The Call

I have been patiently waiting like a spider for this telephone call to land in my web. I've sensed the situation brewing for months now... It finally happened. I received a personal call from the investment advisor we use for my work -- and believe it or not, I did not even initiate the conversation.

Several months ago, upon reviewing our investments, it was noted how much we had invested in government-backed mortgage securities. The question was asked back then (about a year and 1/2 ago) when the first signs of the mortgage debacle were first starting to surface, how much we were at risk. The answer from Mr. Highly Credentialed Investment Advisor was, "The percentage of vulnerable mortgage loans is extremely small. It will NEVER reach epidemic proportion."

Oh yeah??????

As time passed, and the mortgage meltdown continued with signs of it worsening, the question I had of Mr. Highly Credentialed Investment Advisor became, "How on earth could such a small percentage of 'bad' mortgages wreck such havoc in the financial markets?"

I smelled a coloussal rotten fish, and intuitively knew that this mess far beyond what anybody was expecting. I ordered a sell of all holdings about a year ago and put it in liquid investments, which was in complete contradiction to what I was being advised to do.

When Mr. Highly Credentialed Investment Advisor called me today, I coolly told him that I should be the one charging for advice.

End of conversation. Click.

Damn... Texas is Still Here

I've been out of the network news loop for the past few days. Network news gets boring. And yes, Sarah Palin's teenage daughter is STILL pregnant -- I guess the apple doesn't fall from the tree. However, this is not a rant about Sarah Palin the human pez dispenser and her exact likeness daughter.

While I was at a youth sporting event yesterday I was told by other parents on how Hurricane Ike was about to hit Texas and had potential for possibly annihilating Texas off the map. My mouth began to drool. Could there really be a God? Talk about excitement. "Tell me MORE, tell me MORE," I begged of the mom telling the tale...much like the character from the movie Grease singing the catchy ditty asking questions of Olivia Newton John's crush on John Travolta.

Doooo wop, da do doooo wop, da do doooooo wop wop.....dooty doot doot doo doo

"They told the people who chose not to evacuate coastal Texas to write their social security number and name on their arm so their bodies could be identified," the mom stated.

We immediately busted out laughing at the thought of white trash people scrounging the house for a writing utensil knowing said search would be like looking for a straight male at an Indigo Girls concert, and then, once the writing utensil was found, the look of confusion and exasperation on desperately trying to spell one's name.

In glimpsing the headlines this morning, Texas still exists. Damn. Maybe next time.

(H)Orroville, California

I have just returned from a trip up to see Flywriter and her husband. They live waaaaay up in Northern California. As I drove up Interstate 5 I could begin to see the inbreeding amongst the populace and sense the IQ dropping drastically. The proliferation of large American flags on full size Ford trucks with McCain bumper stickers was also another clue. However, I was not fully prepared to be horrified by the stories told to me at dinner.

Do you remember the movie Deliverance? People like that actually do exist in the surrounding hills. I was told of tough, masculine, outdoorsy people who do not dare trek in the hills any longer for fear of being complimented on having a "pretty mouth."

As I was sitting on the beautiful patio of my friend's home sipping my red wine viewing their magnificent property and the surrounding breath-taking mountainous scenery, I was utterly blown away that in the very hills I was admiring resided half-human looking orks that engaged in activities that not even the sickest mind could imagine.

I was also told of how packs of them will come down from out of the hills to shop at WalMart or Costco to get supplies and then return to their hillbilly homes. Most of them are grossly overweight, have not bathed, and their children live like dogs. I was told of how they live in shacks filled with human and animal feces on all surfaces. GROSS!

This is CALIFORNIA! We're supposed to be on the forefront of human evolution, or at very least not inbred psychopaths. OMG, what about the rest of the country? I'm afraid. I'm very, very afraid. These people vote.

Change for Bush?

Wow... Here's REAL political change! Don't temp me.

Schools Missing Standards: STAR Testing

On Friday's Santa Rosa Press Democrat, the headline screamed of schools missing their educational goals. How do the schools determine how well they're educating students? They determine educational progress by how accurately students color in bubbles on a test form known as the STAR test. I'm not joking.

Talk to any student one-on-one candidly away from the classroom and they will tell you of how they blindly fill in the bubbles and sometimes make designs like connect-the-dots. It's hard for students to endure days upon days of ridiculous testing that have no direct effect on them and expect them to be gung-ho about expending all sorts of energy in the process.

But..those in the upper echelons of determining educational policy have themselves convinced that these canned "bubble tests" are the be-all and end-all of measuring progress. It's a typical example of garbage in, gospel out. The students are much smarter than the educational policy makers. The students are catching on to what a bunch of useless crap it all is. I can't say the same for the policy makers and the people who blindly believe in the test results.

