Back about a year ago I correctly predicted that our obsession with Obama's intoxicating promise of sweeping change would quickly turn to public disdain as there was no way in hell he could change everything in 12 months of presidency.
I hate to brag, but I am right (again).
Again, and I hate to state the obvious, our problems are too complex for one man to tackle. If you're looking for Superman to bail us out of this giant mess we are in, you'll be waiting a long, long time. We are responsible for this mess.
Again, and I hate to state the obvious, it matters not who occupies the White House. However, that does not allow you to throw up your hands and walk away blaming the government "bastards" who fuck us over daily.
Again, and I hate to state the obvious, we are responsible for who sits in the House and the Senate (where the real power is at -- the president is nothing more than a national mouthpiece). They are there because WE VOTED FOR THEM. So, get over who puts out the glossiest brochures, most tv face time, slickest speeches, and has the best haircut (Edwards). I dare you to dig deep and get the the issues. AND watch who is bankrolling our politicians. Again, and I hate to state the obvious, that is a perfect predictor as to how policy is formulated.
'Nuff said. Wake up people. We have a shitty government because *we* have allowed it, as we are too busy watching QVC and NASCAR. Call me what you will, but the way I see it Americans deserve their decline in world and economic power because we are just stupid, fat, and lazy with no intention of THINKING or bettering ourselves... the rest of the world is not and is beating us at our own game. Again, I hate to state the obvious.......
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Just Give Cash, Would You??????
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away the "bored moms on prozac committee" decided it was uncouth to give cash for gifts to teachers, so they opted for the next of kin: gift certificates to the vendor/restaurant/bed & breakfast of whatever.
Let me be the first to tell you up front, that everybody (including the teachers you are so desperately trying to suck up to so your suckie kid can get an "A") would rather have the cash up front rather than have to navigate some gift card/gift certificate redemption maze hell.
I know you know what I'm talking about. Gift certificates to some obscure bed and breakfast 200 miles up the coast you will never be able to use. Barnes and Noble online redemption codes that expired the day before you received the certificate. Olive Garden super discounts that only count if you have a table of ten or more and have 3 orders of endless soup and salad. VISA cards that ding you $1.50 per month for each month you DON'T use it. You catch my drift.
Just cut the bullshit and give cash. Trust me. It is more user friendly. You truly don't know the recipients tastes or preference, or gift cards would have never been considered in the first place. Getting a gift card is likened to getting a noose around the neck. It will eventually hang you if not used properly. Nobody has the time or energy to deal with it. If you're in a position of having to give a gift card or cash, just give cash. Trust me..... it's the better deal for everybody involved AND cash never expires or has strings attached.
Let me be the first to tell you up front, that everybody (including the teachers you are so desperately trying to suck up to so your suckie kid can get an "A") would rather have the cash up front rather than have to navigate some gift card/gift certificate redemption maze hell.
I know you know what I'm talking about. Gift certificates to some obscure bed and breakfast 200 miles up the coast you will never be able to use. Barnes and Noble online redemption codes that expired the day before you received the certificate. Olive Garden super discounts that only count if you have a table of ten or more and have 3 orders of endless soup and salad. VISA cards that ding you $1.50 per month for each month you DON'T use it. You catch my drift.
Just cut the bullshit and give cash. Trust me. It is more user friendly. You truly don't know the recipients tastes or preference, or gift cards would have never been considered in the first place. Getting a gift card is likened to getting a noose around the neck. It will eventually hang you if not used properly. Nobody has the time or energy to deal with it. If you're in a position of having to give a gift card or cash, just give cash. Trust me..... it's the better deal for everybody involved AND cash never expires or has strings attached.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Senior Executive, D.A.L.
I travel in a group with my colleagues. However, there was always one in our group who would ALWAYS get the finest hotel suite, complimentary goodies galore, and views to beat God.
One day I asked him, "Just how do you manage to always get the best room and all the goodies?"
He, being a grouchy but light-hearted old man, looked me straight in the eye and said that upon check in at the hotel he always gave his title as 'senior executive D.A.L.'
Hmmmmmmmm...... senior executive D.A.L. Is that all it took?
