Sports Parents

Sports Parents rank right up there on the annoyance scale along with Yuppie Moms. These Sport Parents push their kids to unhealthy limits so he/she can be the "best." They have them involved in anything and everything with a ball, and are equally obnoxious on the sidelines (if they're not already coaching). Give me a break. What unfulfilled part of these assholes' childhood are they trying to accommodate for though their kids? Get a LIFE!

These parents live and die with each game result, cursing, sputtering, and throwing down their clipboard if the children don't perform like flawless professionals. They have totally lost the perspective that it is a GAME and the players are CHILDREN and it's supposed to have an element of FUN.

I think parents watching their children play competitive sports is the modern day version of the Romans feeding Christians to the lions. It's even more twisted because it's the parents subjecting their own children to the abuse.

The Cooking Channel -- Mom Style

I like to cook. I also enjoy (for the most part) the Food Network. However, I think it's time they produce a show that stars something other than a young-looking, chirpy anorexic with a chemically-whitened-toothy-smile and a boob job telling me how easy everything is to prepare in 30 minutes or less. Bullshit. The minute they bring out the food processor or an ingredient I can't pronounce, I'm gone. I live in the real world.

I think they should produce a show that features the following real-life scenarios. It would go something like this:

Mom comes home from work/school with kids clamoring, "What's for dinner mummy, I'm hunnnngry."

Mom is clueless as to what to pull together in five minutes or less. As mom is rummaging through the cupboards, the telephone rings. It's the soccer coach. Damn. One of the kids has soccer practice in 1/2 an hour and its mom's turn to drive the carpool. How can mom pull off dinner in such a short time span and fulfill her carpool duty?

I would like to see an entire show featuring easy kid menus that the kids will actually eat. Phooey on the over-repetative gourmet stuff on the Food Network. Granted, there would have to be some creativity for peanut butter and jelly, but bring it on.

Jesus, please protect me from your followers

Some of the scariest people I know are the Bible-thumpers. They're the ones who project this image of being 'holier than thou' and are extremely judgmental and black and white in their thinking. They go around citing chapter and verse putting themselves on this moral high-horse. They do that until there's a compromising circumstance or situation that will benefit them. They all of a sudden are able to justify their sinful actions as if God sanctioned the act. The hypocrisy is mind boggling.

I'd rather face a violent street gang than the Bible-Thumpers. At least I know where the street gang is at and they don't give a false facade of self-righteousness.

Nutcracker Ballet

I'm all for exposing kids to the arts, don't get me wrong. Art is important to a civilized culture. Yes, there are the small kids who can sit through a full-length ballet performance, but that's more the exception than the norm. Of course, civilized children require civilized supervision, and that's the more severe problem of late.

Today I took my two teen-agers to see San Francisco Ballet's Nutcracker at the Opera House. It was stunning. Just to hear the live orchestra with the performance was worth the price of admission alone. It would have been even better without the fidgety, whiny small brats seated directly in front of us.

Clue to the clueless: Do not bring small children who have the attention span of a gnat to a full-length ballet performance. They will not sit still and become easily bored. Quite frankly, they will ruin the performance for everybody in the general vicinity. We also paid to see this performance and don't want feel our seats getting kicked and listen to the constant whine of "Is it over yet? I wunna goooooo."

Trust me small child. I want you to leave, too. We all do. Your parents/grandparents/whatever showed extremely poor judgment thinking you would actually sit through this. Your parents/grandparents/whatever need to be kicked in the head because people as oblivious as them do not have the common courtesy or tact to remove you when you're obviously bored to tears so others can enjoy the show smacks of their own self-centeredness and stupidity. I'm sorry you share their gene pool.

Post Christmas

Well, another year of mass consumerism American-style has just thrown up all over itself all over our living room. There are piles of boxes, paper, and you-name-it-it's-on-our-living room-floor for me to clean up sometime between now and Epiphany. We don't even ask for anything and the California relatives deem it necessary to come into our home with arm loads of useless crap made in China to clutter up our already over-stuffed house. I wish they would understand that the best gifts are those that are hand-made and come from the heart (see my Chia Pet blog for further understanding). In other words, the gifts we receive that come from the giver's inner artist are the ones we cherish most.

Truly.

We're not just saying this to be politically correct. The hand-crafted ceramic items we've received from neighbors, and the stunning photos proudly displayed on our walls photographed by our friends from England are the items we hold in the highest esteem. They actually TOOK THE TIME to create something beautiful for our enjoyment. This isn't mass produced Wal-Mart crap. This is honest-to-goodness-one-of-a-kind artistry that actually speaks to the person looking at it. It sounds something of an oxymoron to have a piece of art 'speak' to a person 'looking' at it, but if you have soul you'll understand this concept perfectly. If you don't understand it, I pity you.

Yuppie Moms

If you have a child named Dakota, Lily, or Chase, stop right here. This blog is not for you. You are part of the problem. On second thought, maybe you should read it so you will figure out how annoying you and your kids are.

I'm talking about Yuppie Moms. You know the type of parents I'm talking about -- they publicly account for the first prenatal movement, first bowel movement, etc. They think the entire world revolves around their kid. All I can say is WHO CARES!!!

They're the ones who patronize Starbucks dressed to the hilt with their obnoxious brats in tow. They are also the ones who speak in that utterly annoying sing-songy, lofty, kept-housewife-feminine-tone of, "Dakota, stop crawling the walls, OKayyyyy??????? Or we won't get ice cream, OKayyyyy????????"

Attention Yuppie Moms: Your kids aren't that great, you're annoying, and the world is already overpopulated. Tie your tubes immediately.

Mortgage Meltdown

Budgeting Basics 101: The "goes into" has to be more than the "goes out of."

