Friday, September 30, 2011

Why Old People are Crabby

If you want to hear raw truth, visit an old folks home and chat with somebody who still has their wits.  I like old people.  They just don't care what you think of them.  They will fart and belch and not even wince or say, "excuse me."  God bless them.

They are not trying to impress anybody.  They have been around long enough and figured out that it matters not what bright, shiny objects we accumulate in this lifetime.  They also call things as they see them, and they don't care if it's politically correct or not. 

They have seen it all.  They have lived through every political fad imaginable.  They have had families and careers.  They also thought at one point that things would remain the same forever and they would never grow old.  Death is near, and there is something freeing in all of that. 

They say what they want.  Nothing is sugar coated.  More often than not, what they have to say we all should heed.  We are not listening.  

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Noreen Evans: Mr. Ed

Can you spot the difference?  Or maybe the photos should be taken from the rear?  Still, I don't think it would help the populace out much.  An ass is an ass.... a rose by any other name..... is still.... Mr. Ed...whatever.  Pander to illegal Mexicans.  Tell us how you are for equality.  Yawn.  You and that Michael Allen slick-dick-head have a lot in common. Run for office in Mexico.  I'll buy your departure ticket PRIMO CLASS! 

Questions for Military Intelligence

Sorry, I might hit a nerve but I have to ask the following questions:
1.  With the technology available and used for observing "threat" countries to the United States via advanced imagary and such, why not use available technology to secure our borders with Mexico? I would dare say Canada, but I think the Canadians are developing their own strategy of keeping us out.  I don't blame them.

2.  Why would we even NEED a mile-high fence with the Mexican border when such advanced technology in place where we can see a gnat's ass from 10,000 feet?

3.  Why do we even need border agents?  Technology exists to monitor and police bodies via infra red trying to illegally cross borders.

4.  Who is profiting from all of this loop-hole nonsense?  Somebody's uncle, I'm sure....

5.  What would Republicans do if their cheap labor would be cut off?  They all bitch about illegal immigration, but they are the first ones hiring Jose to paint their house, pick their grapes, etc.,  and hire Juanita to baby sit their kids while slipping them cash under the table.  STFU and put your money where your mouth is, or should I say your ass as that seems to be the bigger of the two.  I'm not letting Democrats off the hook, either.  You all look for the same cash-under-the-table deals your Republican nemesis is looking for.  You are even more evil of the two as you tout "fair wage" bullshit at your pulpit.  When you all hire a union landscaper, I will know you mean real shit..... BTW. I'm not holding my breath. 

6.  American's should just admit that we need a slave class in order to be an economical force.  The Romans had it.  The Eqyptians had it.  Hell, it's even mentioned in the Bible.  American's had it with the industrial north using Irish child labor in factories, and the cotton producing south had it with blacks prior to the 1860's. THAT'S AMERICA'S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Sonoma County Airport Part II

I *love* the Sonoma County Airport.  The people are friendly (even if they are confiscating my wine opener -- security is just doing their job) and it's super convenient.  Damn the terrorists going from Santa Rosa to Las Vegas!!!!  The few bad apples spoiled the fun for all of us.  I SWEAR no matter how hard I try, airport security always finds something out of my purse to confiscate whether it be my hand sanitizer, wine opener, or tampons (tampons could be a concealed mini-missle, you know). 

Anyway, back to flying out of Sonoma County.  It never fails.  When flying out of Sonoma County you ALWAYS bump into somebody you know.  That could be either a positive or a negative.  Expanding the airport will lessen the odds;)  ...and that's a GOOD thing.  E X P A N D  T H E  A I R P O R T and watch our economy heal.  All of that vacant office space on Airport Blvd. might actually get leased out, too.   Hey, even the people bitching about the expansion will probably get a job at the airport or in a neighboring office.

Keep Digging... it only gets worse

Well, kudos to the Press Democrat for shedding some light on the self-serving politicians securing obnoxious pensions and benefits for themselves.  As I blogged over and over again -- the goal of all politicians is to climb the ladder of this insane system, surround themselves with fuzzy department math and accounting methods that make sense to none to keep us all from trying to figure it all out.  All politicians need to do is to make you believe they are serving you.  Bullshit.  Listening to you is a minor inconvenience they must endure to reach that $200,000+ per year pension.  Then they have the audacity to tell us that the county is broke while they slash library hours and rank-and-file hours.  Remember all of this when they want to raise taxes and cut services.  

If we keep digging we will discover the credit cards that pay for housing mistresses and dinners.  At the very least, some of them will want to reimburse for the personal expenses and use the company card to launder money so the wife does not find out.  Most of them don't even bother.  Accounting heads look the other direction. Also think about that when they toss election literature on your doorstep featuring themselves with their kids, dog, spouse and oak tree in the background touting family values.  Gag me. 

