poor manners on your part. 

On the flip side to that, if the host family replies with a "yes, thank you for offering.  It would be lovely if you brought the pumpkin pie" here is what NOT to do -- do NOT gather all the ingredients and think you can use the host family's kitchen to put it all together and bake it.  The kitchen is already being overused.  We don't want you hogging up our kitchen space, making a mess, and commandeering sacred oven time. 

If you really feel like you want to help OFFER TO HOST NEXT YEAR.  Silence.  I thought so.  It's a lot of work.  Even the most gracious of hosts would like a break. 

Dr. John: Right Place Wrong Time

OK... I've been in a mood the last few days.  I'll admit it.  I need to lighten up and take a chill pill.  Yeah... lighten up and take a chill pill.  In fact, that's in the cards for tonight.  I feel the need to express my soul dance moves and that also includes watching the Raiders game at a bar in Oakland.  I have a feeling tonight will not end well, but WTF.  Let me have a little fun, OK????  I don't always walk around all prune-faced and angry at the world.  

...and I can move pretty good....for a white girl.

Give Me an Answer

I'm not a demanding person.  However, I draw the line at being strung along indefinitely.  People don't want to commit to anything - especially an invitation to freely given hospitality.  For whatever reason, people find this type of invitation the easiest to dodge, hedge, ignore, and cancel without notice.

Once an invitation is accepted, there better be a damn good excuse other than being stuck in traffic or a Brady Bunch re-run to cancel.  You better be on your death bed...and your grandma's death bed does not count.  We've heard that one 1,000 times already. 

Ohhhhh, Quiet Rage sounds a bit cranky today.  Who peed in her Cheerios?

No, this is not a trap.  Accepting or declining an invitation is not a control issue on your life.  It's basic manners that escapes the vast majority of people.  In fact, I wish you would decline my invitation with a definite 'no' rather than accepting only to cancel at the last minute, bringing uninvited guests, or not showing up at all.  Good manners also dictate that the host may not inquire the reason for accepting or declining an invitation.  All we need is an answer one way or another - not your life story.

I'm trying to put together a holiday meal.  Only those who have done this can understand.  There is a lot to coordinate.  Dinner does not magically appear on the table with the wave of a magic wand.

I finally got snarky with the fence sitters who have not given me an answer.  I contacted them (as they never responded to my invitation anyway) to say that I'm sorry they won't be joining us as I did not hear one way or another and I ordered the turkey size for those who gave me the courtesy of a reply.  Time was running out and the matter could not wait. 

Shock waves ensued after.  What????  I could hear a pin drop on the other end of the phone.  Their silence was an exceedingly audible whine of,  "Now what???  Where am I going to go on Thanksgiving to get an awesome meal for free?  Everything is closed or the food tastes like crap!"

Time to Talk Turkey

I talk turkey all the time on this stupid blog.  Where else can I spew random diatribe?

It's (insert dramatic booming timpani drum foreshadowing something ominous) THE HOLIDAYS!!!!  Yes, the annual horror movie is coming to YOUR neighborhood.  It's coming to your HOME if even if you did not invite it!!!!

You know it's bad when you start dreaming about it like I did last night.  I've said this before and I'll say it again.  We all expect world peace but can't sit down with certain family members for one meal without bringing up how so-and-so is a lazy, stupid, selfish, drunken, mooching, ass who is spending mom's money so quickly and manipulating the will/trust that it's feared there will be nothing left for YOU when she dies.

Grow up.  Your parents don't owe you anything.  Nobody owes you anything.  To top it off, mom can spend her money and divvy up assets however she wishes even if it pisses you and your money-grubbing spouse off.

Which brings me to Thanksgiving.  I'm not above being peeved-off about how family money is siphoned off by certain members of the clan and "mom" continues to enable them while the rest of us are busting our butts trying to to the right thing with jobs, saving, etc.  I'm not above being totally peeved at the clan member who continues being spoon fed at age 50.  Why should Lazy Butt get a job and pay bills?  Mommy will step in with a broom and clean up the mess with continued financial bailouts that Lazy Butt PROMISES to repay.  This is the LAST TIME Lazy Butt will ever ask for a handout.  Yup.  Sure.  Until next month when the cycle repeats itself.

The holidays roll around and, of course, Lazy Butt is going to show up for Thanksgiving dinner as a defacto guest of mom and dad because Lazy Butt lives with parents after the second divorce and, like toilet paper trailing from mom and dad's shoes, Lazy Butt follows.  Lazy Butt has no where else to go for the holidays, anyway.  Lazy Butt's own kids can't even stand Lazy Butt.