I guess so. Nobody at the hotel front desk would dare question what Senior Executive D.A.L. actually meant, but it sure does sound important, doesn't it?
Here's the truth... ready??
Senior Executive D.A.L. translates to: senior executive DING-A-LING.
Further proof that all the world is a stage:)
One day I asked him, "Just how do you manage to always get the best room and all the goodies?"
He, being a grouchy but light-hearted old man, looked me straight in the eye and said that upon check in at the hotel he always gave his title as 'senior executive D.A.L.'
Hmmmmmmmm...... senior executive D.A.L. Is that all it took?
I guess so. Nobody at the hotel front desk would dare question what Senior Executive D.A.L. actually meant, but it sure does sound important, doesn't it?
Here's the truth... ready??
Senior Executive D.A.L. translates to: senior executive DING-A-LING.
Further proof that all the world is a stage:)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Family Fueds
Weddings, births and funerals tend to being out the worst in families. It seems like what ever nitroglycerin has been simmering explodes when one of the mentioned events takes place.
Nine time out of ten arguments revolve around money. People get funny when it comes to money. Seemingly mellow people turn completely psycho when dollars are involved. Once close families tear out each others jugglers for a few bucks, or perceived "unfairness." Who cares. Grow up. Nobody owes you anything. I have some advice for you all: Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed.
Nine time out of ten arguments revolve around money. People get funny when it comes to money. Seemingly mellow people turn completely psycho when dollars are involved. Once close families tear out each others jugglers for a few bucks, or perceived "unfairness." Who cares. Grow up. Nobody owes you anything. I have some advice for you all: Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
10 Things That Make Me Happy
CG tagged me for a blog post for 10 things that make me happy. I guess she is sick of reading about my bitchy rants;) Stream of consciousness thinking... Here goes...
Coffee. I am drinking it right now as I tap my fingers across the keyboard. I can't imagine a morning without it. My mother was an avid coffee drinker when we were growing up, and I could not understand how she could drink something so disgusting. I am on a first name basis with every barista in town. Yup, I'm that hard core.
Wine. Another drink I used to loathe. Wine is a part of Sonoma County, and whether you like it or not you are exposed to it. One day I decided, "This stuff tastes pretty good." The rest is history. I hear AA calling.....
The Beatles. I loved them even before I knew who they were. I was fortunate enough to visit CG in England and they graciously arranged a Beatles pilgrimage for me. It was something that thrilled me to my core, and I will never forget it. Their music will always and forever put me in an instant good mood. AND I think they are sooooooo darling (especially George and Paul).
Home Alone. I love to be home alone. Sadly, it is very rare this actually happens. I get to play the music on the stereo I want to hear, and I can actually get something done.
Friday Nights. After a busy week of working and rushing around, coming home is like stepping into a refuge. Popcorn, a movie, and my slippers are extremely inviting to me.
Sunsets. Going to the coast to see a sunset full of pinks, oranges, purples, and blues sends my soul soaring. The emergence of twinkling stars and the constellations reminds me of how very small we are in this vast universe.
Christmas Eve. Being with immediate family and friends in anticipation of the next day is fun. I love how my kids are hyped up trying to guess what's under the tree for them, and what Santa will leave for them.
Armstrong Woods. If ever a place where where nature is audible, this is the place. If you sit still and listen *very* carefully, the voices of the trees is surreal. I can't understand why joggers have their iPods plugged in. I just want to rip out the earpieces and tell them they're missing out on the best music ever created by God.
Cooking. Cooking for large crowds is a labor of love for me. I get a high seeing satisfied, full people and getting compliments. It feeds my pathetic ego. No pun intended.
Santa Rosa Junior College. Taking classes on subjects I know nothing about is humbling to the core, to say the least. I am reminded on how limited my knowledge really is, and how much more there is to learn. Nobody knows it all. I am usually the "old lady" in class, and the young minds I am surrounded by gives me hope for the future. The depth of some of the young people I have met is amazing given their tender age.
