The "ME" Generation

Somewhere along the line the free-thinking, anti-establishment philosophy of the 1960's Hippie Generation turned into the "man" they were trying so desperately to separate from. See the "then" and "now" photo above.

The Baby Boomers are the most selfish generation that ever existed. They thrived in post WWII prosperity, and they then rebelled against the establishment that fostered their own well-being. The Me Generation was sooooooo certain of their new order that they swore was different and more enlightened than their conservative, conforming parents. Damn the man. They were about peace, love, freedom, and equality for all.

Ironically, they are now the establishment they were rebelling against. Now that health care reform is being discussed, they are the first ones to poo-poo any and all reform as it may affect THEIR own precious selves. There is not one thought to others. It's all about them.

Where is peace, love, and equality for all now that you're the ones holding the wealth?

Silence. I thought so.

Stuffed Animals

This gives "stuffed animals" a completely different meaning. This was an actual photo taken by a high level UPS employee involved in a pot bust in Sonoma County. The sender tried to hide the pot inside innocent looking stuffed animals. However, the UPS employee became suspicious when the sender took out insurance on seemingly non-valuable goods, and also wanted to send them "next day air." Two red flags. The UPS employee's suspicions were spot on.

Voila.... open up the seams of the bear's butt, and lo and behold the bear shits pot.

Petaluma Corn Maze Traffic on Hwy 101

There.... now you've seen them. You have seen corn stalks and pumpkins. Need I point out which is which? Now drive the fucking speed limit coming southbound on Hwy 101 through Petaluma this time of year. Quick rubbernecking, gawking, and tying up traffic like the moron you are. I'm sorry your life has been so fucking sheltered you have not seen these two items before in your life and feel the need to stop suddenly on the freeway causing an 18 car pile up behind you to stop and stare.

There is a corn maze. There is a pumpkin patch. People are out getting their pumpkins and visiting the corn maze. Get over it and DRIVE. This happens EVERY year, dumbshit.

I originally posted this a year ago, and apparently there has been ZERO progress made in human evolution so I am posting again.

Generational Gap

Today I was asked if Freddy Mercury and Tim Curry was the same person......

Still Waiting to be Home Alone

I have been ranting about this topic since I've started this blog. I never have the luxury of being home alone. Oh excuse me, I did have 12 minutes last week.

I wish my husband would take the kids and leave for a weekend. I have been dropping hints since the dawn of time. He never leaves. The kids never leave. They are always here. Then the relatives are always here. I can't get rid of anybody.

Maybe it would not bother me so much if I did not work and had the house to myself for a few sacred hours during the day, but I do work full-time.

I just want the house to myself for a few days. It would be so peaceful and blissful. I could actually get something done instead of tripping over bodies and constantly picking up and cooking for everybody.

Some wives bitch because their husbands travel. I am envious. At least they can get the remote for a night or two. Maybe I'm just too independent.

Lazy State Employees: a.k.a. Fat Ladies

There is an old joke in the military about lazy, bureaucratic, paper-filler-outers, known as the "fat ladies."

BTW, biological sex did not matter. There were male "fat ladies" as well.

They just sit around day in and day out shuffling papers trying to look important, like they are doing something.

Here is a true story. I have three upper-management level employees who came to me from the State of California. Why???? That is a long story all onto itself that would require several "Quiet Rage" pre-rantings, and also intense psychotherapy on my part. Here is the gist of state workers: THEY DON'T WORK!

I have one of them coming to my office tomorrow all the way from Concord because he does NOT want direct deposit on his paycheck. See, his meager salary of $140,000 per year (not including benefits) warrants him a three-hour round trip to my office all the way from Contra Costa County to Sonoma County to physically pick up his paycheck as opposed to direct deoposit so he can have it *one* banking day ahead of time.

His life and finances depend on it. He makes $140,000 + and his wife is also a professional. And they can't wait ONE day for direct deposit? And HE is the one who is supposed to be driving this ship? Sorry..... I am the one doing the number crunching (for free I might add) to tell these idiots that 2 + 2 = 4....

Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore.....

Needless to say I received a wage garnishment for the same-above-mentioned-money-mismanging-lazy-state-employee-asswipe for back taxes from this same, overpaid, jerk-off just a month before. AND.... this asswipe will use company time, gas, and resources to come and pick up his check at my office when he really should be doing something more productive -- LIKE HIS FUCKIN' JOB!!!!!!!!

I hate to sound like a broken record, but the government bloat at the top is real. That is where the real budget crimes are happening. Don't let them tell that the state is broke and they don't have any money.

Bullshit. California should have plenty of money. They are just too busy sucking it up for themselves in their mis-managed cluster fucks.

Business Hours

Finally.....somebody gets it. I want to post this sign outside of my office door.

Naming of vehicles and other inanimate objects

I'm not sure if it's a Minnesota thing, but everybody I know back home has a name for their car. For instance, my first car was an Oldsmobile Xtreme. It was originally from Canada and it was built for cold climates. Being it was from Quebec, I lovingly named my car Pierre. Cars are part of the family like pets.

