Five and Dime Attorneys

Oh GAWWWWWD.  How am I to even go on about today?  I work in employer/employee relations and I'm in a niche that most shit-house attorneys have no clue.

I've been at this game going on 30 years.  Every favor I've done trying to 'help' an employee out comes back and bites me in the ass.  No good deed goes unpunished.

I won't bore you with the background of the individual who has been fired from countless employers, returned for training (which he failed) and subsequently sent to an employer on a lesser tier and wage/benefit scale knowing his purported professional skill set was lacking - also including his anger management issues.  We've tried to help him and keep him employed.  He is his own worst enemy.

Lo and behold he was terminated from employment for cause (yawn, AGAIN and I might add he is the all-time record holder of terminations in our industry for cause).  He has even been caught on surveillance video doing his nasty deed of compromising safety and stealing.  When confronted???  Nope.  Not him.  It's his evil twin brother.

Where I'm going with this is that I'm an extremely busy person.  I'm readying myself for a work trip to Boston and I don't have time for people with a rap sheet that exceeds over a decade of him being a confrontational, lying idiot who keeps getting himself fired.  That last thing I needed today was to make time for a hearing to deal with this asswipe.

I'll admit.  I was already in a mood when I arrived for the hearing.  However, I was keeping myself in check.

When I arrived there were three people in the hallway.  One was the man who we needed to appear before us.  Our role, as is well described in our employer/employee agreement, was to have all sides tell their story and have a jointly approved, qualified, neutral third party render the final outcome.  It's kind of an arbitration hearing, if you will.

The hearing panel is in place and we are set deal with this.  Everything is according to protocol.  When we call in the fired guy, let's just call him Mr. Fire because he not only CAUSES fires on the job site, he also gets fired repeatedly, there are two women who want to follow him into this private hearing with one woman flashing a card touting herself as an attorney and the other one as the wife of Mr. Fire.

Oh no.  Homey don't play that game.  This is a labor-management meeting in accordance to the collective bargaining agreement in which Mr. Fire is rightfully being represented by his union representative, myself as management, and the neutral member of the appeals committee (a.k.a. arbitrator).  There are no attorneys.  No wives.  No audience.  No attorneys. 

Now I'm the senior member of this committee.  The union representative is new.  Mr. Fire is trying to bully his own newly positioned union rep who is there trying to help him if anything.  Mr. Fire is not giving the union rep anything to defend and keeps on incriminating himself.  I've known Mr. Fire's track record since 1999.  Bring it on.  The union rep was flustered that Mr. Fire wanted to bring in his wife and a so-called attorney into the hearing.  This was the union rep's first hearing of this sort.  I was more than glad to help the union rep out as even THEY think Mr. Fire is a total f*** up and think he's poison.

It's so obvious that Mr. Fire is trying to snag his union in a 'failure to represent' that I can smell it from across the ocean.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  His union (myself included) have bent over backwards offering Mr. Fire more training and whatever else he needs to qualify himself.  Mr. Fire is just another asshole trying to play lawsuit lottery with everybody.  He's one of thousands.  If you're going to bring this lawshit lottery game to me, you better do your homework. 

I stood in front of the doorway with my arm across the entrance and invited Mr. Fire in.  Both women in the hallway immediately got in my face demanding entrance.  The wife started in with me trying to engage in a debate to which I quickly retorted that I was not speaking to her - only to Mr. Fire.  It was a watered down way of saying STFU, betch, before I slap you.

Then the other woman stepped toward me and asked me 'what authroity do you have over this meeting, and why am I denying him legal representation.'

Excuse me??????  What authority do I have?????  A lot.  Mr. Fire does have legal representation through his union, to which his representative is present.  This newly-minted attorney has no clue to collective bargaining and the disciplinary process.  However, I was not going to engage in a meaningless argument in the hallway with either of them.  I simply held my arm across the doorway and said that if Mr. Fire, and Mr. Fire ONLY, wants to come in for his hearing we are all present and ready.  If not, then this meeting will not happen and we will consider it a 'no show' on his part and proceed without him. 

Mr. Fire came in by himself.  Moral of the story?  do NOT mess with me unless you know for certain you have your facts straight and know what you're dealing with and..... don't try to intimidate me.  Saying you're an attorney and getting in my face gets you nowhere.  I generally loathe attorneys, anyway.

What a waste of an afternoon.  NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!