Coffee. I am drinking it right now as I tap my fingers across the keyboard. I can't imagine a morning without it. My mother was an avid coffee drinker when we were growing up, and I could not understand how she could drink something so disgusting. I am on a first name basis with every barista in town. Yup, I'm that hard core.
Wine. Another drink I used to loathe. Wine is a part of Sonoma County, and whether you like it or not you are exposed to it. One day I decided, "This stuff tastes pretty good." The rest is history. I hear AA calling.....
The Beatles. I loved them even before I knew who they were. I was fortunate enough to visit CG in England and they graciously arranged a Beatles pilgrimage for me. It was something that thrilled me to my core, and I will never forget it. Their music will always and forever put me in an instant good mood. AND I think they are sooooooo darling (especially George and Paul).
Home Alone. I love to be home alone. Sadly, it is very rare this actually happens. I get to play the music on the stereo I want to hear, and I can actually get something done.
Friday Nights. After a busy week of working and rushing around, coming home is like stepping into a refuge. Popcorn, a movie, and my slippers are extremely inviting to me.
Sunsets. Going to the coast to see a sunset full of pinks, oranges, purples, and blues sends my soul soaring. The emergence of twinkling stars and the constellations reminds me of how very small we are in this vast universe.
Christmas Eve. Being with immediate family and friends in anticipation of the next day is fun. I love how my kids are hyped up trying to guess what's under the tree for them, and what Santa will leave for them.
Armstrong Woods. If ever a place where where nature is audible, this is the place. If you sit still and listen *very* carefully, the voices of the trees is surreal. I can't understand why joggers have their iPods plugged in. I just want to rip out the earpieces and tell them they're missing out on the best music ever created by God.
Cooking. Cooking for large crowds is a labor of love for me. I get a high seeing satisfied, full people and getting compliments. It feeds my pathetic ego. No pun intended.
Santa Rosa Junior College. Taking classes on subjects I know nothing about is humbling to the core, to say the least. I am reminded on how limited my knowledge really is, and how much more there is to learn. Nobody knows it all. I am usually the "old lady" in class, and the young minds I am surrounded by gives me hope for the future. The depth of some of the young people I have met is amazing given their tender age.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Food Network Hair Trends
What do Chef Anne, Guy Fieri, and Mr. Heatmiser all have in common??? They all go to the same hairdresser. It's a hip look, and I like the way all three of them can pull off this style.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll
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I want to extend a special 'thank you' to my friend, Flywriter, for keeping the blog material flowing like a raging river. This came to me from her this morning via e-mail and I spewed my coffee on the keyboard. NFS, there is a voodoo doll of Pat Robertson on eBay. Proceeds to go to Haiti for relief. Bidding is up to something like $800.00.
LOVE IT
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Uncle Buzz Reads the Qur'an
None of you know my Uncle Buzz, so here is how I can summarize him in very few words: Marine Corps, ex-prison guard, Republican, Sarah Palin lover, and cowboy.
Oh, and did I mention he's a white, anglo-saxton, protestant????? I'm thinking you've already figured that one out;)
Yee-HAW!!!!!! Giddee-UP! Let Uncle Buzz loose in the middle east and he will RID us all of the terrible towel-heads who are threatening our American way of life. One bomb does it all. Just let him push the damn button.
This is what I love about Uncle Buzz: He will totally come off the wall at you with the most random, over-the-top things. Does this make him slightly touched in the head, or is he just an unrealized genius? I don't know, but I love the loose canon aspect of him.
Now this is something I did not expect from Uncle Buzz. Ready? Here goes -- Uncle Buzz has decided to read the Qur'an. Why? Because he wants to know what it's about. I do have to give the man credit for actually picking it up and reading it and not relying on somebody else's version as to what it's about. He's actually READING it for HIMSELF! WOW!!!! Others in his political camp are still arguing if men lived with dinosaurs and if the world is flat.
Now Uncle Buzz can't wait for the Jehovah's and other religious groups to ring his doorbell so he can debate the different aspects of the Qur'an to the Bible. It cracks me up because given the geographical location where Uncle Buzz lives, I doubt if any of them even KNOW what the Qur'an is let alone have studied any portion of it. The most ironic part is that the Qur'an and Bible discussion/comparison is coming from a white male, all American, retired Marine Corp with extremely conservative beliefs and not some towel-headed, new-comer freak as would be expected in them there parts..
