No Running

My sister-in-law used to work retail. She also happens to be pretty much a safety Nazi based upon the hours and hours of training she received from a previous employer. My Sisala worked as a manager at a retail store here in Sonoma County. One of her pet peeves were when parents allowed their kids to run amuck in the store. First and foremost, it's a safety hazzard. Second, it's just plain rude and bad manners.

When my sisala would instruct kids running up and down the aisles to stop, she would be met by angry parents for "correcting" THEIR kids. The angry parents would then try to argue with my sisala that their kids running loose in the store was ok, because there was not a sign posted as such.

Wait just a minute here. At this point the PARENTS should be the ones slapped, and not the kids.

No, it's NOT okay for your kids to be running in stores, restaurants, or other public establishments where others are trying to enjoy a somewhat peaceful experience and not be subject to your brats existence.

I can relate a recent experience of kids running wild. We were sitting in a hotel bar and a large family of Mexicans rented a room adjacent to the bar to host a child's birthday party. Fine. Whatever. However, when the kids began running through the lobby, running through the bar, and jumping on the couch in the lobby the parents did *not* reign them in. That's when I had my problem.

I wanted to tell them that the "birthday party room" was down the hall, and I did not appreciate 10,000 Mexican kids running under my table to play hide-and-seek while I'm sitting in the hotel lobby bar relaxing and having my wine.

I'm sure the parents were oblivious as they were dropping yet another anchor baby in the corner.

Reserved Parking

Those who know me *know* full well how psycho I am about my reserved parking spot. See, I have a coveted parking spot for which I pay a fee. The parking spot is not cheap. I fork over good money to have it. There are signs posted EVERYWHERE stating that the parking spots are for permit holders only. Also, there are obvious other clues such as obnoxiously large signs at eye level upon pulling into any one of the spots stating that it's RESERVED PARKING.

Still, some people just don't get it. They pull into my parking spot thinking that they can get away with parking there. Most people try to argue with me when I call them on it. I guess a super large RESERVED PARKING sign posted at eye level is not enough to deter these morons.

A few years ago I just got sick of people parking in my spot. One day I just decided to block them in. I parked my car, blocking the offender in, and went upstairs to my office to work. I did not give a lot of thought to the asshole who parked in my spot. When I came downstairs for lunch, an exasperated woman tried to scold me by saying, "Do you know I have been waiting here for a long time so I could be on my way?"

To which I cooly responded, "Do you know you are parked in my spot?"

The stupid bitch KNEW she was parking in a reserved spot. Too bad. No sympathy.

More recently around Christmas time I came back from lunch to see a SUV parked in my spot with a well-dressed women with about 4 kids getting out of the vehicle. I pulled up and said, "Excuse me, but you are parked in my spot."

The woman replied, "Oh, I did not see the sign."

To which I replied, "Really? It's kind of BIG."

She then snorted, "Oh, don't YOU ever make mistakes?"

I wanted to reply that I made mistakes everyday, but I do not lie about such. I also wanted to report her to the police for if she did not see the large, eye-level RESERVED PARKING sign and she was driving around several small children she was in NO WAY capable of safe driving.

The woman got back in her SUV and chirpily told her kids that "Mommy did not see the sign" and they had to find somewhere else to park.

I wanted to sing-song to her kids that "Mommy is a big, fat, liar, and thought she could just park in my spot and not get caught."

....and to think that cow reproduced.......gods help us....

International Assholes

Well, American's don't have a monopoly on being obnoxious and general rudeness. This is my first ever guest submission. It comes from a dear, dear friend in England. They are the sweetest, nicest people on the face of the earth. I am going to help P and J hunt the asshole down and kill him. Ready to be totally pissed off? Here's J's story:

Well, today would have been June’s birthday. We went to scatter her ashes at a tree we have picked out in Ness Gardens. We had permission and everything and we paid £250 for the privilege. We are right in the middle of it, all very tearful, when some ARSEHOLE comes up and says “ Are you scattering ashes?”

“Yes” I told him, a bit surprised.