I just read an e-mail from an old, old friend "back home" and he named his GPS unit Gertie. I had to laugh out loud as I also named my GPS unit. I named mine Helga.

My brother bought a Ford F250. He named it Shaneequa. I asked him how he came up with that name. He said, "Because she is big, black and beautiful."

.....with junk in her trunk.....

Sonoma County IQ Test

In spirit with my bored Facebook "friends" I have devised my own little "quiz" for you all. This is a one question, pass or fail test. Ready? Here goes....

What is the above picture?

I shit you not that I went into a craft store the other day asking for the above pictured item. The craft store had several on display, but the dumb shits who work there had NO idea what a scarecrow was. I would brush this off as the disappearance of our agricultural roots if only one employee drew a blank... However, it was more than one employee who had NO clue what a scarecrow was. They thought it was a bird.

I can't make shit like this up. God help us all.

I HATE Twitter

...yeah.... I can appreciate technology and such, but Twitter is just totally useless and annoying as hell. No, I don't care how many squares of toilet paper you use when you take a shit, and I certainly don't care how many times you shake your dick after you piss. TMI!!!!!!!

Nor do I care about somebody who is parked in your parking space, and you're going to have them towed before the board meeting that is scheduled for this morning where you are to receive accolades as to how fucking wonderful you are and your promotion to VP of Total Techno-Bullshit. Wowww......

Who ever thought of Twitter should be SHOT and KILLED immediately. I bet it had something to do with the Bored Moms on Prozac Committee -- we all know they are the evil of the universe.

Enviroenentally Friendly Clothes Dryer or Eyesore

Here's to all the stupid fucks who think clothes lines should be banned because they "look like rusted out cars on blocks" and other detrimental bullshit they think drives down property values.

What a load of crap.

Do these people really have nothing else to bitch about? Don't they know that using a clothesline saves energy and makes your clothes smell *really* good? Don't they know that global warming is real?

Shiiiiiiiiit. The people bitching about clotheslines don't even know what they are bitching about. What's it going to be when we have NO resources in 30 years? Would it matter about seeing somebody's socks on the line then? I think not. These people should be commended for trying to do something for the environment. Personally, I seldom use a dryer. I hang EVERYTHING outside. I do a load at night, and then hang it out in the morning. It waits for me until I get home, and then I fold and put away.

Here's what I am going to do. I am going to hang Aunt Ethel's underwear on the line. When the people in the neighborhood bitch about it, I will tell them that it's not underwear, that it's actually a ship's mast on a sea of green. People in Marin pay a premium for a view like that.....

Shocking My Kids by Going to Church

My 21 year-old son wanted to know where I had been when I returned this afternoon. I replied, "I went to the gym, to the grocery store, and then to church."

I could see my son's eyes widen in astonishment. His mouth was gaping open. The look on his face suggested that I returned home with a pink mohawk, nipple and belly piercings, and all-over-body tattoos.

"You....you....went to CHURCH?"

Yes, I really did go to church, and a CATHOLIC one at that," I replied.

I thought my son was going to fall on the floor and start doing the worm.

I am a very spiritual person, but I am not religious. I do not condemn Christianity, I do rather embrace it -- I also embrace other religions as well. It's just the stupid rules and conditions that people have put to Jesus's word that totally turns me off. A lot of it can be traced to when I began questioning things in Catechism when I was in second grade. The nuns hated me.

Anyway, I am getting off track as I why I actually set foot in a Catholic church today and the walls did not fall in. See, every October 11th I go to church to light candles in remembrance of loved ones who passed away. There are five close relatives of mine who all died during the month of October. I go and light candles and pray for them. Upon entering the church, my Catholic behaviours automatically return to me. I look for the Holy Water, make the sign of the cross, and genuflect at all the right places -- all without being conscious of what I am doing. No wonder Italians talk with their hands with all the hand gestures and genuflecting the Catholics do. It's almost like a mime show.

I found my way to the candles located on the left side of the alter near the base of the statue of Mary. I dutifully insert some money in for an offering. I look for and light five unlit candles in a row. I drop to my knees and make the sign of the cross (again). It's at that point the tears start uncontrollably rolling down my cheeks. Each year I tell my self I am NOT going to cry. Each year I do.

Facebook Annoyances

I somewhat reluctantly joined Facebook about 9 months ago or so. It's a double-edged sword. On the upside I am able to connect with lots of people at once, and on the downside I am able to connect with lots of people at once.

Here are things that totally piss me off about Facebook:

1. Status postings that make me want to gag, like, "Joe and I are celebrating 17 years of wedded bliss today."

Who gives a fuck. Everybody but you knows that Joe is having an affair with the barista from Starbucks. Maybe that is what is making marriage tolerable for him to your fat, demanding, whiny, obnoxious ass. I guess ignorance really is bliss.

2. The creeper ex-boyfriend. There was a reason why the relationship ended when I was 18. I don't think that has changed.

3. People who post their status every 30 minutes. That is what Twitter is for.

4. People who post cryptic, tecnho-jargon in their posts. OK. So you're a fuckin' computer geek and I am a complete dumb ass. Enough.