I can just see the stunned, deer-in-the-headlights responses Uncle Buzz gets. I'd pay money to see it.
Oh, and did I mention he's a white, anglo-saxton, protestant????? I'm thinking you've already figured that one out;)
Yee-HAW!!!!!! Giddee-UP! Let Uncle Buzz loose in the middle east and he will RID us all of the terrible towel-heads who are threatening our American way of life. One bomb does it all. Just let him push the damn button.
This is what I love about Uncle Buzz: He will totally come off the wall at you with the most random, over-the-top things. Does this make him slightly touched in the head, or is he just an unrealized genius? I don't know, but I love the loose canon aspect of him.
Now this is something I did not expect from Uncle Buzz. Ready? Here goes -- Uncle Buzz has decided to read the Qur'an. Why? Because he wants to know what it's about. I do have to give the man credit for actually picking it up and reading it and not relying on somebody else's version as to what it's about. He's actually READING it for HIMSELF! WOW!!!! Others in his political camp are still arguing if men lived with dinosaurs and if the world is flat.
Now Uncle Buzz can't wait for the Jehovah's and other religious groups to ring his doorbell so he can debate the different aspects of the Qur'an to the Bible. It cracks me up because given the geographical location where Uncle Buzz lives, I doubt if any of them even KNOW what the Qur'an is let alone have studied any portion of it. The most ironic part is that the Qur'an and Bible discussion/comparison is coming from a white male, all American, retired Marine Corp with extremely conservative beliefs and not some towel-headed, new-comer freak as would be expected in them there parts..
I can just see the stunned, deer-in-the-headlights responses Uncle Buzz gets. I'd pay money to see it.
Pat Robertson: Haiti
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.
The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.
Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best,
Satan
The letter was written by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis and appeared in the Star Tribune
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.
The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.
Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best,
Satan
The letter was written by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis and appeared in the Star Tribune
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Furries
I have been invited into the social underworld of the "Furries." What is a Furry, you ask? Well, a furry is an animal with human characteristics -- that's the layman's version.
Freakish? Not so fast there, judgmental public. Think about every culture on earth. All have reference to animals with human characteristics (or vice versa). Werewolves? Centaurs? You get the drift...
Anyway, there are native American tribes that believe we all have an animal spirit as part of our "human" personality. Long story short, there is some animal in all of us. The Furries have just allowed this suppressed aspect of our anal-retentive society out of the bag and into the realm of fun and celebration.
Finding your animal "soul" is a journey -- not a destination. You may think initially you're a rabbit, but may go from squirrel, cat, and then end up at chipmunk. Self-discovery is part of the fun...
So go ahead.. put on your bunny ears and have some fun;)
Friday, January 15, 2010
Wife sues husband's former mistress over his crack use
NFS!!! This is on the front page of the Santa Rosa Press Democrat today. At first glance I nearly spit my coffee on the paper because I was laughing so hard. The double reference was nearly too much. Do you think the editors were being clever??? Or, are they that totally oblivious and out of it??? Either way, it's funny as hell....
I guess I'd be pissed off about my husband's "crack" use -- whether in drug form or vagina form;)
I guess I'd be pissed off about my husband's "crack" use -- whether in drug form or vagina form;)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
More Facebook Annoyances
I have an ongoing love/hate relationship with Facebook, or as my technologically impaired sister-in-law calls it, MyFace. Whatever. Same thing.
It has become obvious to me that some of my "friends" have waaaaaaaaayyyy too much spare time on their hands. I get bombarded with: farkle chips, Farmville updates (just WTF is Farmville, anyway) drink requests, smile requests, chain letters, and other assorted, brain-dead, time suckers that are really starting to annoy the hell out of me and piss me off.
As much as I would like to have nothing else better to do than to participate in the latest of wave of TMI-techno bullshit that does nothing but clutter up my Facebook notifications, I really don't care to participate in your "What color underwear do you have on today, and how does that define your personality" quizzes.