“Do you realise you could kill the tree?” he said. “Ashes contain calcium, you know…” He didn’t get any further because P shoved him away and we all yelled at him. P’s dad was shaking and very upset. I could have KILLED him!! So what was meant to be a very special if sad moment was ruined!

From SR to S

In military speak SR translates to "sailor recruit." Today I got the phone call from my son, exhausted both physically and mentally, telling his father and I that he got his ball Navy cap.

He made it. He passed all of the tests. He is now officially United States Sailor.

Am I proud? Hell yes. What makes me even more proud is when he proudly lets people know he's from the California Bay Area, and then he watches his comrades give him the death stare when disclosing as such.

Yup.... we are a bunch of homo-tree-hugging-pot-smoking-Prius-driving-organic-food-sushi-snob-wine freaks. Pardon us as we lead the way to environmental awareness, social tolerance, legalized pot, and other such freakish acts of random love and kindness.

Sorry if peace and love offends you and pisses you off. Go back to Texas and shoot an innocent something. Yup. You're manly now for killing a defenseless animal/person for the hell of it.

I'm sure your church preacher from Wisconsin will come to your soul's defense when he's done molesting the neighbor's son and screwing your wife.

But hey.... who's judging???????

Jerry Brown: Deja Vu

Isn't the definition of insanity repeating the same thing over and over again -- and expecting different results?

Voila! California now has Jerry Brown for a governor AGAIN!

This really is a case of a turd swirling around in the toilet and refusing to be flushed down completely. Ewwwwwwww..... the stench that goes along with it.......

Yes, I am bashing my head against the wall. How in the HELL did this clown get re-elected yet AGAIN? Wait! It's because Jerry Brown is the most recognizable character in California other than Ronald McDonald.

What on earth makes the general public *think* that this time Jerry "really is going to make tough budget cuts."

Yeah, right....

The minute the public employee unions whine about cutting their insanely inflated wage/benefit package Jerry will curl up in a corner sucking his thumb and crying for "mamma."

Everybody wants budget cuts -- as long as it effects somebody else.

Sacramento is an out of control monster. Somebody please cut off Medusa's head.

Your Blog Still Sucks

At least I know my blog sucks. When I peruse the internet I grow tired of reading profiles of bloggers who "enjoy the beach, interior decorating, reading Oprah Magazine, baking cookies, and making leaf collages out of used kleenex."

Please, feel free to ditch the profile photo of yourself, spouse, and bratty kid(s) in the garden with your dog. It will not make you any more interesting. I want to bash your head against the table. I want to run you over with my car. Plus, I really don't give a damn what your astrological sign is.

Did you also mention how much you love your kids? Like a million times? Gag me.

YOU ARE BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! What does it all mean? Well, your guess is as good as mine. Here are my stupid-ass predictions for 2011. Check back in again December 31, 2011 to see if I'm on target or not.

1. Politicians will lie (no DUH);

2. Unemployment will remain high (who wants to hire a bunch of fat, stupid whiners when sweat- shop 12 year olds overseas work for pennies per day without complaining?);

3. Housing will continue to collapse (rock-bottom-snatch-em-up-prices don't mean shit when the masses are underemployed at $12 per hour or unemployed completely and the average house is $300,000);

4. Wall Street will continue with its relentless greed and then look to taxpayers to bail them out;

5. Quality health care will still be a commodity of a fortunate few;

6. The media will try to tell us how rosy things are and that "things really are starting to improve" when we know they are just puppets for government bullshit propaganda;

7. Retired public employees will continue to live in gated communities while double-dipping their pensions whilst crying poor mouth;

8. It will be discovered that Arnold Schwarznegger has shriveled testicles;

9. It will be discovered that Jerry Brown has shriveled testicles;

10. Public Employee Unions will still not have a clue that they live in a post-Jimmy Hoffa environment and not acknowledge the simple fact that their memberships are insatiable pigs because they really are replaceable and not worth the bloated paychecks and benefits they are receiving;

11. Late night infomercials will continue to rule the airwaves convincing Americans that using the "shake weight" for 10 minutes a day will result in drastic muscle definition. Billions will be sold. Here's your cab fare home.