Identity Crisis: Empty Nest - MidLife

Even my own mother and sister are freaked about me calling them on the phone and crying as of late.  I never call them and cry.  I never really cry in front of others.  I may bitch a lot about useless stuff, but to actually cry??????  Granted, my mother and sister are of very stoic Germanic stock and my emotions are met with puzzlement and confusion and their three-words-or-less attempts at "fixing" me (which is the goal of all Germans.  We are machines.  If something is wrong, fix it. Damn it.  And shut up about it.)  My mother and sister are like Spock on StarTrek and totally oblivious to emotions and feelings. 

Which begs the question of what about dad and my brothers.  Dad is super-intuitive/psychic and his abilities were squashed and inhibited by the 1930's WASP Midwest farmer mentality of 'that freaky hippie crap does not exist.'  I think my older brother is incredibly intuitive and psychic and my younger brother has the ability as well, but they are suppressed by their culture and immediate environment so they try to push it down and ignore it.  Ok, so they are warped, too.

Then there is me.  The rebel from birth.  Whatever.  I just don't fit in anywhere.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and never fail to express emotions. 

Anyway, back to identity crises, empty nest, and midlife crisis.  I've had anticipated quasi-freedom for about 2 years when my youngest graduated from high school.  I knew on the superficial level that things were about to shift.  However, my youngest being a homebody she stuck around close to home and close to mom after high school ended, and junior college began.  I should add that I spent the last decade as a travel sport parent, so being home on the weekends is still a foreign concept to me. 

I was only too happy to oblige her.  I'm such a co-dependent.  I was needed.  I love providing for others. 

Now that she has moved away and her visits home are now sporadic and brief I'm left trying to figure out what to do with myself.  For real.  Sure, I toyed with the ideas of finding my own interests but my daughter was still around to sabotage my long-term goals of joining a choir, dance team, or orchestra. 

Not anymore.  It's just me, myself, and I.  Now that I *really* have the time and resources to do what *I* want it's weird. 

Thank Goddesses that my Sonoma County bestie, MSS, is taking me out to get my wimpy-English-dude-fix by getting tickets to English Beat :)