For those of you who really want to know, I wear thongs and bras with bright, shiny, hot-pink rhinestones.
There.... are you HAPPY????
It has become obvious to me that some of my "friends" have waaaaaaaaayyyy too much spare time on their hands. I get bombarded with: farkle chips, Farmville updates (just WTF is Farmville, anyway) drink requests, smile requests, chain letters, and other assorted, brain-dead, time suckers that are really starting to annoy the hell out of me and piss me off.
As much as I would like to have nothing else better to do than to participate in the latest of wave of TMI-techno bullshit that does nothing but clutter up my Facebook notifications, I really don't care to participate in your "What color underwear do you have on today, and how does that define your personality" quizzes.
For those of you who really want to know, I wear thongs and bras with bright, shiny, hot-pink rhinestones.
There.... are you HAPPY????
History Channel
I do love the History Channel. However, sometimes I wonder if the hyper-alert, over dramatic, deep, male, voice-over predictions (complete with thunderous drums) on how we are going to DIE an awful DEATH that also includes DISASTER and DESTRUCTION from:
1. Earthquakes;
2. Tidal waves;
3. Angry bacteria;
4. Bigfoot;
5. Cosmic collisions;
6. Drought;
7. Thong underwear;
8. Biblical prophecies;
9. Vampires;
10. Spontaneous combustion;
11. Q-tips.
Instead of harping on our impending, cataclysmic doom, LIGHTEN UP, and cheer us up with footage from WWII Nazi concentration camps or something, will ya????
As much as I love the History Channel, sometimes it's just too damn depressing to watch. No wonder they have so many prozac commercials.
1. Earthquakes;
2. Tidal waves;
3. Angry bacteria;
4. Bigfoot;
5. Cosmic collisions;
6. Drought;
7. Thong underwear;
8. Biblical prophecies;
9. Vampires;
10. Spontaneous combustion;
11. Q-tips.
Instead of harping on our impending, cataclysmic doom, LIGHTEN UP, and cheer us up with footage from WWII Nazi concentration camps or something, will ya????
As much as I love the History Channel, sometimes it's just too damn depressing to watch. No wonder they have so many prozac commercials.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!!!
Forget the mop, sweetie, just break out the straws and invite people to suck the floor! What a sad, sad waste of wine. This is true destruction! Yes, I actually shed a tear.
We were shook up here in northern California yesterday. The main quake was up near Eureka. Its a stark reminder that we live in earthquake country -- AND to secure your wine bottles.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Bad 80's Music Suddenly Good
I never thought that a bad song from the 80's would be revived into something good. It's like stowing a bad bottle of wine hoping that it will get better with age. Usually, it just tastes even worse than it was before.
Not such the case with somebody who does something brilliant in their spare time, unlike me who just bitches on a stupid blog. This person managed to take an awful 80's song and make it one of my FAVs!
Remember Bonnie Tyler from the 80's? Remember her singing voice that sounded like she smoked a pack of cigarettes and suffered from strep throat simultaneously? I sometimes confused the radio when one of her songs were on with my dad in the bathroom gargling and hacking up a loogie..... so hard to discern the sounds.
Watch the video. Yes, MTV was still in it's infancy when this music video first debuted, but it was still an open target for film student snobs -- as you will see.
Not such the case with somebody who does something brilliant in their spare time, unlike me who just bitches on a stupid blog. This person managed to take an awful 80's song and make it one of my FAVs!
Remember Bonnie Tyler from the 80's? Remember her singing voice that sounded like she smoked a pack of cigarettes and suffered from strep throat simultaneously? I sometimes confused the radio when one of her songs were on with my dad in the bathroom gargling and hacking up a loogie..... so hard to discern the sounds.
Watch the video. Yes, MTV was still in it's infancy when this music video first debuted, but it was still an open target for film student snobs -- as you will see.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Homework
Do you have school-aged children? Are you sick and tired of the endless hours of useless busywork assigned to your child? Do you REALLY think homework adds to the quality of education? I think not.
