Shit Girlfriends Say

My best friends HATE you..... (rhythmic clap) ...My best friends HATE You...!  If you can pass the best friend test, you are golden.....  If you ever hear this from a chick with rhythmic clapping, you better run......  you did not pass the best friend test.

England: Opening Olympic Ceremonies 2012

Watching the Olympic opening ceremonies is kind of fun.  The host country always tries to show a bit of their history and incorporate it into the celebration.  Watching England was interesting.  They were proud of belching filth into the air with giant smoke stacks.  They were proud of hospital beds.  They were also proud of their kick-**s music they produce.  The only thing missing was the part where England invaded and colonized lands across the globe killing entire local populations in the process.

More Marriage Advice

Aside from knowing your partner's most horrifying habits and personality disorders prior to getting married, I have one more bit of advice -- especially for you women out there.  Never push a guy into marriage.  Never make an ultimatum.  Never even bring marriage up.  Never get pregnant "accidentally" to trap a guy.  Let's face it.  Many men will eventually cheat on their wives at some point.  It's just the way things go.  Men know how hard it is to be monogamous, and therefore, are resistant to making a huge commitment like getting married which means FOREVER (unless you have some type of open marriage arrangement -- hey, it's no body's business but your own). 

Many times after a certain dating length the woman will want a ring, wedding and babies.  The guy is on the fence knowing how ********g scary it is, as many women are financially clueless and have NO idea what it takes to make financial security happen.  She gets pissed when he does not pop the question.  The guy senses this.  A little time goes by.  He may purchase her a necklace or earrings to pacify her and buy some more time.  The woman is tapping her toes impatiently.  She starts putting on the pressure and lobs out ultimatums.  A lot of times the guy is dragged to the alter while having his doubts. 

.....and now you women are shocked when he cheats or wants out of the marriage?  He did not really want to get married in the first place.....

This is where I am old fashioned.  I think the guy should ask the girl because most men are pressured by women out of an obligation or final ultimatum.  There are men who really do want to get married and feel no pressure whatsoever and can't wait to tie the knot.  That's awesome.  That's the way it should be.    Bottom line is that getting married is scary and I think everybody will have doubts -- even if it's a match made in heaven.  The difference is whether or not the parties feel obligated or pressured. 

Nail Salon

I'll admit it.  I love to get my nails done.  It's so girlie, but what the hay....  While I'm there, give me the supreme pedicure as well.  Having freshly painted toe nails and manicured fingertips is a right for every woman?  Yes?  I think so. 

I love my manicurist.  We have children of similar ages and they hang out together.  If you want to know the gossip, get it from your manicurist or hairdresser.  Both are born-n-raised Sonoma County gals so they know the tabs on everybody. 

The gossip is usually true.  I've heard some juicy stuff.  However, I don't repeat anything as I'm not the local loud-mouth.   If some body finds out about their husband doinking the secretary it won't be from me.  It usually takes 6-12 months from initial reporting from manicurist or hairdresser before it becomes public knowledge. 

Yawn.... yesterday's news.......

Schooled by a Kid

I have relatives here visiting Sonoma County.  It's especially fun this time because my cousin brought her boyfriend from Ireland and he's never been here before.  I love showing newbies around.  What would Sonoma County be without going wine tasting?

We hit a couple wineries, and then ended up at a retail wine shop that also had a little tasting section.  The gal behind the counter doing the pouring looked about 14.  She still had braces.  At first glance you would wonder how a kid could have a job pouring wine, and how could a KID possibly know anything about wine?

After the fourth word came out of her mouth we were putting our feet in ours.  This young gal knew a lot about wine, and ended up schooling us.  Damn.  This KID knew a heck of a lot.  Shut us up in a hurry.  I will never forget her tin grin flashing at us as the wine terminology definitions kept coming from her.  Impressive.  This gal had spunk and an incredible sense of humor.  We were having a blast.  

About that time a group of middle aged, pretentious French men entered the wine shop, and our tin grin gal pardoned herself from us to welcome them.  It was apparent the French men dismissed this child of possibly knowing anything.  The French men were borderline insulting in their assessment of the tin grin gal as their eyes and body language indicated.  Tin grin gal asked if they were interested in tasting anything.  The French men had their noses turned up and one of the French men turned to the other to say something condescending (in French) about California wines.  Much to the surprise of the French men, our little tin grin gal retorted in perfect French about the comment.

Touche.