It will get interesting this week, people.  I'm going to take the higher road and embrace Lazy Butt's existence in my home as I am cooking (as usual).  It does not mean I have to like it.  Of course, Lazy Butt will do nothing but fart on my couch, drink excessively, and watch football.  Lazy Butt will contribute nothing.  Thank goddesses the kids are now old enough to ward off Lazy Butt's sick sexual advances to younger relatives.  A swift kick in the crotch usually deters that. 

I really struggle having Lazy Butt in my home.  It's like condoning incest and sexual abuse...and it's like this behavior is REWARDED by mom and dad with the continued financial enabling and making up excuses for Lazy Butt.  Like I said earlier, we all want world peace but struggle to sit down to one meal together.  Like I said earlier, I'm not above being upset and torn about family dynamics.

OHHMMMMMMMMM    OHMMMMMMMMMM  OHMMMMMMMM and pass the wine. 

Be Clean With Your Garbage

Do us all a little favor and help the environment.  Please be clean with your garbage.  It's more than picking up your own trash like a responsible human being does, it's sorting trash from what can be recycled. 

No, your used kleenex does NOT go in the recycle bin and neither does your oily pizza box. 

Years ago back in 1989 I lived in an apartment complex in Petaluma.  Earth Day was just becoming a thing and nobody recycled.  I remember approaching the manager of the complex and offering to set up a recycling program.  I'll never forget the look she had on her face when she told me point blank, "You think people are going to actually sort their trash responsibly?  People are sloppy PIGS and they don't care about ANYTHING that does not directly impact their immediate self-gratification, let alone sorting trash they are throwing out either one way or another."

Wow.  I just remember being stunned at her reaction to my wanting to voluntarily set up the program. Now, many years later, I understand why she said what she said.

It's true.  People ARE pigs.

We all want to feel good about recycling.  The truth of the matter is that so many people are not properly sorting trash from recyclables that recycling is now a joke -- it takes more energy and resources (which we are trying to conserve) to clean up the recyclables before they can be recycled than if we just put it all in the trash.   If news of the ineffectiveness of recycling broke out, every Prius driving tree-hugger and Hairy Arm Pit Club member would be up in arms. 

I suppose I'm asking a bit much from humans to keep their own pen clean.  At least pigs do that.  Pigs are actually neat animals.  They don't intentionally destroy their living quarters.  I'm re-affirmed of that each time I drive out the back roads and see mattresses, refrigerators, couches, broken glass, beer cans, tires, burger wrappers, cigarette butts, etc., on the side of the road.  Many times I see it in the middle of the road. 

Anthony Weiner

Oh yeah, I'm sure this has more truth to it than we all want to admit.  On another note, this DICK (sorry, I could not help my self with a name like Weiner) has a history of not being able to keep it in his pants. 

What Are You Protesting?????

What are you all protesting about?  A fair and square election result?  Perhaps not everybody is thrilled with the results, but show me where there has been an injustice in the process - besides where Clinton torpedoed Sanders - and the price was paid for that move. 

I don't like people out there beating up other people.  I don't care which side of the political camp you are on if any.  Many of us don't even belong to *any* particular political camp.  No matter.  Going out there like a band of idiots burning, trashing, destruction and beating others up will accomplish exactly WHAT?  Ohhhhhhh, you're a big person if you throw a temper tantrum like a two year old because you did not get your way. 

Grow up.  All of you.

The time to protest will be when our newly elected (gagging reflex happening) president makes actual policy that deserves us to be angry.  Even then, destruction is not the answer. 

Here's my fear.  Trump is a political outsider.  He dared to rock the political establishment and disrupted the status quo.  The Clinton-Bush Political Bullshit Factory is extremely powerful.  They will join forces to assassinate Trump.  Of course, they will make it look like an accident.  Pence becomes president and that's when the nightmare will really happen along with a republican congress.  It won't be exactly to the democrats liking, but their brand of so-called order and peace will be returned to Washington, D.C.  

Personally, I don't think Trump actually thought he would win.  Now he needs to put his money where his mouth is.  I don't think he has as much money as he wants us all to believe.  

Great job, America

Do you all realize what you've just done?  Douse everything in gasoline, light the match, and toss it over your shoulder just to see what blows up.  Like most pyromaniacs, they will sit back and watch the mother f**** burn in glorious satisfaction from a comfortable distance not really giving a hoot about the damage and destruction they are causing. 

Congratulations.

The election results were less than 24 hours ago.  Already the neo-nazi's are entering into gay, Muslim, and Mexican communities beating them up and threatening them.  A brigade of red neck cowboys came into the notoriously gay Hillcrest neighborhood of San Diego to beat up gays who were just going about their daily business and living their lives.  Bullying is happening.  Ignorant Americans are taking the Trump win as a license to openly bully, ostracize, and discriminate against segments of our population.  After all, their newly-elected president got elected on such shit tactics.

