Welfare Queen

 Riddle me this.  My niece, who is not married to her baby daddy, does not work.  She has toddler and is expecting another one in November.  She was "shocked" to learn she was pregnant again.

She whines and cries about how tight money is.  However, they jet off to San Diego to visit baby daddy's mom.  Baby Daddy flew down to San Diego yesterday for a football draft (totally unnecessary expense).

My niece, KAB, was explaining today to us that her toddler needs and receives all these special services because of some trauma he experienced in utero that are FREE for her.  I had to bite my tongue.  Nothing is free.  I'm paying for it through taxes.  

KAB and Baby Daddy are staunch Trump supporters.  They ran away from Texas because the social safety net is not what it is in liberal California.  

The hypocrisy is not lost on me.  Accepting FREE social services is OK if it's for your own kid.  Anybody else who utilizes services for their kid it is a drain on the system and should be sent packing.  

How Much Help?

 Life is complicated.  Marriage is complicated.  I've been married for 37 years - to the same man - and I can tell you we have had our peaks and pits.  Sigh.  Long story. 

Here's where it stands right now.  My husband's sister is going to drive us to our boundaries with each other.  I'm growing increasingly frustrated with hubby's sister who wants my financial advice and help, but won't give me the whole truth on her finances.  I only get bits and pieces.....and then tap dances when I ask pointed questions.  

Sorry.  If you want my help you need to fess up the truth of your financial status - even if it equals disaster. She asked me for help.  It's not like I'm soliciting and prying for personal, private financial information.   

God bless my sister-in-law Sassy, as she really is a good person.  However, she is like dealing with a 5-year-old. However, she is STUPID with her money.  

Sassy will turn 79 on Tuesday.  Yup.  Sassy is the perpetual toddler.  She was the youngest of 4 kids for 17 years until...... her mother announced on April Fools Day that she was pregnant with my now husband at the menopausal age of 45.  

At first the pregnancy announcement was thought a menopause joke.  It was no joke.  Along comes Husband *SURPRISE* two decades  after his siblings.  His brothers and sisters were more like aunts and uncles because of the age difference.  In fact, mother and daughter were pregnant at the same time.  My husband's niece is only 4 months younger than himself.  Talk about an interesting family photograph.....and they don't even live in the south.  LOL. 

My sister-in-law, Sassy-the-80-year-old-perpetual-toddler-who-is-currently-in-financial-straits, was ALWAYS the annoying kid sister you wanted to punch in the face (even when she was age 50+).   She still sings the bratty, gap-toothed, lisped, freckled face, messy-red-headed- kid-songs-seven-year-olds sing that make us all want to push her off the ledge.  

Think a female Denis the Menace - but worse.  Think "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas and All I Want for Christmas are my Two-Front-Teeth" songs where you want to tear the radio off the wall and smash it to bits.  Annoying AF.

What's my point?  Well, today Sassy calls and tells me that "her broker" called her to tell her to move her money into an IRA at Bank of America.   

So many questions.

I've been trying to help with Sassy's finances for two years.  I have never heard of her "broker" until today.  Just so you all know, "broker" is a term meaning they are making unjust commissions off of you and not acting as a fiduciary.  

I asked Sassy about this "broker."  She said, "Oh, <tap dance, tap dance, tap dance, tap dance, tap dance> I've been working with him for about the last 15 years or so."

Me:  Why am I only hearing about him now?  I need you to be transparent with me if you want me to help with your money and finances.  In what capacity does this guy work for you?  Is he a financial planner?  How much of your money does he handle?     Is he a fiduciary?  Where are your accounts held? 

Sassy:  Oh, I handed over all my money.  I don't know where my money is at.  It's been a while since I've looked at a statement.  He called me to tell me that I'm running out of money and that I should transfer out of his care and roll over to an IRA account at Bank of America. 

Me:  ARE YOU KIDDING???????????????????????????????????????

Yes, this is what I'm dealing with.  Unscrupulous financial "advisors" who prey on elderly women - my own mother included.   

Now the onus is on me to clean up this mess with Sassy and also a similar situation with my own mother who has entrusted her finances to a "broker" because he is Catholic.  I told my mother that Catholic priests molest boys.  Not all Catholics are good.  Dead silence from mom. 