Will the public finally get pissed?  I sure hope so.  I don't begrudge anybody a decent retirement.  We all should have one.  This is just sheer greed and power not being used for the common good.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

High School Party

Things have come full-circle.  Back when humans walked with dinosaurs, I hosted a party for my high school buddies pretty much every weekend.  Now the event has been passed down to my kids.  There are startling differences between then and now.  For starters:
1.  Parents are actually home;
2.  No booze;
3.  No cigarettes;
4.  No pot;
5.  No sex or make-out sessions in the spare bedroom;
6.  Party ends between 11 and midnight;
7.  Cops never show up;
8.  Yard games such as volleyball, tossing frisbees around, catch, etc., have replaced drinking games.

What's WRONG with these kids?!!!  Nothing, I guess.  They are so tame in comparison to the crap I used to pull.  It's either that or they're better at hiding it all.  Well, I did lock the wine cabinet just in case.  Despite the lack of "excitement" over here, kids come here in droves -- and they stay. 

Friday, September 23, 2011

Overpaid Pubic Pensions

I told you so.  The real California budget crimes are not happening by the rank and file DMV clerks.  It's the upper echelons of our political elite raping us.  They don't care, either.  Any politician's goal is to climb the ladder to secure obscene pensions when they retire.  Finally.  Sonoma County pensions were revealed.  I'm sure it was like pulling teeth to obtain information that should be disclosed to the public.  They don't WANT you to know how obscene their pensions are.  People would be PISSED (and rightfully so).  This is just the tip of the iceberg, people.  Keep digging and you will be even more and more disgusted.  We have not even touched on Sonoma County retiree health benefits and other perks they get from OUR hard-earned tax dollars.  If this is going on at the county level, imagine what's happening at the state level.

While our so-called county representatives cash their bloated pension checks, one in eight in the county live in poverty.  Think about that Rod Dole, Bill Cogbill and Michael Chrystal when you tee off at Mayacama.   Oh, and BTW.... none of the above listed were under a union contract. 

Thursday, September 22, 2011

GOP Debate

Attention Republicans:  You are a bunch of white dorks.  I bet you drive Dodge MiniVans with the WWJD sticker on the back.  You are nerdy to the extreme -- whiter than sour cream.  I bet you won't even crack an egg for fear of abortion retaliation fro GOD.  You all should have fired your public image consultants moons ago.  Nobody should send you guys out looking like you just scored a cheap toupee from the Salvation Army.  And.... you should remove stick from ass before appearing on camera.  You all look like you have a major shit on deck. 

And come on... NOBODY wears suits and ties anymore -- especially if you're trying to appeal to the masses who are one paycheck away from financial ruin.  You all might as well wear white powdered wigs like they did 225 years ago as that's how out of touch you all are.  You look like uppity disconnects with NO clue what's happening in the real world.  It takes more than a bad toupee, over priced suits, and shiney shoes and to make us want to vote for you.  Oh, and stating that God endorses you goes doesn't help matters, either.   I would like to know exactly how God casts His votes.  I'm sure they figured out a way to count God's votes in Florida.  Whatever.

Religion is Like a Penis

(click on above photo to enlarge -- no pun intented)  

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Minnesota People I love

No, i don't spew general hatred at the world.  However,  most of you dumb bastards deserve my general crankiness -- that's why I bitch about you all.  Wow... every day I sound more and more like my grouchy, German grandfather from Minnesota.  He made Grumpy Old Men look like pussycats.  He would have accused them as being gay lovers.  Whatever.

Even somebody like myself has some true friends.  Each and every one of them hold a special place in my heart.

JLB:  I've known you since we were three.  We are still best friends.  Always will be.  I think you should have been a doctor -- you're smart enough.  AND.... you are funny as hell.  Just don't try to steal the tapper from the keg.  You always could speak your mind.  I admire that. 

MRH:  We will occupy the same cell in hell.  As long as there is internet access in hell, and the daily Facebook gag posts from G to S continue we will have something to laugh about. The blow-up doll posts also needs daily laugh fests as well.  You are the master of detecting gay cover ups. 

SSP:  Heart of gold.  So selfless.  You always think about others before yourself.  You are such an emotional rock for flighty psychos like myself.  You love unconditionally.  Plus, you are FUN to drive around and dump ash trays into the street, turn around, drive by, and laugh some more.  BTW, I still have a scar on my wrist from when you thought my arm was an ashtray and you tried to burn out a cigarette on it.  OUCH!!!!!!