However, I see how this a**h*** got elected.  People were tired of the Clinton-Bush Bullshit Factory of F-U over Politics.  Corporations are people???  Really????  Wall Street donates ka-billions of dollars to Clinton?  While that may look good for my stock retirement portfolio, that's a really short sighted view.  Money is made on the backs of others.  Don't ever forget that.

Clinton had her issues.  Granted.  Everybody does.  However, she never openly made fun and mocked people based on their age, weight, sexual orientation, gender, nationality, whatever.  She at least acknowledged people in all shapes and forms as humans for the sake of TV cameras. 

The devil known is ALWAYS better than the devil unknown.  Don't ever forget that, either.

The Benefit Audit

Surprise!  I'm not going to rant about the election today.  Every a**h*** on the planet is already doing so.  I don't want to choke up the universe's cosmic energy with more.  I'm going off on a totally different tangent today.  The benefit audit.

We all know the IRS performs their audits.  Nobody likes them, but unfortunately it's the only mechanism that prevents all of us from cheating more on our tax returns than we already do.  The IRS no longer has a monopoly on audits.  Guess what.  Now it's the benefit audit.  Yes, you will need to prove your marriage and dependents that are coat-tailing on your health insurance.

Coming from the employer-sponsored health care perspective, it costs us (depending on the specific plan and number of dependents) about $2,700 per month to insure you.  Some employers pass some of that cost off to you, the employee, but some employers pay the whole thing.  So don't bitch when we have to up your doctor's office visit from $20 to $25.  That's not my point.  I have not even touched on the cost of prescription drugs, as that is another rant. 

Yeah, it's a lot of money we're shelling out.  People are figuring out how expensive health care really is - even if you're insured through your employer.  Because the cost is so prohibitive it's a natural breeding ground for misrepresentation (notice I did not use the word FRAUD, but that's what it really is).  Divorced people do not report the divorce to their insurance and carry ex-spouses on the plan.  People remarry and put step kids on the plan without legally adopting them.  In a divorce these days forget about who gets the house and kids.  The house is leveraged to pay for credit card debt if it's not teetering on foreclosure, anyway, and the kids are spoiled brats neither parent really wants.  It's who's going to carry and pay for health insurance.

Yes, even Quiet Rage is being audited for health benefits.  I think we all will be audited soon.  I'll walk you through the process so at least you have a heads-up.  Here's the general process many of you will experience when the benefit audit comes to you.  Ready?  Here goes.

You take your kid to the doctor, dentist, whatever.  Everything is seemingly normal.  About 30 days later you will get a call or a letter from said doctor, dentist, whatever saying that your claim has not been paid by your insurance and you owe them $160 for the office visit.

You:  WTF!!!!!!!!!!  I have insurance!!!  This should not BE!!!  There is something WRONG!!!!

At first you will try to blame the doctor's office thinking they are effed up.  You take your frustration out at the poor person at the front desk.  Save your anger.  Wrong target.

You call the insurance company to see what's going on.  After being on hold for 30 minutes you finally get a live person.  They tell you that because they have not received the completed benefit audit they mailed to you 3 months ago, all claims incurred would not be paid until the audit has been completed.  One of two scenarios are at play here:
(a) You threw the benefit audit forms away when it came in the mail thinking it was junk;
(b) You kind of remember seeing something like that but did not read the part where you needed to submit proof of your marriage and dependents within a specified time window  -- and especially the part where claims would not be paid if you failed to do so.  It's in the bottom of your paper pile somewhere in your kitchen or car.

No matter, now your peeved.  You now have to submit proof of your marriage and continued co-habitation via your last year's federal tax filings and/or a monthy, recurring bill that has both of your names on it to the same address no more than 60 days old.

For your dependents you will need to provide birth certificates naming the primary insured as a parent, or legal adoption papers.

Sorry it has come to this.  We simply cannot keep your ex-spouses on the plan nor your new wife's kids her from another father.  We are tired of being the main bargaining chip in your marriages and divorces.  We really do want to provide you and your legitimate dependents health care.  Stop fucking it up for those who are doing it legitimately.  

Intuit Turbo Tax Data Breach

Did you all get the news?  I got mine via email.  Most of you probably deleted it without reading like all the other uber important security disclosures embedded in leagal-eeze basically saying they have not secured your personal information like they PROMISED and it got hacked and now the long-term consequences are unknown.  However, Intuit/turbo tax CARES about your privacy and will do everything they can to protect it.  

Bullshit.  That's why they outsource overseas.  Make no mistake, there are plenty of Intuit/Turbo Tax hacking thieves within our own borders.  It just complicates things when it's international. 