Perfect Blend of Friendship

Thank you, CG, for the "Perfect Blend of Friendship" award. You're too kind to crabby ol' me.
LUV YA!

Starbucks Dating Scene

No, this isn't about me. This is about one of the Starbucks employees attempting to line himself up with a date with another Starbucks employee. I was there in the background like a fly on the wall to witness his moves and dialogue. The young man initiating the date is a boy I've known since he was 5.

I should have coached him better as a youngster when he used to spend a lot of time at our house... His lines could have been better.

It just cracked me up to see this little boy, who is now a young man, hitting on this young lady. This is the same little boy who used to spend the night at our house and then begin to cry for his mommy in the middle of the night. I would end up driving him home as he clutched his favorite blanket with all of his might until his mommy was in sight. This is the same little boy who barfed all over me at the pizza place when we were all out to dinner.

Now I'm witnessing him as a handsome young man sporting a goatee and picking up chicks. Where did all the years go? I didn't dare say hello to him while he was trying to set himself up with a date. I'm just like a mom to him. I would have embarrassed him to no end. I just blended into the background and watched. He didn't even know I was there.

I so wanted to blurt out, "I'm not giving you a ride home tonight if you wake up crying and screaming for your mommy!"

Random Acts of Kindness: The Lady at Starbucks

Just when I think everybody on the planet should be gunned down, somebody surprises me with a random act of kindness that restores my faith in humanity. No bitter rant today, just one where a complete stranger showed remarkable generosity and kindness.

Today when I made my daily trek to the local Starbucks to get my caffeine fix and snack, I brought along my gift card to pay for my purchases. The gift card I have is one that I keep refilling when it gets below a certain balance. Much to my embarrassment, the balance on my card was not enough to cover my coffee and snack. Of course, I did not bring along my purse. I sheepishly told the cashier that I didn't have any other of method of payment on me, and apologized profusely and placed the sandwich back on the counter. The lady in line in back of me piped up and said, "I'll purchase your coffee and sandwich for you today."

I couldn't believe my ears. I was astonished that a complete stranger offered to help me out. I thanked her up and down. I was stunned. In retrospect, I should have gotten her name and address so I could repay her. The gesture was just so unexpected and out of the blue. I will never, EVER forget her random act of kindness. I will follow her example to aid somebody else....

Election 2008

You all can count on me to be the cynical bitch during this year's election process. People are all fired up about Obama. Great. I'm glad something is getting the people of this country switching television channels from the Cartoon Network and Home Shopping Network to CNN and C-SPAN. That alone is a step forward in the right direction. Honestly, I don't expect much more than that this go 'round.

I can't help but rewind this year's presidential election and compare it to the California farce of a few years ago where we naively thought that Superman Arnold Schwarznegger was going to swoop into office as the Governor of California and solve all of our problems for us. He was going to TERMINATE bi-partisan politics and cut out all of the political crap that was keeping us from going forward.

We're still waiting... Things are just as fucked up as ever and the Terminator is dry of quick, catchy, sound byte answers. Californians were not the only ones suckered into Hollywood-type-superhero-turned-politician. Minnesotans were suckered as well with pro wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura elected as their governor. Both men were eaten alive by the pirrana called politics. I'm afraid the same fate awaits Obama.

See, the problems are so much bigger than one or two individuals. Personally, I don't think it matters WHO occupies the White House. The problems of today are so multifaceted and complex, answers and solutions are elusive at best.

Here's the truth: Our country is run by dirty political money by dirty politicians. The one thing I'm glad about is that people are finally getting off their fat asses and getting to the polls. Knowing Americans, they will see that Obama can't change the world instantly on a whim and we will go back to watching pro wrestling, NASCAR and Wheel of Fortune. It's sad American's don't view their prolonged involvement in the political process as vital to the survival of democracy.

The Ex-Girlfriend

My husband has good taste in women. After all, he did marry me, right? Seriously, we live in an area where it's common to know the connections to just about everybody. What I'm getting to is that we hosted a BBQ party this weekend where one of my husband's ex-girlfriends from high school was also a guest.

The ex-girlfriend from long ago is a beautiful blonde woman who showed up with her husband and three of her four daughters. I wish I could say something awful and spiteful about her, but I can't. I actually LIKE her!!! She is witty and also kind. She is beautiful inside and out. Bitch.

Anyway.... I have to admit liking my husband's ex. I did offer my husband back to her on a 30 day trial basis. She jokingly told me she'd oblige me if I took HER husband on. We both looked at the men we married and then each other and started to laugh.