SYB:  Bringing women's spirituality to life and recognizing it as the force it SHOULD be in society.  And you do so with laughter and positive energy.  CIRCLE TIME!  We are all in.  Deep belly breath.

TYD:  I have been jealous of you since we were eight.  Thank god you're not an obnoxious snot.  You were always the smart, pretty girl in class BETCH!!!!!!  Fun times doing choreography in my basement.  We put together some wild, creative stuff.:)

PMF:  Ok...  for somebody as small, petite, and quiet as you -- you always got me into TROUBLE!  Keep throwing sandwiches and hot dogs at the Virgin Mary's feet!  Nuns and the religious like hated kids like us.  You are a rebel in your own way.  I love ya!

Lemme Borrow that Top, BETCH


What are you saving it for..... you're not even wearing it!  You ain't gonna wear it.... lemme borrow the top!

Give Way to Bicyclists

Just when we thought we've had about all we can handle with the government issuing laws for common sense and general manners, along comes some other hair-brained politician trying to make a name for him/herself.  Let's see......  I know.......  LET'S PASS A LAW AGAINST CARS GETTING TOO CLOSE TO BICYCLISTS!!!! 

Personally, I always give bikes courtesy and plenty of room.  God bless them for getting their exercise and not polluting the environment.  It's something I personally admire and strive for.  We all should take a page out of their book. 

Ok... so..... tell me.... just exactly *how* is this new law granting passing room to bikes going to be enforced?  You think the sheriff, police, and highway patrol are going to be chomping at the bit to help out when you're trying to reduce their salary and benefits?  Do you think that Michael Allen will abandon DMV audits (checkpoints) to volunteer to hand out citations for bike buzzing offenders?  Somehow  I think not. 

I know... I have a BETTER idea.  People on cell phones are a DANGER and PUBLIC nuisance.  Let's pass a LAW against talking on your cell while driving.

We all know how that works out in reality.......DERP!

Why Old People Forget Stuff

I think I figured out why old people forget stuff.  BECAUSE IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!!!  Just think of how much mental energy it takes to create our daily 'to do' lists.  Here is the typical to do list:
1.  Help Johnny with homework;
2.  Pay the bills;
3.  Do the laundry;
4.  Feed the cat;
5.  Volunteer for the crab feed;
6.  Mow the lawn;
7.  Clean the garage;
8.  Sell cookies for the fundraiser;
9.  Fill out endless forms for school.
In the grand scheme of things, none of this means SHIT.  Old people have reached that place of mental peace, and have the courage to purge all of this busywork bullshit from their consciousness without the guilt of the judgmental 'bored moms on prozac do-gooders committee' breathing down their necks.  Bored Mom's opinion doesn't mean anything -- nor all of their stupid, trumped up causes that do nothing more than to get their own name printed in the school newspaper with the ultimate goal of adding it to their personal resume for later use.  Yeah.... you're acting all globally like you really care and shit.... whoooopeeeee.

Live your life as you see fit.  Raise your kids as you see fit.  You don't have to do anything "they" say you have to do. Believe me.  Their lives are just as screwed up if not more than yours -- and THEY are preaching to YOU how to live?  Please.  Just like old people, the 'bored prozac mom do gooders' won't remember who you are in 5 years anyway.  Again.... it does not really matter. 

Stop Reproducing -- Wear a RUBBER

Please limit reproduction.

We are not in a contest with rabbits -- no matter WHAT the church tells you, Senor Lopez. And yes, you will still be a man if you only father 4 kids instead of the staple 8. 

Please help us, O-rubber-wan-Kanobi.  You are our only hope. 

Monday, September 19, 2011

Driver Checkpoints

I've about had it with our politicians pandering to the Mexicans.  If they love Mexicans and their voting base so much PLEASE do us all a favor and just move to Mexico.  But WAIT.... it's a third world SHIT HOLE and our politicians DO NOT want to move there.  No DUH.  So WHY are they encouraging turning our country into an extension of a shit hole?  Bring standards up, don't bring standards down. 

Take traffic checkpoints as an example.  The only people who would be opposed would be:  drunk drivers, drivers without a valid license, drivers without insurance, etc.  If you are legit, you don't mind the minor inconvenience.  It's all about public safety.