Here's a clue to educators: Homework only makes kids HATE school even more. Do you think they are engaged for one minute into attentively trying to learn new concepts by torturing them? Today's education is nothing more than a modern-day inquisition.
I can see the Professor Snape-type teachers wearing a sinister smile writhing their hands telling their students, "We'll make you LEARN and you will LIKE it!!! Even if we have to hang you by your thumbs while you scream into submission!"
I dare any person over the age of 40 to tell me one specific thing about their 8th grade homework. See?? That's how important it is.
Engaging young minds takes energy, creativity, and persistence; it's work. Therefore, our education system just flings reams of paper at them and say it's due by Monday.
Here's a clue to educators: Homework only makes kids HATE school even more. Do you think they are engaged for one minute into attentively trying to learn new concepts by torturing them? Today's education is nothing more than a modern-day inquisition.
I can see the Professor Snape-type teachers wearing a sinister smile writhing their hands telling their students, "We'll make you LEARN and you will LIKE it!!! Even if we have to hang you by your thumbs while you scream into submission!"
I dare any person over the age of 40 to tell me one specific thing about their 8th grade homework. See?? That's how important it is.
Engaging young minds takes energy, creativity, and persistence; it's work. Therefore, our education system just flings reams of paper at them and say it's due by Monday.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Channel 7 News
Tonight I watched television news. It's not a regular habit of mine, but my husband and I had just finished watching the movie 'The Hangover' and thought we'd balance it out with something a bit cerebral.
Boy... were we wrong.
The first story featured an unemployed computer geek with 5 kids and the 6th one due shortly. They live in a $1.3 million dollar home, and of course, they are facing foreclosure. The violins are playing....
Do you think the fat cow of a wife could keep her legs crossed and get a *#@!$& job? Of course not. They are now begging for money and the computer geek has set up his own begging account on pay pal. Personally, I will make a contribution to their fund -- condems and birth control pills.
The second story featured a slime-ball televangelist who managed to raise an ungodly sum of money for some sham church by making prey of the stupid and the gullible. There this slime ball was -- in front of a crowd of faithful believers -- that HE was the one to put them through to the LORD for only $39.99 per month!!!!!
I guess I learned two things from watching network news:
1. Reproduce like rabbits, live in a million dollar home, lose my job, and get major media attention for my personal, pathetic fundraiser;
2. I really need to found a religion.
Boy... were we wrong.
The first story featured an unemployed computer geek with 5 kids and the 6th one due shortly. They live in a $1.3 million dollar home, and of course, they are facing foreclosure. The violins are playing....
Do you think the fat cow of a wife could keep her legs crossed and get a *#@!$& job? Of course not. They are now begging for money and the computer geek has set up his own begging account on pay pal. Personally, I will make a contribution to their fund -- condems and birth control pills.
The second story featured a slime-ball televangelist who managed to raise an ungodly sum of money for some sham church by making prey of the stupid and the gullible. There this slime ball was -- in front of a crowd of faithful believers -- that HE was the one to put them through to the LORD for only $39.99 per month!!!!!
I guess I learned two things from watching network news:
1. Reproduce like rabbits, live in a million dollar home, lose my job, and get major media attention for my personal, pathetic fundraiser;
2. I really need to found a religion.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Unexpected Trip
If you would have asked me one week ago that I would spend my New Year's in the Fargo vicinity, I would have thought you nuts. However, despite the -20* F temp and icy driving conditions, that's exactly where I was.
It was so cold (and I can hear your collective chant of "How Cold Was it") that my brother tossed a glass of water up in the air and it dissipated into what looked like a smokey puff and was gone -- it did not even hit the ground. It simply crystalized and vanished.
What was I doing going to subzero temperatures by my own volition? Only love of family could draw me there this time of year. The reason was two-fold. One, my grandmother is gravely ill and I wanted to see her. Two, I have not been home for a winter holiday (meaning Christmas or New Year) in 24 years.
It was time.
