Tortoise and the Hare

 One of Aesop's fables is the Tortoise and the Hare.  The tortoise is slow and methodical - dare we say BORING.  The hare is arrogant, brash, and overconfident in his ability to beat the tortoise in a race.  A tortoise beating a hare to the finish line?  Really?  In WHAT world? 

In my world.

That's exactly what I do.  

Sure.  Hares can jump up and down.  They can run fast.  A tortoise is so slow and boring in comparison.

I know lots of hares.  They may jump up and down and run fast, but they burn out just as quickly leaving a trail of destruction behind them.  If they don't burn out they get divorced, have money problems, get addictions, get health problems, get mental problems, or all of the above.  

Right now I'm on my fifth hare who is trying to beat me to the finish line.  Here is what is so amusing.  The hares are running a relay race where they keep passing the baton to the next hare via elections.  Each hare thinks he has the ALL answers to ALL of our industry problems and is worthy of dismissing my existance.  

Me?  I'm the lowly tortoise.   I'm just plodding along slowly and prudently without pomp and circumstance.  

I'm still around.  All these hares think they have all the answers.  They don't.  They just reshuffle the deck hoping you will forget what their last hand was.  They don't solve a problem without creating three new ones.  Maybe it should be the tortoise and the hydra. 

Next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

United Airlines

Please, for the love of God, do NOT fly United Airlines if you can at all help it.   At this moment, I am in St. Pete's Beach, Florida, and I *thought* I had a first class ticket home tomorrow afternoon from Tampa to San Francisco with a stop over in Houston, Texas.  Hey!  I purchased a first class ticket!  One would think United would honor that classification.

WRONG!

Getting to the conference from San Francisco to Tampa was no problem.  It's ALWAYS the return trip west bound flights going home that are giving everybody a headache as of late.  When I booked, I looked for flights that were NONSTOP as there is less of a chance of things getting effed up due to air traffic control issues, people not showing up for work, weather, etc.  

Yes, perhaps I sound snobbish to some of you.  Fortunately, I don't care what you think.  I've paid my airline traveler dues for well over 1/3 of a century.  After many, many years of traveling the not-so-friendly skies seated in the plebian-economy-leg-crunching- butt-sniffing seats that happened to be adjacent to screaming babies, I've earned my premier traveler status.  

United Airlines could not care less.  One million miles and United really does not care one lick.  I'm as good as a crated animal in the cargo section to them for all the money and loyalty that has been invested on my end. 

I digress.  Why am I in Tampa?  I'm here for a work conference.  The conference ends tomorrow, which is Wednesday, at noon.  I had my first-class ticket booked to leave Tampa at 3:30.  Perfect.  Or so I thought.

I go to check into my flight using my iPhone during a very dry presentation given by a woman with a monotone voice (think Lilith from Cheers) with lots of numbers and graphs.  It was either get up and get more caffeine or diddle on my phone to keep myself awake.   I decided to diddle on my phone to check into my flight using the "friendly skies" app.

It was then and there I discovered that the flight from Tampa to Houston was just fine and dandy; however, the flight from Houston to San Francisco was cancelled.

Great.

I find out about this.....now?  There was no effort from United to find an alternate flight with another airline or anything.  NOTHING.  The onus was on me to scramble to get on a flight to get me home in time for my work obligations the following day.

Now the fun part.  

I had paid for a first class ticket.  There are no first class seats available for the flight back to San Francisco I re-booked.  I'm in the dreaded middle seat at the back of the plane in the butt sniffing section. Now, again, the onus is on *me* to contact United to get a refund/credit for getting bumped out of a confirmed, first-class ticket that was PAID for a flight I did not choose for a seat that midgets would find uncomfortable.

Here's the rub.  I use their so-called sophisticated artificial intelligence online virtual agent that is supposed to have customer service super powers. 

Nope.  Their crappy AI (which stands for Artificial IGNORANCE in this case - but the ignorance is so REAL) can't handle crediting/refunding customers.  Capitalism at its best.  Policy is ALWAYS for the advantage of the business.  Screw you little customers.  You can be replaced by thousands more little customers.  The pool of little customers is endless......United does NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. 

In the end the super virtual agent told me that I had to call United's 800 number to get a refund/credit issued.  

I called the 800 number.  It told me to call back as the lines were overwhelmed.  <repeat> <repeat><repeat>

Sigh. 