Now some little kid has been killed in a cross walk by an illegal without a license.  To make matters worse, this was not his first offense.  Just how in the world do the pro-illegal whiners defend THAT?  I don't care if you're legal, illegal, or just vaporized here from outer space.  If you don't have a valid license, you don't belong on the road.  Period.  What's so complicated about that?  What's wrong with checking to make sure people really are obeying the law?  Nobody gripes about IRS audits (other than the cheats).  It just ensures that people are paying their fair share of taxes.  Think of this as an DMV audit.  Same principal.   It just tries to enforce laws in place.  DMV audits are even more important because nobody ever died from a false IRS form, but thousands of traffic deaths can be directly related to unlicensed, uninsured motorists.  For the Mexicans and the politicians whining about it -- PLEASE cross the border and don't come back.  Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.  If you really want to impress us move to Mexico and turn it into a SuperPower.

Silence.  I thought so.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Obesity Channel - oops I meant Food Network

Oh... I meant to say the Food Network.  With obesity on the rise and everybody suing McDonald's and whatnot, how in the world is the Food Network immune?  This is porn for the obese -- and a gateway channel/drug for the soon to be obese.  This is worse than marijuana, people.  This is WAY worse than SpongeBob dragging down stupid ass test scores that in reality don't relate to jack shit.  Where's *my* research money? 

We outlawed commercials for cigarettes many, many moons ago because of the detrimental influence on the American populace, but food gorging is somehow OK with diabetes and other fat induced diseases leading the charts on American deaths.  What have you got to say about THAT, Man vs. Food?  Oh, I guess SpongeBob and SquidWord are solely to blame for our fat, lazy decline?  At least SpongeBob is not directly related to heart attacks. 

Just tune into the Food Network.  Within minutes you will see the over-rated, over-weight, super-ego Guy Fieri buzzing around in a sports car looking for the greasiest spoon in America with the largest portions.  Wait an hour and you will see Paula Deen smothering everything in butter/gravy and laughing diabolically while her fans have a triple bypass. 

Oh, yeah..... we're having fun.  I just can't see how everything else is super criticized while the exceedingly unhealthy food/fat gorging shows are glorified.  Why?  Is it because it does not involve drugs nor sex?  Heart disease is the number one killer of Americans (other obesity issues are closely follow) but the Food Network knows no constraints.  What gives?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Scared Little Boys

I'm just beginning to understand how fragile the male ego really is.  A story that really hit me was one my dad told me about a peacock that lived in the barn when he was growing up.  The proud peacock got his tale yanked out when a cow stepped on it.  The poor peacock went in a corner of the barn and would not come out and starved himself to death -- he was that distressed about losing his feathers. 

That same sensitivity can be translated to human males.  They are more sensitive than females in a lot of ways.   Society does not allow them to show it, so it gets masked in all sorts of unhealthy behavior.  I know of many males who on the surface put on a show of how manly, strong, and self assured they are.  Just under the surface they are scared little boys longing for approval and attention.  They are terrified. 

I used to think that men were all pretty much selfish jerks, but now I'm begining to think that the more obnoxious the man the more insecure he really is. 

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Can You Count to 10? How about 15?

Attention WalMart Shoppers:  The express lane is limited to 15 items.  In case you can't count, we've posted this handy, dandy (no pun intended) guide for counting on da fingers.  I suppose this same philosophy could be implemented at Safeway, Lucky, or wherever idiots try to jam their cart loads of crap (waaaaaaaaay over the 15 item limit) using the express lane.  The problem is that people THAT stupid have no shame.  They will use the express lane regardless of how many items they may have.  They are completely oblivious as to how stupid they really are.  Go get that voting base, Michelle Bachmann.....

Monday, September 12, 2011

French Fur Trappers



Straight from the heart of old French fur trapping territory -- and their descendants.  Love ya, my freaky French-American friends!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Homeless Teens

Even when I was growing up our house was the one everybody wanted to hang out at.  I had parties almost every weekend and hosted pretty much the entire high school.    Ahhhhhhhh good times.

Now my kids are coming of age.  When my oldest got to high school I was shocked at how many teens really had no place to go, so they just hung out at our house.  It was as if they were abandoned.  A 'baby sitter' was no longer required so the parents let the kids fend for themselves.  I heard stories about how mom/dad got a divorce, and now mom/dad has a new boy/girl friend and spends all their time with their new love.  I also heard about parents who could not find their way home from the bar or casino.  Some parents were so completely wrapped up in their work the kids felt guilty for even being born.

At first I thought perhaps it was just a fluke with the oldest's friends being alone so much.  That's not the case.  My younger kid also has a gaggle of abandoned friends who pretty much live here.   It's more prevalent than we imagine. 

There is nothing special about my house.  It's a basic house.  However, this is where all the kids tend to congregate.   I get wide-eyed, gracious thanks when I present the kids with food (I love to cook).  I have teens sleeping in every spare bed, on the couch, and some on the floor almost nightly.  They don't want to go home.  Many of them call me 'mom.' 

