Picture worth 1,000 Words

This sign certainly says it all and then some using only five words or less.

Homeweed Resort

It was '80's day at Homeweed Resort. Cool music. I did not even need to dress up to get my $5 off. It's how I've always dressed. The guy with the guitar was just a-strummin' and a-singin' in the lounge. He was rather good. They don't call this place Homeweed for no reason;)


No self-respecting Minnesotan would ever be caught dead installing chains on a car when the pavement was merely wet and the temperature a balmy 36*. Even over Donner Summit it was just snowing somewhat with a little snow on the road. For that CalTrans needed to tie up traffic on west-bound I-80 for several hours making sure that everybody had chains on their cars. To my Minnesota friends/family: I am NOT making this up. I can see you shaking your head in disbelief. I agree -- this is totally laughable. And no, even with chains they STILL do not know how to drive -- they're even worse. And yes, they are all morons.

Funerals as Social Networking

I think I have witnessed a new low in human behavior -- using a funeral to advance one's social status and/or business agenda.

I recently attended a funeral for a co-worker. It's interesting when a prominent person of the community dies how people react. There is a special place in hell reserved for those who commit the following heinous acts at a funeral. Here is what I witnessed during the service:

1. One guy's cell phone kept going off -- more than once. By the third time I was ready to reach over and smash it over his bald head.

2. The local celebrity "Barbie and Ken" couple arrived late. Do you think they could have slipped inconspicuously into a pew in the back as to not disrupt the service? Hell nooooooo.... They had to make a grand entrance to make sure everybody saw them as they made their way to the front of the church.

3. One business owner, who has questionable ethics, left the party he arrived with during the service to go and sit by another man to discuss a little 'problem' this man could possibly help him with.

4. A local, petty politician made sure he flashed a toothy grin and glad-handed everybody as they exited the church making himself look like an ass as people were in a grief state wiping away tears.

Do people not have any decency or tact? Don't they know how stupid they look? However, there were those present who did show a quiet respect and dignity for the deceased and the family. Ironically, those who did not put on a 'show' at the funeral have more respect from the community than those who are so desperate to achieve it.

Bay to Breakers: SF Gone Conservative?

A friend of mine has been participating in the Bay to Breakers marathon for many, many years. His group is nick-named "drinkers with a running problem." This annual San Francisco freak show is as much of the city as the 60's hippie days. For better or for worse, it's just part of the San Francisco experience. Summer of Love, anyone? We believe pot is LEGAL here, folks. Gay marriage? No biggie. It's all a big, fat WHATEVER!

Anyway......

Tonight we all went out to celebrate a mutual friend's birthday. The conversation batted around was that of the suckie economy, obscene corporate bailouts, job losses, and how schools should disguise themselves as banks so education could finally get the funding it deserves through the massive bailout proposals.

Then the conversation turned to the Bay to Breakers.

It was mentioned that now alcohol, nudity, and floats with wheels are now banned from the annual Bay to Breakers marathon. What? Talk about a BUZZ KILL! This is SAN FRANCISCO!!! How could that BE? Since when did some up-tight, conservative, PTA do-gooder from white suburbia run San Francisco? GET SOME BALLS AND PROTEST, SF! If you don't stand up to this neo-nazi, yuppie scum, kill joy regime pretty soon you'll all be driving around in SUV's with those stupid little "my kid is an honor student at Hill Crest Elementary" stickers on the back of the vehicle complete with the Jesus Wagon Prayer Group emblem.

Now before you SFers get all wound up complaining about people pissing on your rose bushes, crapping in your driveway, and throwing up in the gutter, don't you think additional port-a-potties would be a good thing? How could we possibly be contenders for hosting the Olympics if we can't even toss out a few more port-a-potties for a one-day, iconic event that lasts from 6:00 am until 3:00 pm? Is there a port-a-potty shortage?

I never thought I'd live to see the day where San Francisco got uptight. I guess hell really is freezing over.

Freaking Myself Out

I have always been a vivid dreamer ever since I can remember. Most mornings I feel as though I have hardly slept at all as my brain stays active with dreams that dominate my sleep. The problem is that not only do I dream, but many of my dreams are premonitions. I actually went to the doctor begging for something to make me NOT dream. The reply was that it was just the way my brain was wired.

Thank God I'm anonymous on this bitchy blog except to the very few in my close circle, as I would probably be thrown into the psyche ward at some looney bin on lock down with a thorzine drip.

Here's an example of the shit that I dream about.....

Last night I dreamed I was introducing one of my co-workers to all of my deceased relatives. I recall explicitly saying, "...and this is my mother's mother, and this is my Uncle Jim, and Aunt Emmy....."

Fast forward to a mundane Monday morning. I'm at the office with the IT guys getting my new computers installed (which were NOT purchased at Staples in true spirit with my Staples SUCKS entry) and drinking my non-fat, grande latte with an added shot. My cell phone rings. I answer it. On the other end is a crackly voice that says, "...I just wanted to let you know that Dad passed away last night."

For the record, "Dad" was my co-worker.

I just about fell out of my chair... Was I part of his transition into death by introducing him to the others? Am I just crazy? Why would I dream this stuff?

Turntable

Last night I was at a birthday party for one of my good, good girlfriends. She turned 53. Holy shit. Since when did my friends hit the mid-century mark? It was a very pleasant gathering of her close friends and family. We were all sitting around eating, drinking, laughing and yakking.

Her husband had brought down and dusted off his old turntable and vinyl albums from the 60's and 70's. The only thing we were missing was the bong and the lava lamp. Just as we all were dazed and deep in thought with old memories that had suddenly come to the surface after being nearly forgotten, along comes my 13 year-old daughter from outside with a curious fascination of the turntable.

She had never seen one before.

My friend's husband gladly brought her over to the turntable and explained how it worked. The look on my daughter's face was priceless. It was like having a real, live dinosaur in the living room. A living relic from days long gone. He patiently explained that the smooth parts on the vinyl were the breaks in between songs, and how you could stack records on top of each other for continuous music. He also explained the difference bewteen 33 RPM and 45 RPM. Pretty soon the others threw out their comments on the turntable.

"Remember how we used to place a coin on top of the needle so it wouldn't skip?"

"Remember how a record would sound all funky and warped if it was left in the sun?"

"If the needle got dusty it would make a weird noise and slide across the record."

"Album covers were a form of pop art."

"We would play them backwards to listen for hidden, subliminal messages."

Ahhhhhhhh, I guess I'm dating myself...but what a fun evening.

Facebook

I can't decide if I love it or hate it. On the upside, I'm able to connect with tons of people at once. On the downside, I'm able to connect with tons of people at once.

I get overwhelmed with some of the little, silly "requests" Facebook allows your friends to annoy you with. If you want to communicate with me, write me a damn e-mail! I belong to Facebook because there are truly some people I want to communicate with from my past life in Minnesota along with some great friends I've made here in California, plus a couple of European friends.

The danger of Facebook is that your past comes to haunt you....

I've had "friend requests" from people I thought I'd never hear from again. I'm delighted to hear from the vast majority of them, but there are some I'm not.

Damn. They found me.

Their "friend" intro phrase is filled with self-congratulatory blatherings on their perfect family, spouse, etc. It's the Christmas brag letter that is now year round and is without seasonal boundaries. GAG ME!!!!