Intuit's Turbo Tax program has the biggest personal data breach of all time but the press is ignoring it.  Why?  Because it would mean dealing with IRS.  The IRS operates on their own set of rules they make up as they go along as to what they want to disclose.  The IRS *LOVES* getting their information electronically as that means they don't have to deal with 319 million of us citizens sending in reams of paper on countless forms *they* prescribed via snail mail and have to figure out their own insane tax codes they wrote.  Disclosing a massive data breach to the public means losing faith in filing electronically.  It's the IRS's worst nightmare.  They would have to deal with the mountains of paper they now, at the moment, don't really have to deal with via the 'click' of online filing.

Party is over, IRS and Intuit.  Thanks to security breaches and international "customer service" centers our personal information is out there in cyberland just waiting to be hacked.  Why else do you think the surge in so-called IRS agents calling and emailing us almost daily threatening us on dummy charges is on the rise?  Why else do you think that tax fraud identity theft has increased 1,000 fold?

Here's how you get revenge.  Paper file your returns via snail mail.  Chop down that tree to print the reams of paper the IRS demands you complete.   Get 2 more printer cartridges.  It may mean renting a U-Haul truck to submit your forms to the IRS, but at least you know your personal information is on a more traceable path rather than launching it into the vulnerable vastness of cyberspace;  and therefore, not at the hackable whim of any Snowden-video-geek-techno-wanabee.

Key words for 2017:  Snail mail and cash are making a comeback.  You've all ruined the convenience of "online" whatever.  We don't trust you with our information. 

Standing Rock Protesters

Yeah.  I grew up with 1/2 white 1/2 native 1/2 whatever else in Minnesota/North Dakota.  My family's homestead lies upon grounds where a trading trail used to be which now mirrors highway 94.         We have artifacts, bones, pottery, arrowheads, and a whole slew of other historical items incase anybody is interested.  Now suddenly everybody is interested.

This is ground zero for whites vs. native americans.  It has been for the last 150  years.  I'm a product of that energy.  

Here's what is pissing me off.  We now have every unemployed loser "protesting" the pipelines.  Really?  Would they even care if this were not a fad on Facebook?  How did they get to North Dakota?  Did they ride a horse or walk?  Of course not.  They DROVE a car and FLEW in an airplane from some bored, monied sponsor on a Go Fund Me begathon who needed a tax write off to get there.  Sorry, but getting to south of Bismarck ND takes the very OIL resources they are protesting.  

So what did the city slicker protesters trucked in from California do when they got there?  Chant a few things?  Smoke from the communal pipe?  Ok... they showed up.  They wore feathers and danced around the fire.  They ate BiSON (not buffalo).  Oh no,  forget that.  they did not eat bison.  They are organic GMO free vegetarians.  They don't even know the difference between bison and buffalo.... but there they are... protesting.....They got cold and tired of sleeping out on the windy prarie in late fall.  They did not get on TV....  They went home.  What did they accomplish?  They have no real committment to the area nor the tribe and did not even know where North Dakota was on a map until it was "cool" to do so.  

Fuck off, fake protesters.  You want so show your support?  Live in a tipi without running water nor electricity for more than a weekend.    Hunt and gather your for your food like the natives did.  I guarantee you will not find any buffalo.  Never mind... you don't know the difference between buffalo and bison, anyway.  AND......  Winter is coming.  

Less than one week

Everybody is breathing a preemptive sigh of relief telling themselves that this ridiculous election and associated circus consisting of misbehaving, unethical fools will be over in less than one week. 

Oh no it won't.  This is just the beginning.  We will soon look back to this time wishing it would never end as the aftermath of the election, no matter which candidate wins, will be much worse than super-hype over any deleted email or lack of disclosing tax forms. 

The media is loving this.  Ratings for an election have never been higher.  We are all tuning in for the latest scandal.  We don't even care which candidate the scandal relates to - just the scandal alone attracts us like moths to a flame.

I've got news for you all.  The government has ALWAYS been corrupt.  People lie.  You lie.  Technology is just making it more difficult for liars to lie.  That's the ONLY thing that has changed in recent history when we all long for 'the good old days.'   It's just that now people are actually getting caught.  However, before we get all high and mighty bashing politicians I've got more news for you.  We're all corrupt - every single one of us.  The government is just a grand mirror of our collective selves.  We don't like what we see, do we.   So, think about that all you tax cheats, workers' compensation scammers, adulterers, etc., when you want to blame "our government" for everything.  Washington D.C. is us.  Magnified. 

Here's a parting thought for you all.  You all stirred this election circus turd.  It's now it's a stinking mess everywhere.  Your work will come in the next week and AFTER the election by staying informed and making educated decisions,  and also participating in our elections from here on out.  How are we going to clean this up?  Don't you dare tell me you're too busy and drop the ball.  You can watch Monday Night Football or The Voice another time.  Change starts with, and continues, because of you.