If I am saving one teen from being alone and feeling neglected I feel like I'm doing something positive for the world.  God only knows what is really happening at their house.  I could be saving a kid from some sort of abuse.  I'm here if the kids want to talk, but I don't ask questions..... 

Friday, September 9, 2011

Yelp, Trip Advisor, Hotels.com, etc...

The latest thing now is to jump on the computer and read reviews from Yelp and other assorted online sources for reviews for hotels, restaurants, etc.  Take it all with a grain of salt.  There are some genuine reviews out there, but a lot are made up by the competition trying to turn business their direction, or somebody who is a chronic complainer OR somebody pumping the business up with false accolades.  There is even a company called 'reputation defender' that claims to combat bad online reviews for your business for a fee.  It's like extortion. 

Despite what the online review hosts claim, there is NO WAY they can police against reviews that are false.  I guess what I'm saying is that these services are not the gospel truth -- just like so much of what is on the internet.  Anybody can post anything.   Browser beware.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

We Want Jobs NOW!!!!!!!

Of course we want jobs.  However, what is it that American's acually do?  We don't make anything here anymore.  Manufacturing has been moved overseas.  All we have is retail and restaurants.  Wow.  If you're *really* good you might make $12 an hour as a manager at Staples -- without benefits I might add.  Other jobs have been silently shifted to illegal workers.  Why?  Because EVERYBODY wants their stuff for cheap.  God help us if employers actually had to pay payroll taxes, workers' compensation and adhere to minimum wage laws.  Slipping cash under the table exploiting the fresh batch of newly arrived illigals is just so much easier -- plus you get double the manpower for the money.  Honest, ethical employers don't stand a chance.  They will be run out of business undercut by sleazy cheats faster than a blodied mamal devoured by pirahhanas.  The public turns a blind eye because they got their product or service for $50.00 less.  Think of that next time you get your annoying "save an additional 15%" daily coupon from Kohls for their shit made in China. 

I'm getting off track.  WE WANT JOBS NOW the public chants, and they try to pin the politicians.  What are the politicians supposed to do?  Pull jobs out of their asses?  Wave a magic wand?  The public has more power than crying to politicians.  Don't give politicans the power.  I know it's a novel idea in America, but how about everybody looking at the guy in the mirror to make things happen?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

9-11 Overkill

Yes, the 10th anniversary of 9-11 is looming.  Every media outlet is chomping at the bit to rehash every second of the burning, collapsing buildings complete with the hopeless bastards jumping out of windows for network ratings.  Yes, 9-11 was shitty.  Yes, it sucked.  Do we need to relive it?  Not in the detail we are capable of.  I can already see it.... hours upon hours of "where were YOU when you heard of the news of the World Trade Center being attacked?"

(sappy violin music plays to snapshots of victims and their families - slo mo clips of buildings collapsing - dusty faces of pedistrians complete with battered, dusty American flags in the background)

Enough.  Get pissed, America.  Don't sit around whimping and whining like the 'feel-sorry-for-me' epidemic that has this country paralyzed and looking for somebody to blame/sue/get a fat $ settlement.  Shit happens.  Daily.  We are not immune.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Master Photographer - Peter Lik

Ok, so I am boring....  I never promised anybody entertainment with this blog.  Anyhoo, boring people like me watch the weather channel.  The weather channel keeps on promoting this Crocodile Dundee character with a camera crossing the terrain of hell and high water with aligators snapping at his ass to get the "perfect shot." 

Smartasses like myself get to thinking.......I wonder if Peter Lik has a son named Richard? 

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Shoes


Shoes..... Shoes..... Shoes.... OMG! Shoes.... Come on, Minnesota BFF's... chime in!
xxoo






Saturday, September 3, 2011

Sonoma County Airport

I love flying out of our Santa Rosa airport.  It sure beats fighting traffic for two hours to get to Oakland or San Francisco, parking the car, lugging baggage, waiting in long lines, walking three miles to get to your gate, etc. At this point I know the Santa Rosa airport security on a first name basis as I fly out so frequently. 

I've heard rumblings that they want to expand the airport.  YEAH!!!!  Somebody is finally getting it.  Santa Rosa is too large of a city and economic force NOT to have a viable airport.  I'm not one to pave over every patch of grass in the name of business, but this idea just makes sense.  I'm sure the only ones objecting are the people who live near the airport.  Whaaaaaaaa..... here's your pacifier and diaper.  I don't get it.  They buy a house near an airport and then bitch about planes.  DUH!!!!  It's like buying a house near train tracks and then bitching about trains.  STFU and GTFO.  Just *where* is that SWAT team showing kids how to handle guns when you need them?