Local Lizard Ladies

This is the view outside my hotel window. Beautiful, isn't it? There's nothing like the Southern California sun to diminish any late winter/early spring blues.

The sun isn't diminishing just the winter blues. The sun is also diminishing any youth that may be left from the local lizard ladies.

Local Lizard Lady? I can hear you asking just what I mean by that term..... here goes the description....

She is an anorexic, tanned, usually blonde woman who's face has been visually weathered by too many years of basking poolside chirping for the pool boy to bring her yet another cocktail. She is dripping in jewelry - especially bracelets and toe rings that shamelessly draw attention to her tacky, acrylic fingernails and Cal-Trans orange pedicure. Watch out so you don't accidentally step on her yappie, little, ankle-biter mutts she drags with her wherever she goes, and keeps perched on her lap while driving her foreign convertible sports car around town. Her face is in a perpetual semi-frozen state due to the excessive botox treatments, and her lips look like they were stuck in a pool drain from plumping injections.

People like me mutter, "Get the &*^%# dog(s) off your lap and DRIVE -- BETCH."

Of course such sane comments go completely unheeded by a Lizard Lady. She is below such decent human behavior. It's all about HER! The deepest thought she ever fostered was how to match her shoe and purse collection for an entire season.

I am soooooooo GLAD NOT to be from Southern California. Call me whatever you will, but what I am is true, honest, and to the point. Nobody who really knows me could ever accuse me of being not being genuine.

Going Postal

...I finally did it. I completely blew my stack at a work meeting. The tension had been building for years. At a meeting I finally stood up for myself and got in the face of an asshole who had been on my case for months. He would ridicule and second guess everything I had done. If people don't like me, fine. I can handle that. And to be honest, there are only very few opinions I actually care about anyway. You leave me alone, and I will leave you alone. Keep your dislike for me private and I will return the same. There are several people who deserve a public flogging from me, but I have kept my contempt private as they have shown me the same courtesy.

However...dare to turn into an obnoxious asshole making a public scene and God help you... I will rip off your head, shit down your throat, and show no mercy.

Yesterday was one of those days. After getting publicly grilled and needled at a large meeting on a subject matter that was of no business to the antagonizer, I subtly, then not-so-subtly dropped hints that he was crossing over into the danger zone, I lost it.

"I am DONE with this inquisition! I am NOT going to stand here and take cheap, pot- shots from an ignorant, belligerent ass who only knows 1/2 of the facts!"

...you could hear a pin drop from across the room...

And the Belligerent Ass responded, "Well.... I did not mean to upset you."

"Well, I am upset, so PLEASE STOP"

I have no idea what I said after that point because I was that pissed off. My mouth opened up, and the words flowed out. I did not care who heard what, and who was around. I was pushed to the limit.

Belligerent Ass stormed out of the meeting. When he left an uncomfortable silence filled the room. The others were visibly shaken by my outburst as I am usually so congenial in group settings. The meeting quickly adjourned.

Am I going to get fired? At this point I really don't care. Maybe it would be a blessing. Hell, I'll just join the unemployed masses and wait for my government "bailout" like everybody else.

This afternoon I received an official, written apology from Belligerent Ass that bordered on being overly sappy. Hmph... I'm still too pissed off to even deal with him.

The Angry Auditor

...and I don't mean that in a deragatory sense towards the auditor. I've had the unfortunate experience of having to fire an employee, who I thought (on the surface) was a really nice person. The employee worked for us for about 7-8 years.

For some time the financial statements and the money reports presented just didn't make sense to the rest of us who were responsible for the overall well-being of the organization. Not being CPA's or anything like that, we don't claim to be know-it-alls in the accounting arena, but we all know the basic concept of money-in-money-out, and basic accounting principals like that. Common sense and intuition comes into play.....we all had a "feeling" things were not right, but the employee who got fired always had some explanation, excuse, and general finger pointing as to why things did not add up.

A few months back it was announced by the fired employee that the organization was broke and that it needed more money. Hmmmmmm.... We asked why and to justify it.
A little time goes by and LOTS of other unacceptable drama and the inevitable happens -- he got what was coming and got canned.

A sudden departure of a key employee obviously leaves a gigantic hole. I was "nominated" to fill in to pay the bills, process payroll, etc., and hold the finances together until we got things straightned out. The rest of the board of directors needed to know exactly what in the hell was going on.

I walked into financial-bookkeeping HELL. There were papers, receipts, and uncashed checks just strewn about. The bank accounts had not been properly reconciled in months. Don't even ask about the petty cash. We didn't even know a petty cash account existed until one of the other employees asked for it to be replenished. I put an end to the petty cash account immediately. I put an end to all cash. Period. The type of organization this is does not need cash -- as it always has a way of 'mysteriously' disappearing -- as I soon dealt with that little scenario. Little did I know at the time it was just the tip of the iceberg.

Where do I begin? I could feel a swirling of anxiety fill my body. Deep breath. I just put my head down and started chipping away. The first thing I needed to do was to get current bank statements so we knew EXACTLY how much money we had in the various bank accounts and investment holdings, as of course, the internal records were completely out of whack.

Upon getting the bank statements, it was discovered that there were several credit cards all set up on "auto pay" that were never approved or reported to the board of directors. The plot thickens....we're now dealing with fraud and embezzlement. What else am I going to discover? I needed help. I reported what I found to the rest of the board members. We decided to hire an outside auditor to help us get this mess straightened out.

Enter the Angry Auditor. This person chews nails for breakfast. I'm in love. It's just what we need. I spent quite a bit of time with the Angry Auditor explaining the dynamics and politics of the organization. I filled the Angry Auditor in on all of our dirty laundry. Angry Auditor thanked me profusely for the information, as all of it generally comes into play with everything else. I have nothing to hide.

Angry Auditor then began to tell me about other fraud scenarios encountered upon his career. Of course, professionalism prevented him from disclosing names and such, but he went on describing cases where "outstanding citizens" of the community were squandering tax dollars and participating in fraud, improper exuberant spending, crony-ism, and embezzlement. To top it off, Angry Auditor said that some of the spending was used for so-called community betterment -- such as luxury boxes at sports arenas for volunteers and such paid for with tax dollars.

What I'm drawing from all of this is that this is just a microchasam of the bigger picture of what's *really* going on with our tax dollars and other pools of money. Does the massive government bail-out come to mind? I think there is so much fraud and abuse out there it would make people sick if they really knew. It's happening right here in our own area. Of course, they all have their hands out wanting more, *more* and MORE. It's an insatiable monster were feeding. Let's stop feeding the monster.

American Idol

The "Gong Show" from the 1970's has been reincarnated into "American Idol." I have never seen it until tonight when my 13 year-old flipped it on and I was unfortunate enough to be within both visual and audio radius.

There are contestants on the show who actually believe they have talent, and then there are the judges who are washed-up stars of yesteryear who never really had any singing talent at all (Paula Abdul) rendering talent judgment that we are all suppose to take seriously.

Of course, there is Simon.. Simon is the Archie Bunker of the judges panel offering stinging, acidic comments to all.

I'm afraid the wild popularity of this lame television show is a representation of the collective depth of the cognitive capacity of the general public. Be afraid. Be *VERY* afraid.

Pisces Birthday

Yup, I'm a Pisces.... One of my Pisces friends, who is totally into astrology, always tells me that I'm the poster child of all that is Pisces. When a fellow Pisces tells me how Pisces I am, I guess there is something to it.

Anyway....

This Saturday a large group of us went out to celebrate my birthday. My GOD. I never realized how little I have changed since high school. What a good time:)