California DMV

I avoid this place like the plague. However, I have a teenager that is of driving age and dealing with the DMV is just a fact of life. I have not stepped into a DMV for several years. I do everything online or snail mail. My drivers license picture is at least 12 years old. Just how does *that* work, anyway? What if somebody changes their hair color, or gains/loses a bunch of weight? What if somebody had a sex change? Would they need to get a new DMV photo? Nobody looks like their DMV photo, so why bother?

What's new with this DMV experience is the thumbprint. Yup, we're one step closer to having computer chips implanted behind our right year like animals from the pound.

While it's easy to pick on the DMV because it's the epitome of government buracracy, I do have to give the DMV credit where credit is due. For example....

Upon entering the DMV there was a start-here-help-desk. The person at the desk asked the reason for your visit and then inquired if you had the right paperwork WITH YOU and completed prior to entering the que. I give that process credit because there is nothing more annoying than getting to the front of the que after waiting for over an hour only to find you accidentally forgot an important bit of information that is needed to complete your business -- IF YOU ONLY KNEW AHEAD OF TIME. Well, now you do.

When we got to the front of the que, the DMV employees were extremely helpful and friendly. I have to give this bunch credit as they actually knew what there were doing and they actually looked to be working hard. The DMV employees are usually the target of crude jokes for being unresponsive, aloof, and not giving a crap, but this was not my experience.

I can't speak for all California DMV's, but this Sonoma County location was trying to make the best out of the all the government red tape with attempts at effeciency and trying to be customer friendly. Well done.

Arnold and Anthony

Hi. My name is Anthony. Sit on my face because my Jew nose is big like a dick. I did NOT tweet my crotch -- it was my NOSE.

Hi. My name is Arnold. I like to fuck fat Mexican women who work for the family. Aren't we a cute family? My wife would SHIT if she knew I was fucking the babysitter.
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Just exactly WHAT is up with politicians fucking around? Maybe it's just that all men fuck around and cheat on their wives, and there is something very headline grabbing when it's a politician caught with his dick where it should not be.

Arnold Schwarznegger and Anthony Weiner are no exception. However, both are NOT AT ALL sexy. What woman would want to do them? Arnold looks like a semi-evolved neanderthal, and Anthony Weiner looks like a wormy Jew with his penis where his nose should be.

UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel sorry for Arnold and Anthony's wives. Both are married to cheating liars.

Rohnert Park or Henderson?

I had the (mis)fortune of driving to the Las Vegas area recently. I have never driven across the Mojave desert before. I think it's something everybody should do as there is a certain lonely, beautiful mystique about it. I won't even talk about going through the town of Barstow (a.k.a. Tijuana del Norte). I'll stick to the heading of 'Rohnert Park or Henderson.'

Henderson is suburban Las Vegas, or should I say Dante's ninth circle of hell? My daughter made this comment of Henderson in stating, "Mom, there is something weird about this town. Everything is so.... so.... so.... FAKE! It looks like a giant movie set."

Well said, dear daughter. If you're into miles and miles of endless non-descript, mega chain stores with outdoor temperatures sweltering well above 100*, then this is the town for you. Even the houses looked fake like they were made of sugar, and the palm trees looked plastic.

I could not tell the difference between Rohnert Park and Henderson, NV. Both are nothing more than super-mega-chain store/restaurant hosts. I was looking for anything, and I repeat ANYTHING that would make Henderson unique, authentic and differentiate it from the cookie cutter layout. The town has no soul.

After careful observation, I found the *one* thing that made the difference between Henderson and Rohnert Park: Henderson has the highest per capita of morbidly obese people on scooters smoking cigarettes.

Sorry, Rohnert Park..... you will need to find something else to set you apart from the fat pack.

Sarah Palin or Brittany Spears: What's the Diff?

America's facination with stupid women stumps me. I guess all is needed is a pair of tits and a skirt above the knee to warrant a bus media frenzy tour following of semi-evolved citizens, and also a 'come back' tour featuring our favorite brainless, home-grown bimbos -- Sarah Palin and Brittany Spears.

American Woman - stay away from mee-hee. American Woman -- mamma let me bee-hee.

Now Palin proclaims she was right about Paul Revere. Cough. Ahem. This is the same woman who believes man walked with dinosaurs -- and people BELIEVED her (that is the scary part). Please. Go back to Alaska and view Russia from your office window. Make sure there is a hungry bear in the vicinity. Don't you have a meeting with the same dude who predicted the world was going to end a couple weeks ago because GOD SAID SO?????

As for Brittany: A bleach-blonde-tampon-string-showing-vacuuous shell with no real talent. Technology made you, sweetie. Technology will destroy you, sweetie. Anybody can put together catchy auto-tune melodies with your altered voice 15 year-olds will devour for the next three months. Then what. When your drug money runs out, who will be your sugar daddy? You and that Miley Cyrus or whatever her name is can get together and talk about 'glory days.'

Hospital Emergency Room

..had an incident recently where my daughter needed to visit the local ER room for an injury. Granted, the injury was not going to kill her, but she needed to see a doctor right away. I think every American should camp out in their local ER room to see what goes on.

Here are my observations. Sorry if they're not politically correct but it's the hard truth.

1. The vast majority in the ER room were obese Mexicans who did not speak a lick of English with no apparant visible injuries (or insurance). They had to have an interpreter. Of course, they had their entire extended family accompanying them along with several small children climbing the ER walls bothering those who were crying in pain with real injuries. They use the ER room as their walk-in clinic dropping their anchor babies in the hall along the way.

2. We were the only people who actually had legitimate insurance, and the ones who waited the longest to get care because we actually spoke English and could complete the forms the hospital wanted us to fill out.

3. If you need to go to the ER, don't speak any English and leave your wallet at home. Pay nothing and get to the front of the line.

That Minnesotan Accent

I never believed anybody when I was growing up from other parts of the country stating that "I" had an accent. I never believed it even after moving to California for several years.

Then suddenly, one trip back home, it hit me like a lightening bolt. Damn.... they DO have the cutest damn accent. The beauty of it is that they DON'T THINK THEY HAVE ONE!

Shiiiiiiitttttt..... is that what I really sound like? I guess so.

You can't FAKE a Minnesotan accent. Either it's genuine or it's some lame Hollywood director's
attempt trying to make it work for a movie making fun of us ice fishing or freezing to death.

Believe me. Ice fishing - freezing. Fake accent - real accent. We know the difference.

Don't 'cha know....

...and I'm a MORMON.....

Puh-LeeZE stop! Yes, you are a Mormon, and I'm totally pissed off about it as well. Quit selling your 13 year old girls into a marriage with a 60 year old dude who can't get it up without the help of Viagra. It's just gross...

Your lame .....and I'm a moromon..... campaign smacks of the same shit of Charles Manson's "helter skelter" campain and then wonders why public support is lacking. DUH!!!

I've witnessed it in person. I've drivin along highway 80 in Nevada and Utah and seen your Laura Ingalls clones getting off a bus at a Love's Truck Stop in the middle of nowhere Utah with their sun bonnets and pimps keepin' them in check. Heavin forbid the 14 year-olds try to escape. They are already sworn to the horny old dude with 21 kids.

Mormons: You are nothing more than an ordained prostituion/child sex ring. Shame on your fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, for selling you into this slave sex trade. RUN!!!!!!!!!