Here's a recipe for disaster. Sonoma County California is one of the most expensive places in the United States to live. The median home price is $500,000. The median wage is $20.00 per hour. You tell me how in the hell the following happened:

1. What financial institution would give a 1/2 million dollar loan to somebody who earns $20 bucks an hour with little or no money down?

2. Who are these people who think they can afford such loans?

Is it any wonder every other house is for sale? A-DUHHHHHH.... now we have the mortgage meltdown with daily news of the worsening crisis. Any idiot who can add 1+1 could foresee this mortgage fallout happening. I guess schools on all levels have completely ditched basic, useful math from the curriculum.

Chia Pets

Tonight I saw a commercial on television for a Chia Pet. I had no idea Chia Pets were still around. For those of you who were spared the initial round of Chia Pet exposure from the '70's, I'll define what a Chia Pet is. A Chia Pet is a clay pot shaped like a lamb, horse, or Scooby-Doo's head. You rub seeds on this clay lamb, horse, or Scooby-Doo's head (depending on which one you ordered) and it grows a layer of moss that looks like baby bean sprouts. If you order within the next 24 hours you will receive a free bonus gift. Order Scooby-Doo's head and it will come with a bonus Shaggy you can give away to your friend. Wow.

Ok. I'll admit it. I'm jealous. What moron thought of this ridiculous scheme, and who are the morons actually purchasing Chia Pets? The Chia Pet has been around for 30 years, and still people are buying them! I could only wish to think of successfully marketing something so utterly useless and still be in the game 30 years later! Genius.

More Christmas Family Annoyances

OK... I think everybody has this issue if they've been married and have hosted a holiday. It's the dreaded INLAW factor.

Everybody likes to come over to our house for holidays. We don't have a particularly large or fancy house, but people like to hang out here. Why???? Probably because I'm a fairly decent cook and they can just sit on their rear-ends? Perhaps.

Make no mistake, hosting a holiday is a tremendous amount of work. I don't think people really think of all that it entails unless they've done it themselves. The preparations, cleaning, shopping, etc., is enough to push anybody into the looney bin. Of course all of this is done in conjunction with working outside the home and dealing with the kids.

I have to admit that some of the in-laws are very thoughtful and helpful. They will offer to bring a side dish and offer to help clean up the kitchen. Of course, these are female in-laws. I might add that I'm still waiting for a male relative to offer to contribute more to the Christmas holiday dinner than lounging on our sofa drinking beer and farting. And no, showing up at my door step with a six-pack does not count as a "contribution."

I think that next year the men should be in charge of planning, cooking, and cleanup of the Christmas dinner while we women all sit in front of the big screen watching the estrogen channel crying during yet another viewing of "It's a Wonderful Life."

I'm getting off track. The inequality of the workload between the sexes and the holidays is for another rant. I'm talking about the people who show up year after year expecting everything but contributing nothing. Like everything is done especially for them and the world revolves around THEM. Worse yet, they'll show up late for dinner, and in the meantime the mashed potatoes have grown cold and the gravy has solidified. Everybody else who has shown up on time has sacraficed a hot meal just because somebody doesn't have the common courtesy to call to inform us hosts of their late arrival. Nice.

I always say, "Serve the meal on time without the late arrivals -- it's their own damn fault they're late. Give them a plate of left-overs. Why should everybody else suffer eating cold food because of their lateness and inconsideration of others?"

Then it gets political.

Grandma starts in with how we all should be cutting "Joey" some slack because of the rough year he's had. Needless to say the "rough year" is all because Joey is a piece of shit who can't hold a job for more than two months because he finds it more interesting visiting bars until 2:00 am each morning.

Grandma then gets into Joey's financial woes, and again, holds the entire family psychologically hostage pleading for everybody to allow Joey to be the centre of the universe by trying to convince us all why we should hold up everybody's Christmas dinner just for him. Nobody has the courage to address that Grandma has given Joey $5,000 the last couple of months to make ends meet while the other grandchildren who manage to keep themselves out of bars and hold steady jobs (in addition to showing up for Christmas dinner on time showing their hosts common courtesy and respect) go completely unacknowledged.

The outcome is this: there is a huge family fight, dinner grows cold, nobody eats the cold dinner, hostess cries and goes into bedroom, grandma storms off, and Joey waltzes in smelling of alcohol completely unphased by any of this at 9:30 pm wanting to know "what's going on?"

Solicitors -- Leave Me Alone

I'm not forcing this blog on anybody. If you're reading this, it's solely at your time and at your own choosing. What I'm irritated about is the constant, unsolicited bombardment of:

1. People showing up on my door pushing a religion;
2. People showing up at my door pushing a ballot initiative or political candidate;
   
3. People who don't know the difference between "friendship" and "customers" by constantly using their home living rooms as sales floors selling useless, overpriced crap I don't need;
   
4. Salespeople barging into my office ignoring the "no solicitors" sign that is clearly displayed on the door, and then have the nerve to get huffy and indignant with me when I tell them I'm in the middle of something and that I'm not interested and send them on their way;
   
5. People who think that others are responsible for funding their lifestyles;
6. Telemarketers;
7. The constant filling of my mailbox with requests for monetary donations;
   
8. The constant filling of my mailbox with credit card offers.
   

I value my time at home with my family, and I do not like to be interrupted unless it's somebody I personally know and am expecting. When I'm in the office, I'm WORKING and do not wish to be disturbed by aggressive, annoying salespeople. Even clearly posted "no soliciting" signs both at home and at the office do not deter these people. Tell me -- WHY would I choose to do business or associate with people who do not respect me enough to appreciate the fact that I like to be left alone? Grrrrrrrr....