Bottom Line:  If you are in a position to guide your elderly kin to a reputable financial person to do so sooner than later. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trip Home to Minnesota

 I just got back from visiting my family and friends in Minnesota.  Let me start by stating that my friends often feel more like my family.  It's a long and complicated story, but the connection I feel with my coven is extra special.  We have been friends since we were weeeeeeeeeee ones.  We are still friends to this day - BY CHOICE.  

Another thing I must state out loud.  Mosquitoes love me.  I am all bit up.  The love affair mosquitoes have with me is not reciprocated.  Minnesota is laden with mosquitos.  I have all sorts of lotions and ointments on my body to relieve the itching from the many bites.  It does not work all that well (for me).  

Another thing I must state out loud.  Minnesota has TERRIBLE drivers.  Wait.  We all thought they were all known for being nice, right?  That's how they market themselves.  Minnesota NICE.  What a bunch of hooey.  Minnesota drivers tailgate right-up-on-your-butt.  And no, I don't drive like an old lady.  I'm used to California Bay Area traffic and all the weird stuff that can happen on the roadways.  Minnesota drivers are two inches from your rear bumper and staring you down.  It makes California drivers super considerate in comparison as you can't see the whites of the tailgater's eyes in your rear view mirror and the associated eye daggers being lodged at you like you can with Minnesota drivers who are driving on your beeeee-hineeeeey.

Trip highs:  I got to see my friends.  Wait.  Calling them friends seems a disservice to them.  They mean more to me than friends.  I truly believe we are connected at the soul level.  It's no accident we were born at the same time/location.  We were meant to interact with each other.  Seeing them always brings joy to me.  We just GET each other.  

Another high was being together with ALL my siblings and my mom at the same time.  That does not happen very often.  I *know* my dad was there.  I can't explain it, but his favorite songs would suddenly play on the radio.  They are very specific songs.  There was also the cardinal on the telephone wire that stayed and stayed and stayed.  A cardinal is a sign of a beloved spirit who has passed.  There were also little things that would move themselves around the house like tools and whatnot that my sister SWORE she put in a certain area.   Plus there were the smells and shadows that were definitely dad.  He died in the house.  Of course his energy resonates. 

 I also got to see my nieces.  Two of my nieces drove a long way just to see me.  I feel honored for that.  However, there is one niece I'm very worried about.  Long story.   

My friends all took the time and trouble to come and see me.  They brought Tasty Pizza!!!  We missed SYB and TYD, but I get it.  Everybody has stuff going on.  Still, my besties showed up in force.  SSP, JLB, and PMF came to see me at my mom's house.  I do NOT take that for granted.  I'm so honored to have friends like them.  xxoo  PMF stayed until well after everybody else went home.  It was nice to hear what was going on in her life. 

Trip lows:  I did not get to go to Dairy Queen for my blizzard.  LOL.  I did go to the White Castle drive-thru for my brothers and nephews at some ungodly hour for double cheeseburgers, onion chips, and french fries.  The ozone layer now suffers from the consequences of my brothers and nephews for emitting toxic gasses into the universe.  Yup.  They are causing global warming.  I dare say they contributed to the general warming of mom's house as well.  Nobody can go upstairs after my brothers and nephews have feasted on White Castle without gagging and choking.  Please.......open the windows....even if it's -40*

Other trip lows....and this is on a serious note.  

Mom's mental capacity is slipping.  She sure can hide it temporarily when she has an audience.  Mom knows how to put on a show to make others think she's not losing it.  Anything to make it look like it's everybody ELSE and not HER who is is losing it.  

My sister and I had a two-hour conversation today about the things she gets upset about that have nothing to do with anybody except herself.  Yet, she wants to blame somebody else.  

Talk so me at some point about the chair condoms.  I kid you not.  I can't make this stuff up, people. 

 

 

 

 

Keith Richard and Richard Simmons

 Here's a brain twister for you all.

Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones has been half dead because of heavy drug and alcohol usage since the 1960's.  Keith Richards is still alive and is 80 years old.

Richard Simmons was a fitness nut who died at age 76.  

Who had more fun? 

Fun is subjective.  

Bottom line:  live your life.  We will all die around age 80-90 ish if we are lucky to make it that far no matter how many green spirulinas we drink and miles per day we jog.  I'm not downplaying taking care of yourself.  I'm stating that we are overly obsessed with our "fitness' and "health" rituals that may turn out to be the death of us because following them causes the stress that kills us.  

