Obese Americans

I have a 41 year-old relative who is at least 100+ pounds overweight. Yesterday at the Thanksgiving dinner table she was telling us all how she is scheduled for a consultation for a surgical procedure for weight loss. She was going into great detail about the pre and post op procedure as she poured buckets of gravy over her dinner plate piled high with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and bread rolls.

Typical fat, stupid American slob.

We're talking about a person who has not exercised in decades or gone on a real diet (not some gimmick diet crap) and is now going for the "quick fix" approach that includes a surgery that is not without significant risk. No wonder our health insurance premiums are skyrocketing, but that is another rant. We're talking about a person who won't pry her fat ass of the couch to walk around the block.

Anyway....it took all of my being to bite my tongue as I think a procedure like this should be a last resort and not an easy 'go to' for people. Here's my prediction: this procedure will take place and some weight will be lost. However, it will be gained back quickly as no new healthy habits will be incorporated into her lifestyle.

My Share of the $700 Billion American Bailout

$700 billion of hard-earned tax money going to bail out greedy bankers, investors, and other assorted dumb fucks, and what do I get? Here's the answer: a $5.00 VISA gift card. No shit.

As I made my daily trek to the local Starbucks this morning, there were three young women on the sidewalk handing out what looked like handbills. I get enough of that walking around in Las Vegas, I didn't think I would see that here. My reflexes automatically turned my eyes downward and I kept walking forward instinctively ignoring them.

"Wachovia Bank is giving away $5.00 VISA gift cards! All we ask is that you read the enclosed material," chirped the young woman as she shoved a gift card at me.

No way. Nobody gives away $5.00 for nothing. Despite holding a $5.00 gift card in my hand, I was still suspicious of its worth. There MUST be a catch like needing to fill out some god-awful, lengthy survey requiring every detail of my life from birth until present before getting the gift card activated by calling into some telephone maze hell only to have a remote telephone robot telling me my card has been AK-ti-VAT-ed in that annoying mechanical voice after entering in my 18 digit VISA card number for the 100th time.

I walked into Starbucks and held up the card to the clerk. "Do these really work, or is it some stupid scam?"

The clerk gave me a half-grin-half-smirk as I'm sure he had heard that 100 times that morning already. The gift card really did work.

As I left Starbucks with my grande, non-fat, peppermint mocha I walked past the three young women handing out $5.00 gift cards and thanked them for my portion of the massive government bailout money. They all snickered.

Executives and others are getting obscene bonuses and other compensation. People who can't add 2 + 2 are getting forgiven for their mortgages and bad loans. Here I am with my share of the government bailout -- a cup of coffee.

A Rubber Stamp We All Need

This is what I feel like doing to the mountains of paperwork that seems to get worse every day.

The Great American Bailout: Who Pays?

Everybody has their hand out for the money orgy our congress is so wrecklessly distributing. Where is this money coming from? Is their a printing press/copy machine in a back office somewhere spitting out wads of counterfeit dollars? If so, where is my portion for actually behaving responsibly? This is not Monopoly money we're playing with here, people.

Once again, the greedy and the stupid are rewarded and us hard-working, responsible slugs are left holding the bag AND the broom to clean up their mess..... The problem is that us hard-working, responsible citizens are now such a minute minority, that there is no WAY we can save the masses without committing financial suicide ourselves in the process. Ten financially responsible people can't bail out 1,000 greedy, stupid flakes. The sheer numbers will drown us. Simple math is not comprehended by society. That's our problem. We're too busy trying to teach useless advanced algebra to 6 year-olds when they don't even understand basic budgeting and financial management (another rant).

That's the American economy in a nutshell. We, the responsible ones, can't do it. There is nobody else to turn to for money infusion. Government agencies will shamelessly try to raid our wallets some more, but they have finally managed to kill the goose that has layed the golden egg.

We're done.

John and Kate + 8 and other mass reproduction tv shows

There is this lame television show that my 13 year-old daughter is addicted to. It's titled, "John and Kate + 8." It is the most REPETITIVE show featuring John and Kate who could not accept the fact that nature did not want their gene pool continued en masse, so they opted for artificial insemination to mock mother nature's intentions. Viola. 8 more kids in the world. Just what we need with the world's human population exploding at epidemic levels and dwindeling resources. Thanks a lot for your selfishness.

Anyway...every show is the same. They are planning a trip to the zoo (or whatever). They wake up the kids at an ungodly hour to load them into the family vehicle/bus. One kid throws up. One kid pisses his pants. One kid slaps his oatmeal against the wall. One kid takes a baseball bat and beats the other kid over the head with it..... AND we have not even left the driveway yet. Joy.

Once at the travel destination, we are bombarded with clips of each kid admiring a butterfly or engaged in an art craft, or the luau dance. BFD.