Pumped up Kicks in Aurora

Columbine High School, Aurora....what's with the people in Colorado?  Do they all lose it and open fire in innocent places like schools and movie theatres?  I think Colorado ties with Wisconsin for producing violent, murderous whack-o's.  Wait.  I forgot to put Texas on the list. 

Do we blame guns?  No.  Canada has just as many guns per capita as the United States.  For whatever reason we are a violent, paranoid, fearful society.  Carrying around all that negative stress eventually bubbles up to the surface and by then it's too late.....

Jon Stewart: The Love Affair Continues

                       

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Sadly, this type of management style exists -- complete with smoke and mirrors and the blame game.  It's not just presidential candidates. 


                       

Facebook: Massive CIA Government Program

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks Facebook is creepy with information overload.  

Do Not Disturb

I think that there is some communication that has been lost in translation.  The phrase "do not disturb" means "knock loudly" in Spanish.  I have been at a hotel in southern ca for a couple days now.  It matters not what time we leave in the morning to go about our business.  Upon our return the housekeeping cart is hovered at the entrance of our room preventing us from coming back to the room and to going about our business for the rest of the day.

Today as everybody's schedule was lax, the joke was that 'housekeeping' would be knocking at the door at 8:00 AM as we actually had the privilege of sleeping in.  Lo and behold prediction came true.  Placing the "do not disturb" sign on the door did not give housekeeping a clue.  They then called the room directly asking if they could come in to service the room.

"do not disturb" really means "do not disturb."  It means we don't want you knocking, calling, or coming in.  Leave us alone!  If we need more towels or soap, we'll call YOU.

Facebook Death Announcements

If I get hit by a Mack truck tomorrow, please and I mean PUH-LEASE, don't put anything on Facebook about my death.  How is anybody supposed to respond to that?  By clicking on the stupid-ass "like" icon?  I'm not making this shit up, people.  Today a Facebook Friend announced her father's passing by making a blasting Facebook announcement complete with picture.  People responded by hitting the "like" icon. Maybe I'm missing something, but I find nothing to "like" about somebody dying. 

While we're at it, vacation season is in full swing.  I don't want a minute-by-minute blow of your family road trip and constant status updates.  Facebook is not your personal travel journal.  Save it for somebody who cares.  What?  Nobody cares?  Not even your own kids who are along on the trip with you?  Should be a clue.

Cupcake Overload

Every bored housewife is now opening up her own cupcake shop.  Can this trend please be over now?  This is Krispy Kreme all over again except people are borrowing against their houses (assuming they have any equity left at all after last consumer borrowing boom) to set up their trendy overkill cupcake enclave.  I don't care if your cupcake is all natural, gluten free, sugar free, dye free... bla bla bla.... 

Here's a clue...  Your inventory is perishable.  Your overhead is high.  The market is saturated with other stupid trendy cup cake shops.  I don't care if you drive around in your pink mini car wearing lacy aprons donning a 1950's nostalgic look trying to be hip and do deliveries.  You will have to sell a shitload of cupcakes just to break even. 

Besides.  Nobody even LIKES cupcakes that much. 

Organic Pet Food

Organic Pet Food:  You have got to be f****** kidding me.  Not so very long ago I was chastised by my in-laws and my vet for feeding my pets road kill and table scraps.  My sister-in-law took great pleasure in gloating on how she paid top dollar for her dogs' Science Diet pet food purchased directly from the vet, and how I was an inferior pet owner for not foolishly spending money on chemical waste feed for Fido.  Sister-in-law thinks she's pampering her pooches when in actuality she's killing them.  

Science Diet.  Humph.  Just as the name implies.  Read the label.  It's a science experiment full of chemicals you can't pronounce.  You're full of shit if you read the label and can tell me exactly what each chemical is, its source, and its function without becoming a chemist in the process.  Here's a hint to you all -- CHINA.

Anyway, things are coming full circle as now being a hick farmer is en vogue.  Yuppies who have never shoveled shit in their lives are now praising the glories of "organic" goods.  This has now surfaced in the area of pet food.  "Organic, natural" dog food is all the rage.  Yuppies think it's great if it can be purchased in clean, neat packaging in a high-end store and pay tons of money for it. 

These same Yuppie morons cry "animal cruelty" if discovered that another animal died at a slaughter facility to provide their organic food for their obnoxious mutt.  News to Yuppie dog owners.  Dogs are carnivors. 

Which brings me back to.......... road kill and table scraps.