I contacted the super virtual agent again.  Now, I'm supposed to go through United Airlines website to ask for a refund/credit.  

So far, there is nothing super about this virtual agent.  There is no credit/refund for the first class experience that I PAID for and did not receive unless I spend hours on the phone or internet fighting for it.  I have to spend MY TIME fighting for services PAID FOR that were not rendered.  What is MY TIME worth?  

Don't answer because United Airlines does not give a f***. 

Here's my advice:  Avoid flying at all costs.  Zoom into meetings whenever possible.  If you have to fly, do NOT FLY UNITED.  You are better off crawling on your belly for thousands of miles over broken glass.  Trust me.  You will get there before a United flight can.  

At least broken glass will not cancel your flight at the last minute and leave you hanging and not caring how you will get home. 

Flori-DUH

 It has been some years since I've been to Flori-DUH.  I've never been on Flori-DUH's west coast.  I leave at butt-crack of dawn tomorrow from San Francisco to Tampa.  

I've been to Miami a few times and also to Disney World.  I don't recall being very impressed.  I do recall the weather with unbearable humidity and unsavory people like the Russian skanks at South Beach who threw themselves at all my male work counterparts when we got off our chartered bus for a business reception at an iconic landmark.  The Russian skanks were looking for American businessman money.  To my male co-workers' credit, they were even grossed out by it for the most part.  Should I have been angry as none of the Russian skanks even tried anything with me?  Maybe I did not look lesbian enough.  Maybe they had suspected that I knew what their game was.  Whatever.  I do know a few Russian words that can relay that I don't deal with the likes of them. 

"Fuck-eee Fuck-eee cheap-cheap!!!" coo the Russian skanks as they wrap their legs teasingly around these dorky businessmen from all across America disembarking from the chartered buss on our way to our corporate reception. 

 Only one guy in my work group was even mildly amused by it.  He made the mistake of making eye contact with one of them  trying to act innocently, humorously, quasi-interested.  That was a huge mistake.  Once the eye contact was made with the Russian Skank Hord, he had to swat the Russian skanks off like flies on dung.  It was like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's classic horror film, 'The Birds'.  I hope he did not contract a disease in the process of the attack.  I will never know as that is private information between my work counterpart and his wife.  Yup.  You read that correctly.

Moving on.

Have you ever *really* watched the news or other trash television?  There's always a story about a Flori-DUH Man.  I venture to say there is even a movie about it.  There is always some horrible crime, dumb-ass, fill-in-the-blank event that always ends up on some crime show titled, "America's Dumbest" or the like.  

They ALWAYS feature the Flori-DUH man.  

The most featured Flori-DUH man these days is Governor DeSantis, who is vying for the White House.  I used to think that he was Trump with a brain.  Now I know that neither have a brain.  NEXT!!!!!

Wait!  Nikki Haley has entered stage left.  What?  She's got something to say!  STFU and let's listen. 

 

Las Vegas

 Sissy, who is turning 50 later this month, has never really been to Las Vegas.  She went 25 years ago when she was first married and Treasure Island still had the live pirate shows.  

A lot has changed in 25 years, but a lot has remained the same.  

Sissy said that she wanted to celebrate her 50th with me, my daughter, and her daughter.  She wanted just the four of us girls.  

Here's the issue.  Sissy is a high-ranking employee at a law enforcement agency.  Her daughter is only 19.  Both myself and my daughter are of legal age and status to do whatever we want, and can take on the task of planning and executing a birthday Sissy and her daughter will never forget.  We did not want to be recognized by small-town Sonoma County. 

Mission accomplished.

We did all the classic, cheesy things people do in Vegas.  We went to see Thunder Down Under.  We went to see the Cirque du Soliel O Show at the Bellagio.  We went to the top of the Paris tower at sunset.  We went to the new sphere to see all the innovations in technology.  

We even went to the Taco Bell Cantina.  Who every thought Taco Bell could be so much fun?

We walked about 10 miles per day. 

Additional Taxes on Employers

 I completely understand why nobody wants employees -- especially in California.  For starters, CA has the most restrictive employment laws in the world.  Employers are to pay for and provide just about everything imaginable for the employee, including places to breast feed their babies and to also provide toilets with a luxury brand of toilet paper that the employees claim does not chap their @sses.  

You think I'm making this up.