Why is this glorified? Who watches this shit?


The other show is of a family of 17+ kids and the parents still have not figured out how to use a rubber. What gives? Do these people have nothing better to do? Then they have the nerve to broadcast how EXPENSIVE it is to raise them? DUH. What the fuck did they think? Did they think the grocery fairies were going to drop gallons of milk and loaves of bread on their doorstep for free? GET A CLUE. And THIS is the gene pool that is perpetuating? Please.

Toxic Relationship: The Ex-Boyfriend

Ever have one of those relationships you've just regretted? Come on..... sure you have. One of my most regretted, failed relationships was with my high school "sweetheart" but there was nothing sweet about him. He was a manipulative, self-centered, psycho asshole. He sure knew how to turn the charm on and off to get what he wanted.

When I look back in my diaries filled with angst filled entries in describing the psychological warfare he used on me which are now viewed with a removed, objective perspective all I can say is, "Wow... was I ever stupid."

What a waste of time and energy. I can't believe I put up with that crap. What a waste of my youth -- especially when there were other guys I could have dated that would not have treated me like complete shit. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

My best friend ran into my "ex" not too long ago at a bar (surprise). Did he every marry? Hell no. Nobody was dumb enough to do so. What does that tell you?

Middle Child Syndrome

I am number 3 of 4 siblings. The birth order is as follows: My older sister, my older brother, myself, and my younger brother. By the time I came around my parents didn't have the time or energy to really deal with me. They had their own issues to deal with. Whatever.

I came across an article today on 'middle child syndrome'. The article stated on how we middle children were basically ignored all of our lives and are now miserable, mopey loners as adults who suffer intimacy issues stemming from the lack of attention received as children.

Wow.... I don't think I'd describe myself as miserable and mopey. I know my blog is rather bitchy.... however, for the most part I present a very pleasant face to the world.

There is but one cure for middle child syndrome -- only have two kids.

Election Day

Wow.... what an exciting day. We may actually get a president who can speak and think at the same time AND be something other than a national embarrassment! Glorious DAY! We may get a president who can actually think! But hey.... I guess I'm not a "real" American just because I don't shoot wolves from helicopters like my too-close-to-Canada-Minnesota-accent-gal-pal Sarah Palin.... just because we both say our "Oh's" differently and understand the hockey mom mentality does NOT put us in the same political camp. I'll gladly shoot HER from a helicopter. Betch.

No, I'm not of the "Geezer" and "Dingbat" ticket.

On the lighter side, my baby brother is running for mayor of a small town in west-central Minnesota. It's so rural, that I'm tracking the results here from California because of their crappy internet connection and texting my brother the updated results as they come in. I jokingly told him, "How long does it take to count 16 votes, anyway?"

Dead silence followed by four-letter explatives that only siblings can share.

My brother told me that I was not invited to his lavish election party held at the local chicken hatchery complete with kareoke and a beer keg. But hey, my brother offered me $20 worth of pull-tabs for my efforts in helping with his election. What is family for?

Do you all know what "pull tabs" are? If you know what pull tabs and hotdish are, you can officially apply for Minnesota citizenship -- not that you would really want to.

Pharmaceutical Advertising Gone too Far?

Enough already!!! We are constantly being bombarded with pharmaceutical advertisements on television, magazines, and at the doctors' offices. This one made me split my gut with laughter. Thanks Flywriter!
One of our doctor buddies e-mailed back:
"If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your electrician.

Halloween Hangover

It's hard to believe it's November 1st already. It was nice to have Halloween on a Friday this year. The kids are always tired and cranky the day after Halloween and getting them up and ready for school the day after has always been my personal Halloween hell.

My European friends, especially my German friend, has always found the American tradition of trick-or-treating amusing. In fact, my German friend made a special visit out here just so she could experience it.

I'm sure trick-or-treating neighborhood traditions vary from region to region, but here in my little corner of Sonoma County here is the unwritten protocol:

1. Trick-or-treat hours are from 6-9 pm;

2. Parents of small children travel in packs and have a disguised "drink wagon" full of alcohol for themselves. They're not fooling anybody. We know what's in the cooler;

3. It is perfectly acceptable to accompany your child to the door of acquaintances holding out your empty wine glass and trick-or-treat for a refill. Most people serve decent wine on Halloween. It's kind of like a neighborhood-wide tasting event. Of course, quality dark chocolate goes hand-in-hand with the red wine;

4. Older teens are welcome to trick-or-treat. Nobody looks down their noses at them sneering that they're too old to be participating. It sure beats having them running amok egging passing cars and smashing pumpkins;

5. Candy bowls left on doorsteps with instructions to 'take one piece' are actually honored and respected.