When I arrived at SFO to catch my flight, I could immediately tell the natives going home to visit as opposed to the newbies thinking it was going to be like a trip to tropical 20* Tahoe. I did not have the heart to tell the young woman seated next to me that her flimsy shoes and flimsy hooded sweatshirt was NOTHING to shield her from extreme Minnesota cold. See, the natives going home already had on their long-johns, winter coat, gloves, hats, and boots to get from the jetway to baggage claim. We know better.
At the car rental counter they actually handed out instructions on how to drive in arctic weather conditions, and what to do if your car won't start and if your doors, locks, and windows freeze up.
Welcome home....
It was an immediate crash course (no pun intended) in relearning how to drive on ice and snow. It was still predawn dark, it was snowing, and it was morning rush hour on 35W. I did not remember how to get from the airport to my brother's house in Anoka. Thank goddesses I brought Helga from home (my GPS unit) to guide me. My hands clutched the steering wheel as swirls of snow curled and danced across the freeway. Other cars were nonchallantly passing by as it was just another mundane Wednesday morning commute.
I thought to myself, "Shit!!!! These people do this EVERYDAY!"
At that point all of my winter driving skills returned to me. Being my birthday is in the winter, I originally took my driving test at the age of 16 during a blizzard. I could do this.
And I did. By the time I reached Anoka, I was confidently spinning around the corners and giggling to myself like I had hookey-bumpers.
Here's a list of little things I had forgotten about Minnesota in the winter:
1. Full size trucks driving on frozen lakes;
2. Full size condominiums (a.k.a. fish houses) on frozen lakes;
3. Leaving your car running while grocery shopping;
4. Plugging your car in so it will start;
5. Warming up your car for a good 10-15 minutes;
6. The abundance of lefse and venison jerky;
7. Boots;
8. Not exposing any skin to the biting cold;
9. The sound of snow crying when stepped on;
10. Ice on steps.
It was so cold (and I can hear your collective chant of "How Cold Was it") that my brother tossed a glass of water up in the air and it dissipated into what looked like a smokey puff and was gone -- it did not even hit the ground. It simply crystalized and vanished.
What was I doing going to subzero temperatures by my own volition? Only love of family could draw me there this time of year. The reason was two-fold. One, my grandmother is gravely ill and I wanted to see her. Two, I have not been home for a winter holiday (meaning Christmas or New Year) in 24 years.
It was time.
When I arrived at SFO to catch my flight, I could immediately tell the natives going home to visit as opposed to the newbies thinking it was going to be like a trip to tropical 20* Tahoe. I did not have the heart to tell the young woman seated next to me that her flimsy shoes and flimsy hooded sweatshirt was NOTHING to shield her from extreme Minnesota cold. See, the natives going home already had on their long-johns, winter coat, gloves, hats, and boots to get from the jetway to baggage claim. We know better.
At the car rental counter they actually handed out instructions on how to drive in arctic weather conditions, and what to do if your car won't start and if your doors, locks, and windows freeze up.
Welcome home....
It was an immediate crash course (no pun intended) in relearning how to drive on ice and snow. It was still predawn dark, it was snowing, and it was morning rush hour on 35W. I did not remember how to get from the airport to my brother's house in Anoka. Thank goddesses I brought Helga from home (my GPS unit) to guide me. My hands clutched the steering wheel as swirls of snow curled and danced across the freeway. Other cars were nonchallantly passing by as it was just another mundane Wednesday morning commute.
I thought to myself, "Shit!!!! These people do this EVERYDAY!"
At that point all of my winter driving skills returned to me. Being my birthday is in the winter, I originally took my driving test at the age of 16 during a blizzard. I could do this.
And I did. By the time I reached Anoka, I was confidently spinning around the corners and giggling to myself like I had hookey-bumpers.
Here's a list of little things I had forgotten about Minnesota in the winter:
1. Full size trucks driving on frozen lakes;
2. Full size condominiums (a.k.a. fish houses) on frozen lakes;
3. Leaving your car running while grocery shopping;
4. Plugging your car in so it will start;
5. Warming up your car for a good 10-15 minutes;
6. The abundance of lefse and venison jerky;
7. Boots;
8. Not exposing any skin to the biting cold;
9. The sound of snow crying when stepped on;
10. Ice on steps.
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