Gavin Newsom, who is the governor of California, has hopes of federal office someday despite his statements to the contrary.  We all know politicians lie.  This is his sure fire admission of his ambition.  

Here's where Newsom will get into a quagmire.  His California is in big trouble.  The rest of the nation knows it and wants nothing to do with it.  We have the highest taxes (on the so-called rich) coupled with the highest poverty.  If high taxes solved everything, California would be a model for the world.  

Cough.  Cough.  High taxes have backfired.  Big Time.

"Oh, California has a HUGE budget surplus and the state is awash in CASH," gushed the governor not so very long ago to the point of issuing checks (read:  bribes) to residents.

Really?  I pondered this question not so very long ago myself in a previous blog.  I correctly predicted that this sudden influx of cash was fools gold accompanied by CA legislative foolish behavior.  Nobody wanted to listen to me then.  

Where am I going with this?  California is in trouble.  California caters to illegal immigrants.  Democrats use illegals as a potential voting base by playing Santa Claus to them by giving them everything they want, i.e., free health care, free education, subsidized housing, etc.  The problem is that NOTHING IS FREE.  Every handout is at the expense of somebody else PAYING for it.  Meanwhile, hard-working, legal, Californians are struggling.  Nobody cares about them as they don't produce emotionally provoking headlines in the media. 

Republicans LOVE illegal immigrants as their slave work force.  They use them for cash-under-the-table jobs that are lower than legitimate employers can offer.  Sure, it's easy to give a low bid if the employer ducks workers' compensation insurance and does not pay into Social Security or other payroll tax obligations.  

I will venture to say that even democrats LOVE the illegal work force for the very same reasons republicans do.  They just won't publicly admit it.  

Well, well, well.......CA needs to collect even more payroll taxes to cover the enormous debt.  There is an additional FUTA tax and also an additional CA SDI tax on employers that somehow went unreported by mainstream media.   

Did I mention the mandatory additional sick pay to CA employees? 

No wonder employers are leaving CA in droves.  No wonder why nobody wants an employee in CA and everybody wants to classify them as an 'independent contractor.'  It's simply unaffordable otherwise.  

Texas????  Ohio????  Pennsylvania? ??????  Brace yourselves for the wave of middle to upper-income CA residents getting taxed to death.  

Don't believe me?  Here's a notice I got from QuickBooks payroll about the additional taxes ON EMPLOYERS because California has defaulted on their unemployment loans from the feds.  Why doesn't pretty boy Newsom or the media ever talk about THIS????????  Because it looks like shit on the democrats, that's why.  If the shoe fits...........

Dear Valued Customer,

Due to outstanding federal unemployment loans, CA and NY are subject to FUTA Credit Reduction for 2023. This means New York and California businesses will be assessed additional FUTA taxes on the Form 940 payment and filing for 2023. What is a credit reduction state? Some states take loans from the Federal Unemployment Trust Fund if they lack the funds to pay unemployment insurance benefits for residents of their states. If a state has outstanding loan balances for two consecutive years, the FUTA credit rate for employers in that state will be reduced until the loan is repaid.  This results in employers owing additional unemployment tax. You can get more information about the increased taxes and determine the rate increase for your state in our FUTA help article. What do I need to do? We will notify you by email in mid-January of the exact amount due so that you can ensure that the appropriate funds are available. Intuit will process debits for the additional tax owed after January 15.  In addition, we will prepare and file your Form 940 and Schedule A and pay the taxes due on your behalf by the January 31, 2024 deadline. To estimate the additional taxes you will owe, calculate the total 2023 wages paid for each employee in a credit reduction state, up to the maximum of $7,000. Multiply this by the percentage indicated for your state. To review a report with your 2023 FUTA wages: From your Assisted Payroll company file in QuickBooks Desktop, select the Reports menu, Employees & Payroll, then Payroll Item Detail Click Customize Report Select the Filters tab. Scroll down on the Filters list and select Payroll Item From the Payroll Item dropdown, select Federal Unemployment, then click OK Set the date range to January 1, 2023 through December 31, 2023 View your Total 940 FUTA wages from the Wage Base column of the report If you have employees in multiple states,you will need to calculate the FUTA wages for employees in each credit reduction state (CA and NY). We hope this notification helps your business prepare for the additional tax liability due in January for Federal Unemployment Tax. Sincerely, The QuickBooks Team

CA and NY are FUTA credit reduction states for 2023