5. The "How Well Do You Know Joe/Jane" quizzes. This one really pisses me off. I don't need to take some lame online quiz to determine the depth of my friendship with somebody. My real friends are the ones I have seen through many, MANY... and I mean MANY life challenges. We know where we stand with each other. No stupid online quiz would ever even come close. Looper, Mich, CG, and Flywriter immediately come to mind. You know who you are. PM and SY, you know who you are, too.

6. The "Join My Cause" invitations. Unless it involves free beer on a Friday or Saturday night, count me out.

7. People who post pictures while they are on vacation. This is another one that really pisses me off. They will post such shit as, "Joe and I are embarking on an 8 day cruise to Mexico. Here is a picture of our ship cabin."

Needless to say, they will spend 7 of the 8 days doing the technicolor yawn kneeling to the porcelain god in their ship cabin from Montezuma's Revenge or too much tequila. You be the judge.

8. Profile pictures that defy the laws of gravity. Honey, we all know you had a boob job after high school. We don't need to be reminded. You're not fooling anybody.

9. Friend requests from people you don't really remember. I suppose we had adjacent lockers in 7th grade. Whatever.

Unsolved Genetic Mysteries

Way back when I was in elementary school the question was asked of me, "What are you... are you Italian or Native American or half breed or what?"

See, in Minnesota, which is the land of the lily white northern Europeans of fair hair, blond hair, and blue eyes my dark hair, high cheek bones, and olive skin tone was just *barely* unusual enough to draw mild questioning. Put me in the sun for five minutes and I turn instantly brown.

On one occasion I was asked if I was part Asian. Well, maybe part Eskimo would be more like it? I don't know. I guess my family being on the North American continent for over 300 years tosses just about any genetic probability into the mix.

Anyway.... there is something "dark" in the family genetics and I have yet to figure out what that might be. I have my guesses......

Mortgage Rescue Scammers

A new type of slime has oozed its way into practice. You've seen their cheesy commercials on late-night television. You've seen their bill boards, and also received their e-mails soliciting troubled homeowners to renegotiate their mortgages.

I guess the scammers require up front payments of thousands of dollars only for the scammers to disappear with the troubled homeowner's money without delivering on their promises of debt restructuring.

Here is what I don't get. If the troubled homeowner has thousands of dollars to give to the scammers up front for fees, why in the hell didn't the homeowner just pay the mortgage on time?

Walk to School Day

....wow..... this lame heading in the Santa Rosa Press Democrat Empire News Section today confirmed in my mind it really was a slow news day. The Bored Mom's on Prozac Committee have managed to draw attention to YET another worthless cause that (yawn) is already common sense to anybody with any higher cerebral functioning whatsoever. Of course you can donate money to their cause and volunteer for their spaghetti feed (and yes, pun is intended) to draw awareness to "WALK TO SCHOOL DAY!"

I shit you not... Sonoma County gives headlines for what used to be the "norm" not so many years ago. Kids walking to school. BFD. Who-da-thunk kids walking to school would be newsworthy?

If little Maria walks to school today, she will be greeted on campus by a giant, inflatable, walking, cartoonish heart! Not only that, they have organized a parade of kids WALKING TO SCHOOL complete with banners!!! WOW!!!!!!! Make way, everybody.... NOBODY HAS EVER WALKED TO SCHOOL BEFORE! THIS IS NEWS!!! WE NEED TO HAVE WEBSITES AND FUNDRAISERS AND TWITTERS AND FACEBOOKS AND MYSPACES AND BLOGS AND CALL THE PRESS AND AND AND AND AND AND AND AND AND ....(exasperated inhale) (gasp)

Who in the fuck thinks of this shit????? Obviously, somebody with waaaaaayyyyy too much time on their hands.

Not to sound like my elderly Aunt Ethel, but back in my day walking to school was just, well, expected. We walked in the rain, sleet, and snow.... for three miles....uphill....each way... You were a whiny, coddled, snot if you got a ride from your parents. Not so very long ago getting a ride to school was almost unheard of. Yes, there were buses, but to get an actual ride???? In a private car??? By your parents??? Your legs must have been broken in order to pull off such a luxury.

But nooooooo.... in America, the land of the stupid, lazy, and obese, walking to school runs parallel to winning an Olympic gold medal. Wally-E is looking more and more like reality, folks. If you're greeted with a giant, cartoonish, inflatable, walking heart you will know......

More Middle Child Syndrome

Yes, I am a middle child. I have an older sister, an older brother, and also a younger brother. I am number 3 of 4. To make matters more middle-childish, I am the second daughter -- which automatically registers me as "high" on the "completely ignored" scale.

Anyway.... I suppose there is something to be happy about being a lowly middle child. I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for my birth order in the family. For instance, most middle children are:

1. Low maintenance
2. Do not demand anything
3. Do not expect anything
4. Middle children are flexible
5. Middle children are used to having things NOT go our way
6. Middle children can adapt to their surroundings no matter how hideous
7. We are socially tuned in

We are only bitchy and unpleasant on blogs.....