Truth bomb:  The oldest people I know of are of Minnesota ilk who smoke, drink, eat lard, red meat, etc.  Here's the difference.  Their food is NOT PROCESSED.  They are NOT STRESSED.  Minnesotans hang out with their neighbors for casual chit chat and have created a social network.  Most other people in other states hide behind their fenced off yards and calls the SWAT team if anybody rings their doorbell. 

Here's another truth bomb:  stress is the number one killer.  

Here's yet another truth bomb:  Take five minutes to get chat with your neighbors.  Get to know them.  You don't because you think you are sooooooooooo busy and self-important shuttling yourself from one event to another.......Here's yet another truth bomb:  you're not nearly as important as you think you are.  

One more truth bomb:  Our families, friends, and community are all that really matter in the long run.  And no, I don't mean this to create ties to create relationships only to exploit said relationships for gaining votes while running for public office.  That is FAKE.  We all know politicians exploit relationships for personal gain.

Be real.  People will reciprocate by being real.  If people are not being real with you, let them go.  They don't deserve your attention.  Who wants fake friends with materialistic aspirations? 

How will you know if somebody is being real with you?  Simple.  You will feel it in your soul.  No words necessary.  

Keith Richards:  Still alive at age 80.  Smokes, drinks, and did drugs for decades.  Does not give a flying monkey.

Richard Simmons:  Dead at age 76.  Became obsessed with his body image after somebody made a comment on his being fat.  He did a total 180* and lost weight.  Richard became the "fitness and health guru" for at  least two decades preaching his deal-a-meals and exercise videos to bored, overweight housewives.  What did that get him?  Dead at 76.  

Hey....I'm not knocking the bored, overweight housewives.  Richard Simmons paid attention to them.  Richard Simmons made a boat load of money.  Capitalism ignores females over the age of 50 despite our growing numbers and political largess (no pun intended).  We have money and yet we are ignored.  Good on Richard Simmons for at least giving the mature women a presence in the fitness world.  

I could go on and on about how the fitness world ignores women over the age of 50 despite our eagerness to participate.  GOLD MINE FOR ANYBODY WHO DARES TO TAP INTO THIS MARKET.  Yes, we are still sassy and want to have fun.  No, we are not wearing depends and use walkers.  Don't treat us like we are one step away from Menopause Meadows.  We have plenty of sass and will show you up on the dance floor.  Don't patronize us. 

 

Oneth by land, twoeth by sea, WTF if they arrive by other means?

 Wellllllllll...it's OFFICIAL.  The British are coming!  

Let's backtrack to 1976, which was the bicentennial for American independence from England.  

I remember 1976 very vividly.  It was the 200th year of our separation from England.  I was 9 year-old girl in Minnesota.  I remember fireworks.  I remember watermelon.  I remember waiting for the parade.  I remember mosquitos at dusk.  I remember sparklers.  I remember firecrackers.  Oddly enough, I remember slime (the toy) and pop rocks (the candy) for which both are now banned for being toxic to children.  

Perhaps that is what is wrong with me. 

What were we celebrating?  Oh yeah, we sliced ourselves off from the English throne.  Did we know what we were doing?  Some say yes and others say no.  Some say we never really separated ourselves. 

Truth be told, we have more in common with the English than any other ethnic group.  Despite other ethnic groups migrating to America, the English still hold onto the title of "we dumped our losers and misfits onto your shores.  You deal with them."  

Other areas of Europe were already dumping their "undesirables" onto our shores long before the English.  New Amsterdam was New York before it was New York.   How many of you knew that? You all thought New York was the original name.  NOT. 

America became a dumping ground for the offspring of the royal's extra marital affairs the crown did not want to acknowledge nor provide for.  I'm living proof of that. 

Yes, we have many who escaped Europe (mostly northern and western Europe at the time) and we became the pioneers who carved out the west.  We have had many entanglements with other groups along the way.  Some became part of family.  

The Pennsylvania Dutch  is the other ethnic group I closely identify with.  They are really German, but the English thought they thought "deutch" was the same as "dutch."  

Then there are the central Europeans on my mother's side who arrived around 1900 from Bohemia (present day Czech Republic).  There is a story there.  Apparently, there was a huge fight as there was a railroad that ran along the German/Czech/Bohemian border or whatever it was at the time????????  They had to leave.  Now.

Bottom line:  I am an American SUPER MUTT.   

Mutts are loyal and just want to love.